Strange and Sometimes Bizarrely True Adventures
The Porn Guy

Episode 010303

I awoke suddenly around 8:30 am to the sound of my cellular screaming at me. I rolled off the chica sleeping under me and grabbed the cellular as I headed for the bano (bathroom). I could see by the caller id it was my data base engineer Len. I had planned to pick him up at the Tijuana/San Ysidro border and he was letting me know he was on the way. So I jumped in the ducha (shower) I had barely got started when I heard the chica come into the bano, she is always thinking of me I notice she didn’t flush causing the shower temperature to jump. The next minute I hear her giggling and just move aside as the glass of cold water comes flying over the top of the shower, then the door flies open and she comes in with me and we laugh as she starts bathing me ( I love to be bathed by a hot naked chica). While I am getting dried off and dressed she makes me fresh squeezed orange juice, eggs, frijoles and carne asada (NY Steak only 68 pesos a kilo, god I love having a place in TJ) with flour tortilla quesadillas, fresh salsa and avocado, my favorite breakfast.

I hope I don’t bore you all to tears with the details but it is the details that make the story, in my humble opinion. I am a little out of practice so please ignore my spelling and grammar mistakes.

While I am eating, the chica is chatting about our new adventure. Today is the day I start hunting new chicas. This chica has been in my employ for 2 years and 5 months, she has helped me hunt for other chicas several times. I already posted pics of one of the chicas she found for me (Cynthia)

I jump in my TJ Toyota (a beat up Celica abandoned at one of my TJ houses) and head for the border to meet Len, we have planned, he would walk across and I would pick him up at the yellow taxi stand.

He walks through the turnstile just as I get there and we head off for centro. First stop Len’s dentist, he wants to get his tooth capped and I want to have mine cleaned I need a new dentist in TJ as my old one got married and now she wont see me anymore. She said her husband doesn’t like her seeing me (I wonder why). When we get there the reception area is full of waiting patients so we tell the dental assistant we will come back around 1pm.

With time to kill I suggest we get a massage so, we head for the 5th avenue massage on 8th street (what were they thinking when they named and located this place). I love this old Toyota, I think as we park right on the street without concern. When we get there the door is open but it is dark and there is no one there. So we decide it is better to wait downstairs. Finally the crier (the guy who waits on the street and tries to get you to come in) shows up and says there are girls upstairs if we are interested. We tell him we are interested but that there are no chicas upstairs. He of course doesn’t believe us and goes to look for himself. We think it is funny so we wait. When he comes down he offers to take us to another place called New Body Gym. I have heard of this place and tell him so, of course as we head up the street he follows us telling us how great it will be when he gets us hooked up with some hot young chicas. Len and I are old hands here in TJ and just laugh, we don’t care if he gets a commission for taking us somewhere we already know.

When we arrive at the New Body Gym (located at the south end of 8th street in a very nice looking house) we are greeted by the very sexy Gabby (very cute in her short skirted school girl uniformed). She tells us the rates and what you get and what you can negotiate with the massajista once inside. Body shampoo and one hour massage with a nude chica of our choice $40 dlls. She then calls out 9 other chicas and they line up so we can pick. I tell them juelta (turn around) so we can get a good look. They all turn giggling and they all look good. One of them is giving me the eye and I think about choosing her but I really want all of them. Jeez I hate making these choices. Gabby has been very friendly and also keeps touching me so I choose her. The other girls go back in the other room as Len says he will wait for the cheaper putas he knows we will find in Adelitas. Gabby takes my money and leads me by the hand to a very clean room with a padded massage table and a chair where she tells me to get undressed and that she will be right back. When she comes back she gives me a towel and leads me down the hall to a shower room also very clean and nice. She won’t join me in the shower she says because she doesn’t want to get her hair wet. I don’t care but feel like I have already been cheated and now don’t have much hope for a good session. After the shower she dries me with much enthusiasm and is a little rough. She then leads me by the hand to the massage room and tells me to lay down boca abajo (face down). I do and she gives me a rigorous back rub, not a massage. After a while I roll over and she rubs my front side rigorously also, while carefully avoiding my dick (no offense intended to anyone named Dick). She asks me if I want any extra service and wants to charge me $40 for relax (hand job) $80 for a BJ and $120 for full service (sex). I tell her I will pass because it is an expensive offer. She tries to tell me how great it is and I agree to pay $20 for a hand job (relax). The hand job was done rigorously as well and afterwards I shower dress and leave.

I join Len in the lobby where he is waiting patiently and we leave to check out another massage parlor on Blvd Aguas Caliente I heard about awhile ago when I met the owner in the office of the newspaper El Mexicano when I was there placing a dama de compania ad.

It takes us awhile but we find it and there are two very good looking chicas there. There is also an obviously wealthy young Mexican male about 20 years old. He greets us at the door and I ask him if the owner is there. He says the owner is his mother and that she will be back around 3pm. I then tell him I met her in the newspaper office and that she said I could get a good haircut here. He tells me it is true but that she is the estillista and that I should come back later. The place is located just after Revoluccion turns into Agua Calliente next to the Greek Restaurant.

So we head back to the dentist and there is an hour before our appointment and more clients then the first time we are here. Len is impatient and wants to leave so we go to La Zona. When we get there we head for SG Street also known as alley of Cohuilla. Len says he has and I can tell he is looking for a favorite and I suggest we walk up one side of the street and down the other and check them all out. We both like it when they grab us and give us ojitos.

Again I have to say I hate this. Choices Choices Choices. I want to do them all! Len finds his favorite and off he goes to penocha landia. I go back to one standing in front of Hong Kong who is wearing a see through mini dress and has short red hair and says her name is Andrea. Off we go to penocha landia tambien. She does a pretty good job with her hand then her mouth and then she lays down on her back and tells me boca abajo? I say si and she rolls over and lifts her very firm heart shaped small ass in the air and she reaches around and pulls her ass cheeks apart giving me a straight shot at pink. I dive in. She finishes me fast with her hand under on my balls and her other hand around back as she strokes me going in and out of her hot tight cunt.

When I get downstairs Len is talking with one of those guys who try to tell you only they know where to get what you want. I try not to get involved in the conversation and Len and I go off to Tropical for a beer.

We run into a mesero I have been buying drinks from for some 7 years in la zona. He says there are a couple of new chicas that haven’t even started yet. I give him a $5 tip and he goes to the hotel to get them. One at a time he brings them by the table for us to check out. I really like this mesero, he never pushes fiche drinks on me and always introduces me to chicas I like. After a couple beers we head for the little restaurant next to Adelitas where we find a full house and none of the chicas look like we want to sit with them to eat. So of course we walk the block to see if there are any different SGs on the street. When we come back around we go in the restaurant again and I see a very drunk Andrea sitting at the back booth eating what looks like pazole. She smiles and waives us over so we join her. The food here is good and Len is ordering tacos I have the chile relleno. Andrea invites us to see a lesbian show she is doing with some gringa. I tell her it sounds good and we’ll be over after we eat. When we get there we see her dancing with the gringa’s boyfriend. When Andrea sees us she waives us over to a table with an ugly and dumpy looking fat white chick about 35-40 years old. So with only a second to look at each other Len and I head for the Chicago Club. I for one don’t like the look of 200 pound chicas.

At the Chicago we find ourselves to be two of 5 custys and about 10 chicas we sit down and order drinks. I notice it is about 2 pm and tell Len I have to go soon and place ‘The Ad’! A not so attractive chica with great tits comes over and starts rubbing my cock through my pants. After she gets me hard she asks if I want to go to the room. I tell her no but I’ll buy her a drink so she orders a beer and shows Len her most excellent tits and moves up on my lap taking my hand and putting it on her ample left breast. After awhile I tell Len I have to go place the ad does he want to come. He decides to meet me later at Tropical and tells me if he isn’t there he will be in twenty minutes or so.

I go to the paper and place the ad $264 mn (Moneda National – Pesos) about $25 dlls. It has 20 words and lasts 3 days I tell them to run it as soon as possible. The earliest is Tuesday.

On my way back to find Len I stop at the Estetica for Men to try and get my hair cut. When I get there the estillista has just left to eat. The massajista says I can wait so I sit down for awhile. A custy comes and the massajista takes him upstairs. As she goes up another comes down. And let me tell you I could tell right away. This girl was a great lay. I don’t know how but I sometimes see a chica and I know. Something about the smile or the walk or the way she is kind of sort of dancing when she thinks no one is watching. Sometimes you can just tell. Her name is Estella and I recommend this chica highly. $35 dlls. for a 1 hour massage with body shampoo and nude massajista, $30 dlls for 45 minutes. Downstairs is kind of dumpy but the room is really nice, small but really nice with a private shower. Very clean shower and room. No wasting time once we are in the room. Estella starts taking off my clothes and hers seemingly simultaneously. When she gets us both nude she starts to guide me to the massage table. I say I would rather shower first and she tells me to hang on she will heat up the water. I follow her to the shower where she rubs her full firm ass against my fully hard cock while testing the water and chatting away a mile a minute about this and that.
When she pulls me into the shower and ravishes my entire body with kisses and hugs and tongue and bathes both of us giving me a hand job (relax) she never says anything about the money. When we are hugging and kissing after we turn the water off I start to lead her over to the massage table she shyly tells me that that isn’t included I say I know and that I will pay for the extra service she jumps into my arms and practically rapes me with her mouth and hot twat. I think she was offering anal but I am not into that and pretended not to notice.

I will defiantly make this chica a regular stop. The massage parlor is located at the corner next door to the Greek Restaurant on Blvd Agua Caliente just after Avenida Revoluccion ends. All in all I spent $135 dlls here for a little over an hour of sublime bliss.

I head back to Tropical with a song in my now deflated hard on and a bounce in my step. When I find Len he laughs at me and says you found a good one. I laugh and say I’ll drink to that. I also tell him I am done and as I finish the beer he bought me to toast Estella with I get up to leave. Len says he is going to spend his dentists money now and will see me around. I go to my chica I keep tucked away in Buena Vista to supp and get ready to go to work. I’m shooting audition tapes for some new porn actresses in my La Jolla Studio.

Don’t forget the ad starts Tuesday so watch for following episodes.

John 'TPG' Smith

tpg@twatman.com

Strange and Sometimes Bizarrely True Adventures
The Porn Guy

Episode 070303

Today is Friday and what a week it has been. 53 chicas have called the ad and Florentina has scheduled interviews with 38 of them for every half hour on Saturday, Sunday and Monday.

When the chicas call, Florentina asks them these questions:

Quien Habla?
Cuantos anos tiene?
Tiene teléfono? (Cual es tu numero?)
Eres Delgada? Cuantos Kilos tiene?
Cuanto metros tiene de estatura? (Mas o Menos?)
Que color es su cabella?
Que color es su ojos?
Usted tiene hijos? (Cuantos hijos tiene?)
Eres es Guapa?
Eres Picante? (Eres Atrevida? Eres Traviesa?)
Tu tienes trabajo horita? (Que tipo de trabajo?)
Habla ingles?
Puedo venir por un entrevista?

Then she schedules the interviews at a local restaurant. This way I can see all of them in the same time frame Saturday and Sunday. This ad worked so good and the chicas will be calling for days so she is going to schedule the overflow for Monday, Tuesday etc.

The callers ages start at 15 (She didn’t schedule appointments with anyone under 18) and some are as old as 63 (She didn’t schedule appointments with anyone over 50). Personally I prefer to not schedule chicas over 30 but as I have learned in the past there are some very hot Latinas in their 30s and once in a while into their 40s but I personally like them in their 20s.

Some have kids some don’t (Or so they say on the phone)
Surprisingly about 50% have cellular telephones and 30% have regular phone numbers.
Weights range from 51 kilos to 92 kilos (She wont schedule anyone over 70 kilos)
Heights range from 1.49 meters to 1.8 meters (WOW 1.8 Meters is over 6 feet! Does that include stripper shoes?)
Hair and eye color is usually brown or black. Although several younger chicas said uva (purple) for hair color.
Some have kids and some have 5 (Or so they say on the phone)
Not all of them said they are good looking though most did. Some said mas o menos.
Most said they were picante but, a couple said no they weren’t juegatones but were serious.
Several have jobs as secretaries, 1 is a telemarketer, 1 is a real estate sales person and 1 is a popular radio personality (very kewl in my humble opinion).
Very few said they speak English. The younger chicas seemed to speak English more.
Only 2 said they didn’t want an interview and the rest were eliminated by Florentina.

So I can hardly wait. I am definitely in a turgid state with anticipation.

If any of you want to join me and some of my staff for the interviews Saturday or Sunday or the overflow during the week e-Mail me and let me know.

Don’t forget the initial interviews in person are starting Saturday so watch for the new episodes of The Porn Guy’s Strange and Sometimes Bizarrely True Adventures

John 'TPG' Smith

tpg@twatman.com

"Cuantos anos tiene?" How many anuses do you have?

Did you schedule appointments with chicas with more than one?

Reytj

Only I saw the spelling of anos with out the enyaa.

Strange and Sometimes Bizarrely True Adventures
The Porn Guy

Episode 100303

As you are probably all too hung over from a weekend of mongering to remember, I last left you with a long list of applicants for the job of GFE to interview coming to a Sanborns near me on Saturday and Sunday.

The 38 interviewees didn’t all show up. 4 out of 17 showed up on Saturday (what a long day.) and Sunday 9 out of 21 made an appearance. I attribute these extremely low numbers to the fact I picked the same day to have interviews as the walking race event that closed all the streets around the Zona Rio (How did I know they were going to shut down all the streets for people to walk funny).

Out of the lucky 13 who showed up for the interviews some were not delgada and some were not guapa as they all stated in the telephone questions. None were fat and none were ugly. Although some were old (one is 45) most were young (from 18 to 24).

All are defiantly fuck-able!

So being the Twat Man I am, I asked all of the chicas if they wanted a second interview. Of course I told them the second interview would be a one on one private interview, we would have dinner or go clubbing or go to a movie or all of the above. I also told them, I wanted us to know each other a lot better, than we could get to know each other in a public place. Every one of them set a date for a second (private) interview.

The first one was for last night but she got the times mixed up and while I was on my way all the way to Matamoras (near Florido) she was calling me leaving a message that she was tired of waiting. So when I got home I called her and we rescheduled for later in the week.

The second one is for tonight. Actually they are scheduled every night for the next week with a few lunch dates.

Tonight’s date is the one I think is the best of the lot. She is 24 years old weighs a reported 57 kilos (looks right) has 1.64 meters of height (looks right). Her hair is very pretty with lots of soft curls that make you want to grab on to it with both hands and …. She has a very pretty face and what look like great tits. She is shapely and delgada and very guapa. She is attending university in the afternoons so she wanted to make our date later in the evening. She suggested 9:30 pm (If I would have been more on the ball I could of scheduled one of the less desirable ones before her.)

On a side note; while sitting in Sanborns for 2 full 8 hour days I spent 1,371 mn. ($127 dlls.) on juice, soda, beer, margaritas and food. This includes the 6 employees who work in my porn business in the United States, who showed up on Saturday, one ate lunch and all 6 had several drinks. I ate lunch and dinner on Saturday and lunch on Sunday.

The waiting was extremely boring. The next time I do this I will rent the apartment first.

Don’t forget the second interviews (the one on one private interviews) start today so watch for new episodes of The Porn Guy’s Strange and Sometimes Bizarrely True Adventures.

John 'TPG' Smith

tpg@twatman.com