Sojourner,

I don't think we have a difference of thoughts I work in the industry...in fact directly in the research area of HIV/Infectious Disease. I may be splitting hairs, but I wanted to reply to some of your points.

Many (those on the discovery side) now feel that there is no true incubation period with regards to HIV. The incubation period that many refer to is the period of time that it takes the body to produce antibodies to the virus (the antibody/antigen testing is the assay that many are trying to move away from). The thought is that the virus goes in and in the lymphocytes and begins it's business of replication. The body takes a little time to adjust and begin the process of trying to fight the foreign virus. However, during this time the virus is not incubating...it is working and replicating. That is why some are asking for the move to HIV RNA testing that can detect the HIV virus itself (much quicker) and not the antibodies produced by the body (which the body may take from 2 weeks to 6 months to produce).

And yes, you may test positive to the antibody/antigen test if your immune system is completely compromised... these persons are a few ticks away from death as any simple virus will come in and ravish the body. These persons will in no way, shape or form will test negative to a HIV RNA test. Their the viral load will be through the roof. The HIV levels will be so high and the CD4 count will be soooooo low that they are on deaths doorstep. Those persons taking HAARTs or ART may be negative with the antibody/antigen test and undetectable with the HIV RNA testing as well, but they would have had to have had been diagnosed as HIV+ previously to be on those drugs. Also, those who are HIV+ and undetectable are not in full blown AIDS. Full blown AIDS is when almost(if not all)Antiretroviral Therapies (ARTs) have been exhausted and the patient's virus has become resistant to therapy or the patient just decides to rebel and stop taking their medications.

Hep B and C are real concerns and I also would suggest that if possible the hobbyist here get vaccinated against it. With Hep B there are some effective meds and treatments (many are the same as HIV). Hep C currently has no real treatments and there is no vaccine.

I stated above and agree that we should all use protection for the full service and not take any unnecessary risk of acquiring a virus...any virus from sexual intercourse.

I meant to say above that you can test negative to the antibody or antigen test if your immune system is completely compromised.

Help was damn good on friday night...not too crowded and talent level was a definite improvement over the winter months...

exchange rate was 2.30 at the door???

2.30? Man that rate sucks.

I have to say Help is loaded with talent...you have to interview carefully tho as the sharks are also coming out of the woodwork. I was asked to buy a fridge for one who seemed like she was going to be a keeper...I politely gave her kenmore´s number!

ouch!!!!

I too was in help on Friday and Saturday night and agree it was loaded with top talent.

Seemed as though one could have a top girl for around $BR200

After time was up, I had a girl ask me to buy her mother a present. I told her I do not even buy my own mother presents. Her look afterwards was priceless.

Went there tonight. Ratio was not great in my opinion at best 2 to 1.. lots of dudes there. The girl i took home for a quickie was cute but a def dwngrade in the looks factor from barbarella's adriana. Maybe i am getting too picky w/out my favorita in town. It was a sunday but didnt see a lot of fresh faces.

Lucky; How much did you pay her for short time, and what time did the two of you leave Help?

RG.

i pulled her out at 1:30 and was $R 250. RG were u there last night? I did not feel as if the talent was incredible.

I am usually in Rio in September or March, this is the first time for me in Rio during "high season". I was at Help too yesterday, and I was disappointed, both with he ratio and the talent. Doesn't mean that I will not try again, soon.......

It's been a while since I have been in Rio, I just want to try to figure out how many banks I will have to rob before my next trip down this summer.

RG.

Update on Help: While Sunday sucked, Monday was great. It is amazing how uneven it is. On Monday, when one looked across the disco (not the dance floor) the ratio seemed to be 5 to 1, incredible! Quite a few new faces, many of them cute and pretty!!
Lesson learned: Don't let one experience form your entire opinion about a place.

(Message edited by Skisandy on January 17, 2006)

Wow Skisandy!! I noticed when you stated that you go to Brazil in March and/or September. I normally go to Rio the same months as well. I love how it is there at Help in March/April. Last March, I was with so many nice ladies I couldn't believe it. I'll be there April 2nd after a short stay in Sao Paulo. Maybe I'll see you there.

I was at Help just for an hour or so to check out the talent (Centaurus wore me out). For those trying to reach me i am sorry my internet at my hotel was down. THe talent level was much better than on Sunday but I still didnt see too many knockouts. That being said, tHere are two really hot blondes that are there (i am not a loira fan) that fit the bill of smoking. (one was fake blonde but had a european gaucha look to her). They also seem sweet when talking to them unlike some of the skanks that frequent the joint. Happy hunting.. Best - LB

I relaxed at the Terrace for 2 hours w/ a few CH members. I am not telling anyone anything new but i was surprised by how many good looking women were hanging around the whole time.. A Major plus is you get good lighting as well. I have always arrived at Help and gone straight in. I guess an old dog can learn new tricks. Bottom line. i felt the talent was better outside of Help than in.. That might have to do with seeing the full lineup instead of the few that actually make it inside.. - LB

I am here as well and there seems to be better talent than last time I was here in October. Prices continue to be the same (200-400R/ all nighter). There is a lot of new talent from other parts of the country, which is typical for this time of year.

I do not know what I have done in this life time to deserve the luck I had last night at Help.

First, I was not even going to go to Help. I was at the Princess flipping thru the TV channels and decided just to go and check out the scene at Help. I did not even think about hooking up with someone. Just something to do as I was bit bored and on the tired side from two other sessions earlier in the day.

I arrive and the place is packed. More men then women it seemed. There was this flat out amazing chick dancing with a group of those euro guys. You know, the ones who look like they spend more time getting ready to go out than any girl you have known. (No offense meant, I am just jealous) I actually thought she must be someone’s girlfriend, no way in hell she was a program girl. She was there just to dance and have fun.

About an hour later I was ready to call it a night. I was going towards the door; she walks by making eye contact with me. I turned around only to catch her looking my way. OK, good start. Fuck it, I walk over and say hello. Well, guess what? She speaks English very well, as she lived in the States for a few years. (Not a good sign) Come to find out she had worked at Café Photo about three years ago. (another bad sign) She met a gringo from the States and off she went. According to her this guy would not let her forget she was a “whore” and how he “rescued her”. She could not take the emotional and physical abuse anymore and left him.

Well after my attempt to be concerned about the problems she had, I asked her what brought her to Help? She said “work of course”. OK well I decide to play hard to get, thinking that she was going to ask for 1000R and then I would be pissed. I told her I was a bit tired but perhaps I will call her this week. We say good bye, she was a class act the whole time.

About 30 minutes later, again I spot her dancing in the middle of about 5 guys. She catches me staring at her, smiles and walks right to me, blowing off her fans….
She then says “I want to be with you tonight”. Well I suggested we go upstairs, and she happily agreed. She then asked “Baby, can I buy you a drink?” I told her no, but I would buy her one. Her response “Nope, I will not have a drink unless I am buying yours”. Ok, I did not want to argue with her. Upon arriving upstairs she gives me an amazing kiss with, “You are my type”. She is saying and doing all the right things. Well it was working. I am thinking, “This woman is good”.

I knew I needed to start the interview process. This woman was so classy, I could not bring myself to ask her if I can cum in her mouth, fuck her in the ass or any other question. I just asked what did she want as far as monetary compensation to spend a few hours with me. Now to this point she told me she had modeled when she was 18, which I believed without question. I was for sure thinking she would say 400 dollars. Something crazy like this. She responded “300R and I will stay as long as you will have me” I said really, so all week is ok? She laughed. Well I thought about a counter, no way not this time. I said no problem “Vamos?”. All the way to the hotel I am thinking I am going to be screwed over some how. We get in the taxi, she turns off her cell phone. In the elevator it begins with nice sweet kisses. We get to the room and before I could even close the door, this little princess was on her knees with my cock in her mouth. For sure the best oral I have ever received. We make our way to the bed. I asked her if she would like to shower first. “No I want you to first cum in my mouth”. I was in shock. I was worried about getting a BBBJ and she responds with “No I want you to first cum in my mouth”. Needless to say, the evening was flat out amazing. Moreover, I had to ask her to leave. She said she would love to fall asleep with me and wake me up with soft kisses. I told her I had to leave in a few hours and needed the rest.

One part of me just wants to retire, as I know it will never get better than last night.

Wow,

I'll buy my tickets tonight and call in sick for two weeks if every GDP were like this at help.

300R and she is from CF?

Sure your buddy didn't cover the rest of the 700R as a gift, while you were taking a piss?


CN

Thanks for telling us about your awesome evening Defender.

Your story began by telling us that you were going to have some "luck" at Help. Prior to reading your entire entry, I wasn't sure if you were going to have good or bad luck.

As I was getting to your last paragraph it had been all good luck.

But the thought crossed my mind that you might write the following in your last paragraph:

That you woke up the next morning with the tv still on and the awesome Help evening was just a dream.

That certainly would have been bad luck...LOL. Glad it didn't turn out that way!

Continue to enjoy the life!

I thought every girl in Help was 150?

Help—An Investigative Report, The Short Version


Just prior to leaving on my last trip in mid-January, I sat down and watched several hard hitting news programs to gain some necessary insight into how to approach this delicate topic. First of all I watched “Sixty Minutes,” which exactly as advertised is 60 minutes long. Then I watched “48 Hours,” which for some strange reason is only sixty minutes long too. Deciding to stick with programs having numbers in their titles, I then watched the program “24” next. That one really fucked me up because it was their premier and the damn thing was two hours long. Who the fuck thinks up the titles for these programs? Whoever he is, he should be shot! It took me a whole day to calm down!

Watching Jack Bauer in “24” gave me some ideas as to how to infiltrate and conduct my investigation. I called Felix and told him that I’m no longer like that other guy, but rather an exact copy of Jack Bauer. When he was finished laughing, he asked me a straight up question, “Do you know how to work a cell phone in Brazil?” Well, not exactly,” was my candid reply. “How the fuck can you compare yourself to Jack Bauer, who’s always on his cell phone, to yourself who can’t even operate a cell or pay phone in Brazil?” he screamed at me. Perhaps he had a valid point there, but I wasn’t going to let his poor attitude affect my investigative report. I had a mission and nobody was going to keep me from it.

You may wonder about my fixation on Help; well, it goes back to my last trip in December when I was with my friend Tonyel. Prior to going into Help, Chave, Bedoiun, Nellie, Tonyel and I sat around at Terrasco Atlantico having a few beers and watching all the lovelies stroll by. Tonyel had never been into Help and I figured I better adequately prepare him. First of all, I told him not to take the first price a garota quoted. “Go lower,” I told him. Since he had only been in termas, he wanted to know if he could pinch their asses. “No, good buddy, they’ll pinch yours,” I told him as a smile rapidly spread across his face. As we walked into the place he looked up to the balcony and right up some young lady’s skirt. She wasn’t wearing any panties and Tonyel shouts out, “Look up there, I can see her pussy.” My head snapped to the right and upward pulling every muscle in my neck well beyond their limits. Oh shit, that hurt! After that painful incident, I promised myself to stay away from Newbies forever.

Okay, we get up on the stage and start drinking in earnest. Within an hour Tonyel spots a lovely young thing and they begin negotiations. Within seconds they conclude a deal and Tonyel came over to Chave and me to inform us of his good luck. “She started at R$300 and I countered with R$275, which she took; I’m so happy, thanks guys,” he said with the biggest smile on his face. Ooops, perhaps I should have spent a little more time going over the fine art of negotiating, but the damage was already done. As soon as the deal was sealed, she excused herself to go to the ladies room. Tonyel was pissed because he figured she was going out to shop his bid. Why the fuck would she do that, she hit the jackpot! We watched her and, sure enough, she went right into the ladies room. Chave and I joked about her walking in there and shouting out, “The market is now R$275.” We also imagined that someone had a chalkboard setup tallying all the quotes. Little did we know, we weren’t far off the mark.

As the evening progressed, I noticed each transaction completed was immediately followed by the garota excusing herself to go to the ladies room. Since MBL and I had broken up only days before, I had a lot of time on my hands and now I could put that time to good use. I felt like a combination of Mike Wallace and Jack Bauer. When I told Felix that as I was readying myself for my next trip, he said, “Yeah, you’re like an eighty year old fart who can’t figure out how to use a cell phone.” Fuck you Felix!!

Where was I? Oh yeah, now you have to scroll ahead to mid January (that’s Janeiro in Portuguese for those of you that don’t know) and I’m ready to start my investigation, but how? That’s when I decide to go into Help almost every night and stay till the bitter end, observing every transaction and watching how many girls leave empty handed. The only “fly in the ointment” was somehow managing to stay sober the whole time. Once again I put into place my foolproof method for staying sober. Drink a can of Skol and drink a bottle of aqua (water) and then repeat, in that order. When properly executed it works every time, but sometimes I fuckup with the alternating concept. I would have to be very, very careful in there. I keep repeating to myself, beer, water, beer, water—got it.

The first night there I was approached all night long and I simply said to each girl, “I’m solo tonight.” The responses ranged from “Okay” to “Are you homosexual?” The more persistent ones tried to make you feel guilty by saying, “You no likee me?” Each and every transaction I spotted resulted in a trip to the ladies room, so I figured there was something to my initial premise. After about 4:00 AM, the girls get a little more aggressive and after 5:00 AM any eye contact results in immediate property rights. By that I mean, if you are unfortunate enough to look a girl directly in the eyes, she will immediately approach you and practically demand a date, regardless of your price sensitivity. I had to throw water on one to get rid of her; that’s how bad it gets.

I found it interesting that practically every garota quoted R$400 to start and held fast at R$250. There were a few that started at R$300, but from my experience they were the exception not the rule. One girl from Sao Paulo slipped up one night while we were negotiating. She said and I quote, “The rules at Help say we have to start at R$400 and not go lower than R$250.” How interesting, a controlled market!

Imagine this: You have two markets, a sellers market that is loosely controlled from a pricing standpoint, highly organized, beautiful, sexy and sober. Compare that with the other side of the transaction—liquored up, totally disorganized, flush with cash, horny and highly fragmented. If you’re having trouble figuring out which segment you’re in, don’t ever go back into Help. I have identified three of the regulators/ enforcers on the floor, whose job is to police and maintain prices. All you have to do is spend a little time in there and you’ll identify them too.

You can’t imagine the large number of beautiful women leaving Help at 5:30 AM when they close; I was stunned. Let me give you a few examples of what I’m babbling on about. There was this one beautiful black woman who had been with Skiandy one night. She had an exotic look about herself, almost like an Nubian princess. Ken from Amerioca Tours was with me till the bitter that night. Just before 5:00 AM she sat on the edge of the stage and when I mentioned to him that she looked interesting, he brought her over to join me. Within a few minutes she started at R$500, I laughed and just sat there. A few moments later she said, “R$400.” Once again I just sat there because, after all it is 5:00 AM and I have nothing to loose. Two minutes pass and she says, “How much were you thinking?” “R$200,” was all I said. Another five minutes passed and she replied, “R$250.” I just sat there sipping my Skol. After another ten minutes of her silently sitting next to me she says, “Okay, R$200.” My reply stunned her, “No that was fifteen minutes ago, now I’m lower.” She just sat there; essentially we had changed rolls and she didn’t like it one bit. To her credit, she quickly tried to seal the deal by saying, “Okay R$150 for all night until 12:00 noon, but you can’t tell anyone.” “No baby, like I told you, I’m solo tonight.” She left alone. So did I.

On another night a beautiful woman kept approaching me, but as she got close she would position herself so that I would have to brush up against her as I completed my laps around Help. All night long she did this without speaking to me. As 5:30 AM rapidly approached, she finally decided to make contact by striking up a conversation. Mind you, I have watched this girl leave Help empty handed five nights in a row—with my assistance, tonight would make it six in a row. She tried the usual tactics and none of them worked on me. After all, I came to Help to conduct research, not get laid. Believe it or not, as Oprah would say, that simple fact “empowered me!” Where was I? Oh shit, I was quoting Oprah! Honest, I don’t watch her anymore.

Okay, I got my thoughts together so here goes. After about five minutes of her nagging me, she asks me “point blank” why I didn’t want to be with her. “Well Sweetheart, apparently no one else wants to be with you either, that’s why you’re still here,so why should I? I replied to a surprised look on her face. She didn’t have an answer for me, then she whispered in my ear, “R$100 for all night.” She left alone. So did I.

After several days of conducting valuable research without getting laid, I decided to take the plunge with a beautiful girl from Sao Paulo. Yeah, you remember her, the R$300 CBJ. All right, so I fucked up, but I have a point to make here somewhere. Oh yeah, I got her down from R$400 almost immediately and we agreed on R$300 for all night. As soon as the deal was signed, she said, “I have to go to the ladies room.” Now, I don’t know about you, but the prospect of making love to me isn’t going to excite any woman to the point of having to pee in her panties. I reeked of beer, garlic and stale cigars, not exactly an aroma to excite anyone. Then again, maybe she was going in there to barf. But I digress. No, she was going in there to report her trade, just like on the NYSE or NASDAQ.

What’s my point with all this research, you might ask yourself. Well, let me tell you a little benefit of going in to Help and planning to remain “Solo.” On two separate nights I got “Freebees” out of Help. Both Sweetmesquite and Cdaze met one of them and they will tell you that she was beautiful. Both women cost me absolutely nothing and when we got back to my apartment, I told each that I didn’t want to have sex with them. Telling a Brazilian girl that you don’t want to fuck her is like issuing a challenge to them. Both nights were outstanding with some of the best sex I’ve ever had. Why free sex? It’s very simple. Either go home to a crowded apartment with fifteen other girls and only twelve beds or spend the night in a great apartment with a harmless smelly gringo like me. I know it’s a tough choice, but somehow I came out on top twice. Had I worked at it harder, I imagine I could have had many more freebees.

Let me recap this whole thing for you. First of all, I had three girls confirm that there is a rigid pricing structure in Help and I’m not talking about the price of drinks. It is controlled and policed by several girls on the floor. I’ll give you a hint about one of them; I call her “IceBreaker,” because as she moves through the crowd it magically parts. She reminds me of the type of woman preferred by the late “Dirty Harry.” That’s all I’ll tell you about her.

Many of the other members I mentioned this phenomenon to noticed the same controlled market dynamics at work. Daygob actually referred to it in his chat post yesterday, so I’m not crazy or going off orbit like another departed member who posted a thesis on Help in March of 2004. We all remember that one: I’m 41 years old, work out 4 times a week……


Jag

It's this kind of selfless research and sharing the info with all of us that makes Club Hombre so great! The whole pricing scheme and the bathroom communication is really very interesting. Thank you very much, Jag!

Just one small comment: When you talked about the "two markets" you call us "totally disorganized and horny".
Not me! I was "disorganized and totally horny".

Skisandy,

I can vouch for that!!

Jag

That's why many of us make a termas run before we go to Help. Deposit a load or two of semen in your favorite termas gal and you'll arrive at Help able to think far more clearly and to bargain with your big head rather than your little one. The theory is the same as the one used by Ben Stiller in "There's Something About Mary." Don't enter Help with a loaded gun. But remember, jerking off in Rio is both illegal and immoral.

I know where you are coming from...once at TA I was able to resist this little Paulista who would not budge off of R$400...to be honest I now wish I would have taken her up on it, she was hot, however, I had already sessioned three times that day so I was good.

Dear Branquinho and CB,

God damn it, where the fuck were you two with your great advice when I really needed it. Sweetmesquite tried to get me to termas in the afternoon, but stupidly I refused. Sweet, I won't let you down again and I'll listen more.

Okay, I'm going to ask Hombre for an Advice Column dedicated solely to me. Please don't misunderstand me, I don't want to write the fucking thing because no one in their right mind would listen to any advice I dispensed.

Rather, I would like you guys to send in advice to me BEFORE I go on a fucking trip, not AFTER I return. Wouldn't it be more fun to save me all the aggrivation and trouble that usually surrounds me than having me writing about it in piecemeal fashion like I have with my last report. With luck I can stretch that one out over four months. Only kidding!

What do you two think about that idea? You could become Charter Contributors if you like. Perks come with the position, if that will help you make up your mind. Think it over and get back to me. Let's keep this just between us, okay.

Jag

Jag,
If we gave you all this advice you might actually heed it, and your trip reports would become crashing bores. No, I want to come to Rio with you at least once so I can watch the "Human Train Wreck" in action before I pass on any more tidbits. OK, amigo?
Branquinho

Jag-

One thing I learned the first day of my first trip to Rio was that even though Termas are more expensive per session by comparison to "tudo noites" (Hopefully I spelled that correctly, Dood)from Help or TA, you do know what you are going to get. Furthermore, I tend to find that the pleasure factor I get from sex when I'm fully charged at 5PM is much greater than intoxicated at 3:30 AM. Additionally, in a Termas, you know what you are going to get (you might have to make sure that the BJ is not covered by asking in advance), whereas, my experience is at Help, you never know what will happen. The rules/deal may have changed somewhere between that agreement on price and the naked part in your room. Not to mention that there are little nuances like they want to drink another drink before they leave, or, they want to dance a little more, or they may want to continue drinking in the room - all the while you may just want to "get down to exactly what you are paying for." Don't get me wrong, all that stuff can be fun (i.e. the challenge of the chase), however, I like to do that in Buzios or non-pro clubs when I'm not paying. Don't get me wrong, there is something to be said for multiple sessions in the same night, the beautiful soft skinned garota keeping you warm from the chill of the AC, a little personal pillow talk, etc. That little extra emotional experience can be fun. However, for my limited time and the most bang for my buck (pun intended), the Termas experience works best for me. A typical day for me goes like this:

1. 9:30-10 AM hotel breakfast
2. 11-12:30 walk through Ipanema to window shop the women working in the retail shops.
3. 12:30ish lunch somewhere like Via 7 or one of those "Diner" type places along Rua Visconde de Piraja (the best is walking down this street around noon and checking out all the gatas bonitas walking hand in hand with their mother or grandmother - something sexy about the innocence vs. animal in bed that is so incredible...or I might go wakeboarding on the Lagoa, definitely the atypical mogering activity...
4. 1:30 -4:00 enjoying the unmatched "peep show" at the Praia in front of Cap Ferrat near Posto 9-no there are no topless gdp's here like hooker beach in Copa, however, the women are so much more attractive, well...there is no comparison
5. 4-5 workout at BodyTech
6. 5-9PM Centaurus or Solarium - 3 sessions including a dupla (I tell my EUA friends that this is like "being handed the keys to the playboy mansion" - yeah, I don't like the front desk people and pay first crap at Centaurus, however, the girls are just much more attractive than anywhere and honestly, my experience has been that service level is related more to YMMV or how much that garota digs you not the termas venue
7. 10ish Big dinner at 5 star Ipanema restaraunt
8. 12 AM-?? Baronetti or Nuth Lounge or Mangueira or Lapa or maybe TA/Help (but only if I'm not feeling like the extra effort required for a freebie).

So there it is. If I am there long enough, I might hit Buzios for Praia de Geriba by day and Club Privilege by night. From reading your posts, you have probably been to Rio more times than I have, however, I would encourage you to you check out the scene outside of your ususal. As a famous ski/surf film producer says "for every day you don't experience it, you'll be one day older when you do."

CopaBrazil1,

I'm not familiar with Praia de Geriba or Club Privilege in Buzios. Are these termas or places where you can find working girls in Buzios?

No. There used to be a dive bar where there were the "people from the other side of the tracks" hung out and there were a few gdp's working there, specifically, I saw Jaguar's Fawn working there a few years ago. That place is now closed. Praia de Geriba is a beach in Buzios. There is a cool bar on the beach called the Fish Bone. All of the rich little hotties from Rio hang out there. Privelege is a high end club in Buzios, something like R$60 or R$80 just to get in when a big act is playing there. The thing about Buzios is that it is kinda like Rio's version of the Hamptons or Tahoe. All of the wealthy young people go there for the party/pick up scene. The good news is that there is no "if you are with an american, you must be a gdp" stigma for women there. Also, the women are more likely to speak english because they are educated. So it is possible for a young american guy to go there and score some non-programa action. That being said, a friend of mine was propositioned last new years by a part time gdp at the Fish Bone - however, he is one of those superstar attractive types that does not need to pay anywhere, so he did not partake. It would be a mistake to go to Buzios to think that you were going to score gdp's. If you don't have game, bring your own to Buzios.

Buzios is also best on weekends, like the Hamptons or Tahoe. During the week, there are lots of Brazilian, Argentinian, and Chilean families on vacation hanging out. There are a lot of ex-pat Argentinians working in the hotel/restaurant business.

Dear Branquinho,

I will look forward to meeting you sometime in Rio. Just remember what happened to "Dirty Harry" and "Bob," perhaps you might want to reconsider.

Jag

Dear CB,

Yesterday I was offline because I was taking Sudafed and we all know what happens to me when I take it. Today I'm fine, at least I think so, and I thought I'd respond to your post outlinning your daily ritual.

I'm copying and pasting it into my calandar to use as a guide. I'll let you know how it works out.

Jag

Jag,
Maybe I'll just observe you from a distance.
Branquinho

Dear Branquinho,

A wise choice my friend,

Jag

Jag-

When are you coming down next?

CB,

Why? Do you want to get out of town? Oh shit, the Sudafed is making me a little more paranoid than normal. Where was I?

Oh yeah, I arrive on Feb 21 and leave on March 5th.

Wanna chance meeting me?

Jag

To meet Jag just go to Help everynight and up on stage you will see him with Chave and some other guys and a shit house full of Garotas. - Oh by the way during Carnaval you can wear shorts into Help unless they changed from last year? - Hemp

Hemp,

Are you kidding me about the shorts? Of course you are; why the fuck am I even asking?

For you guys that have never been to Rio, wearing short in a crowd of garotas is like going to heaven-- they reach up your leg and grab you, if you catch my drift. Shorts in Help would be outstanding.

Oh Hemp, why do you tease me?

jag

Jag no tease my friend. Any other guys remember last year that were here? - Hemp

Hemp,

No tease, really? Okay, I'm packing extra shorts for my next trip. Hope I'm not disapointed.

Thanks for the "heads up" my friend,

Jag

I am almost 100% certain but comments from other guys would make me feel better. Make sure they are Cargo Pants and Shirts so you can get all your stuff in there - Cigars - Magenta Phone - Pepper Spray - Stun Gunn - Camera - $$$ etc. You might have to have some special made? - Hemp

Hemp,

God damn it, you know me so well. I look like a fucking chipmonk with his cheeks stuffed full of nuts when I wear those shorts, don't I?

Unfortunately I found out the hard way that the exterior pockets on one pair of cargo shorts are actually soundproof. No shit, I put the phone in there and can't hear it when it rings. Imagime that!

Why do fucked up things always happen to me?

See you in two weeks my friend, but who's counting,

Jag

Actually, Help during Carnaval, you could wear a fucking diaper if you wanted to. There's one themed night when all the girls wear "I dream of Jeannie" see through outfits. It'll be wild. You'll catch me on the stage there next to Jag for Carnaval... Or maybe that's tumbling off the stage in the general vicinity of Jag. I'll be the one in the black T-shirt with the rude phrase on it. ;)

Jag there you go - confirmed by my friend Gibletpie. Now break out those Cargo Shorts although you would look great in a Diaper with that Magenta Razr attached smoking that cigar. - Hemp

Hemp,

I forget what I prefer, Pampers or Huggies. Are both available in Rio in extra large big boy size? Please let me know.

You know what I'm talking about, the ones with the rockets and helicopters on them.

A very dry Jag

Jag-

I would love to meet you, however, I will be gone when you arrive...

CB,

Yeah that's what everyone tells me and then I find them sitting at TA sipping beer and hoping I don't recognize them.

Nice try. Now, when do you really leave?

Jag

I was quite disappointed at Help other night. I was hoping for some fresh faces with carnaval being so close but instead same old same old faces. So thumbs down for me. I think this place sucks.