As I said earlier in the introduction, parts of this report were very difficult to write. Baring my soul in a public arena, even under the cover of a net handle, is not something that comes easily to me. And it took a lot of work to fine-tune it and pare it down into a form that I deemed fit for public consumption, especially the emotionally-charged conclusion. There are a few areas that I'm sure will attract criticism and even ridicule, and it's probably not unwarranted. So why bother posting it? Well, this story would have been written anyhow. I'm willing to bet there are many readers who have had similar experiences in their Zona lives. Despite that, I seriously considered holding back on posting this report, at least in this form. In the end, I went ahead, did the copy-and-paste thing and hit the Post button.

Yeah, I was in a funk for a short while after arriving back home, but I'm fine now. I'm still working on digesting the whole experience, though. My first trip produced a similar post-TJ funk, but I attributed that to the fact that I thought I'd never again make it back to TJ. My second trip produced little if any post-trip depression, despite the fact that it contained heavy doses of "Elisa". What happened this time around? And what did I do differently during trip number two? I don't know, but that's something I hope to figure out before my next visit.

There is something about the whole Zona Norte scene, and in particular the time I spend with "Elisa", that seems to satisfy some unmet need in my life that I can't put my finger on. I seem to have a tendency to dabble in emotional indulgence in the Zona. That's dangerous, and many reading this are surely saying, "It's a good thing this guy doesn't live closer to TJ." And you're probably right.

But… I suppose there's nothing like spending a few weeks 3,000 miles away from the scene of the crime , in the "real world" if you will, to put it all in perspective. TJ, for me, is an escape. A transient shelter from the trials and tribulations of everyday life. The trick, for me, is keeping that in mind when I'm actually there.

I don't want to drown in self-analysis, so I'll switch gears here. I have just a few acknowledgements to extend. First of all, to the guys I met over at Las Pulgas that night… it was great meeting you all, and I wish I could have stayed longer. It's nice, for a change, to be able to spice up a report with a few board handles thrown in. I've kept my streak intact of never having met another board member I didn't like. Special thanks to Milkman for putting the event together.

Billfromreading… someone once speculated that you and I are actually the same person, and I suppose this mini-novel of mine will only serve to further that rumor. (LOL) But being so far away from TJ, it's good to have a partner in crime less than a hundred miles away, especially one whose take on the whole Zona scene is nearly identical to my own. Bill provided valuable input with regard to this report, and emails back and forth during my visit were valuable reference material in compiling the information and determining the correct chronological sequence.

Hombre… thanks a bunch for providing and maintaining a forum where I can post my long-winded, overwrought, tear-jerking novelettes.

In conclusion… it may be several months away, but I fully intend for there to be a Round Four. I'll be back… like a moth to a flame, maybe, or a lemming to the ocean, but I shall return.

I'm not done with TJ yet… not by a long shot.

WHAT? NO STREAMING VIDEO? WHAT KIND’VE REPORT IS THIS, ANYWAY??? Farsider—nice report. You have lots of heart. Kudos to you for having the courage to publish your thoughts here.

“I seem to have a tendency to dabble in emotional indulgence in the Zona. That's dangerous, and many reading this are surely saying, "It's a good thing this guy doesn't live closer to TJ." And you're probably right.”

Seriously, Farsider: Wouldn’t it actually be advantageous if you lived nearby, or spent more time here? You’d have less time to romanticize about the chicas away from the scene, and more time to rack up bonafide experience with them.

Romantic nostalgia tastes sweet but illusions cause suffering. This is a common theme on this board, even if many participants at Club Hombre don’t know it. The romantic visitor is the sweetest, commonest, and most bankable commodity in the Zona.

Billfromreading (your evil twin, separated at birth) once accused me of being “jaded” for saying things like this. But escaping the trap enhances one’s experience, in the Zona Norte and in life, in my opinion.

Dogster in San Diego.

P.S. Havin’ a great time. Wish you were here! Seriously, please do come back to our neck of the woods and bring your award-winning friend Bill. I’m not nearly this ominous-sounding in person…

Well I am. Sorry to say, but what you experienced is very common for people new to the Zona. About 95 % of what you experienced is self induced. If you continue to come out here you will pass thru this phase as most of us that live here did and continue to do, it will just take longer. Dogster is correct in his post.

If you lived here, you would have in all probability fallen for "Elisa" or someone like her, you would eventually get burned ...thats when you face reality and begin to grow and balance what is real down here and what is fantasy or you would continue the illusion until you are ready to progress to the next phase.

SeñorPanocha:
The secret is out (on the suggestion box thread). You are a feminazi. Now I understand. Just don't pull any of your Gloria Steinem shit here, OK? LOL.

SP,

Having been forced to examine my own motivations and reflect on the emotions generated from them on my last trip, I have to agree with what you and Dogster are saying. I pretty much came to the conclusion that "it's all about me", and my Elisa, "Lirica", was the cataylst or lightning rod for those very real, and deeply felt emotions.

Not sure though in the final analysis how much difference it makes, the emotions are very real and very deeply felt. Many here call it fantasy fulfillment, but it is fulfilling some need in our lives that has gone unanswered to this point. Like you have said Dogster, a form of self medication.

Having said that about our side of the emotional experience, who's to say that after long months of spirit deadening activity in the zona, that occasionally the chicas themselves don't indulge in a little wishful thinking? Perhaps occasionally they to meet someone that for whatever reason also engendered a spark of goodwill, someone whom they find simpatico for any number of reasons, some of which may not be monetary.

And maybe, just maybe Farsider has been lucky in this respect.

Farsider has shared with us a very real and honest account of his trip, something that is not an easy thing to do or decision to make. Like both of you, I appreciate and applaude his efforts.

Dogster, as much as I wish I did live in the area, I'm not convinced having such easy and frequent access would be a good thing, at least in my case. "Self medication" can so easily turn into "over medication".

The chica's do more than indulge in a little wishful thinking. If I weren't already married, I'd certainly be on the verge now. I have dated # 2 far longer than I did my wife, and we've been married 20 years. # 2 is marriage material by anyone's standards in spite of her dabbling in the "trade".

My point is there is a learning curve involved down here for emotionally needy people. Go to topic's and under Tijuana read the thread under Stages of Monger Development. It's written in a young person's vernacular but I think it's great.

I know I am repeating myself but I had two relationships simultaneously, one worked one didn't, and I worked them both tirelessly, every week over a year. Thats how I spent 30 grand and much of my free time. The emotions I went thru were similar to being in a fog. Up one day, down the next, extreme depression over the plight of these two women I couldn't save to Euphoria over having the time of my life.

And I'm not talking about 30 minutes in a room, I pulled shit every week that bordered on lunacy. Ended up taking two different chica's on vacation with me. Try that logistic with a wife.

Call her anytime, spend the day..all day, down at the Rosarito Beach hotel, laying out by the pool, drinking and teaching her to swim, shopping, movies, dinner every week At Saverio's or La Differencia. Lunch at the Grand Hotel. Her apt.

When I called,she jumped, fuck work, I'd go into the bar on occasion just to pull her out....I did it on purpose just for my ego. " Hey, have dinner with me tonight"...." "ok, I change my clothes", just like that anytime I wanted, she'd leave and never come back.

Having a woman that beautiful on your arm doing what you want will make any man lose his balance, I certainly did. She new how to act and dress as well, which is what drew me to her in the first place. Highly sophisticated, smart like a fox, she was my match in every sense. We'd walk into a place and everything stopped, every guy just stunned. I get dizzy just thinking about it.

I was ready to leave my family. Potatohead was certain I'd flipped. I had. Finally, after a long time, she started to do things I couldn't ignore.

She finally fucked me, and not in a good way, thats when I fell back to earth. After a while I went back to # 2, turned out she was the REAL thing all along, I just was not ready for her.

Kudos for the Panocha penetrating analysis. I find myself concurring with the resident feminazi on this point.

Farsider: Kudos again for your fine, gutsy, and uhhh... "comprehensive" reporting. There's a significant risk of crashing and burning at this point. There's also a risk of your life grinding to a halt, as you lose the ability to focus on day to day reality. The process is perhaps inevitable. The romance may or may not be real; it may or may not be worth pursuing. Novio status--real or imagined--has a dark side. It is in your interests to bring your mind back to earth, whatever the reality. That way, you'll reduce the risk of harm. Illusions may be sweet, but they cause pain as well. Perhaps you already know this. Consider this a reality check. I hope I didn't puncture your balloon.

Now, Evil Twin Bill:
"Having said that about our side of the emotional experience, who's to say that after long months of spirit deadening activity in the zona, that occasionally the chicas themselves don't indulge in a little wishful thinking? Perhaps occasionally they to meet someone that for whatever reason also engendered a spark of goodwill, someone whom they find simpatico for any number of reasons, some of which may not be monetary."

Absolutely, Bill. No doubt about it. Many of them dream about someone who they will find simpatico, and who will take them to a place of greater security. (At the same time, they typically say they never want to be dependent on any man. Both are true, simultaneously). And some of them really like to fuck. Sometimes they pick a guy to be a sexual toy, and money doesn't figure into it much.

It takes awhile to get beyond the thick, hardened, sweet, pyrite facade that chicas use decoratively and effectively with clients and novios. This is not to say that connection or friendship is impossible. But most of the time?

"The romantic visitor is the sweetest, commonest, and most bankable commodity in the Zona."

The "Stages of Monger Development" is a good thing to read. XMan's original post is on a thread on this site. The discussion that followed (Matiz, HornyMike, others) can be found on one of the earliest Mexico Chat archives.

Want to understand women? Dogster's Tripartite Theory. Simple, yet accurate. Perhaps I'll dredge up a post or two on this.

Dogster who will do more research on this topic by blasting genetic material into multiple chicas this weekend.

It's funny... after pouring my heart out in that report, when I tried to turn around and reply to the excellent feedback I received above, the words just wouldn't come. The well had run dry, so to speak. I hope my silence wasn't misinterpreted. Actually, I appreciate the comments, and I realize you guys are telling me exactly what I need to hear.

Dogster... I agree 100% with the comment about romanticizing the chicas. I have a huge tendency to do just that. But Bill made a good point about self-medication vs. over-medication, and I concur with that logic as well. I'm better off far away from the scene of the crime.

Balloon punctured, but safety net well in place.

You're right... Bill is the "evil" twin. You saw for yourself the way the chicas congregated around him!

SP... well, what can I say. I've observed that when you distill the venom away from your posts, they often contain as much profound wisdom as anyone's. And certainly with your experiences, you're as qualified as anyone to speak out on this issue. Your points are duly noted.

Now you can go back to being an arrogant bastard. ;)

Actually, there is a wee bit more to the story. I believe my buddy Bill has some additional info.

A Short Postscript On Farsider's Journey

As many of you know, Farsider and I have developed a friendship here on the East Coast over the last year. Many times feeling we are left out in the cold (sometimes quite literally) we have often used each other as sounding boards, confessors, conspirators, gossips, and yes even mutual therapists. We are our own small support group, as it were.

But the one thing we haven't managed to do up to now is to arrange our lives to the point of being able to be in Tijuana at the same time. And so this time, as in the past, we managed to both plan early spring visits, separated by only 2 weeks.

During my visit, so close on the heels of Farsider's, I made many of the same rounds as he, another reason our friendship has developed is that we share many tastes in common. I was fortunate enough to meet Elisa and spend some time talking to her in one of the quieter corners of the bar on several occasions.

Having heard so much of Elisa I was intensely curious to meet her, to see for myself what she was like and to see how much, if any, of Farsiders obvious interest was returned. But the main reason I sought here out was to deliver a verbal greeting from Farsider, a few, short, well chosen words of fond remembrance of the times they have shared and the hopes that he will be able to return at a later date and meet again.

To be totally honest, I approached the second and main reason with some mixed emotions and even reluctance. Having spent the last six months myself having to deal with the intense emotions these "more than friendships" encounters can engender, the last thing I wanted is to be party to having a friend go through the same. I even debated not going through with it at all, and telling Farsider I was unable to locate Elisa, a scenario quite common in a place as fluid as Adelitas as we all know. But having been denied closure myself, and knowing how painful that can potentially be, in the end I decided that playing this straight up was the right and only way I could handle this request.

Elisa, once I met her, was pretty much as Farsider describes her, a bubbly personality, very happy, very animated. And much to my relief remembered Farsider and was happy to receive his message. In fact, Elisa would return to talk to me several times during my visits to Adelitas, each time to talk about Farsider and once even going as far as to introduce me to her friends as Farsider's friend. Each girlfriend getting a rapid fire "you remember me telling you about Farsider" monologue in Spanish, followed by an implicit offer for me to confirm that Mr. Farsider did indeed ask me to stop by and say hello.

Was this a genuine expression of fondness or was I presented as some kind of trophy to show her friends of another gringo "kill"?

I did not the impression that Elisa was anything but sincerely touched that she had been remembered. I left Elisa with a strong sense that she shared the same fond memories of Farsider that he himself has of her. More to the point, Elisa made it quite plain that she too is looking forward to a Farsider return visit.

A happy ending? Well, as close as we get in the Zona I guess.