Excerpt from 12/2001 trip report.

I then remembered that I had promised a friend back home that I would pick up some Vitamin V for him. He wanted to try it for the first time. For confidentiality reasons, he didn't want to get it through his doctor.

I bought four 100 mg tablets for about $56 (at Castenada Pharmacy at about 8PM). They came in a box which was too bulky to carry. So I blistered each one, wrapped them all in the same tissue, and stuffed them in my pocket. I had never been subjected to a search while crossing back to the USA, so I envisioned no problems or risk.

{about five hours later}........

There was a five-minute wait at the turnstiles and the only question was "are you bringing back anything". I said no as usual. But just as I proceeded through the turnstile, an armed guard suddenly blocked my way and said "let's see what's in that pocket".

I felt my heart go from zero to sixty in one second as I suddenly remembered the Vitamin V in the pocket he was pointing at. I couldn't believe my bad luck. This guy must have had X-ray vision. I had never been stopped during the previous fifty or sixty crossings. I reached inside of my pants and pulled out some of the contents haphazardly, hoping to satisfy the officer. He looked at the three packs of gum, TicTac container, and the little foldable hairbrush that I had revealed and immediately said "what else is in there; now don't be shy".

I felt like the criminal in Poe's "The Telltale Heart". I swear the officer could now see my chest thumping through my thin jacket. Surely my face must have been beet-red at this point. It was so obvious that I was guilty. I grabbed the remaining contents of my pocket which included the hidden V in tissue wrap and held them out in my palm-up open hand for his inspection. I heard the officer say "Ah that's what we wanted to see".

So here I was, busted; the handcuffs were only moments away. Only the proverbial midnight call from the governor could save me. I mentally berated myself and my friend with every foul word and combination thereof that I knew. What a fucking stupid asshole I am!

"OK, you can go now". What? My surprise and hesitation was responsible for the officer then saying "it's only lotion, right?". I refocused on my outstretched hand and saw the small bottle of hotel lotion that I always carry with me in case a chica wants a massage. "Yes sir", I stammered. He must have seen the outline of the bottle pressed between my leg and pants pocket and thought that it was a weapon or some other illegal item. And I guess he had assumed that the contents of the crumpled tissue were a bunch of boogers instead of four V tablets (they actually did look green through the white tissue).

I walked outside with weak legs to the two Vegas guys who were still waiting for me. They wanted to know what had happened. "Just a bottle of lotion" I said while saving the whole story for later. I entered the Jack-in-the-Box with them. They bought some food and carried it back to the Travelodge for a midnight snack. I had lost my appetite, so I bought nothing.

A Stupid but fortunate kind of guy,

Out-of-Towner

I get searched frequently. I have a clean cut look. Usually wear Izod La Coste shirt with dockers. Or just tee shirt and jeans.

The last time I got searched I asked the agent."do I fit a certain kind of a profile or something because I frequently get searched."

She said,"yes." I said,"what." She said,"just keep moving.

Most times when I've come back from Asia they go over me with a fine tooth comb.?