This news report came in shortly ago. I am posting it here as a warning to all of those who visit Zona Sul

Police Military Officer Hit By Cell Phone, Dies

(O GOBLO) - Veteran Police Military Captain Needham Cash Fornookie, 46, died this morning near the intersection of Sequiero Campos and Copacabana Nohsorra after being struck in the head by a cell phone thrown from a apartment window. He was not believed to have been seriously injured by the phone but died from 4 gunshots in the rapid reaction of the two other officers who accompanied Captain Fornookie. Seven other people, none believed to be involved in the incident, were also killed in the response.

A suspect was apprehended shortly after the incident after a young woman began shouting at the officers from a fourth floor apartment directly above them. The officers stormed the aparment and the perpetrator. was taken into custody without incident.The officers did state that the man was involved in a traffic accident earlier in the day and that accounted for numerous bruises that were evident. The documents that he carried identified him as A D Versity of the USA. The young woman, Ima Spensive,a Carioca, was apparently unhurt but badly shaken from the events. Ms Spensive, who listed her occupation as a pubic relations contractor, said that the perpetrator had stalked her for many months and was holding her against her will in his rented apartment. Between sobs, she stated that the gringo threw the cell phone from the apartment during a jealous rage of a type that she said was not uncommon throughout their non-relationship. She attempted to prevent the fatal phone toss because she feared for the life of the police officer if the phone struck him. “But he was simply too big, there was nothing I could do. He is a crazy man,” stated Ms Spensive as she dabbed the tears from her eyes. “I just want to put all of this behind me and fulfill my dream of becoming an astronaut, brain surgeon or a model.”

Mr Versity was clearly in a disturbed state of mind as he was dragged from the apartment building. He repeatedly shouted “I COULD NOT HAVE THROWN THAT DAMN PHONE! I AM NOT EVEN IN BRASIL! I AM IN GERMANY! I AM IN PERU! I AM IN SOUTHBEND!” Another USA national, identified as Dohnor Kin, appeared on the scene of the tragedy and attempted to comfort Versity. He was heard to whisper “I can get you a great deal on a new phone” as the perpetrator was being loaded into the police transport vehicle. Versity was heard to say “tell her that I am going to take her to H Stern.”

Another gringo wearing a white robe and a strange bag strapped to his waist was detained and searched. A number of small white plastic envelopes with the image of a red bottle on them was confiscated. The envelopes contained a red gel that was not immediately identified. Police would not comment on this part of the investigation but the packets are believed to be related to North American street gang activity.

As the vehicle carrying Versity pulled away from the curb where it had been parked on the body of a bystander victims, Officer Fernando “Oooghum Oooghum” Booghum released this statement:

“At approximately 11 o’clock this morning, Captain Needham Cash Fornookie,
died as theresult of wanton criminal actions of a sexual-deprivation refugee from
the United States. He was captured almost immediately as a result of textbook-
perfect police work and the efforts of a brave young woman with great legs.
The suspect was later killed during an escape attempt while being transported to
Polinter Prison. Several co-conspirators are being sought and their imminent
capture is anticipated. An effective response to their inevitable escape attempt is
also expected.”
“Seven other persons in the area of the police reaction to the thrown telephone were killed by police gunfire. None of these people were socially or economically prominent but that fact does not lessen the tragedy of Captain Fornookie‘s death.”


“This incident is just the latest of many where the serene atmosphere of Copacabana is being destroyed by Gringos. The recent surge of these types of events are suspected to be related to a new policy in the United States where airline tickets are heavily subsidized in areas of the country where immorality and crime are rampant. The areas of the US known for the moral purity and intellectual superiority of its residents have been hit with airline fare tariffs that make international travel almost cost prohibitive. The goal of these actions by the US, obviously, is to keep the good people at home more and encourage the rest to practice their evil in other countries as often as possible. These are desperate and morally bankrupt actions rapidly submerging nation.” (End of prepared statement)

Later, Officer Booghum stated “The people of Brasil can be proud their Military Police and their ability to bring this type of situation to an ideal conclusion. It speaks to the devotion, discipline and training that defines law enforcement officers in Rio De Janeiro. And all Brasilians can be proud of young women like Ima Spensive who are willing to fight grotesque monsters from the north in order to spare others. I plan to get on my knees tonight and passionately express my appreciation for what she has to offer.”

Spensive bravely produced a weak smile in reaction to the words of Officer Booghum. Dressed in her fishnet mesh beach wrap which hinted at covering her stylish low-rise Slingshot bikini*, she confidently strode away into the afternoon, a model of modern Carioca womanhood.


*Ms Spensive’s ensemble is available at BumBum Boutique in Ipanema for R$299x3.

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Well, there you have it guys. Be careful out there.

Do I detect an echo on this board?

WHAT, WHAt, WHat, What, what

DID, DId, did

YOU, YOu, you

SAY, SAy, say..............

I understand now. Club, watch your own backs for a while, ok, I will be otherwise occupied. My path to the door will be slow but will also pass right by the thermostat.

Y'all try to stay cool, now heah?

(Message edited by blissman on June 22, 2008)