Mongering had become a form of religion for me. Years ago I lost faith in society's religions and their ideas of what is socially and sexually acceptable; right or wrong within the norms of our society. I realized long ago its religion today that causes most of the world's conflict and misery. When will people see through the thin vail what man's made-up religion is truly all about?

I distrust anyone in politics or religion who appear to have all the answers...knowledge is power, and there are those who will deceive the masses into believing that they have all the right answers (true or not) to obtain positions of leadership so that they can dictate to us their morality. The religious and political right of the world, IMHO, has become corrupt and skewed and preach and brainwash men into believing that they are meant to be monogamous, when if fact, we men are biologically designed to breed nearly non-stop with multiple partners, if we so choose. If we weren't designed to be polygamous, we would breed only when "our" monogamous woman is fertile and once she becomes pregnant we should technically stop producing sperm and further craving for sex. But our biology just doesn't work this way...so why do most people in this world try to force monogamy on everyone?

Studying history I can see eras in time and regions and religions of the world whereas it was acceptable for a man to take numerous sexual partners for his own carnal needs. But we live in an era and society today that label those of us who monger and have additional partners besides our spouses as undesirables, non-conformists, and trouble makers...even law-breakers. Yet, the truth is most normal and good heterosexual men crave, at one time or another, the companionship and sexual relations of multiple partners. It is part of our biological make-up. Our instincts as normal heterosexual men are to copulate with as many "fertile" women as possible to assure our very genes success to continually pass on from generation to generation. believe it or not, it is this primal instinct, this primal urge each and every one of you have to breed with numerous women that is really the driving force behind your desire to go out there and be a mongerer.

I say, accept and embrace your horniness to fuck and don't go against Mother Nature by suppressing your urges. Just don't physically hurt, don't fuck those that don't want to be fucked, don't fuck children because they are innocent, take responsibility if you knock-up or accidentally pass-on a STD, and try to leave your partner a little bit better than before you fucked her. After that, it is nobody's business who you fuck, how many and how often.

Though I have been a mongerer nearly half my life, my double life has become very complex for me; almost too complex to manage or even imagine. My ideal has been the search for the perfect woman, the perfect sexual companion. Though I've searched for years, I don't think the perfect woman, if found, can remain my perfect woman for an extended period. Over the years, my idea of what makes up the perfect woman slowly evolves and changes...year to year or maybe every few years or so my ideal is altered. What I was attracted towards 20-years ago is much different to what I am attracted towards today.

Additionally, as I've grown older (I'm almost 43)...I slowly tire of my search for the perfect woman. It is becoming more and rarer for me to find a woman who stands-out or is somehow excitingly different from all of the rest. Over the years I've identified and selected only a few women out of perhaps 100s that I fucked, that I choose to befriend and stay in touch with long-term for a potentially more meaningful relationship.

From the few that I have remained in touch with long-term, each is unique in her own way. Collectively, I'll concede they make-up my perfect woman, but individually they fall short, albeit slightly.

I just came back from 3-weeks in Panama. Though I used to live in Panama for nearly 3-years and have since returned every year on vacation for at least a couple of weeks, this has been my longest stay on vacation yet. I must admit, returning back to the states was a bit surreal. I felt rather disoriented and uncomfortable in my own home for nearly a week after returning. I felt like I had been away for years and now my own home was foreign to me. One night I woke-up in my own bed, sat up, turned on the light...and it took me several minutes to come to my senses. I thought I was still in Panama. Though my wife sat up and looked at me...fortunately, I had enough situational awareness not to ask her why my novia was not in our bed. Very, very odd feelings I was experiencing. Very confused. I have since readjusted to my own home...I think.

I need to describe to you the relationship I have with my wife...I've been married to her for about 15-years. I met her a little more than 16-years ago in SE Asia. I am only 1-year older than she is. Though a bar girl, she had a great, very fun, and very easy going personality. Yet, she was humble and shy too...a quality I was, and am still attracted towards. She was not sleazy or aggressively slutty as you may sometimes find bargirls in SE Asia to be. Though technically a whore, she was classy and demanded that I treat her with respect. She soon became my favorita and eventually I took her away from the bar. She and I lived together for about a year. We got along great...we were and still are very compatible.

In the early 90s circumstances required that I move away from SE Asia and I was forced into making a decision. Do I take her with me or leave her behind? Given that we lived together nearly a year with absolutely no problems, and at the time I was highly attracted towards her exoticness, I decided to marry her. Additionally, I kind of felt like I was her knight in shining armor...saving her from a life of poverty and prostitution...I knew I could give her a better life, and I did. It made me feel good to save her. And I'm still glad that I did because I think I really saved her life. One could even surmise, our relationship happened for reasons stated or reasons unknown.

Being an Asian woman who spoke only a little English she endured major culture shock upon arriving in the US. But I am a patient man and I worked with her to help her adjust and help her improve her English. Being the great lady she is with a wonderful and friendly disposition, she easily integrated socially with neighbors and my co-workers and their wives and girlfriends. With a very strong work ethic, she soon found employment and always sought opportunities to become educated, certified, and advanced in her chosen medical field. In the mid-90s she sought her US citizenship and was naturalized shortly after our first child was born.

Today she is very much an American, with a good job and career, great kids, and a kind and caring husband (me) who unfortunately for her, still craves variety in women and the desire to find the perfect woman.

Together we get along just fine. We talk and discuss future plans all the time. She has no annoying habits. We are financially sound. We simply do not fight and never have we been unable to resolve our differences even when they infrequently do occur. In many respects we make a good partnership.

But, she is a jealous woman with strong SE Asian ethics. Though I know she suspects I mess around, she turns a blind-eye. I know she suspects I roam because periodically I hear her suggest that I not try to impress any young women when I am on a business trip or a fishing vacation in Panama. In other words, "okay, play if you must, but don't bring any home". I think because I treat her and the kids well, I am a good provider, and I always return home with nobody on my arm, she allows me breathing room for my manly urges and indiscretions. But, I also know that if she gets a solid lead, she will pursue it and I will be dead meat. Therefore, this is one of my primary reasons that I monger alone...to conceal my double life...plausible deniability.

The problem I have is, I no longer desire to be with her sexually. It's not that she isn't attractive. She's in her early 40s, but looks like she is in her early 30s. She keeps herself very slim and attractive...perhaps she even has a little Connie Chung (Connie in her younger years) professional woman look to her.

A friend recently diagnosed the reason why I am no longer sexually attractive towards my wife. Over the years he observed my wife's transformation from an attractive young woman from SE Asia who knew nothing about the world, to a well educated, very Americanized and worldly mother, housewife, and successful medical professional. He confirmed that I was the reason for her entire transformation (very much true). I was her instructor and her mentor...and in ways, very much her father. I raised her as any man would raise a child. My buddy hit the nail on the head when he said, "What father wants to fuck his own daughter?" That was it! That is exactly how I feel. I raised her over these past 15-years. I protected her, coached her, and worked with her to help her become the person she is today.

Now I have difficulty generating any "dirty or sexual" thoughts or desires towards my wife. We sleep together, and she sometimes tries to cuddle, but I am lucky if I can get it up for her once a month. Therefore, I today, ever more, crave sex due to my lack of regular sex...but I refuse to seek it locally or even within the US for numerous personal and professional reasons. (Interestingly, my wife thinks I suffer from erectile dysfunction and suggested I see a doctor to get Viagra! If she only knew that when I'm in Panama I sometimes fuck 3-times a day fully to completion with a natural raging hard-on...well, okay...I sometimes use a little vitamin V to break that third really "tuff" nut).

My novia in Panama is in her early 30s and I've known her for over 2-years. She's got nearly a perfect 10 body with a perfect pair of 38-Bs, and probably a solid 7 or 8 in the face. She too is much different from other Panamanian women I've met before. She has, in my opinion, a perfect personality. She has a witty sense of humor and laughs-off petty-shit most women normally use to monopolize the upper-hand in a relationship. She's got a legitimate job...not a whore. She insists that I never give her money. (I'll pay for movies, dinner and a drink, but often she pays cab fare or buys me gifts, treats or other knick-knacks, especially if I'm a little slow to get my wallet out). She speaks English very well and is enrolled in advanced English classes.

My novia has no children and tells me that a doctor told her that she cannot become pregnant. Given how hot she is and that she is 32-years-old, I believe her, because any previous boyfriends, like myself, very likely could not help but fuck the hell out of her, bareback style, and often. She even told me that the longest relationship she had previously, she tried to become pregnant for nearly 2-years and just couldn't. That same guy (her words) "betrayed" her by knocking-up another Panamanian woman...she concluded that her reproductive system is broke. This last trip I threw caution to the wind and I fucked her bareback right through her fertile ovulation period dumping full loads in her every night. Rational or irrational, I made up my mind that if she can in fact conceive, I would fully support her and the baby. My novia took this as a sign that I was willing to commit...having a child kinda sorta causes a commitment...so the GFE and our relationship bond intensified even more. The sex was some of the best I'd ever had...yet, her period arrived right on schedule more than a week ago. Imagine, I was actually a little disappointed.

Why did I throw caution to the wind like that? I mean, sure it feels great Cuming in her pussy bareback...all warm, wet and quivering. When she had an orgasm I loved how she would plead, "honey, I'm Cuming...please honey...make it move!" I'd then give her a few minutes of jack hammering fucking to please her until my stamina wore thin.

But what are the ramifications of my throwing caution to the wind? I am married with kids. Am I ready to become one of those guys with a love child or children? I think my reason for throwing caution to the wind is that I find that my novia is probably as close to the perfect woman (for me) as I will ever find. Though I have no problems strapping on a condom with any given stunner that happens to stray my way, my novia really turns me on to the point that in my mind, she trips my primal carnal breed meter...she's biologically superior in intelligence, personality and looks. My primal urges to breed with my novia are exceptionally strong...if we had a child together, my instincts tell me that it could be genetically my best. Cost and financial support is inconsequential to me...I'm only going to live at most another 30 or 40 years...what's anybody going to do to me if I had another kid? My wife is too old to have any more kids and I sure would like to have a son. If I did have a kid with another woman, the worse my wife could do, if she found out, is take half of everything in a divorce...Texas is no fault. (Okay...she could kill me). But assuming she doesn't kill me, I'd still have enough to live comfortably. I suppose my novia could sue me for child support, but I'd be willing to do that anyway and I'd probably give her more than what Panama law would require.

I can hardly do justice describing how hot I find my novia. Let's just say, when getting ready for bed she totally strips nude...this is automatic...she just cannot sleep with clothing on. She doesn't wear panties unless she has her menstruation. Either it is panty-less with tight blue jeans, or she wears a thong with a thin mesh patch that barely covers her pussy. Her tits are natural and firm. Even on her back they are the size of large honey dew melons cut exactly in half and laid on her chest. She has dark silver dollar sized areolas the fade lighter towards the edges with thick 1 inch long nipples that grow hard and erect when she gets turned-on. I noticed that there are even little round holes in the tips of her nipples for milk. She is very naturally sexy...no gimmicks, no need for quantities of make-up, no enhancing surgery...she is just one of those women who naturally "have it".

Short, but true story: One evening there was a knock at the door when our pizza arrived. My novia, totally nude, grabbed my old worn-out t-shirt which she draped over her head, over her breasts and down past her thighs. With a $20 in her hand, and only a thin t-shirt to cover her, she answered the door. She did not realize that not only where her nipples fully erect and peaking, but the t-shirt was so thin her areolas could clearly be seen through the fabric! By the time I had peeked around the corner the pizza guy was wide-eyed being well entertained. My novia paid him, took the pizza and shut the door. As she shut the door she asked me if I was okay that she gave him a $2 tip! I just laughed and suggested she gave him a lot more than a $2 tip. As she turned in front of the mirror she screamed realizing she gave away the goods. We had a good laugh and filed away a fun memory...well, at least fun for me.

Because she worked Monday through Saturday evenings until midnight and sometimes later, I was free to roam every night except Sundays. But this trip I noticed that I just was not that enthusiastic about getting out and doing any serious mongering like I had on previous trips. I was more excited about doing my novia again, night after night. I actually reached a decision point where I rationalized with myself that, "I am a mongerer and I must get out there and monger or this trip would have been wasted." Again, I rationalized, "I get very little enjoyable sex throughout the year, I am in Panama now for only a couple weeks...now go find some new talent so you don't have regrets later!"

Needless to say, that as a long-term mongerer and member of this club, my mongering record for this trip was dismal. Though I think I could have racked-up phenomenal numbers, in three weeks I test drove only two new chicas, and paid only short visits to a few other long-term "good friend" chicas for some "hey, nice to see you again sex."

What is going on with me? Am I losing my (mongering) religion? Are my feelings for my novia growing so strong that I crave only her? As I was about to fuck one MP chica I actually hesitated with thoughts that my novia had a much superior body! I closed my eyes and began fucking her. I have to say she had really good hip action moves and literally milked me with her pussy. Her name was Vicky at Caribean Club. 24-years-old with a 10-year-old son (do the math). I'd give her a high 6 in body and looks. And an even higher score for her eagerness to please. She popped my cork very well with a nice full load that filled the condom tip. Try her out if you are in Panama and get the chance. $20 at the door and pay her $40 in the room. Gave me a great full body massage too. But with her it was just physical, meaningless sex...exercise for me if you will.

Now that I've returned to the states I stay in contact with my novia daily, sometimes several times during the day. Though she wants us to be married, I told her that I just do not want to be married again. I told her that when I retire in a few years I plan to buy an apartment in Panama. I think I'll let her move in under the guise of the caretaker. Once I am retired I told my wife I plan to take extended trips to Panama for world class fishing and I plan to buy a small apartment for my seasonal use. I may rotate between the US and Panama every 3-months. Or, maybe I'll end the marriage when the youngest kid moves out of the house. Or, maybe I'll cut her a deal to retain our marriage but openly allow additional partners. By the way, I think I would be pleased if my wife had a boy-toy on the side...I'm surely not tapping her as often as she deserves...and I'm cool with that as long as she is happy.

Then who's to say what another 10 or 20-years will bring? My wife 15-years ago was hot, but sexually we faded. My novia now is super hot, but she too will grow old and perhaps fade. I guess I just need to pick them as I need for my own personal desires, and play it as long as I can stand it, then move on...is this not typically what ultimately happens to most men? Stars burn bright, then you catch them and they fade, so you reach out to catch another star brightly burning star...or you remain with a burned-out star and tell everybody you're still in love or just stupid.

AJ

Hey AJ,

I strayed from standardized religion shortly after finishing undergrad. Raised a Catholic but never fully believing in any of it, I stayed with it mainly for the family and holiday connections. When I began medical school my then girlfriend got me into Yoga, meditation and Zen-Budism, and I have been there ever since.

When will people see through the vails? Jesus Christ!!! There are hundreds of them set up on purpose by those in control; Religion has always been a top priority mode of contcontroling masses. How else rally the mongrels and peasants into some war to do your greedy dirty work? Those in control need grunts to do the dirty work; and grunts are usually very impressionable and easy to manipulate (probably 65% of the worlds population). Then there is the 33% that do all the managing of the grunts as dictated by those in control; those in control make up about 2% of the worlds population, and centuries ago they created these ridiculous religions, or they took over perfectly good spiritual teachings and bastardized them into religion.

Part of religion is to fuck up your spiritual power through sexuality. Sexuality is an extremely powerful force, and can be used for healing like non other power available to us. If you have never seen the movie BLISS from 1997 (99?), rent it! It is a must for all men seeking answers on their own sexual desires and intensities. You will absolutely love it. Essentially, love is love, and sex is sex. There are so many taboos in our culture laid down by religion and old ideas that we are all totally fucked up as a result.

We had a nice chat about this a few months ago in your "Berry Bad Boy" piece. Seeing how many people responded to it, we can all imagine how much of a dilemma this all is. Biologically you are correct, we have this ongoing sex drive that does not quit. But that can, and really must be, channeled into something else otherwise we are no better than humping dogs. Spiritually we have the brain and ability to channel our sexual urges into other areas of creativity, productivity, and power. This is done primarily through the art of Tantra, and I plan on writing another section on this art if anyone is truly interested. The ancient Chinese knew how to fuck and please many wives in one evening; they had to otherwise their wives by law could call for a replacement. A great old text on this topic for all to begin with is;
The Tao Of Love and Sex - writen by Jolan Chang. Anyone ever read it?????

You could not be any more correct when you call for men to accept their urges and move forward with them in a positive direction. I like what you write about leaving people better then when you started with them; you are obviously an honorable man. What alot of men do however, is the "guy-gone-wild" thing once they have a piece of freedom to explore their sexual freedom. They get into abusive behaviors of themselves and others that does not support their growth in this topic; only their demise.

Of course we change as men with time. The younger ones are attracted to us because of our money, but also our wisdom.

You and I are kindred souls. Our paths are very similar with our wives and Panama. I love my wife like there is no tomorrow, and would do anything for her at any time. But I also love my novia..........................this has been very perplexing for me, but I have realized once again that the ancient Chinese knew we need varying types of wives, companions, whatever, to truly be men; and women really need to understand this. I believe that women with children naturally slow down sexually if they are half way decent mothers. Motherhood takes up a ton of energy for a woman, and we as the husbands usually come up somewhere down on the list after a while. The way it is now, I have two small children, and I absolutely adore the family "thing" so much, that I couldn't even think of leaving..........and the sex now is still practically non-existant. I alexistantzed for my own sanity I need a girlfriend...........its that simple, and thank God for Panama and all the Chicas willing to be your alter-companion, married or not.

I feel the same as you about when I return from Panama. It is quite surreal, and disorienting; hormonally are bodies are set to keep feeling that other woman and then we are beamed back into another universe. At times, I actually go through withdrawals where my body aches so much I think I am going to die; were it not for a few good pals I have local to me I don't think I'd be able to suI'dve at times.

Your wife sounds like mine. Believe me, they kind of know on a level that never gets spoken; call it women's intuition or whatever. I keep thinking of being in the after-life, talking to my wife and finally confessing; "hey honey, remember all those times you were too tired or bitchy, or too busy to be with me? Well, loving you and the family as I do, I could not bear the fact of loosing you all, but I had to go take care of myself, so I had these other women................" Something tells me in the eyes of God all things are good as long as there is honor and respect. Of course I could not tell her these things now and totally fuck my life up, have my kids hate me........the whole deal. But in whatever after life we exist, I feel I have the means and the right to confess.

AJ, I am certain you love your wife, and as long as that exists you can use Tantra to get back into the swing of things with her. Read that book, plus this one with her;

"Taoist Secrets of Love - Cultivating Male Sexual Energy." By Mantak Chia. There is also a womans counterpart book called Cultivating Female Sexual Energy, but they are along the same lines.

My wife and I are just starting to get back into the swing of things by reading chapters here when we have the time together. Believe me, it will respark things and shift you both, but she has to be willing to have you back as well. It is good to ask her how she feels about you sexually. You can begin healing from there. And, by they way, even though sexual relations may be improving with my wife, I have no intention of leaving my novia behind anytime soon. I have discovered I really do need them both.

I have read your entire post, and honestly as a physician I can say you sound a bit depressed and overwhelmed. Listen bud, you give a lot of great advice on this board, so now take some from a kindred spirit;
learn to just love and forget everything else.

What do I mean by this? Just be real, and like a man realize the limitations and benefits of the situations you have set up for yourself. Take it like a geometry equation; what are your givens and priorities? You love your wife and kids, and don't want to lose them. You love your novia, and don't want to lose her either. Seems like you have to either find a balance between these two main givens, or drop one. It is that simple.

In my case. my novia knows I am married with kids, and I do not lose a second in telling her that my kids are my priority whenever we are together in Panama; has this caused fights? Yes. Last time we had a huge blow out in the middle of the Albrook mall; she stormed out crying and took a bus home. She came back and we straightened everything out after I told her that no matter what she decided to do, I will love her always and continue to help her with her school payments to better her life. So I keep this relationship on the shelf of a great "other" thing in my life that I totally look forward to. She is like a totally awsome friend I fuck like crazy; I also realize, and have told her, that if anything ever comes along better for her she should take it; I will understand and still love her..........so far we are still at where we are at.

I don't know if this helps you think any better or not, but it sure does help me. Ever think about what would happen if you just said the hell with your American life and flocked to Panama to live with her? How long would it take for things to be EXACTLY the same with her as it now is with you wife?

From a purely Zen and Tantric pose, I choose to do the only thing I can do with this situation. Just be with it, and be grateful for all it brings me and all I am able to offer from it. Nothing lasts forever; things always change. Also Zen is to learn to be comfortable with the discomfort and confusion. There are no further answers. The learning for what you are going through is within the situation always.

Last time I left my novia I was in so much pain for days after I got home it was unbelievable. That that keep me from going back? Nope, I'll be there next week for 6 days fucking her brians out. Am I expecting to be in pain again after I return from this trip? Probably, but I am hoping as well it will all balance out someday, and I will learn from it...............I hope to learn how to just enjoy this whole thing and to NOT let it get me to the point of craving and addiction any more. My novia is like a drug for me, and I certainly experience withdrawal.

Many guys on this site go monger and fuck up a storm. Hell, my first few trips to Panama I did the same thing. Fucking many partners is not the cure, and we all know this. Fucking many partners is just a drug as well that keeps us from our inner pain of why we are fucking so many women in the first place. We are searching for ourselves within this process. We think we will attain something from this but it is really what lies beyond it that we are looking for, and this is the love.

My advice to you to sum up;
Tell your wife you love her. It appears you do. Then tell her you want to have sex more regularly and read those texts together.

Keep your Novia, and tell her you can't get married right now. Be as honest as you feel you can with her.

Don't let your worlds collide. It is pretty simple to do this but you must stay vigilant.

Enjoy the process until it leads you somewhere else.

From this, you may decide to leave your wife and kids. You have to decide whether you want to be separate from this family situation of yours and live a different kind of life. Many men do, and it is your choice.

Or, from this you may find the balance you need, which is my hope for you.

Thanks for this opportunity to express all this. I am going through the same play as you (maybe not the same script), and it helps me too to spell all this out.

If you'r ever in Panama at the same time I am, we should meeyou'r some of that great coffee they serve at Costa Azul.

SP

SP -

Thanks, your words of wisdom and understanding are very reassuring. You perfectly grasp my situation. Seems we both have very similar/parallel worlds. Both married with kids, love our wives and family, and love our novias in Panama. Though each individual "life-orb" or individual segments of my life is typically enriched with love and happiness, collectively a couple life-orbs would likely self destruct should they come into contact with each other. Yet, it would be a perfect dream that it all could somehow come together and be understood and accepted with no jealousy or struggle for affection.

Please write more about Tantra, I am very interested. Being a Jack of all traits, expert of none...I am aware of various philosophies and spiritual teachings, but never really studied in-depth any one in particular. Just living my life and learning from personal and shared experiences...I've developed my own philosophy...my own idea how I think I need to lead my life.

I suspect I may find certain published philosophies I've never studied mirror my own beliefs, or I may experience a philosophy that may provide me with a revelation...to help me better cope, understand and ultimately enrich my life.

The "life-orbs" I must balance in my life:

Life-Orb 1. Wife, children and immediate family and friends in the US.

Life-Orb 2. Job/career/education/advancement.

Life-Orb 3a. Primary novia and our mutual friends in Panama. (I crave to be with my novia and I hear her pleas for us to be together more often).

Life-Orb 3b. Secondary novias in Panama (2-3 women). (These are specially selected sexual "friendships" I've maintained...some for as long as 9 or 10-years...these women would like a steady relationship with me. I am fond of them, interested in knowing them, I would help them if they need my help, but I'm not in love and do not crave to be with them regularily. So, I may see each once or twice during a trip for recreational sex).

Orb 3c. Explorative mongering (Panama or elsewhere)...because my desires and needs evolve. I always wonder whether I may discover a greater love, or a new life enriching experience.

I'll also check-out the books and movie you suggested.

Thanks.

AJ

Funny that you guys bring this up. I have been spending time with a Psychologist who is helping me discover how I really am.

I am at the tail end of my second marriage. I have no kids, by choice. Primarily because I don't feel I can stay with one person for more than a few years before I can't stand them anymore.

I don't believe that I should have kids in this type of situation. So I chose to get a vascectomy.

To boot, I always get married with a prenuptual agreement, so I don't lose half my shit when I leave. Especially since I own a fairly successful business in San Francisco, I don't want to lose it.

But back to the Psychologist thing, he suggests that the way I describe my "optimal" life, he believes that I would be what they call "polyamourous".

As I have said before, I would want one main girlfriend (comfort food) but a few more girlfriends that I rotate through purely for fucking. All the women would know about each other up front, no secrets.

To be a little more spicy, my main girlfriend would be bisexual and dupla with me on occaision.

Now I obviously understand that this may be a bit of a fantasy that isn't achievable, so I may just need to basically party until I'm about 70, then just settle down with a 25 year old until the day I die.

At the height of my first marriage, when I absolutely was infatuated and in love with my first wife, I still wanted to fuck other women on the side.

My first wife can still (at 40) give many of the women on this board a run for their money.

My current wife is the exact opposite. She is pretty, but very homey looking. Meaning she dresses up for work nicely, but doesn't really try for me anymore. She isn't sexy no matter how hard she tries, because her personality isn't sexy.

Frankly, I married her because she was the girlfriend that lasted the longest after my first marriage ended. I felt a little obligated. Stupid me.

She's a great person and will be a great wife to someone. It just can't be me.

My current plan is to divorce sometime later this year. I will prepare my business for sale in the next two or so years. Then sell it and move to either Colombia or Panama.

I'm really on the fence about the location, but I will do something.

I guess I believe love is a chemical reaction and not a real emotion. Love subsides over time. Your body builds a natural defense against it the longer you are with someone.

For you guys that are still in love with your wives, more power to you. But my body reject true love much quicker than mosts.

I think sex is also something that will subside over time. I don't think I'll be nearly as sexually active at 70 as I am today.

Perhaps then my body's immunity to love will be gone, then I will settle down.

Maybe.

One more thought...sorry.

You may be feeling overwhelming love for your novia because you only talk over the phone and spend only a few weeks a year with her.

Do you think you may feel the same way if you woke up with her every day for a year?

I think that is the difference.

You loved your wives with that much passion at one point. What happened? Your body started to reject the infection and you started to just grow attached to them. Attachement is also a chemical reaction in the brain, its just not as aggressive as love and passion, therefore the body lives with it quite comfortably.

Thats fine, for many its even enough. Attachment is just as powerful but not nearly as volatile as love and passion.

I think my point is that your novia will start to become an attachment if you spent as much time with them and if they became just as integrated into your daily life as your wife is now.

God I hope I am wrong, but I don't think I am.

(Message edited by sniper on May 05, 2006)

Hey guys, hmmmmm, the same two as last time.......interesting...................

AJ,

I will do a separate posting on Tantra philosophy and sexual practices soon. Going to Panama next week, my wife Bday this weekend, sister's bday on Monday, Karate tournament for my son on Sunday, all this and work before I go and two lectures to plan for when I return are going to keep me pretty much swamped for a while..............sooooooooooooooooo, check for my Tantra insights in late May. This is good since it will give you a little time to do your own research; I am glad you will be getting those books. The Tao of Love and Sex is a classic, so start with that one.....very easy read. The movie BLISS will blow you away; watch that one with your wife. To give you a heads up, it is about a good looking young couple (woman is very hot) who get married, and after a short while the husband realizes the wife has baggage which progressively gets worse. He then discovers she is going for Psyco-Sex therapy with a therapist who is a Tantra Master; just how he discovers it is partparticularilyterical, but the long and the short of it is that he becomes the Tantra Master's student to learn how to heal his wife with Tantric techniques of sacred sex.

Yes, your dick is a magic healing wand.........you only need to know how to use it properly.......you'll also never take vitamin V again.

Anyway, get you feet wet with these things, alot of which you probably already know about, and I'll post my experiences later..........................have fun.

Sniper,

You have intimacy issues. Most likely stemming from a wounded relationship with your mother, the core of this intimacy barrier is that someplace deep inside, you feel that if you let someone too close they will hurt you. So you protect yourself from the get go and pretty much have the entire book of the relationship written before it even gets going. How can you experience anything different if you don't let go of this and just be comfortable with your vulnerability?

Pretty simple, and if your shrink has not arrived at this place yet then get him there.......or at least ask.

IMHO, both as a guy and professionally, from what I have read without meeting you personally, is that your fear of intimacy has you developing some pretty interesting metaphors anchoring love and attachment as a disease the body needs to fight off over time. Chances are, your present wife has intimacy issues as well, and it does sound like you got married for unique reasons. If you get into working on these core issues of intimacy, then your third wife (there will be one) will be the one you open up to, and she to you. This will create a bond that will help you discover what goes beyond sex on an energetic level rather than solely intellectual.

Due to Tantra, sex for me is a full body experience that I am able to breathe up through my body chakras for enhanced pleasure; and I teach the women I am with the same thing. I also control my ejaculation and blast when I want to; another Tantric skill; one which keeps your dick hard long into your 80's.

Most men experience sexual desires in the groin, and blast out their life force on a continual basis until they can't get it up naturally anymore at 45. If you really want to enjoy super sex, IMHO Tantra is the only way.

You have to have the right women for this experience as well, or if not, slowly convert them into this healing experience. Intimacy barriers keep people fucking in their groins. Haven't you ever noticed how the average Golden Time hooker in Panama is disconnected when you bang her. Its all a fucking stage act that comes totally from the head and groin; there is no heart in it at all. Why not just jerk off in the same room together? Isn't it the same thing? Fucking in this way is just using each other's bodies for mutual masturbation.

The key is to start REALLY focusing on the woman's sweet (G) spot. BE CAREFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I CAN NOT EMPHASIZE THIS ANY MORE STRONGLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STUDY FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When you are working with the G spot in women you will be opening up a pandora's box that believe me you will not be ready for unless you prepare yourself. Sure, they've had vaginal orgasisms with you, but just wait until you learn how to open up this area fully with Tantra.............like kindergarten and medical school. These techniques have brought me very close with many many women, including my wife (so many more than she knows about as well). After the G spot has fully opened up, and released its pain, the sexual pleasure for both partners is beyond anything you have ever experienced with conventional sexual pleasures.

Oh well, seems like my inability to shut up is getting the best of me again and I hear my daughter upstairs asking for a glass of water.............

Ciao,
SP

SP and Sniper -

Both you guys make a very interesting discussion.

I agree about the chemical thing in the brain (the love drug). And you are absolutely right about why I am so strongly attracted to my novia right now...I talk to her everyday, but very infrequently get to be with her.

I recall watching the "Science of Sex" documentary series on TLC or perhaps a medical channel or sorts a few times over the past 5-years or so. Incredibly interesting program and I experienced a revelation that finally helped to better understand what truly drives men and women sexually.

According to the program, the human species is sexually evolving whereas men and women do not need long-term or life-long commitment as perhaps our ancestors did only a few hundred or thousand years ago. As our lives are catered to more and more with technical conveniences and security reassurances, there is less of a need for a male/female partnership (hunter-defender/gatherer).

In essence, the "love" drug or chemical in our brains cause men and women to become "overly" in love, or "overly" attracted towards one another for purposes of enticing the couple to live together. This ensures regular sex, therefore, increasing the probability of a pregnancy. This love-drug in the brain does not begin to wear-off until after a couple of years, and then when it does start to wear-off, it wears-off only gradually.

This ensures that the man will stay with the women through the pregnancy and the early infancy years when the woman's two arms are encumbered with the baby. However, when the baby begins to stand and walk, freeing the mother's arms...that is supposedly the point when the "love-drug" begins to wear-off. At approximately the 7-year point, when the child is mobile and able to obey the mother's verbal instructions...that is when men typically experience the 7-year-itch.

The 7-year-itch is basically the point when a man may experience a strong primal carnal urge to seek another mate, or a mate in addition to his current mate. According to the program "The Science of Sex," the driving force behind the man's actions are to increase the chances that his genes will continue indefinitely after he is gone.

In addition, most men are opportunistic breeders. While they have their primary partner with child, and even a secondary, or new partner with child...they'll basically breed with a third, fourth, or fifth women should the opportunity present itself (sowing one's wild oats).

Women have many similarities and differences. Women must be more selective of their breeding partners to ensure her baby receives superior genes. The father's good looks and physical characteristics are important to a woman because she wants her baby to be attractive when it grows-up assuring better opportunities for them to breed and pass-on the all important gene.

In addition to good looks and physical characteristics, the mother seeks a partner who will be a good provider. I'm sure hundreds or thousands of years ago, a strong man who was a successful hunter and warrior (family defense) was likely appealing to most women. Today, though women are still attracted to these similar traits, they also seek men with money...good jobs/careers...financially stable.

But, it is very common for women to select a partner because he is a good provider (money), but she sneaks around collecting the seed of other men with attractive physical characteristics. When she becomes pregnant from her boy-toy, she simply tells her husband (the good provider) that the child is his. This way, the child has the superior genes the mother desires in her child, and also the child has a father that is a good provider...better assuring the child's survivability. (Hense the reason for chastity belts only a few hundred years ago). It is estimated that for every 100 people walking around today, 10 are illegitimate.

I have two daughters, but I would like to have a son. Though I would like to live forever, I realize my own mortality. Therefore, I desire to father children because this is the next best thing if I cannot live forever...my genes can continue on.

Therefore Sniper, I have difficulty understanding why any man would sterilize himself before having a child, assuring his mortality is final? Unless you have a genetic abnormality whereas you choose to stop the abnormality, why would you eliminate yourself from the gene pool? The purpose of life is to create life. Working, earning money, growing & gathering food, building shelter, making clothing, etc., all serves the primary objective to enable everyone to breed.

One final note about "The Science of Sex". An old woman was interviewed. She had been married several times. The lady interviewing her asked why did her previous marriages fail? The ladie's response, "Fail? None of my marriages failed. They all served their purpose. My first marriage I was 18-year-old and I married a great looking man only a few years older. We successfully created three absolutely beautiful children togther. As the children started to grow-up and I reached my late 20s, I realized that this good looking man had nothing more to offer me. So, I got rid of him, eventually marrying a man who was a good provider for my children. But, after the children moved out I realized that this man and I didn't have the same interests. So, I got rid of him and later found a wonderful man, intellectually stimulating and a great long-term companion. I had hoped to grow old with him, unfortunately he died in his 50s. I eventually married another man when I was in my late 60s. He was a widower and all alone, and so was I. We became friends and eventually decided to get married, to be companions, so that we would not be alone. So far, it has been great, but there may come a point when I again may need to get rid of him and seek someone new. Therefore, young lady, none of my marriages failed, they all served their purposes."

I found this very interesting, and the scientists & doctors interviewed throughout "The Science of Sex" concluded that we humans as a species have evolved to the point that through life's phases we are meant to have numerous partners. Though some may stubbornly resist by staying with only one partner, there certainly is sufficient evidence to indicate the contrary.

Again, grab the brightest buring star...as it fades...grab another star or two or more.

AJ

AJ and Snipes,

All these perspectives have merit within an eclectic comprehension of everything we resonate with, we find balance. Everyone needs to come to their own conclusions, be comfortable with them, and try to live as happy a life as they can........"life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness"..................a concept long forgotten in our supposed "free" country.

I have a son and a daughter AJ, and they are 7 years apart. We decided to do this so we can spend the formative years with each child treating them like an only child for as long as possible. I know what you mean about wanting a son. Having a daughter is absolutely fabulous; and it is very very very different from having a son. Having a daughter is like having a little "girlfriend" in many ways. They are very sensitive as you well realize, and after some time you discover that you speak with them very similiar to the they way you speak to your wife. My conversations with my daughter are totally different from the ones I had with my son in early childhood. My daughter gets into things from a more connected, heart felt way, and loves to spend time talking and doing art projects, as well as ballet. With boys though, it is all rough and tumble; like having another guy friend. In many ways having a son brought me back to my own childhood to actually re-live, and according to my wife I have never left that stage. The balance of having both types of kids has been one of the most enriching experiences of my life, and frankly, is the sole reason I have stayed with my wife. Children make you work harder at staying together; you just find new ways to connect even when you are sick of each other. Again, for me anyway, this expands my experience of love. Running off and banging the next chick is all too easy; staying together and working things out is quite a challenge, and as well, I would not be able to do this without seeing my novia now and then (as well as some other more local connections, if you catch my drift).

There is a woman who wrote a recent best-selling book about how she "cheats" on her husband to save her marriage and family. I forget the title, but it has a red cover and is called something like Women Getting the Sex they want, or something like that. She talks about how having affairs and taking care of herself sexually has not only saved her, but her family. Fancy that from a woman! Needless to say it is a best seller.

Anyway, I have contemplated the implications of giving my novia a son as well. For me however, the knowledge of having a son out there without a father is way too painful for me to bear; so I shoot my load on her back and belly most of the times. She says she gets the "shot," but I never know whether or not that is really true. She also prevents me from pulling out at times of passion and I see that as curiously interesting.

Ever thought about having a child with your novia if your wife is finished? If you want a son, visualize how that can happen and it will, somehow. Complicated as this may make your life, IMHO there is nothing better than having a son.

Also, I think Snip-er made a wise decision in having a "snip" (sorry sniper, just some fun). It was not until I had children that I finally realized why people would NOT want to have them. The decision to know this early is a wise and responsible one. Better to not have kids if you absolutely know you are not cut out for it. Those of us with kids realize how your life is totally changed as a result and how much freedom you lose. In my life I have discovered it is all worth it, and I would do it the same all over again if given the chance. But many people can't handle the concept of caring for a child and to realize this early, and take action on it is a very good thing.

One thing to remember......................

Evolution moves on despite us.......................

Gene Roddenbury's vision of a more together future for our planet will hopefully be reality some day before we totally inhililate our species, or the Earth throws us off like a bad case of fleas.

The studies and science you site AJ is great from a certain animal perspective. But we are evolving past that, if we can only catch it. As Human Beings, we have a moment by moment choice; act like a horney and territorihornyilla, or strive to move past this genetic programming to something more functional; something more collective and loving. Other animals do not have this choice due to their present state of evolution ( other than whales and dolphins anyway), but we do. Can we as men move past our programming, and strive to be something more? That is the big question.

I had another thought on your "Life-Orbs" AJ. Combine them into one life for yourself somehow. All the players will fit but they will certainly have to be rearranged.

Heard of the movie, "What The Bleep Do We Know?" Also a must rental! Covers all of the things we have been talking about here, and has a great section (hilarious actually) on the biochemisrty of sexual attraction and addiction. A must see. I think it is a pretty recent movie so it should be available at blockbuster.

Ciao,
SP

SP -

I feel I should write you a check. Great insight.

Yes, perhaps Sniper made a wise choice given his situation. But given how each of us slowly evolves overtime, is the crystal ball really that clear? When do we ever not change our minds?

Yet, micro-surgery is proven effective to re-connect or un-do Sniper's vasectomy if he one day chooses. For myself, I would have considered routine birth control rather than permanent or possible permanent (risk that micro-surgery to reconnect could fail) assuming circumstances could one day change where he might want to have a child.

Given my wife's age (approaching 42) and the risk of child birth beyond 35. Given I realize that I am unsure how stable my marriage will remain long-term...for instance, when the kids move out it may be over, or at that time I may offer her options to remain married for our mutual financial well being with both of us agreeing to retain an open marriage, or if she chooses, to end the marriage to allow her to seek a monagamous relationship with another man. Or, I may simply get caught by her tomorrow and she will immediately file for divorce. Many future possibilities exist.

As I've said before, my novia indicates she cannot become pregnant. Although she and I have discussed her plight, she is not entirely sure if she understands her doctor's diagnosis other than she cannot conceive. However, she recalled her doctor telling her something about her ovaries not fully developing, or under-developed requiring more time...which to me smacks of untreatable infertility. I won't fully know until I can get her into a fertility specialist. She has agreed to begin the process by re-engaging her family doctor in the next couple of weeks for a referral to a specialist. I told her I would be glad to pay any consultation fees.

For sometime I've been balancing my so called "life-orbs". I contribute best I can to each to maintain them, but the risk is true destruction if certain orbs come into contact with each other. All it takes is a laps of focus on my part and I could make a fatal mistake...simple mistakes can happen...leaving the computer on and forgetting to properly log-out from my e-mail or even this forum. Or, printing something and forgetting to take it off the printer. Or, assuming the wife left the house, then making that cell call to my novia only to turn around and see my wife standing behind me listening. My life is complex filled with risk. It's the risk that stresses me.

Anyway, thanks for the reference materials. I'll take a gander to see what I can learn.

Sniper - You are a good guy too. I sure appreciate your your advice and opinions on these matters to help me find my way. I too hope whatever decision you make regarding Colombia or Panama works out the best for you.

Ciao,

AJ

I just browsed through this quickly, I'll read it in more detail when I have time. But I think you may be off.

I actually had a great relationship with both of my parents. No wounds. They were married for 36 years before they passed.

I'm not sure why I feel this way, but I think most do and are afraid to admit it.

Think about it, there are hundreds of guys on this board that are cheating on their wives and girlfriends because they have an ideal on what they want that is just not acheivable in the long run.

There is a 70% divorce rate in California, highest in a nation where it is the highest in the world. This is because we idealize love into something that just isn't sustainable.

In other countries, they just cheat or just accept their fate.

When I have more time, I'll respond with something more detailed. But as far as a wounded relationship with my mother, not an issue. Not at all.

Sniper,

I apologize. No harm intended. Just the physician in me barfing where I shouldn't. Of course, not all fit into these standardized modes.

I'll try to shut up more from here on in..................

SP

Sniper -

I suspect you may be correct, but the optimist in me hopes I can achieve where others fail...

"Think about it, there are hundreds of guys on this board that are cheating on their wives and girlfriends because they have an ideal on what they want that is just not acheivable in the long run."

Coincidentally I just watched the movie "About Schmidt" starring Jack Nicholson. An odd movie about an aging man who retires from the insurance business and soon believes his life was all for nothing. As he tried to adjust to retirement life, he began searching for a sign that somehow he had made a meaningful difference to somebody during his life. On a late night whim he sponsored a child in Tanzania through an outreach TV program. He began sending a penchant of money every month and a letter where he openly shared his thoughts about his mediocre failed life. Early in the movie Schmidt seemed unhappy with his wife...internally blaming her for holding him back in his youth...then when she suddenly died he soon realized that he had taken her for granted...throughout the rest of the movie he truly missed her while he quietly mourned. As a former insurance expert, he knew the statistics...with his wife gone, relatively soon he too would die. On top of it, his only daughter was planning to marry a guy who probably wouldn't amount to much. When Schmidt tried to talk sense to her, explaining that she could do better, his wisdom was ignored and she got married anyway. Schmidt was depressed that his youthful dreams just did not turn-out as he had planned...his fatherly influence had amounted to nothing...he was widowed and alone in his aging mediocre life. He knew that nobody would remember him after he died. Though he searched in vain for a sign that his life mattered and that somewhere he had made a difference, he found nothing. At the end of the movie Schmidt was in despair when he noticed an envelope in his unopened stack of mail. The child he had been sponsoring and sharing his life story with finally responded by sending him a drawing of the two of them holding hands and smiling. Though a bit quirky, this was the sign Schmidt was searching for...that he had made a small difference to someone.

I can relate to Schmidt and sympathize for him. All during the movie I kept telling myself I don't want to end-up like this guy regretting my life. Several times during this movie I caught myself openly suggesting he take a mongering vacation to find a young honey to re-energize his batteries.

Though I am married, my love for my wife has changed. She is my companion, and the mother to my children. We are kind to each other, and I think we make a good life partnership. Yet, the passion we once had has become redirected into other channels that support the family. As my wife ages, I will find her less and less physically stimulating. Yet, I don't want to throw her to the curb...for the sake of the family.

Mongering is a way for me to restimulate and regenerate that which keeps, or at least, makes me feel young. Unfortunately, physical contact with younger women also re-loads my empty coffers with passion...the love drug. Hence, my strong feelings for my novia. This new passion fills the void...it makes me feel young and complete again. Yet, overtime, the passion between me and my novia may fade just as it has between my wife and myself. At another future point, I may need to find another woman who stimulates my passion once again. And the cycle may continue, or as I age I may evolve whereas I may lose my need for passion and sex. I guess time will tell.

Most men either ditch the wife and upgrade to something younger, or they deny their feelings and live in misery until they die...likely regretting this choice in the end. Or in the interest of keeping the family together for the sake of the children, they turn to mongering as an outlet.

I on the other hand am even more complex in that I would like to keep the family together, but also father a son with my novia (if possible)before I get too old. Then throw in other complexities that make all of this a long-shot...but I'm in a position in my life where I think it is possible to make it happen. So I'm giving it a try.

But I suspect in-time my novia will tire of my non-committal ways and find another man who will marry her. Additionally, I suspect her claimed infertility is irreversible or untreatable.

Yet if I can financially retire in a few years. If I get a few good turns in my current investments. If I can find a good business idea to start in Panama that turns a sustainable profit. Then, I can turn the odds around to make them more in my favor.

AJ

No apology needed, I was just in a hurry to write and it may have come out a bit short.

Funny about the movie, I am also in the Insurance business. Before that, I was an executive in the Software business. I've been very successful financially in both fields.

I can classify myself as a "Type A" personality. Some might say I'm an A++ personality. A bit overbearing and full of myself. Very self centered. My problem is that eventhough I am all of these things, I have trouble hurting someone emotionally.

When I got married for the second time, I was looking for someone that was an exact opposite of my first wife. The first wife being this swimsuit model, blonde haired, blue eyed bombshell that loved to fuck a lot. She was also a dumbshit.

I traded her in for a slightly younger but far more conservative model. This was just me being very dumb. In retrospect, I should have let the first marriage go for a few years longer and tried to work it out.

But to be honest, commitment to anything long term is a problem with me. I've been fortunate to be upwardly mobile in my career because if I wasn't, I would probably change jobs every 2 years or so.

I guess my point is that I really don't like to commit to anything long term. Not only women, just about everything.

That being said, I don't feel staying with one person is the answer for me. At least not in my life right now.

I should also say that I have a cousin that is about 60 and has been like me his entire life and he is happy as can be. He currently lives in Hawaii right on the beach. He spends his retirement scoping out the girls from his terrace and then going down and picking the girls up.

Now he drives a brand new Ferrari and has a big condo on the beach, so he has the wealth to do very well with younger girls. He has never been married and has always (until the last 10 years or so) lived in 3rd world countries selling Real Estate and part time mongering.

I am only 40 and my business does well by me but not nearly as well as he has done. I need to either expand my business to bring me millions of dollars or take the plunge into 3rd world living while living on my investments. I chose to live now!

I've done the math and I can retire with about $50K in income from my investments fairly easily. If I wait to sell my business in 2 years at the current growth rate, I'll have double that income.

Now back to the intimacy issue thing. I have spoken with my cousin about what I have been discovering about myself. I see us as very similar.

My question to him was about sacrifice. Did he feel he sacrificed something in his life to live like he does?

He asked me a very good question. Do I have friends that feel the same way I do? My answer was yes, dozens.

He said then to make sure you surround yourself with them. What is important in life is friends and family. But friends are most important, because they are chosen and they are probably the ones you won't become bored with.

I thought about that. Very interesting, thought because the one constant in my life has been my friends. A matter of fact, 90% of my friends have been with me since elementary school. I'm not sick of them yet.

The other thing he asked me was about children. Do I want them. Hmm, another interesting question. I really don't like kids. I believe they are dream killers and money siphons. I realize that some people feel the need to procreate, that is fine, more power to them. But I really don't want this for me.

I have a niece that I have put away for her education because my worthless sister and her ex-husband can't or won't do it. I get along with my niece, even have feelings for her, but to be honest I would rather use the money I have put away for my enjoyment. I just feel obligated since it is something that my parents would have wanted me to do.

He asked me if it was ever going to be possible that I would like to have sex with someone my own age when I am in my 70's. No way. I don't care how much I love someone, I don't think I will be able to get it up for someone that old.

The conclusion for his life, and it appears the same for me is that he surrounds himself with good friends that understand his lifestyle; keeps in touch with his extended family through phone calls, email, and visits; and picks up women when he feels he needs it; and lastly he works a little to keep himself from being bored with life.

To me, this is sage advice. He feels fulfilled in all aspects of his life. He is the fun cousin that visits with us a few times a year, we all love to talk with him, he has tons of friends around all of the time, he has plenty of money for his lifestyle, and he looks very young and vibrant for being in his 60's.

Funny thing is all the house fraus in my family pity him (poor Ronnie, he never has married, no kids, he's all alone in life). I don't pity him, hell I envy him. All the guys in my family envy him. The guy gets more pussy in one week then they have seen their entire lives (of course I don't have that problem given my hobby).

If you guys have kids, I can understand that you love them (in a non-chemical way!) and want to see the best for them. But I don't have that in my life.

My immediate family is dead (literally). Both my father and mother have passed. My sister and I barely speak but when we do its by phone. My niece and I speak but again, only by phone and maybe twice a year I visit her in LA while hanging out with my childhood friends.

Me? I make friends very easily and I keep them for a long time. I am a very good judge of character and can usually ferret out those wanting to take advantage of me. I seldom get taken financially, almost never, and never anything substantial. I love variety and love to fuck (a lot). I look 5-10 years younger than I am, I am in really good shape for my age, and I have a lot of game in me with women (even here in the US if I wanted it). I have about $750K in wealth convertable to cash within 90 days and have a lot of investment saavy learned by a great MBA education in finance from a top 10 school. At least at this juncture of my life, I get bored with the same old woman every day and I'm not in a situation where I can be open about fucking other women. I no longer want to keep girlfriends in the dark about my extracurricluar activities, I don't like deceit but I live in a society where I have to be deceitful in order to live the way I want to.

In short, I am what I am. No intimacy issues (hence the existance of many long term very close friends who know my secrets and accept me anyway), just a guy who knows exactly what he wants in life and fortunately because of Club Hombre, how to get it.

THE NEW AMERICAN DREAM!

One more thing I should note. I get a lot of flak about not wanting kids. A lot. Most women and many men don't understand why I would never want to have them.

But this is the way I look at it. Do I want to raise a son that looks at me cheating on his mother all of the time (or even not behind her back)? Do I want my lesson to him to be that we should treat women as something that is disposible? Do I want him to see that part of him (his mother) is only a pair of tits to me? How will this make him feel about himself?

Now think if I had a daughter. How would that make her feel? She is disposible? Ouch.

I think I am being very responsible about my decision. If I ultimately decide that my life was wasted on living my lifestyle, I've only really ruined one life, mine.

But if I have children, I feel it is my obligation to make sure that they have fulfilled lives. I just can't have that obligation given my choices.

I pose a question to the both of you. What if your children found out what you were doing? How would you explain it to them?

If you reach down into your soul and answer that question, I think it would freak you out a little.

Too much for me. I'm going to nip it in the bud now!

I don't want this message to be taken as criticism. I fully understand why you guys are going to Panama. I fully endorse you doing what make you feel good.

I just think having a child for me is too overwhelming for me to comprehend and handle. If I had a kid, I feel my life would be over.

I was with this woman right after my first marriage who thought she was pregnant. This is before I discovered what I really wanted.

I knew even then that I didn't want kids. I told her that if she had it, it was her choice. But I would basically want nothing to do with her or the kid other than what I was legally obligated to do. Now I know that sounds horrible, but even then I felt kids were not for me.

Fortunately she was not pregnant! We broke up anyway (I think she saw the writing was on the wall). Two months later, I got a vascectomy. I wasn't going to have this happen to me again.

Funny thing happened. I was with another woman a few years later. She said she was definately pregnant. She tried to get me to pay for it. I waited until she gave birth to tell her and her attorney that I had a vascectomy.

You should have seen their faces. Very funny!

I now use condoms 100% of the time. More worried about disease than pregnancy.

Sniper,

Notice that in my previous posting I totally commend and support you for making a wise and responsible decision to not have children. Didn't know if you saw that or not.

Anyway, my children are really my life. One BIG lesson for me has been that I need to take care of myself as well............I was not doing that for a long time and just focusing on taking care of everyone else. Since I have shifted that to also take care of me, I am a ton happier in my life.

You pose an interesting querry that I have contemplated on many plane rides to Panama. Frankly, if anyone in my family found out I have a hot, steamy sexual relationship on the side, it would certainly stir things up. I am certain however that everyone would keep it from the children and we would keep it an adult matter. Everyone would understand this would be to protect them.

As for the kids, if my son ever found out he would certainly be pissed, but in the long run when he becomes a man he would totally understand. My daughter would probably hate me for life, but I do not think anyone would tell her anyway.

I am a great father and keep my priorities very clear about what is primary in my life. If I had to stop my mongering ways, for whatever reason, I would do it for them. I just do not believe, right now anyway, that it has to come to that.

One thing you may not understand is the dynamic of family life. It is like a corporation, and everyone has their place and a distinct set of expectations, obligations and certain liberties. The parents being the CEO's primary job is to see that the children grow up as functionally as possible. Since this is a partnership designed for this purpose, you work at it as best you can, make sacrifices, ammends, etc. It has it's extreme joys within the process of work as well, and to me this makes it all worth it. Children probably keep MOST of the marriages I have known together, whereas there would be no reason to stay together otherwise.

So you need to be extremely careful as to not rock this delicate boat. Many men just forget about sex after kids. They get fat, old, depressed, but they still remain to be good fathers and providers. Personally, loosing myself is too much a price to pay to have a family. I tried, but I just can't do it, and this is the lesson for me.

Thusly, if they found out after all my "protections, " I would have to just know that I did my best. In this world, being a family man with women on the side, you have to protect them from the truth with care. There are many ways to do this, and many many many many men who have families do this and never say a word to anyone about what they do. The subject is more or less taboo amoungst married men at the social club, although every now and then I get a glimpse that another man really wants to talk about it and share a secret, it is rare that it will happen. It stays vaulted to keep everything going.

To answer your question fully, if push came to shove and my wife, kids and other family members decided to dis-own me, I would be crushed. I have weighed this out with the other possibility of just being like all those other men who deny themselves these pleasures and liberities, and have decided that I just cannot be them. So I would probably give up everything and just go to Panama and live with my Novia or whoever. My life would start again from some standpoint. I also know my wife and kids are very financially connected to me, so something tells me no speaking to me would not last for too long. I do not want to have to tell anyone what I tell you guys here. But if I have to tell them one day, I will.

My vision is that I can just move along this way in my life as my own PRIVATE life, like millions of other men have done throughout history, keep my wife and family and all my private friends on the side as well. Right now, this is the balance that works for me.

Ciao,
SP

No judgement intended. I fully appreciate your situation. And your acknowledgement and praise about mine. If I was in your situation, I know it would be hard and I probably would break down and follow the same path you did.

But one question, pretend you don't know what you do about having kids.

If you were to start all over again, would you?

That's where I am now.

By the way, I've looked at your posts on AIDS as well, good stuff. I have questions, maybe if we bump into each other in Panama one day we can go over everything.

I also noticed that you and I live in the same area, we may have already bumped into each other.

Sniper,

Yes, the Bay area is a smaller town than people realize. I actually live in Marin County.

I am in Panama this Thursday for a week. Send a note to my Inbox if you're going to be there at some time. Be happy to chew the fat with you.

By the way, if I had to do it all over again, the only thing I would have done different was get involved with my first wife's lesbian encounters; as it went in the 80's when I was first married, she was a pure 21 year old beauty when I married her, and I was a jealous fool. We split up becasue I just could not get over that she liked to be with women as well........can you believe it! I totally could have enjoyed that ride for quite a while before we would eventually split up anyway......she was quite the kinkster (used to love to fuck in public places; movie theatres, play houses, resturants, parks) and give me head under the table in public as well. Other than this great sex, we were doomed however. I can honestly say after 13 years that my present wife and I are soul mates.

Other than that, I would change nothing.

Ciao,
SP

Whoaa! You guys are going so fast I can hardly keep up.

Sniper -

You wrote: Funny thing happened. I was with another woman a few years later. She said she was definately pregnant. She tried to get me to pay for it. I waited until she gave birth to tell her and her attorney that I had a vasectomy.

You should have seen their faces. Very funny!"

Sniper: You got a great chuckle from me. As Mr. Burns would say, "Exxx-cell-llent!". I wish I could have been there in person to see their faces. Absolutely priceless.

SP - What you've been saying...I couldn't say it any better...exactly what I feel and am trying to say...but you are doing a better job articulating.

Sniper - I fully understand and respect your reasons for not having kids. I wondered why. Your reason seems very lucid and well thought out. Good for you. Now I understand and I won't dog you any more.

I also thought about what you said, "How would I explain my actions to my kids if they ever found out?" My response: "How would I explain my actions to my wife, let alone my kids?" Pretty tough thing for me to get three women to climb inside my head to see it the way I do as a man. Definitely would be much easier to explain to my son (if I ever have one) once he is a man and has experienced a man's sexual drive.

SP - You mentioned that you were put off by a bi-sexual girlfriend back when you were young and dumb. I agree, a missed opportunity, perhaps.

Yet, I suspect that my wife right now has a girlfriend....I suppose she could have a boy-toy, but I don't think so. I am very tolerant with my wife allowing her to go out with her girlfriends and female co-workers on the weekends (I stay home with the kids, most of the year I'm a home-body) and even sometimes on certain weeknights. Also, the entire group of ladies often come to our house for social events...I know them all. Last trip to Panama my wife didn't seem overly concerned over the length of my trip...this time 3-weeks. The first weekend after I returned, my wife had a get together at a female co-workers house. At about 2am she called...I could hear all the ladies talking and carrying on in the background. They had been drinking. My wife told me she had a little too much to drink. She didn't want to risk driving home, so she would stay there and return in the AM. Though there could have been men there too (I could not tell), my wife is always very interested in Ms. USA and Ms. World (beauty) competitions on TV...almost an obsession. Or, I could be flipping through a magazine, newspaper, or through TV channels and see a woman...then make a comment to my wife such as, "Wow, she's big chested, or look she is hardly wearing anything." My wife will stop, no matter what she is doing, to come over for a look. Then I've got some vintage porno I periodically pull-out...my wife has no problems that I have it or sometimes watch it. I noticed she seems very amused during the girl on girl scenes. Yet, when I hint to her that she is attracted to women, she denies it.

Given a choice between her having an affair with a man or a woman...I'd choose a woman in a heart beat. I don't feel "as" threatened by another woman. I guess, again, for me it comes to the genetic thing. For instance, another woman is not going to knock-up my wife. Nor, can I imagine getting stuck supporting some other guy's kid.

Problem is, I don't think I would want to get in on the action. My wife's friends are all her age and half are American. A few of her Filipina friends are kind of okay looking for being in their 40s. But you couldn't pay me to touch any of her American friends. Additionally, due to my mongering experiences, I've been spoiled...early 30s and under are the rule...and all real hot...no exceptions...no fat chicks.

But, that would be a great twist of fate for me if my wife has a thing for the ladies...then I could easily negotiate a more workable win-win solution...retain the family, avoid divorce and splitting our assets, maintaining the synergistic effect of our dual incomes, keep the kids happy, etc.

AJ

AJ,

Actually, that best selling book I mentioned before (still can't remember the name but it is everywhere) written by a wife who screws around a lot mentions these negotiations between husband and wife. I have only seen one "open" marriage work in my lifetime however; it tends to get dysfunctional. But this couple I know that it has worked now are in their late 60's, have stayed married for over 30 years, and now have each other to just hang with in their retirement. They bought a farm in Vermont and love it. From what I understand from my parents, who are are their age, they allowed each other to fool around when they wanted. The wife even went after my Dad years ago but he wasn't into it (or so the stroy goes!).

My wife has always been particularly fond of muscular black men, and she doesn't mind the huge dick thing. I am average sized, and frankly was a bit overwhelmed with whether or not I could please her when she was my girlfriend, since she was exclusively dating black guys with big dicks in those days. My wife is very, very white by the way. Hot body and very pretty after 2 kids. Men constantly approach her. Does she have something on the side as well? I have contemplated this quite a bit as I bang my Novia senselessly from behind, her sweating and screaming for more over the balcony of the hotel in Via Espania.

Well, she may have. But I tend to doubt it, since she hardly has enough energy for me, which is why I monger in the first place. She is ultra involved with the kids, has a practice herself (Psychologist), spends time with patients on the phone each night and is generally asleep by 10 or 11. In the morning she bounces out of bed to play with the kids; she used to grab my cock and play with that insesently, but those days are gone. Once the kids get older they may come back, but..........

It has never ceased to amaze me how society, women in general, just expect you to wait around on a leash until they say sex is now okay. How long could that take in this circumstance? 8 to 12 years? Fuck that.......................

Anyway, we have sex once or twice a month, and it is good. I don't think she has the energy or drive to look elsewhere however, and for me this is a relief.

AJ - I'll bet you could have a threesome with your wife and another hottie somewhere; you may want to approach the idea when she is a bit tipsy and bring over an escort to complete the sandwich. Possibility? But this may create more problems in the long run than it is worth.

Gotta go!

SP