(post copied from Mexico threaded discussion)

The fiscal fortunes of the vast Porker financial empire (sorry Brockton) have been quite bleak lately, but in the past week+ I went completely nuts and spent considerable time in the Zona. What is to follow is what I can remember off the top of my head.
FRIDAY NIGHT #1

While it's true I don't get out much, the Zona Norte de Tijuana is my favorite place on the planet. So my mood upon crossing the border on a beautiful June afternoon after having been away for a few weeks was OFF THE CHARTS. The big question was what bar to head to first, and as usual, the answer was Adelita Bar. Wise decision. AB on a Friday afternoon has an amazing buzz to it. Chicas are sure that they're going to rake in some dough over the upcoming weekend and are full of energy. Guys are in awe of the raw estrogen that abounds and gawking rules the agenda. Fun stuff. I grab two Coronas at the bar (THIRSTY after that interminable Friday afternoon drive/border backup) and join my amigo Hippie at a table near the main dance floor.

I like sitting near the floor, as that is generally where the action is and it allows an excellent view of the rest of the bar. The downside, however is it's friggin' LOUD being directly under all the speakers. Of course normally merely excessive volume of the cumbia music is being totally drowned out by the megalomaniacal DJ who's screaming away a mile a minute. The words, 'uh, shut the FUCK up, por fa-fucking-vor' are beating away in my head, but the art of screaming across the table in between staccato DJ yammering is an art form both Hippie and I are well trained in. The first thing I do upon being appointed jefe of any Zona bar is put a muzzle on the friggin' DJ.

ANYWAY… The floorshow soon starts, and just as quickly we get bored. Gloria's dancing, and while I love her to death, her wig is HORRIBLE. I get up to tip her and am rewarded by her planting kisses on the lenses of my glasses. Kinda ironic, as besos, or the lack thereof, are the primary reason she was expelled from the now non-existent harem after being numero uno for well over a year. In any event, after working feverishly to be able to see again (and missing her flaunting that freshly lipo'd bod during song #2 in the process) it was off to seek some din din to avoid the dreaded early 'gonna get sick I'm so borracho' state.

On the short walk around the long corner towards Tres Garcias restaurant (al lado de the Alley entrance to Cascadas) we run into a friend's ex, and I invite her along to dinner. She accepts and proceeds to talk my ear off (I catch every 2nd word) for the next 20 minutes. Of course this is after she takes a LOA to convo with an amigo from JAIL she ran into in the alley! She got much more quiet when her food comes and Net Nomad (SG guru, born again Tijuanense) joined us and regaled us with tales of his recent adventures. Dinner for 4 runs 15 bucks. Net Nomad never gets his lemonade. Go figure!

We bid goodbye to our amiga and NN and head to Las Chavelas where a well heeled FOH (friend of Hippie's) and Tomas soon show up and we had a party threatening to break out. It tends to gasp and wheeze, however, as Las Chavelas is boring as ever! If you're not sitting with a babe there or scouting for a babe there, that bar is DULL! Tomas and I decide it's time to slum it and proceed to poke our heads into every dive bar in the alley searching for inspiracion. We don't find it.

We DO pass Matiz in the alley, however, and soon the three of us are hunkered down in a booth in La Valentina. Our waitress is a young chica, still gotta be < 20, that I had an extremely weird session with ~2 years back at CC when she was working there in the daytimes. She tried hard, but chicks make better prostitutas than they make waitresses. A generalization, sure, but I doubt anyone can argue that they fuck better than they drink!

While I generally find La Valentina to be waaaay more boring than even Las Chavelas, they have a chica showing off in the shower during the floorshow. While the shower show is not particularly sexy, the voyeuristic thrill can be quite powerful. It was enjoyable to watch, but such a spectacle will always dredge up memories of the shower shows during the salad days of Manhattan that were unbe-freakin-LIEVABLE in their erotic power. Still, well worth the price of admission J

With Tomas late for a date with El Chango, Matiz and I then headed off for Chicago Club, foreign territory for both of us recently. Again, however, it was worth the price of admission. Guapas abounded, particularly the tall, slim, long haired Vanessa and a new cutie with cropped hair and a porn star body, who chica guru Athos informed me recently was a new addition that once upon a time had worked at AB.

We talked and gawked for awhile, and soaked up the atmosphere of CC, which has a different vibe than any other Zona club. It's a definite have-have not kind of place, with both chicas and prospective clientes either being 'occupada' or 'disponible'. Both have their advantages, depending on what your goals are. Our lot was to have every ugly 3rd tier chica in the bar come hit on us because we were two guys occupying a booth alone! OOPS!!!

After a leisurely hour+ at CC it was off to Manhattan, err, uh, make that Nueva York, as Manhattan was closed for remodeling. The regular strip show at NY was in full bloom when we got there, and after assuming seats at the bar to fend off the ever-marketing ficha-seekers -- the chicas that are looking to 'nod at the waiter and plop there ass down next to you to inroduce themselves' that work the tables -- we got to watch the estrellas de la noche de Nueva York. For what THAT'S worth!!!

Seriously, though, Yo-HY-da is worth gawking at. Kind of a morph between Marbel of HK/CC fame and the long gone from the Zona Elizabeth de Manhattan, in both hairstyle and body type. Apparently a similar bitchy attitude too, which is pretty intriguing. As an update for NY fans, Montserrat has gained al menos 20 pounds in all the wrong places, and formerly erstwhile bartender blonde Esmarelda was doing her chainsmoking act from the stage-side seats. The variety show chicas were notoriously absent on this evening.

After about 40 minutes of the big (YAWN) floorshow, mi amigo and I split up to go look for a companion for the evening. It was about 1 AM. Prime hunting time!

But there was somehting half-hearted about my search for an amiga to visit my teepee on this evening. I am getting tired of buying 6 dollar drinks to conduct interviews, and many chicas in the non-Gringocentric bars are loathe to go through that process without fichas. It is a combination of laziness and cheapness on my part, but I am getting pretty sick of the bullshit 'de donde eres' booth romance sessions and paying 6 bucks for an 'oran joots' just to warm a chica up. The chicas I tend to like don't drink beer, don't smoke crees-tahl, and generally like to milk you for whatever they can before getting to the nasty. Maybe I ought to lower my sights??? J

Anyway, after wandering aimlessly through a few alley bars, I popped into Hacienda. I immediately spotted an old friend from years back at Manhattan, This chica would prolly turn no head but mine, but I find her face eminently attractive, and her rack is HUGE. She begs me to buy her a beer. I decline. She begs again.

I say, 'uh, I gots beer in my ROOM!'

She says 'where's your room'? 'Damned close. Vamos!'.

'C'mon (eeengleesh) ONE BEER first'.

WTF… OK, but I'm done drinking (que milagro!!!).

I tell her, OK, you got your beer, now less' go.

My amiga immediately starts in on the 'take my friend too!'. Her friend looks young. NOT my thing.

'She's 18, dude!'. SUUUURE she is.

'I'm 18, dude'. SUUUURE you are.

'Hypothetically, how much for las dos?' Fitty each.

Uh, tu y yo, VAMOS.

How much for me???

'quinientos pesos'

'How much time?'

'Una hora, nada mas.'

'Y $5 por el Bar?' AY YAY YAY!!!

'Es Necesito?' Si, claro.

OK, VAMOS.

But the barfine turned out to be TEN dollars for the codo gringo who only buys one drink and wants to do the dancer. I negotiated through my friend: 'You told me it was 5 bucks, I'm not paying this thief more than that'.

She argues halfheartedly. He doesn't budge.

Neither to I.

'Just pay him 10 bucks', she says.

'Uh, NO!'

'Pay him 10 bucks and then give me 45 (you CODO gringo!!!).'

VAMOS.

So we walked arm in arm through the alley to Cascadas. I always wonder why a chica wants to parade her cliente throught the alley in such a manner. If we walk side by side we can pretend we're going to eat and no one knows she's really a prostituta? But she evidently is staking some kind of claim, so I'll go with the flow, no matter how many street faves see me as 'CLAIMED!'.

When we got to the room it was a standard small bar session. Much, much making out. Hands roaming. Moans. Sighs. Clothes being gradually shed. ROMANCE!!!

She inquired about a condom. I fetch. She hands it to me to put on! (Gotta love the part-timers!!!) I fumble with it. Properly equipped, we go at it. And at it. She wants a nut and barks orders to me to get it. YES DEAR!!! Many position changes. Why am I going at HER pace? She gets on top. Muscle control like I have never experienced in my LIFE. It's like getting a hand job from her pussy! Does it get ANY better than this??? She sputters and drools twice. I'm the energizer bunny. Different rhythms, I need CONTROL! She's losing interest in getting fucked cross-eyed! Finally, after breaking into my 3rd sweat and starting to lose an 'edge', I give up in exhaustion. She looks disappointed. 'Mi mano?'. I'm too much of a pussy to ask for 'la boca'! I point to her tits (loved the thread on the literal tranlastion of 'Russian' today, btw!!!) and said 'uh, I squirt here?' She says 'w/ the rubber?' My horrified look tells all.

For all of you out there wondering, chi chi plowing is a lot of fun. Playing peekaboo between swollen breasts makes life freakin' worth living! I HIGHLY recommend it! Of course my particular perversion is to try and have some leak on the face and watch the reaction it causes. Hell's hot, I here.

She cleans up while I stand there like a fat naked idiot. I hold out a Grant (no change. OOPS!) She points at the table and crosses herself when she picks it up. VIVA MEXICO!!! After assuring me she can make her way back to the bar unescorted, she kisses me on the cheek and makes her exit. I hit the sweaty sheets for a nap with the Cascadas A/C sputtering and a smile on my face. I LOVE THIS PLACE!!!