The flight from Bogota to Cartagena was about an hour and a half.
There was a driver waiting at the airport. The apartment was a little sparse but well located. The city feels like a Latino Pattaya without the walking street, unfortunately. Went walking, stopped at a mini market to get a few things for the room. In hindsight I should have taken a taxi to the supermarket. It was hotter then hell with very high humidity, so by the time I got back I was in need of a swim. The apartment seemed to be well situated and within a five minute walk from La Dolce Vita and the beach. We spent the afternoon organizing tours. BL’s wingman had arrived a day earlier and we hadn’t spoken since last year’s Peru misadventure, and it was good to catch up.
It was already late afternoon and I thought of heading out and trying to find Tony the Tout, but decided to take it easy. As soon as it was dark we headed to the Centro Amurallado - Old Town. This is the heart of Cartagena, the old walled city protected by the fortress intended to protect the city from pirates and storms. Within the walls, there are colonial buildings, plazas, churches, convents and, more importantly, clubs and bars. I had read that you should not head to LVD before 11 PM so it was at about 11.00.01 that we walked through the doors. I had expected more of a dedicated venue but the place felt more like a run down bar, disco want-to-be. The lighting was so bad and the place so dark that picking a girl in the place was largely guesswork, but after a while of squinting and trying to see their faces in the flashes of strobe light I called Diana over.
She was tall for a Colombian, almost statuesque, cute, great real chest but a little older. That didn’t really bother me as she seemed have a great attitude, and sometimes older women can be darn right sexy. We haggled price for a while and settled on two hour P$150 mil. Although I was enjoying the flirting and petting in the club the noise was getting a little too much and I was getting a headache so we headed out. We walked back to the apartment hand in hand, our little convoy of mongers and girls. In the room she didn’t disappoint, with an unhurried shower followed by a very well applied BBBJ as the start of an extremely pleasant interlude. It was very relaxed and I am not really sure what time she left. I promised to come look for her the next night at the club.
16th Saturday (Cartagena)
Woke at about 10, went for a walk. The town feels like a real Caribbean experience; if it wasn’t for the touts, the walk would have been pleasant. Stopped and had breakfast at the Shwarma Restaurant near the apartment—OK not great. W e booked a tour P$55 mil in English for the next day. After two more hours walking along the beach, I couldn’t take the heat anymore so I headed back to the apartment to enjoy the air conditioning and a swim in the pool. The sun took a lot out of me in an afternoon of sitting around the pool and swimming, and when that became too strenuous I went back to the room for some TV and aircon. We headed out in the early evening to the walled city, and had dinner at Quebracho, an Argentinean Steak House. The food was good but the most expensive meal I have had since arriving in Colombia.
We walked the old city till after midnight and visited the Queens Club: not a great selection of ladies, just one or two cuties. We could not negotiate a decent price so we went to walk about a bit. I was still feeling a little out of sorts so I headed back to the apartment. After a nap I woke at about 1.30 in the morning and didn’t feel like wasting the time, so I headed down to LDV to fulfill my promise to Diana. She wasn’t there when I got there so I had a few drinks and sat around for a while.
Eventually one of the ladies took pity on me and joined me for a drink. I made the same deal as the night before. Bluelight had taken to calling LDV the 30-something club because most of the talent was on the older side and he was right, but sometimes it’s worth trading a little youth for a whole lot of talent. Sadly, this lady’s name escapes me. She was cute, a peroxide blond but everything else was real firm and inviting. She covered all the basics enthusiastically and thoroughly. I was well satisfied, and afterwards we cuddled and kissed for a while GFE style. She chatted on in Spanish and I pretended to understand and nodded occasionally. She wanted to leave after about an hour which was fine by me, she had earned her money and I needed my beauty sleep. I think I had a little heat stroke because I didn’t sleep well.
(Picture 7)
17th Sunday
Woke at about 8AM feeling a lot better, made some fried eggs and toast for breakfast, 3S, and headed out for a walk; after a short walk headed to the pool. At 2 PM I headed out on the city tour for 4 hours. We hit all the highlights in air conditioned comfort: Centro Amurallado - Old Town, the Palacio de la Inquisición (Palace of Inquisition), Plaza de Bolivar, Las Bovedas (once were jail cells or storerooms for the fortresses), the Castillo de San Felipe fortress, the 150m high La Popa hill and the 17th century Santa Cruz monastery. After all that activity headed to the pool for a swim followed by a much deserved nap before heading to the old city for dinner. We tried an Italian restaurant near El Centro; it wasn’t great, but it was expensive for what we ate.
By 12:30 we where back at LDV and I was still looking for Diana, but she was nowhere to be seen. Blondie was there but after a kiss on the cheek and hello, she left me to hunt new game. I have to admire her professionalism. I thought I saw Diana but in the bad light it was not her. The girl mistook my interest, well, for interest and came over. She had a very similar build to Diana, tall but with red/brown hair and a great chest, also real, not that that would have mattered. Her name was Victoria and she worked me GFE style for about an hour, then Diana turned up. What would a gentleman do? Yes, let the girls decide.. Actually I had no choice—the two ladies had a little chat, then Diana gave me a little wink and was on her way. Victoria sat down and continued her GFE approach which was just fine by me. In praise of older women, she did everything I wanted and some things that I had not even thought of but enjoyed nevertheless. She stayed well beyond the agreed time and gave me a fine workout when she left. I was well and truly shagged out and sleep came easy.
(Picture 9)
18th Monday
Woke at 9 AM, went for a walk—still too damn hot so I headed back to the apartment for a swim. BL and I hooked up and headed to the Israeli Restaurant for brunch. The travel office was closed so I headed back to the swimming pool, and after a refreshing dip we walked back to the tour office and booked a trip to the Volcano. BL headed to the beach to meet the infamous Tony, and I headed back to the pool. The last nights activity left me in no need of Tony’s services. He arrived at the pool a bit later with a playa girl in tow. I was not impressed, but that’s a matter of taste and BL sure looked happy. Victoria had left me her number so I tried to hook up with her in the late afternoon but no luck.
The weather cooled in the early evening so we headed to the walled city for a walk around before dinner at nouva Enoceca. The food was once again below par. The starter was a less then impressive pizza and I had to send the main course back. It was salmon pasta that was mooi malo and expensive. The old city at night reminded me a little of New Orleans’ French quarter and I warmed to the city a little more. By the time we had finished walking the city I felt hot and sticky but not in a good way. We had an early start so I headed back to the apartment. I couldn’t sleep so at about 1 I walked down to LVD and pulled Victoria again. Actually, in the spirit of full disclosure, I have to admit that she pulled me…among other things.
(Picture 11)
19th Tuesday: Isawal and the Volcano
Today we had an early start for our tour to the volcano. For a volcano it’s a little disappointing but for a walk up, communal mud bath it was great fun. There was a Brazilian girl in the mud pool and after watching her and her friends play for a while I had a new appreciation for the much maligned sport of female mud wrestling.
We had a fish and rice lunch on the beach before heading back. It was BL wingman’s last night so he got to choose where we would dine, and being the gourmand that he is, he chose Crepes and Waffles for his last dinner in Colombia. Actually it was not bad. BL’s wingman had plans with his girlfriend for an internet café so BL and I walked back to the hotel. It was still early so I thought I would catch a quick nap before heading out…woke at 6 AM.
20th Wednesday
Up early, went for a walk—best time of the day, wanted to have an early morning swim but the pool was closed for cleaning. Caught up with emails and skype. It was my Thai ex-girlfriend’s birthday, so sent her a happy birthday SMS and got the traditional Thai response “What u buy me?” BL came down and we headed out for a day visit to the old city. We had lunch at La Bodequita del Medio a Cuban Rrestaurant—not the best, they tried to serve me frozen liver pate. So far I haven’t been really lucky with my food choices in Cartagena.
(Picture 14)
After lunch BL had a date or two, but I will leave him to report on that, and I went to visit Tony the tout. Tony is undoubtedly the sleaziest piece of illiterate trash I have misfortune to have encountered. I knew that I had to keep him on a short leash so before I bought him a drink I had him take me through the girls available on the beach. The pickings were few and nothing that was my taste, so he offered to call a girl for me. After he made his call I bought him one drink and when the girl turned up I bought him another. She was a cutie named Di, and she couldn’t speak a word of English. We sat on the beach practicing my now fluent BL-Spanglish laughing and drinking. It was a cool way to spend the afternoon I was drinking water and the girl was downing Mojitos.
When we got up to leave Tony demanded 300 mil for the drinks. I guess this prick thought I wouldn’t make a scene in front of the chica, and I guess he was wrong and fighting out of his weight division. He kept saying “Your fuck me up the ass” until I leaned over him and at about 2 inches from his face said quietly “You want me to fuck you up the ass?” After that his tone changed I worked out the girl had had 5 drinks, he had had two, and I had two waters. BL had paid 20mil a drink the day before, waters 5 mil. So the prick should be more than happy with 150mil. And that was over paying. I dared him to make a comment, and he almost did. Then after I was half way down the beach with the girl in tow—by this time she must have thought I was the Boston strangler—Tony screeched “OK I see you tomorrow OK?”
Di cost P$150 for the afternoon. She works at Playgirls and after Diana and Victoria she was amateur leagues. That’s not to say she was not fun, she used her firm little body well, but she didn’t rock my world. Di left at about 5.30 to head to work at Playgirls, and I headed up to the pool for a dip. We headed to the Old City for diner. Found a cool restaurant for diner, not too expensive and the best meal so far: La Meditrrania Cra 3 no, 55-81 near the plaza de Santa Marta. Did a little shopping. BL wanted to go to Crepes and Waffles for desert. Good ice cream, I had a banana split walked back to the hotel. It was a little late and I wanted to walk the walled city at daybreak, so I called it a night.
(Picture 17)
21st Thursday
On my last day in paradise, I woke early and walked right round the old city, on the wall when possible, great views. By 9am I was hot and sweaty and in need of the pool so I headed back to the apartment.
Lunch at La Corral, decent burgers, then I went back and started packing. Spent the afternoon walking around near the apartment and thinking, I thought of giving Tony the tout a visit but he had pissed me off and I always get a bit introspective just before the end of a holiday. I walked around aimlessly for a while, I headed back to the pool. After a swim and a shave and change of clothes, I felt a little better. BL was back from one of his double headers so we went back to the centre historical and walked the wall as far as the pens, did a little shopping, and took a slow walk to plaza de Santa Marta. We had dinner there, overlooking the square, and spent the evening watching the dancers and bands strutting their stuff in the square. Got back to the hotel, and I thought of going out with a bang but went out with a whimper
My flight out was early so I arranged a 5 AM taxi pick up. When I got downstairs, the driver was waiting. The streets were empty, quite dark and cool as we made our way to the airport. The security opened all my bags and checked through them quickly and efficiently. The airport tax was 62 mil. The sun was already up as we took off on the short hop to Panama, New York, and then home. Panama… I wonder what the mongering is like there….
Final thoughts on Cartagena
I loved this town, the combination of history and beaches made it a fun place to visit. I could walk the historical city for hours. There are only two draw backs: the humidity and the touts. I thought I had seen the best and worst of touts on my trips to Rio and Thailand but nothing compares to the aggressiveness of these vultures in Cartagena. They will not take no for an answer and will follow you for blocks. They’ll get in your face to sell you some fake Cuban cigars or overprice beads. At times they got too much for me and I had to head back to the apartment pool to cool off and for some peace and quiet. The girls here were also less than remarkable and I didn’t feel the need to monger on. I didn’t feel like I could be missing something great when I had an early night…alone, something that would never happen in Rio or Bangkok. That’s not to say that the girls I spent time with were not fun, they were. If Cartagena is a mongering destination then Cape Town rocks, with more selection, better clubs and the girls speak English. That being said I would go back given the time and cash, just no time soon.
Conclusion
It is now one week since I got back, the week has been full of work and stress and I find myself drawn to Kayak.com and Emirates home page checking out the ever reducing fares to place both well familiar and strange. Last night in preparation for the visits of some of friends I visited The Grand (Great food, expensive girls), Rock Paradise (great girls, lousy rooms), Hunters (In recovery from some bad management and with new owners), Electric Blue (totally revamped but needs new girls) and Paradise (a new place that my guests will be visiting if it maintains its quality). Cost can vary from R40 to R100 entrance, and an hour with the lady of your choice runs between R400 and R750. A drink, in my case a Jack on the rocks, costs about R18. The exchange rate is US$1=R7.90 as of this morning. Tonight I might visit Blue Sky, for research purposes…naturally.
A quick thanks to Hunterman for translating my report from English to American, any complaints about spelling PM him.
