This is the thread for discussions of experiences at the Siesta Club massage parlor.

Siesta Club (www.siestaclub.ru) is located a block from the Aeroport Moscow metro station, just up First Aeroport street, on Krasnormesk street. BTW, there is no aeroport at the Aeroport metro station, maybe there was when Joe Stalin built the metro Back in the Day. Anyway, the process is to call the massage parlor and tell them you are coming (call 746-8081). When you get there, go to Door #1 (its call a 'podbiyest' in Russian, and give the parlor another call, so they will give you the secret code for the door. There's a second door you need to go through with another code. Once inside, take a bunch of flights of stairs to Apartment 12, and knock. That's the formal process. My usual way to call them from Door 1, try to punch in the code, get all frustrated when it doesn't work, by the time I try about 10 times, someone else comes out the door, and I sneak in through both doors. Uusually there is someone waiting for me outside the apartment door, too. I have all the door instructions written in Russian, which is like reading a doctor's handwriting, except backwards.

Anyway, once inside, you settle into the comfortable living room, where the hostess will explain the rules and prices to you. If you don't speak much Russian, this is part where you shove 1000 rubles at her ($34). If that isn't the current price, she will write the current price down, and you shove that at her. Meantime, one or more lovelies (and I mean lovelies) will wander into the living room for the purpose of distracting you from your money discussions. This is the point where the hostess asks you to pick, and you can't believe your luck (note that the photos on the we site do not correspond to any girl I have ever seen at Siesta Club, I think they post the rejects there).

OK, so if you have made it this far, this is where the fun begins. You are led into a very sparsely furnished room, basically one mattress on the floor, covered by a sheet. You get naked, and the girl hands you a towel, and you are led into a small bathroom, where the main feature is a Russian shower. This means that the shower has a shower head on a rope, so to speak, so you don't stand under the shower head, you hold it over you head, or wherever you want it. Unfortunately, by this time the girl is gone, you are left to figure out how to work the shower and where the hell the toilet is.

OK, so now you are clean, and you towel off, and start wondering where the girl went to. Next step, open the door and look around. The girl is back in the sparsely furnished room, sticking her head out the door, wondering where the heck you are. After some confusion, you stumble out of the overheated bathroom, and back to the bedroom, where the girl tries to dry you off for real. Of course, you are not paying any attention to her efforts, since you realize that she is just wearing a bikini thong bottom (and wearing it very well). You lie down, and she begins to oil you up.

All Russian massage parlors play music from some Eurotrash group called Extasy or Extreme or some such (some of you guys might know). This group alternates between Gregorian chants and heavy metal. I guess this gets guys off quicker, I don't think the girls like it, since they must hear it around the clock.

OK, the big difference between a Mexican massage and a Russian massage is the massage, as in, Mexicans have no clue to provide a massage. Russian massages start hard, and end soft. Mexican massages just happen, lots of confused rubbing. So, during the Russian massage, you get pounded, all the important muscles get a workout. If it doesn't hurt, the girl is doing something wrong.

After about 30 minutes of this, things start to get interesting. Of course, the actual massage is very good, you don't want to miss that. But, after 30 minutes or so, the girl starts playing around with your sexual organs, and touching you lightly (this light touching wouldn't be effective during a Mexican massage, since they hardly touch you anyway. After the playing around, the girl stops for a moment, and you hear the sound of the bikini bottom coming off, and the girl applying oil to her breasts, stomach and pubic area. Keep in mind that this is not some 40 year old lady, but rather a 19 year old blonde girl with large but perky breasts and an ass that you could literally bounce a dime off, so you are in good shape at the moment. The next thing, the girl is providing you with a body massage, rubbing her breasts all over your backside, and if that isn't enough, she starts rubbing her shaved pubes all over you. If you haven't been massaged by shaved pubes, its worth the experience.

After a few minutes of that, the real fun begins, when she asks you to turn over.

First, she lightly touches your sex organs, to make sure that you are erect. Then, the body massage starts again, with her rubbing herself against you, your legs spread apart, and her between them. After a few minutes of variations on this theme, she begins to improvise, all for the purpose of getting you off.

How long can you hold out? I've never been able to last more than 10 minutes, and by that time, the girl was giving my penis the pube massage, and I couldn't handle that.

Unlike Mexico, none of this is preceded by negotiations for extra money, or complaints about lack of funds, or sick mothers. Its all part of the program. Of course, if you want more than the standard 1000 ruble, anything is possible. Moscow has such a giant sex scene that you can get anything that you want, without trying very hard. But, its hard to beat the 1000 ruble special for value and sheer eroticism.

Over the years, I've noticed that Russia is getting rich quick, unlike places like Thailand and Mexico. So, don't be surprised if the Moscow scene vanishes over the next few years, enjoy it while you can.

Oh yes, after the massage, you are led back to the shower, for the girl to scrub you down and clean you up. I leave a 200 ruble tip, which is extravagent, but I'm just a stupid American.