Q&A

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your momma

Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his butt

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up

Q: What do the gynecologist and the pizza delivery guy have in common?
A: They both get to smell the goods but neither one of them can eat it

Q: Why does a bride wear white?
A: Because the dishwasher should match the stove and the refrigerator.

Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full

Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
A: You push it to the side before you start eating

Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what
have you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw

Q: What's somewhat brown and often found in children's underpants?
A: Michael Jackson's hand

Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your member

Q: What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A: By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you have
left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing and in the end,
you lose your house

Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a hoe?
A: A hoe sleeps with everybody at the party and a bitch sleeps with
everybody at the party except you

Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

In a cheap beer bar at Khorat, a senile Belgian expatriate is boring
to death a fahrang backpacker with his "adventures" in Thailand.

A Thai boy enters the bar and the old goat whispers to the young
tourist:
"Thai kids are the dumbest kids in the world. Watch -- I'll prove it
to you."

The white supremacist puts a 100 THB bill in one hand and three 20 THB
coins in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you
want, son?" The boy takes the three coins and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the senile Fahrang. "Thai kids never
learn!"

Later when the tourist leaves, he sees the same Thai boy coming out of
an ice cream store. He calls him over and says:
"Hey son, may I ask you a question? Why did you take the 20 THB coins
instead of the 100 THB bill?"

The boy licks his cone and replies with a broad smile:
"Mister, if I ever take the bill, the old Kwai get it and the game's
over!"

Karlos is getting desperate for sex because he hasn't had any for a month.
His wife won't service the smelly old goat any more, because of his bad
breath and his refusal to bathe more than once a week. Taking 20 baht from
his daughter's piggy bank he goes off to the local brothel in Khorat
thinking to himself that at last he's going to get laid. Eyes wide open, and
drooling at the mouth the tight-fisted stingy old goat approaches the
brothel owner who politely informs him that 20 baht won't get him anything.
Karlos pleads and pleads for sex until the brothel owner finally tells him:
"OK, go to room five."

Our horny hero hands over his 20 baht and heads over to room five, opens the
door and sees this old woman lying there on the bed. Without any hesitation,
Karlos rips off his clothes climbs on the bed and starts going at it. Five
hours later, he's almost done when sperm starts coming out of the woman's
ears, eyes, mouth.... just everywhere!

Karlos freaks and runs to the front where he tells the owner what's
happened. She yells out, "The corpse in room five is full
again................"

Karlos and his wife visited the doctor's clinic in Khorat. The doctor told
the dirty smelly old goat that he would have to collect a urine, a sperm,
and a stool sample from him.

Karlos says to his wife, "How am I going to come up with all of that right
away?"

His wife replied, "Don't worry, Karlos, just give him your
underwear........"

Karlos is in his local bar in Khorat. After a couple of drinks he feels
nature's call and makes his way to the restroom. Upon entering, he notices a
rather short man, who looked suspiciously like a leprechaun.

Karlos said to the short man, "Are you..." The short man said, "A
leprechaun, indeed, I am me lad!" To which our senile old racist goat
replied, "Isn't there a legend where you have to tell me where your pot of
gold is, seeing that I have spotted you?" "Why, yes", began the leprechaun,
"But ye must allow me to screw ye in the butt hole, before I gives ye the
location of me gold! What do ye say, me lad?"

Karlos thought long and hard about it and finally said, "OK, but let's lock
the restroom door, so that no one comes in on us!"
"Whatever ye say, me-lad!", said the leprechaun.

So the leprechaun begins doing his business. When he's finished he asks
Karlos "So, how old are ye, me lad?" "Sixty-five," groaned Karlos.

"Hmmm, sixty-five and still believing in leprechauns, eh?!"

Yababozo and his wife were lying in bed. She was knitting, he was
reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry.
Suddenly the retard looked up from the page and said to her,
"Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female
achieves orgasm?"

She looked at the senile dork wistfully, and replied,
"Oh yeah? Prove it."

The racist moron frowned for a moment, then says, "O.K." He then got
up and walked out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.

About half an hour later he returned all tired, dirty and sweaty and
boastfully said,
"Well, I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig
squealed, it's hard to tell."

The first time Karlos met his wife, she was working in a beer bar in Khorat.
Approaching her, he immediately sits down along side her and offers to buy
her a drink. She accepts and within minutes the old goat starts bragging
that despite his old age, he could still have sex three times a night. The
girl smiled at Karlos, and smiled to herself knowing that she had found
another client for the night. Sure enough, after about 15 minutes Karlos
invites her back to his hotel for the night.

So they go back to the old racist goat's hotel and have sex. Afterwards,
Karlos says, "OK, let me sleep for half an hour, and when I wake we can have
sex again. But while I'm sleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and my
pecker in your right hand." The girl looks a bit perplexed, but says,
"Okay."

The old goat sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have sex again. Then
Karlos says, "Not bad for an old man eh? But if you let me sleep for an
hour, when I wake up we can have sex yet again. But again, hold my balls in
your left hand and my pecker in your right hand whilst I sleep." The girl is
now used to the routine and complies.

After an hour the dirty old drug addict awakens and they have sex again.
Once it's all over, the girl asks the smelly old goat "Tell me why you had
me hold you balls and your pecker - it was to stimulate you while you sleep
right?

The racist moron replies, "No, but the last time I slept with a bar girl,
she stole my wallet.........."

Karlos is on his way home from a night out on the beer, having spent all his
2000 baht monthly beer allowance in one night. Still dying for a drink, the
alcoholic bozo finds a 500 baht note in the street and decides to go to the
7/11 and buy a bottle of white wine. After duly knocking back the whole
bottle he falls into a drunken stupor and collapses in a small alleyway.

About ten minutes later a passing homosexual happens upon the sprawled body
of our hero. Not having greased the pole for a while the homosexual whips
down Karlos' trousers and underwear and gives him one up the ass. As the
homosexual is just about to leave he gets a pang of conscience and tucks a
500 baht note into the old goat's hand.

Upon waking up in the early hours of the morning Karlos discovers the bank
note. Hardly believing his good fortune he rushes back to the 7/11 and
purchases another bottle of white wine. Yet again he downs the vino and
falls into a drunken sleep in the same alleyway. A little later the same
homosexual passes the alleyway and sees Karlos. Unable to contain himself,
the homosexual divests Karlos of his trousers and underwear and gives him
another hoop stretching. Again he leaves a 500 baht note out of guilt for
his actions.

Upon waking up Karlos discovers another 500 baht note in his hand and so
hastens back to the 7/11. The racist old goat grabs a bottle of red wine and
hands it to the sales assistant for wrapping. The sales assistant, by now
familiar with the old goats's usual habits, asks why he is buying red wine
this time instead of white wine, to which our foul-mouthed racist moron
responds, "I quite like the white wine but it doesn't half make my f**king
ass sore......."

******Always good for a smile. Author unknown.

If the Monty Python gang was from Bangkok...
The 4 expats:
(Four well-dressed men sitting together in an upscale massage place.
Welcome to the Jungle being played in the background on
electric guitar.)


Michael Palin: Ahh.. Very passable, this, very passable.


Graham Chapman: Nothing like a good glass of Chateau de Chassilier wine,
ay Gessiah?


Terry Jones: You're right there Obediah.


Eric Idle: Who'd a thought thirty years ago we'd all be sittin' here
drinking Chateau de Chassilier wine with a beautiful girl massaging us?


MP: Aye. In them days, we'd a' been glad to have the price of a short time
with a girl.


GC: An ugly girl.


EI: Badly dressed too.


TJ: That spoke bad English.


MP: And bad Thai!


EI: We never used to see girls. We used to have to settle for post-op
Katoeys.


GC: The best WE could manage was pre-op Katoeys.


TJ: But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.


MP: Aye. BECAUSE we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, 'Money
doesn't buy you happiness.'


EI: 'E was right. I was happier then and I had NOTHIN'. We used to use
this crappy old short time hotel, with greaaaaat big holes in the roof.


GC: Short time hotel? You were lucky to afford a short time hotel! We used
to one common room, all hundred and twenty-six of us, no beds. Half of our
shared condom was missing; we were all huddled together in one corner for
fear of AIDS!


TJ: You were lucky to have a half a condom! *We* used to have to use a
surgical glove with the fingers missing!


MP: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of surgical gloves! Woulda' been heaven to us.
We used to use old bread wrappers we found on a rubbish tip. We got woken
up afterwards by having a load of empty nasal inhalers dumped all over us!
Glove!? Hmph.


EI: Well when I say 'glove' it was only a used piece chewing gum covered
with cigarette ashes, but it was a glove to US.


GC: They made us chew our old gum before we used it; they said it
prevented AIDS!


TJ: You were lucky to have to worry about AIDS! There were a hundred and
sixty of us having to share the same retired pre-op katoey.


MP: Pre-op katoey?


TJ: Aye.


MP: You were lucky. We went for three months with nothing but a brown Soi
dog with scabies. We used to have to get up at six o'clock in the morning,
clean the dog, drink a flat bottle of Singha, go to work at ECC for
fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we finished teaching, the
director would thrash us to sleep with his belt!


GC: Luxury. We used to have to get up at three o'clock in the morning,
speak only Khmer, eat a handful of hot grasshoppers, go to work at ECC
every day for tuppence a month, and the students would beat us around the
head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY!


TJ: Well we had it tough. We used to have to get up at twelve o'clock at
night, and LICK the dog clean with our tongues. We had half a handful of
freezing cold grasshoppers, worked twenty-four hours a day at ECC for
fourpence every six years, and when we finished teaching, our students
would slice us in two with a bread knife.


EI: Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an
hour before I went to bed, (pause for laughter), drink a cup of flat
Kloster, work twenty-nine hours a day at ECC, and pay the director for
permission to come to work, and when we finished teaching, our students
and their mothers would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing
'boom boom boom, I want you in my room.'


MP: But you try and tell the newbies today that... and they won't believe
ya'.


ALL: Nope, nope..

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(Message edited by redbus on August 30, 2017)

After a Muay Thai fight.

More drunk girls.

Apparently the above sign was put up when an oil massage there was only 300B

Above and below: the hole in the toilet wall was so big they had to put a metal plate over it, maybe someone wanted it big enough for a cinema camera instead of a peek.

These are actual beer square things found in a popular agogo.

Above: chinese tourist on an expressway in the middle of nowhere in Thailand trying to get to the airport.

Western mongers fighting in Bangkok.

Redbus, how do you manage to be in all the places to take your photos? I actually saw this fight as it was happening actually it was just a shouting match when I observed them. I was staying at the Majestic and these guys were in front of the 7/11 on Soi 4.

Social media.

Apparently the above guy didn't pay attention to the notice.

Above: usually restaurants that do hundreds of dishes don't work out, yet they seemed to have made it work here.

Is that photo from the Soup place on Soi 33?

I really don't know player, I went back on Twitter to see if id got the pic from there but couldn't find it.

Above: jim beam is near the price of a full bottle.

A japanese magazine of the nightlife in Thailand.

Above: Farrangs who think they can get away by being anything in Thailand.

Actually the above pictures from Japan, there's japanese characters on the sliding door.

Above: for some reason this word means something in Thailand.

(Message edited by redbus on June 25, 2018)

Tomorrow never come.

Above picture is from Laos, members from another forum are wondering what it means.

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Above: tuk tuk lanes which I would assume they're in bangkok because I didn't see any in Pattaya.

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Chinese tourist at Don Muang airport, I don't know what the cardboard boxes are all about.

backpackers budget pants 150B

Night bus from Isaan to pattaya

The sign was originally in English, what's their customers now.

Actual roundabout in Thailand.

Sukhumvit 71.

A Twitter user said these were real weapons.

Spot the backpacker.

A popular Thai store flattened over night, reminds me of soi one Bangkok

I mean soi zero that was near pleonchit, near the railway under the freeway bridge.

Above: thai anti socialist propaganda 1960.

Another sex toy bust.

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Songkrans coming

This isn't in Thailand but I thought it a poor choice of words, actually in Thailand if you get someone to say the name, Gary, the way Thai people say it comes out, gally, which is the Thai word for brothel.

A wife complain that she answered her door to see her daughter there, it turned out that her husband had booked up an escort without realising what had happened.

(Message edited by redbus on May 01, 2019)

ping pong show for the tourist, did I read that right.

Anyone fancy buying an agogo.

Gogo bar Isaan style.

This is a cleaning product but out of habit the shop staff have given him a drinking straw.

Tiger park in Pattaya, a great place to visit.

(Message edited by redbus on June 03, 2019)

Above: Unfortunately a black cock is unavailable.

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A day out watching soccer.

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rainy season.

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These pictures are actually from a working store in Thailand, the till still in use, don't know how old the candy is.

Above: apartments built close to each other.

(Message edited by redbus on November 08, 2019)

A European smashes into a 7/11

Moldy sausage roll from King power at an airport.

didn't realise cigarettes needed to be warmed up.

The monkey is trained to get coconuts.

In a Bangkok local park foreigners think they've come across an alligator, it is a monitor lizard.

This guy robbed this jewellers of a gold chain a month ago,thinking they might forget about it he tried to sell it back only to get arrested on the spot.

Driving into a shop that isn't a 7/11

Pedestrians and roadworks mix in Thailand

The twitter uploader found it strange to see a strawberry sandwich but to be honest I have seen this before in Thailand.

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Above: mysterious, is someone not getting their pizzas.

(Message edited by redbus on February 09, 2020)

hope you don't mind dave.

Above: seems the virus doesn't do markets In Thailand.

Above and below scandinavians and Thais get arrested for group gathering and drinking alcohol.