With full credit to Porker.


With the anniversary of my first trip to the Zona Norte de Tijuana coming up this week, it's not a bad time for some reflection on some of the things I have seen and experienced there. Something I have been thinking of putting together is a list of my favorite top 12 (10 isn't enough!) nights in the Zona. Off the top of my head here goes:

12: Three girl night, the Monday night Jamal Anderson tore his knee up 1999. Sitting around Adelitas having a couple drinks and watching MNF, a sexy chica named Salma came up to me and basically took me by storm. She started firing away in English (I played along and pretended I didn't speak Spanish) about how she 'wanted to be nice to me' and if I bought her a drink she'd show me how nice she could be. Well, halfway through her drink, the dick rubbing and talk about how hot her pussy was had me well sold, and she was indeed a firecracker. I'm not supposed to tell anyone she makes out or gives bbbj(I figure there's a 2 year statute of limitations on that stuff and that clock's ticking) that was special just for me.

A little later on that night I ended up in AB again and got to talking to my amiga Tania. We had our final session together that night before I got cut off. She claims it's because she doesn't wanna do me because I'm her pal, but maybe I'm just too much work! Anyway, not a bad #2.

Finally, I went with one of a trio of SG's I used to shoot the mierda with in the alley. I did all of them eventually, they always joked about whose turn it was going to be, but this night was reserved for the one who became my favorite. Her name was Elizeth, and her pale skin and light colored eyes (oh yeah, and perfect B+ cup18 year old tits w/ silver dollar nipples) had me pretty crazy over her. That night she decided she'd up the ante a little to make me her 'novio' so I couldn't go with her 'hermanas' any more and made out with me for a good 10 minutes of the time we were in the room. THAT was fun! Of course one of her 'hermanas' was already doing that with me, but I was under orders not to tell. Well, the guera won that night and the other chicas (they weren't really sisters, of course) were pretty upset when they got cut off. Elizeth took off for home a couple months later (begged me to DRIVE her to Mexico City one night! Uh, think I can be back in time for work manana???), but the two other chicas refused to speak to me for the next year.

I love hanging out with amigos in the Zona, but MAN I used to get laid a lot more when I was there hanging out solo and not doing much drinking. A different mindset to be sure.

11: My first trip to the Zona, August 1998. A beautiful sunny Sunday morning at 8 AM and I made my way from the Gaslamp via trolley armed with a head full of ASPT lore. The trolley ride seemed to take forever, and walking Revolucion at 9 AM when all I could think about was the Zona (that I had never seen but read all about) was fun but a mere way to kill time. Breakfast at La Placita (before they sold out) was amazingly good, but by about 10:30 I was itchy to get to Adelitas. There were probably directions available on the net from Rev to the Zona at that time, but I was too wound up to go adventuring. So I became the tourist staggering around Rev looking for a cab that I can't STAND being mistaken for these days. 'Adelita Bar', how much? '$5' Vamos!!!

I swear the cabbie drove around in circles a couple of times in order to deliver me across the street from AB in order to ensure I'd never find it on my own and to make me think I had gotten my money's worth for the 5 block ride. I remember asking me if it was even open yet, and he said 'oh yeah, 10 AM'. Halfway there and unsolicited he said one of the classic lines I have heard from TJ locals since I have been coming down 'the poosy es-smell bery good een dee morning!'. Uh, sure neats napalm (I think…)!!!

Well, this was a VERY quiet Sunday morning in the Zona. I seem to remember AB being the only club on that block of Coahuila being open that early in the morning (10:45). I parted the curtains for the first time and was struck by how dark it was in the bar compared to the brilliant sunshine outside. There were about 3 females in the bar, a couple of tables full of local guys watching soccer on TV. I got a coke at the bar and walked around. I was all set to go talk to some heavy blonde in a denim outfit when I saw a cutie standing across the bar to the rear of what I would come to know as Hottie Central. She smiled when I looked over. Very promising.

Her name Esperanza, and she was beautiful. I was the dumbfuck newbie, nervous and tongue tied, and I am sure it showed. She eased the whole situation with that toothy smile, however, and after my ASPT union mandated negotiation over $$ and my fear of being ripped off-inspired stipulation of what we were going to do upstairs (I SWEAR her answer was SUCKY FUCKY!!!) we were out the door, up the stairs and in the room before I knew what was happening. And then we had the shortest session ever. I doubt I lasted 3 minutes, and it wasn't from being incredibly horny, just overwhelmingly GEEKED on the moment.

After this whirlwind experience, I didn't really know what to do. I didn't drink much and didn't wanna get another girl and didn't much care for the music in AB, and I really wanted to see the famous Chicago Club, so I walked over there. It was closed, of course at 11:15 on a Sunday morning. OOPS! Guess I gotta come back tonight!!! Took a cab back to the border, trolleyed back home, went out to dinner w/ co-workers, then drove to the border and cabbed it to CC later that night. As even back then funds were a minor issue I tried my first SG that night in the HK alley. Not the worst experience ever, but I don't remember much about the girl except her crossing herself as I gave her the money. I could not BELIEVE I was getting laid for $20 plus a pittance for the room.

Somehow I only managed to make one more trip to the Zona the next 3 nights I was in town. It hadn't fully taken hold yet!

10: The four girl Saturday, November '98. Violeta AB, of the blonde, tan-lined beach girl look led off. A TOTAL hottie and she knew it. Next up was my first time with my first TJ fave (and still all-time record holder at 30 sessions and counting) Gloria the AB dancer. Pre boob-job, pre-lipo, pre wigs, extensions, braces. I am damned proud to say 'I knew her when…', and actually I wanted to CRY when I saw what I regarded at the time (and still do to some extent) that horrible boob job. The pre-surgery natural meat was damned good enough for me. On the sappy side, her Spanish lessons for the gringo that only knew a handful of WORDS (and those were gimmes from being the same in French and English) totally melted me. As my amigo Jose Cuervo used to say, if I was Forrest Gump, she'd be my Jenny.

After a nap at the Zaragoza, (I was a puss and scared to stay in the Zona, though it was a bit of a different ballgame before Cascadas tower was built) I returned to the Zona and hit CC about 1:30 where I ran into Tomas drinking with BETTY (We have BOTH come a long way, eh, Tomas?). I saw bouncing cleavage from the beautiful Miriam (long before she switched to AB), and started thinking with my dick. While she barely said a word over an $8 drink (Buying drinks in CC? I HAVE come a long damned way!!!) when she agreed to go up for $50 I figured I'd give it a try. Bad idea as she stared at the wall, the ceiling anywhere but at ME. The original dead fish. But I did get off the for the 3rd time of the day/night and her tits are pretty damned awesome, so it couldn't have been TOO bad! Of course when I got back to the bar afterwards and reported that mi amor de 2 AM was a terrible lay, the ever-diplomatic Tomas said 'I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU THAT!!!' Antes, dude, ANTES!!!

Finally I ended up going up with Lizeth of AB, a real sweetheart that actually hooked a friend of mine pretty good a few months later. The fourth session in 14 hours at 5 AM wasn't a short one and she earned every bit of the $37 I ended up giving her (I was broke and the only cash machines I knew of was the Wells Fargo near the trolley stop) with a covered BJ, massage and extnded screwing. I must have looked pretty pathetic with a goofy grin on my face all the way back to the Zaragoza, with a dime in my pocket and the leche tank well-emptied, but one thing that was cemented in my mind at that point was that I GOTTA DO THIS AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!

9: The night I finally did Big Titty Girl. I had lusted after her for more than a year, had bought her hundreds of dollars worth of ficha drinks during that time and had still managed to never bed the chica I think has the most perfect body I have ever seen in TJ. An 18 year old with MONSTER natural tits that only got BIGGER after she had her kid and disappeared form the Zona for about 6 months.

SO, when Tomas saw her that night at Titanic and made me go talk to her I was more than a little apprehensive. I have long since past the financial insolvency point, and the memory of buying her all those drinks only to be left high and dry (and seeing her at the movies w/ her mesero esposo while she was stringing me along) was not a fun memory. But of course, I was stuck. We either had to leave or I HAD to buy her a drink, and we had just gotten there. So I invited her to the table. And spent $30 on drinks for her for about 45 minutes of dancing and talking. Tomas was off dancing himself and Otra Vida was passed out asleep at the table having stayed up the entire night before like usual.

I couldn't much enjoy myself or relax with her because I had been down this road too many times before. Tomas butted in and told me I should ask her up one last time. I figured OK, WHEN she says no, we'll leave and the book will be closed. But she didn't say no! She wanted money though. DUH. Wouldn't come down from $70. Shit, I can't cheap out on her now, can I???

Well, it was one of the top 3-4 sexual experiences I have ever had, surely because of the build up and the fact that I find her tits evidence that God exists. We had made out before, but making out while playing with those babies obviously took things to a whole different level.

It turned out that her esposo had gone back home for a few weeks, so she decided it was time to earn a little money. She couldn't work in the Zona because he'd find out, so it was La Mesa for her. She encouraged me to pay extra time when the knock came, and I was pissed that I hadn't had the foresight to get the room for the night, as she was in no hurry to get back to work. She talked my ear off for the better part of an hour and explained a lot of stuff that she simply could never tell me in the bar. While I hope to be able to afford to see her again and regularly soon, the time with her in the room that night was exceedingly cathartic, and I felt 100 feet tall when I took that collectivo back to Centro after my drunk and tired friends LEFT ME IN THE MURDER CAPITAL OF THE WORLD BY MYSELF!!!