PREFACE

Thanks to Pattaya Gary for sharing knowledge, to the Club Hombre guys who also gave advice, notably MongerX and Roadglide. And, of course, to RadioMan for beating me to Angeles City and lighting a fire under my ass with his photos and reports.

GREAT RECESSION BLUES

“Gonna get my kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames.”—Jim Morrison

Because of workplace cutbacks there is a likelihood I won’t be able to continue my mongering in the style I’ve been accustomed. Not to mention the toilet paper US dollar, the lose in value of which will be the end of many of monger career.

Knowing this, rather than try to squeeze in a pair of cheaper trips, I decided to blow it up, blow the roll and go for it this year. Living in the here and now present tense.

Itinerary: Medellin for three weeks in June (already reported). Angeles City July 7-27, Pattaya for a week, then back in AC for a week ending August 10.

Air temp in Central Park is 99. Tomorrow will be 100. Sizzling, sultry, and sssssmoking! TV Meteorologist doing virtuoso work at the interactive map. And back to the news!

Discussion turns to 2.3 million jobs lost, the disastrous state of state and local government debts, possible double-dip recession. Two million people not collecting unemployment checks because of congressional gridlock. Crabs with oily claws, tar balls on reporter’s feet, and WHERE WILL LEBRON SIGN!???? Outta here.

THE FLIGHT

“Gotta get that boom boom boom…”—Black Eyed Peas

4+ hours to Kennedy and waiting, 14 to Seoul, 4+ layover, 4 to Manila, 2 by car to Angeles= 28 hours= DUES.

Asiana. Give it a B-. Not quite the 200+ movies of Cathay Pacific, or the three meals each way. The 50-minute wait for bags post 25 hours of flight didn’t help. Only 30-odd “Blockbuster” movies on their system, I had to watch identical movies five weeks later upon return. How many times can you sit through Clash of the Titans?

ARRIVAL

Trashed. Step out on Fields sleepless and trippy, no words for Fields energy. Can’t even think about getting laid. Skulk back to Central Park Hotel (much recommended). Fantastic Voyage on TV: White corpuscles about to eat some dude. “Get me out! Get me out of here!” Ah, the world of sleep deprivation!

I like smallness. I like continuity.

It’s why I mongered San Jose, Costa Rica for 15 years. Smallness, continuity. Walk the street, you know people from last year. There’s a built-in connection. Not to mention you can walk AC—like SJCR—from one end of town to the other in, what, 30 minutes? Love that.

KOKOMOS RAIL: DAY

Order my usual: Oatmeal with bananas, French toast breakfast, iced tea jar, sweet.
Girl, last night’s bar fine, limps home in blue heels, checking her phone.
Guy hammering nails in a VOODOO LOUNGE sign (they would pound for the next 25 days) to the calls of a beat-down AM doorgirl. “Sir… Voodooooo! Come insiiiiiide!”
Idiot sits next to me and lights up a cigarette on cue as my French toast arrives. (Yeah, I know it’s legal here but how about some common courtesy?)
Flies gather upon home fries, ants upon toast crumbs.
The passing girls all look alike. Forget the 9, in morning light even a 6 is a rarity.
Razorback Joe talking to an Aussie about his real estate property in Arkansas. Waves beggar kids over for a photo, tosses 5 pesos total for all of them. What a grand gesture! I’d toss it back in his face, watch his amazement, fork dropping into his fucking home fries.
New fish pond has a dead goldfish.
Plastic flower girls, pirated DVD guys. ”Hey boss, got hats, wallets, belts…” Viagra, Cialis…good price.” Cialis guy shoves a box in front of my face like it's different from the guy who pitched me the same shit 53 seconds ago. You can't lift your head off the deck or look up without another one in your face.
White-haired Aussies on their last legs hit cigs. Steroid Joes with shaved heads oh-so virile. Endless put-putting trikes, sweet smell of gasoline in the air.
Did I mention the dead goldfish?
Techno over it all: "You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do it on the Discovery Channel."

WHAT’S NEW

They installed a ferris wheel next to the hotel. Bad karaoke, games of chance, a maze of small shops—where, it seems, 3 or 4 people live, sleeping right on the floor.

This is the trip where you realize they weren’t saying “ride!” but “tyke!”

Where you find the photo place that charges 12p for a 5 x7 blowup when you paid 3x that last year.

Where you realize malibug is horny, and when they call you ba-boy, sometimes it’s affectionate, sometimes not!

Came prepared this year: Brought a full suitcase of lingerie, wigs, silly string, party poppers, stuffed animals, Humphrey the Humping Hound. You need shit that translates, especially in Pattaya.

MY CUTE DOORGIRL THING

It’s a sickness. Can’t lay off. Even when they tell me they’ve just started, that they’ve never barfined before (and believe me, naiveté is not an advantage in whoredom). On the theory that the clubs put the hottest chicks out front, you’d think you’d be doing great. Problem is, it often doesn’t work out that way. You’re left with inexperience, a runner, or just a bad lay. You then have to go back out and grab the psycho freak from DOLLHOUSE who will lick you from ear lobes down to balls, happily raping you. Which finally leads us to…

BITCHES

“Pretty girls make graves.”—THE SMITHS

AC: Greatest fucking in my life. Quite the statement. The ladies, the eye candy, quality of the lays. One after another. Unconscious. This is why AC is the new joint. Obscene wealth. Cutie upon cutie. No rubbers. Photos and vids ok. Silly string fights. Shared showers. Laughing at bad movies. Room turned upside down with orange disco boots atop tiger outfit atop chocolate chip cookies….

DOLLHOUSE wins for Best Club, by the by. Had 5 there, all killers.

DIRTY DUCK gets the eye-candy award. Can’t say the girls delivered like the Dollhouse crew, but they are rock star sluts and know it. Rent them and enjoy.

PONYTAILS gets the bronze. More eye-candy. Was closed down when I left. Hope that’s a temporary thing.

RAYMOND STREET GIRLS... Any idea what it’s like to lay back and have two 19 year-olds work your body for 40 minutes straight? No? Get your ass to Raymond Street. Like Medellin street girls: Not the hottest, only the best. There are gems here...

LOONA... My first. Holdover at Mrs. Robinson's from last year. Takes a licking, keeps on ticking. Love her bad English, love how she mauls that chicken curry, how she laughs at the bad Philippine movie channel. How she comes out of the bathroom in a schoolgirl outfit white stockings and heels, vibrator in hand and thinks not a thing about it.

THE TWINS... See Maricel in the street. Where are the pictures I promised? Sorry baby, I...oh, who's that? Her sister. Her TWIN sister. Did I know they've been together with men? No, I-- Did I know they have some time, some short time? Hmm, interesting... Back in my pad, the porno movie begins. Try to think of every position I ever saw in a Rocco Siffredi movie. Being twins, they're not going to lick each other, but pretty much anything else goes. Don't get off my back for 30 minutes. "I'm going to hell for this," sez I. "Yes," sez Maricel. "We can come again tomorrow."

RHIAN. Beautiful. Yeah, she's got that ugly tattoo removal square in her chest. Yeah, her legs could use a shaving. But that face...and she loves sex. The girl will not let you stop. "Breadwinner" for her family.

ROSELLE...SANTOS STREET. Sit on the bed. She stands over me in black lingerie and heels. Run my hands from her ankles over the miracle of 19 year-old legs. Back home they want to know why I don't get on Match.com and find a 45 year old with my own interests, who challenges me intellectually. What is wrong with me? Start at her ankles, run my hands over 19 year-old legs...

RHEA: Walk by a market stand. Wow, cutie talking to friend. Strike up a conversation (which simply never happens in USA) Yep, they work. Well how about making some extra $$$? One hour later…Rhea appears. Killer spinner but never been with a foreigner. Starting at GOLDEN NILE in two days. Spectacularly bad English. "I wash my puuusy, you eat my puuuusy and sex me?" "I don't know how to drive!" “I have small pussy. Why men like small pussy?” “You like to sex me? I blowjob you, you like?” Hysterical. This is the little stuff that cannot be explained to your near and dear back home.

CHERILYN…walking the street with flyers for her club…wow…how about making $20 for one hour right now? Girlfriends push her toward me, a solid 7, a killer in bed, making her an 8, for $20. This is AC’s strength. Two weeks later she’s gone from her club…

ROSELYN… DOLLHOUSE killer. Cuts on her mag body, razor, self inflected when parents broke up.. “I’m still rebelling now….”

EVANGELINE... DOLLHOUSE. 3rd day, never barfined. Shy girl is not so shy. 40 minutes later. "You tired? Want to stop? Or little more?" Submissive, small voice says: "Little more." Oil her up again...

MARA & GEA... DIRTY DUCK girls. Eating them, squeezing legs so hard against my head it feels like I'm underwater. The Captain Nemo submarine sounds are moans. Gorgeous gorgeousity.

EMILY...PONYTAILS. That hair! Impossibly sexy for $30. Matched anything I had in Pattaya. My hands up and down her Mag Mile, licking a lubed pussy. Terrible lay, can't wait to see her again.

MY NIGHT WITH CHERRY GIRL & HER TEACHER

Walked into Camelot. 18 waitresses on me, there’s nothing here, I’m gonna bail. Wait, there…sleek, tiny, totally out of step with the other girls on the stage. Bring the mamasan over: ”Tell me she’s not a cherry girl.” “She’s a cherry girl.” “Motherfuck!” “It’s her first night.” So damn cute…”Tell her to come over.” Green light pointer’d down, she comes bouncing toward me. This will be her first lady drink! Hard to describe the freshness of this 4-11 inch sweetheart. I ask a girl to photo us and she does. Turns out this girl is a friend and goes from being a potential pest to quite the friend. “She will suck you.” “Whaaat?” “I show her how. You can lick her too.” “Really?” So the deal was: Barfine them both, have the friend be the teacher. Novel approach. Cherry Girl had never been barfined and I knew what that usually meant. What the fuck, let’s try it… Back at my pad, excellent photo shoot, Cherry Girl loves the wigs. Also happen to have a school girl outfit with heels and white stockings that might fit you, Oh oh oh…fits like Cinderella’s slipper. You can keep that on, doll. Posing her, submissive. We Western perverts like that in our females. Onto the showers…

Out they come in towels. Lower the lights, here we go. I’m two pounds of bologna between two slices of brown bread. Now what, Teacher? Teacher starts her off by telling Cherry Girl to kiss me while she sucks me off. Teacher sucks like a yellow-bellied sap sucker, like the brown-eyed lamprey, attached to my cock whilst Cherry Girl sweetly slow-kisses your humble narrator. I lay on my back and try not to pass out from the pure aristocratic joy. It gets better. Teacher now instructs Cherry Girl how to sit on my face and ride while she continues sucking. I go for cherry girl’s clam and teacher reminds me not to stick my finger inside. Lay her on her back, she’s giggling like a – year old. Never eaten before, she communicates. No reason to lie. Yes teacher, now what? “She suck you now…I show.” The lesson begins and Teacher is excellent. Cherry girl watches, it’s her turn. “Have her look at me when she sucks…slowly.” It happens. This isn’t intercourse but you get the idea. It’s very good. This is why I save nothing, why I mortgage my future now. This is my country home, my tomato patch. But what about fame, my Act 3? Act 3 can go scratch. Tony award winning playwrights don’t have gorgeous women look back behind cat masks with eyes that speak of all things possible. We are all dusted by death. There’s no time to lose.

MISCELLANIA: WHAT I’LL REMEMBER

• I’ll remember them in wigs.
• Watching the bad Philippine movie channel together and the laughs we had.
• How happy they are with an $8 buck tip and fake gold anklet.
• Rolling that last vowel: “Thank youuuuuuuu.” “See you laterrrrrrrrr.” “Happy morniiiiiiiing!” “Come back soooooon!” “Reeeeeeeeally?” Okkkkkkkkkkk!”
• How many said: “You take my power. ” And collapsed, for hours!
• Raymond Street and Santos two blocks away. Mamacitas two blocks. Kokomos on block. Pacific Breeze pool one block. Heart of Fields, one block. Mall, 10 minutes by foot, 2 by trike. Love the small town aspect.
• Love the jingle of that Nestle ice-cream bike as it goes by.
• 3rd shift girls at Voodoo getting off work, singing “Stay with me tonight!’ as they piled into a trike.
• Asking a girl about her English, how good it was, she, studying one year. “Tell me the first big English word that comes to mind.” “Scab.”
• The 20-minute runners. Compiling a list of their excuses: Pussy hurts, me so big, allergic to baby oil, migraine, emergency at home…
• “You handsome.” “You good in sex.” Where do they come up with this material?
• To the dude bickering with the trike guy over 10p…welcome to your retirement.
• “Daddy Paul!” Bushwacked by two Raymond Street girls in Gauguin yellow dresses. ”Please take us!” Mamasan of Lovely Paradise comes running to close the deal. “Later…I promise!” These are the problems one doesn’t have in Wrigleyville.
• “I am butterfly?” “You are helicopter.”
• Banana smoothies at Pacific Breeze pool
• Watching Mad Max Thunderdome with Loona, she, still in the tiger costume…cool chick, no bola bola.
• The Alaska Club spinner who came, came, and then wanted a burger. We went to Jollibee. She wore my stuffed snake around her neck, getting looks. This was nothing. On the way home, took out a can of silly string and sent Alaska Club into an uproar, spraying her pals.
• The whole of the city’s infrastructure is based on patriarchal fantasy. No females other than in the service of the males. Sure, the mall is filled with shop girls who don’t sell their bodies, but would those jobs exist without the sex trade? Scumbag Pinoys knock their women up and flee like rats. Without child support, the females are left to the mercy of the marketplace, to sell their bodies to foreigners for the going rate. Sweet deal, if you’re sitting holding the right cards. If not, it’s a 10-hour day for about $5. You no like? There’s the door, find another way to pay for baby milk.
• Walking out on INCEPTION. Great moment when Ellen Page turns and asks: "Wait a minute, whose dream are we in?"
• What's with the three claps thing at HyperMarket? "Happy Morning sir!" Their friendliness is almost robotic.
• What's with the strangely colored "flavored" putos?
• What's the deal with the nut vendors in the Fields' clubs? Who buys cashews at a strip club?
• Pacific Breeze hotel, poolside: 5 white men, 5 brown women, banana shakes all around. The aristocratic privileges of a walletful of money. Cue Music. "Only You!" 5 dudes in the water, whirling their girls around, romantic kisses. Three of the chicks break out singing…”Only You!”
• Atlantis...now I know where the Koreans hang. 3k green badge girls picked off one by one. Expressionless dudes. Must be a laugh a minute in the sack. Drinks arrive, zero communication. All so bland...
• Dude with half his face burned off mosies up to the Kokomos rail looking for a handout. That'll help the bananas and oatmeal go down!
• "Very asshole" Aussie berating the clothing guy. "You saw me coming! I no pay more than 250!" Berating the guy over a buck. Whilst his Atlantis 3k barfine watches...Classy, Happy Jack! Fuck him and the kangaroo you rode in on. These people are starving.
• Rule of Thumb: When the dudes outnumber the chicks out front of Mrs. Robinson’s: It's time to go...

KOKOMOS RAIL---NIGHT

Pulse. Electric.
Pissing rain. Orange neon of Rhapsody & Owl’s Nest like beacons.
The rain, harder.
Squeals from the Pirate-hated doorgirls of One Eyed Wenches.
Street urchins steak across Fields through never-ending trike rumble—no, not rumble—more like malfunctioning popcorn machines.
Jeepneys go by grey and stripped of personal ornamentation (what happened with that? Last year so colorfully painted, now…?)
Britney Spears from TYPHOON “Gimme gimme gimme gimme….”
Lady Gaga “Alejandro!” from TREASURE ISLAND.
Rain, harder. Harder!
Squeals from doorgirls as
Umbrella salesmen seemingly rise up from the pavement,
Kokomos packed with couples, white man brown woman,
Every inch of this city is dedicated to fornication,
Girl I fucked two nights ago walks by, party at Dirty Duck tonight! Freaky shaved-head guy walks in with tattoos and massive guns…
He’s the guy from Nero’s last night. Center of the dance floor, center of attention, literally throwing money into the air, the girls squealing and he reveling in it. Hey man, I feed the pigeons too, but not so blatantly. Now that we know your dick is huge, tell us, are you goin’ to Disneyland, Steroid Joe?
Clacking of the Voodoo Lounge doorgirls heels.
Shoeshine guy confers with cigarette tray guy confers with sunglasses guy on best strategy for squeezing money from the white monkeys.
Voodoo Lounge Welcome Inn Lancelot La Pasha Rhapsody La Bamba Geckos Lollipop Owl's Nest Valhalla Dollhouse...gearing up to Charice..."Like a pyramid!"

THE STRING BROKEN

Cute doorgirl, Dirty Duck. If you can't remember her name, guaranteed she don't remember yours. Will always remember this one though: She broke the Angeles City Bareback String. Trip 1: 30 days without a condom. Trip 2: 19 days, before... Under covers, lower lights, baby oil and vibrators at the ready. Nice kisses, move to mount and...the unheard words: "Condom." "Baby, I no like..." "I no care. Condom." "But… up to me, yes?" "No. Condom." Dialogue is mine, but you get the idea. Wouldn't be talked out of it. So it's write her off and send her home, or put on the fucking party killer. Wow.

NEW TRENDS?

Price increases: Golden Nile wants 2k for barfines? Spotlight dancers at Atlantis have gotten 3 for awhile, Crystal Palace too. But GN asking 2? And that doorgirl at Love and Music getting 3K. For a doorgirl?! Pricing pressure.

The condom issue: Couldn't talk one out of it, close a couple other times. The societal "up to the man" thing might not hold much longer. Pity. Enjoyed this condom-free zone while it lasted.

MANILA

God, what a boil! Ugliest city ever. A mantleful of worsts. Worst heat, worst poverty, worst traffic, worst bay pollution. Riding by a Squatters Row toward the airport. People hang out of trikes 6 at a pop. Looks like Saigon post US departure. Ramshackle huts lean one atop another, poverty bad as any Brazilian favela. People crashed in 90(degree) 90 (% humidity) heat. KTV's look interesting but white people aren't particularly welcome. Mall of Asia looks grand, but it's a fucking mall. Cackle of radio personalities rat-like, laugh tracks from hell. Billboards for "Endless Rice!", jocks talking over music in pigeon English, 'subdivision management" and "very important VIP'S." Brown berry girl and comatose man hang off a moving trike. Their ancestors killed Magellan.

P A T T A Y A

PREFACE:

Let's be clear before I start:
--I was there a week. Take my opinions for what they're worth.
--Objective reality is 2 + 2= 4. Subjective reality is me telling you a tree is beautiful. To you, it may not be so. Being as this is my report, my POV, I make assessments on how things appear to ME. My conclusions may not be your reality AT ALL.
--There are many ways to monger. A man with one week in Pattaya doesn't resemble the monger who lives there. TIME is the key. I bear no more resemblance to a Pattaya resident monger than a 100-meter sprinter to a marathoner. All this said...

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

• Pattaya Bay Resort. Nice joint. 6 nights, 7th is free. Works out to 29$ per night. Big place, free breakfast and internet, pool, kick-ass AC, close to everything. We'll take it.
• Short walk to the Avenue Mall. Holy Christ, there's a full multiplex upstairs, and a bowling alley! Oh, for a bowling alley in AC!
• Down Soi 13 'til I get to Beach Road. Wow, water!
• The guy who said it was hard to cross Beach Road should try to cross Fullerton Road, Chicago. Piece of cake here.
• Where are the endless Cialis guys? I've heard there are tailor- hustlers around. Will trade the Cialis guys for these anytime.
• Some beggars but no in your face poverty. Where are the poor people?
• Hit the beach...then start walking. Love a town you can walk. Leave Walking Street for the night, go the other way, there's Soi 7 & 8, club-packed, another night-time joint. Onto the infamous Soi 6. Love Medellin's street girls, and the Raymond street girls of AC, so this should be my meat, right?
• First walk down Soi 6. Told one of the chicks: "Just got here, I'll be back." "Bullshit." "I'm sorry?" "Too many men bullshitters... like you." What's with the anger, bitch?
• Down full Soi 6. Saw no more than 3 or 4 who I would do. I see that many doables on Raymond Street every day with 4 bars. There are 40 bars here. It's $20 bucks all in for a Raymond street girl. Here it's 1000 bht, at $31 per, means $33 fish. That's a 30% markup. Nothing here I can't get--cheaper--in AC.
• Beer Bar Complexes. Wasn't sure what these would look like. Large open bars often separated into two rows of multiple smaller bars in the shape of horseshoes. 5 to 10 women per horseshoe "bar" meaning you could have a couple hundred women in a single complex. Damn! First impression: These joints are filled with women exactly like AC's Perimeter bar girls. Mostly 5's and 6's, the occasional 7. Zero stunners. They want 800-1000 tip, atop the 300 BF, atop drinks 200-250 = 1300-1500 BHT total. That's $45 bucks per. AC'S Perimeter girls get 1300 pesos plus 300-500 Tip = $35 per. Conclusion: Again, 25% more in Pattaya for something I can find in AC.
• Thai kick boxing for entertainment! In the beer bars?! Cool! Can't get that on Fields!
• Goldfish foot massages?! Gotta gotta do that!
• Passed a cool restaurant, told the waiter: "I'll be back." "Yeah, sure." What is it with these people?! Philippinos don't mouth off! That said, Kokomos doesn't have Vietnamese soups like here...and how about that 30 page menu?!
• Indian restaurants, English pubs, traditional Thai...Christ, the restaurants!
• Whole BUNCH of white people here and hey! Was that...a blonde European woman? Been weeks since I've seen a woman who purpose wasn't to fulfill my sexual satisfaction. European tourists! How...quaint! What are they doing in this den of vice? The beach is polluted, ladyboys on the street, and you bring your granddaughter? Oh, you mean there's more to DO here than just FUCK? Novel concept.
• Speaking of polluted water... People have taken shelter under umbrellas in the noonday sun. Well, polluted or not, the view beats crappy Fields Ave.
• BEACH ROAD FREELANCERS. Skank----y. Didn't come 30 hours to fuck these, for whatever price. Walked Beach Road a week's worth of days and nights, might have seen one or two passable. Equivalent to Medellin's worst street trash.
• Oh my god...coconut smoothies with real fruit, watermelon, lemon! Freakin' heaven. On every corner and not to be found on Fields.
• Pattaya City infrastructure. Entirely different feel from AC. Fuck, they've even got a Ripley's Believe It or Not!
• Exchange Rate: Brought 2k in cash. 31.50 for $20s. Who knew you'd get a better rate (32) for 50's & 100's. Probably spoken of before at CH but I didn't get the memo.
• Nor did I get the memo about WAITING TO BOOK MY FLIGHT UNTIL I GOT INTO AC. Rookie mistake. Some old pros talked about Cebu-Pacific direct AC to Bangkok, then a bus to Pattaya. I went $60 hotel car to Manila, $311 Phillipines air to Bangkok, $40 Mr. Toom to Pattaya. That’s learning the hard way.
• Phenomenal bar names: The Legless Arms! The Nervous Wreck. Up To You bar.So What! bar. My Friend You bar...wonderful.
• What's with the little bow they all do? I like it, and I'm sure it resonates karmically, but bowing when I leave a strip club?

FUCK THE BUDDHA

So I'm walking Walking Street first time in my life. It's 9pm and the joint is DEAD. Muerto. The fuck??? Fields Avenue, at this very moment, is rockin'. What's the big deal about Walking Street? Like the song says: "Is that all there is?"

Many joints like AngelWitch and Airport are closed. When the fuck do they open, midnight? Street is empty. Just a dad putting his contortionist daughter through the ringer with pose after pose. Walk to Living Dolls where I see Dollhouse-like doorgirls. Ok, finally! Walk inside. "Soda only...no beer." Huh? Why? Here's where the lack of English comes in, the pantomiming of meaning. Some sort of national holiday honoring Buddha. Well, fuck a duck! Man, I got 7 nights here, you're messing with my action, Buddha! I leave. Outside, holding an orange flag in an otherwise empty Walking Street is a Belgian tour guide lady leading a pack of Indian nature tourists through this den of vice. They pass a pair of straggling ladyboys. Wow, edgy!

SECOND DAY SIGHT

Find a great resource in the Avenue Mall area. The Free Information/ Tourism booth with English speaking ladies. Finally get the lowdown on the tourist draw. Yeah, there's sex trade here. There's also the Sanctuary of Truth, an incredible wooden temple. There is Elephant Village with elephant trekking. There are Tiger zoos and shows, Go-Kart racing, a full-on theme park. There is Coral Island, which you can reach on a $5 buck ferry. There are surrounding day trips and beaches. In short, there is a whole world of explore. With the info from this booth on times and locations, I end up doing almost all of these things. After three weeks of non-stop AC fucking, to be able to actually DO SOMETHING is a total joy.

Did I mention the restaurants? Second Avenue Vietnamese joint with about 7 menu pages dedicated just to soups. Traditional Thai joint with about 30 menu pages including those killer lemon shakes. Indian joint with Chicken Marsalla and that green spinach curry with tofu and giant nans. Free breakfast at hotel, $20 for these meals, means I'm paying the same for food as AC. Man oh man, Kokomos cannot compare.

MASSACRE AT ELEPHANT VILLAGE!

Nah, not really. Just wanted to keep your interest...

Hadda do the elephant trekking. 2 hours...they allow some quick photos, then it's up and with the guide's "ohehheheee" the beast moves. Bizarre! He keeps him in line with a pointed stick that he buries into the poor animal's tusk (face?) you go through ponds and wildlife. If yours is noisy and horny like mine it'll make a tooting noise. Makes for an excellent Youtube vid and tremendo tourist shots for Homeland Security back home when they ask what the hell you did over here. Recommended!

SECOND NIGHT ON WALKING STREET (BUDDHA APPEASED)

“There will be no coronation,
There will be no flowers flowing in the light
That passes through me now,
In the light that passes through me."—Guided By Voices

Tourist stuff is great. But I'm a monger. What I had seen thus far were Beach Road freelancers that were sub-Raymond Street quality. Soi 6 girls of Raymond Street quality, with 30% more cost. Beer Bar chicks of Perimeter girl quality for 25% more. Where were the 9's? Where were the stunners, the chicks you couldn't find in AC? On the second night, with Buddha appeased, I got my answer.

Walking Street was back to normal, and the sight was astonishing. The neon! Haven't seen neon like that anywhere outside Times Square-New York. Reminds me of old-style Vegas neon. Lights up the joint, gives the narrow street the impression that it goes on forever. The neon alone deserves song...

Walking Street is the confluence of the city itself, on parade; They promenade the world over, but not like this. Dutch families walking with stunning ladyboys walking with off-duty kebab guys walking with whirlythingamagig sellers walking by beer bar girls who SCREAM in unison "HEEEEEEEEEEEEY!" The confluence is of hippy, beach culture, Euro-families, nature tourists, and, of course, the monger set. Girls behind placards wave you toward their joints. Girls beckon in stewardess uniforms and women writhe behind glass in pink neon and off second-story balconies. Ladyboys who could kick your ass on the street and inside bars. And the 9's--nowhere to be seen the night before--appeared.

This is a carnival, a spectacle more akin to 60's Vegas or 30's Berlin. One of the seven wonders of the monger world. Toulouse Latrec would love these grotesques. Elvis impersonators. Drop dead gorgeous chicks who happen to be dudes. Generic white guys from 20 countries lubricating with $$$, zero originality but no party without them. Heard a lot about AIRPORT, so hit it, my first go-go. Staggering. Soaped-up chicks under a working shower head. Another writhing on a twirling spinner. Another sucking a 5-inch pipe, somehow getting her whole mouth around it for tips, which she slapped on her naked body. 9's all over the joint, mostly locked up. Make a note: 10pm, hotties are gone. Head off to WHAT'S UP. Girls with hair cuts Egyptian-style. Two spinners in front of me use metal rings attached to the ceiling, contorting their bodies like perverted Russian gymnasts, spinning and doing full splits upside down like no Nadia Comaneci. Stagger off to BABY DOLLS. Two killer spinners soaped up on and on display spanking each other with really annoying hollowed tubes, ice-cubes spit from cunts into cups for tips, more ass-whipping spinners and taking notes on mock missionary positions I've never tried but should. Motherfuck!

I wander in a daze. ANGELWITCH girls look bored, but there are two 9's there. BEACH CLUB, look at that 9 dancing out front. BEER BAR complex I don't have time for, hundreds in there (gems, most likely, aplenty). It's all trippy, a kaleidoscope of sin.

Fields cannot compare.

BITCHES

“Some of them want to use you, some of them want to be used by you, Some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused.”—Eurythmics

Unlike many reports, I had little problem photographing the Thai chicks. The problem was my lack of lingerie selection. Apologies for the overuse of the tiger outfit!

ON...Killer SOI 6 girl. Chili bar. Repeated.

TAR...first go-go girl. Iron Club. Damn!

PAT...Savage SOI 6 girl.

NOI...SOI 7 girl. Sweetie who delivered the goods.

NOK... Street pickup. Beer Bar gal jumped into my Baht bus. Looking over her tattoos and body. Conversation struck up, go back to her bar for her papers (to get into my hotel). Roommate had them, went to her pad, no roomie no papers, well fuck a duck, let’s do it here. Oh…my… god. No rubber, my only, except for the time it fell off the go-go chick....

AOM...Cavern Club girl. Complained about a guy coming at 8 every night, barfining her then "right back to room, just room." Looking for someone else tonight. BF her and out we go. She's got a motor scooter. Dressed in black miniskirt and heels, she looks like a ninja movie hottie and here I am on the back of her bike! Awesome! ‘Til we get lost. Have to grab a taxi guy to get us to my hotel. Sex was tremendo and gotta say it: quality of the lays in Pattaya is impeccable. Anyone who's ever paid the Del Rey cien and been disappointed knows...when you get eye candy that delivers, oh man....

NUY... Call her down from the window, buy her a rum and coke, ask her the usual mundane questions. She understands about 1/5th of it and responds in kind. She's smiles though and agrees on a price and off you go, along Walking Street with a 20 year-old cutie. In an hour you'll be home and she'll be sucking a vibrator while you stroke her. If she's faking it she does it exceedingly well. Life is pretty damn good in Pattaya.

PRICING

It's a seller's market. Top-flight chicks are NOT COMING OFF THE PRICE: 2000BHT SHORT TIME, 3000BHT LONG TIME. This doesn't include the 600-700 BF, 200-300 DRINKS = $90 USD short time, $120 Long time. I can hear the old timers and lifers already: “You didn't negotiate! I get it for less!” Let me tell you--I walked into over twenty places. They are not coming off the price. Old timers will say walk away, find another. Only problem with that strategy is that it means another $10 round of drinks or two. Oh, and letting the Goddess go. Guys, I have neither the time, nor the inclination, to walk away from a Goddess. To save $17 bucks? Gimme a break.

Go-go chicks are equivalent to Costa Rica's Del Rey "cien" girls, or the Mansion girls in Medellin. Spotlight girls in AC run $60 plus tip, but that's for all night. This is how AC costs $150 a day and Pattaya, mongering the exact same way, costs $200 a day.

So what happens? The steel-cable Go-Go girls pair off with the short-time white monkeys, full-time "in-the-know" Pattaya mongers hook up with long time beer bar and freelance action swearing they are better lays and not missing the Walking Street at all. Everyone goes to bed well-fucked and lubed for the next day's depravity. Hoorah!

MISCELLANIA: AC VS. PATTAYA

Pointless, I know. But these comparisons occur to me...

--TRANSPORT: Baht bus for .25 cents beats the hot Jeepney or torturous Trike.

--LAUNDRY: They charge by the item in Pattaya. I can get 5 pounds done for $2 at Mamacitas in AC.

--INFLATION: .20 cents for a 5X7 photo blowup in AC, 1.50$ in Patts. $4 for a nail clipper in Patts. $5 for oranges? Gimme a fucking break. Though the 24/7 9 baht McDonald's vanilla ice cream cone gets be a 2am addiction.

--CHICK NAMES: Noi, Nok, Nuy? Went a full week, didn't fuck one chick with a name more than three letters!

--LANGUAGE: The no-English thing is a bummer. First time in my monger career. I speak Spanish and get along in Medellin and SJ. English--albeit bad--in AC. This is my first spin with non-communication. Adverbs and adjectives gone, verbs shortened, everything in present tense. You don't even hear yourself doing it after a time....Pantomiming meaning…kinda sucks.

--HOWEVER: When you pin her against the wall, throw her onto the bed and eat her and she says "oh my god..." how much more English do you need? Try to hold off but it's not long before...schwing! Boom, now it's shower time. And dress time, and pay up time. AC, seems like there are more cuddles. Here, short time, Goddess is no cuddler. She's a pro and she gotta go. Gave you 93 minutes total--but what a 93 minutes!

--GREATEST BAR NAMES EVER: Up to You Bar! So What! Bar. And how weird was it having the drink with the owner of the Legless Arms? The guys has stumps for arms and insisted on giving me high-fives whilst I bought him (and staff) drinks. Surreal and degenerate, right out of Death In Venice.

--VIBRATORS: No sweat in AC, I heard illegal in Pattaya? Is that even true?

--FOR THOSE WHO THINK I DIDN’T NEGOTIATE: I did, once. She starts me out with 2500 short time. I say 1500. She looks insulted. Ok, 2000. She looks at me hesitating, as if settling. "Ok, two hours.' I say: "For 90$ dollars, I don't want you looking at the clock every 5 minutes." She says "All you seem to care about is $$$." "90$ is a lot of money, to anyone." On and on we go like this. I bail. Bad vibe.

--THE FISH FOOT MESSAGES: Rule! Love ‘em! Saudi Arabian guy next to me looked over worried: "You think they spread disease?" They check for open sores, man, relax. Cool tickling feeling as they eat away the grime...another great photo op for Homeland Security!


MEETING WITH THE OLD TIMERS

First, thanks to Gary for his time and knowledge. it was invaluable to see Pattaya from a lifer's POV. Also in memorandum to Maui Hank, who I met in an Avenue Mall Starbucks, who charmed me no end, and who was dead within the week.

Gary--friend of a friend--met me in Starbucks. Gave me the lay of the land. Rode his motor scooter listening to his routine (been here years). The morning coffee, paper read, Thai massage, run along the beach, meet up with lady friends (low budget) all the way. Shocked and amused I had paid $200 a day. He does Pattaya on less than half of that.

If you think he's scrimping you'd be wrong. He lives well. And it beats trying to live on 2K a month in Chicago, no?

Says he can't remember the last time he fucked a go-go chick. "When In Rome," I say. "I'm here to fuck gorgeous chicks. If I want 6's I can get em by the hundreds in AC." He counters: "There are stunners in beer bars. You just have to unearth the gems." I counter: "You mean have the TIME to unearth them." He agrees. He says 8's exist, even on Beach Road. They come down from "The Village" (wherever that is) needing money. I'm sure what he says is true, but it does me little good. I need action now and like the pack of cigs you have to have now, you go to 7/11 and pay UP for convenience. I pay up or I walk away from the Goddess. Let me repeat: I'm not walking away for 500bht. Gary says absolutely true, all the way, but "Goddess is in the eye of the beholder."

THE WRAP

Buddha Holidays and 31.50 BHT to the dollar notwithstanding, Pattaya was berry berry good to me! Where you gonna find that giant plate of Thai noodles in AC? Where's that baht bus? Quality of the eye candy, quality of the sessions--kicked my ass. I'll be back, and for more than a week.

A N G E L E S C I T Y: LAST WEEK

“Nice and sleazy
Does it, does it, does it
Every time."—The Stranglers

Coming "home", kind of a letdown. Back to the mud hole after... that? Dinner at Kokomos, not the great Indian curry. After dinner, a walk to... where? Down Fields? This one-horse town has looked better.

Beauty about AC is: its weakness is its strength. Might be a shithole, but it's a shithole with fifteen 7's who all know your name and don't run out the door the minute you squirt. It's the mentality here that is superior, that is endearing. It's why this place is home.
Takes all of 50 minutes to find two regulars at Mrs. Robinson's. They laugh their asses off at pics of me feeding the elephant. Feeling so good, we sing to Beyonce's Halo. Oh...and yes, it's nice to retire the condoms.

DOLLHOUSE might not have soapie decadence but with the cat dancers, cultural dancers and coyote dancers, there's enough action. Jamming a long balloon up a girl's butt as the hottie dances, or…

THE TWINS...It's their birthday and we have another first. Done 2x1 about a hundreds times. Done sisters. Never twins on their birthday. Both for 3 hours for $44.

GEMA...my first 3k Angeles girl. Suppose it was easier to ante up post the Pattaya 90$ buckers. Serious spinner cutie in Crystal Palace. Just hadda, and she delivered. Saw her in daylight later. No real difference from a Raymond street girl. Just better packaging.

ROSELLE... Unconscious sex. We drink fanta and eat chocolate chip cookies. If only the Pattaya chicks had eaten a couple chocolate cookies with me...

JINKY...in a land of spinners, after enough of those, one begins to seek length. Long lean lines. Hit and run girl, but she can hit!

GRACE...cried when I gave her the crappy $10 gift. The least little kindness sets off waterworks. We can never really know about the existence of these women.

Closed it out with MARY ANNE...4-8, 80 pounds. 18, two days on the job....peel off her clothes with two hands in a single motion... the Skipper and Gilligan want this one too.

WALKING FIELDS AVENUE AFTER A MONTH

You know everyone, everyone knows you. Walk down to Golden Nile to see Rhea. Not 8 yet so you kill time, see the doorgirl from LOVE AND MUSIC who gets 3K. Backed off the price but you smile at each other. Head up to GN. Rhea is there. Buy drinks and get her to agree to a sneakout tomorrow. Just saved 1500 and happily split. Past Dirty Duck and stick your head in. There's Mara, Gea, the doorgirl who needed a rubber. They congregate but you’re making it an early night so no thanks. Papasan has another for you but you beat it out of there before he asks you to buy his usual free drink. Move on, hide behind a dude until you surprise Lorena, TREASURE ISLAND doorgirl. You apologize for kicking her out last week, ask her if she got home ok. You promise to bring her photos. Only steps away you hear “Hey!” It's TEQUILA GIRL from LANCELOT. Where are her photos? "Coming!" You say and move on. Oops! There's another call--CHERRY GIRL from SHARK. I'm bola bola for not bringing her photos. I snap her again and promise tomorrow for sure. Cut in through DOLLHOUSE, remembering you swore an early night, just heading home, but stop when seeing...holy shit, it's BELLA! Fucked her last year, hadn't seen her whole trip. Buy drinks, how the hell are ya's. Could BF her but she's got the mens. Maybe tomorrow. Say your goodbies and head home careful to say hi to the opposite side DOOR GIRL who you tried your first week. This is how it happens when you live in AC a month. It's a plus, and sometimes a minus. It’s a dive, and it’s home. There's nothing like it and you are the better for it. You wouldn’t change it for anything.

Morning. Last day. Kokomos. Dude plops down a seat from me and ON CUE, the 28th guy in 28 days, lights his cig just as my French toast comes. I laugh.

Last lay. RHIAN...intense, for about 10 minutes. Nothing left in the tank. We collapse together, just lay there like that. She passes out right on my chest. This is the intimacy that never happens on Western Avenue, Chicago.

The trip is over. 35 days gone. 54, counting Medellin. It's been... trippy.

The future will take care of itself.

Pattaya or AC? AC or Pattaya?

What would Jollibee do?

PV

Photos: Rhian - Mrs Robinsons 01 02
Photo: Snake - Dirty Duck 03
Photo: Cherry Girl - Camelot 04
Photo: Crazy Pigtailed Soi 6 Chick 05
Photo: Streak Breaker - Dirty Duck 06
Photo: Cute Doorgirl 07
Photos: Emily - Pony Tails 08 09 10 11
Photos: Raymond Street Girl 12 13
Photos: Gema - Crystal Palace 14 15 16 17
Photo: Grace - Mrs Robinsons 18
Photo: Roselyn - Dollhouse 19
Photos: Jinky 20 21
Photos: Smiles - Iron Club 22 23 24 25
Photos: Rhian - Mrs Robinsons 26 27
Photo: Killers Row - Dirty Duck 28
Photo: Leonora 29
Photos: Loona - Mrs Robinsons 30 31 32
Photo: Leonora 33
Photo: Lorena - Treasure Island 34
Photos: Mara - Dirty Duck 35 36 37 38 39
Photo: Marilyn - Dollhouse 40
Photo: Smiles - Iron Club 41
Photos: Goddess - Baccara 42 43 44 45 46
Photos: Hoops - Cavern A-GoGo 47 48 49 50
Photos: Nuy 51 52
Photos: Nok 53 54
Photos: Ohn 55 56
Photo: Spinner - What's Up 57
Photo: Rhian - Mrs Robinsons 58
Photos: Slim - Pony Tails 59 60 61 62 63
Photo: Raymond Street Girls 64
Photo: Raymond Street Schoolgirls 65
Photos: Rhea - Golden Nile 66 67 68
Photo: Cherilyn 69
Photo: Raymond Street Girl 70
Photo: Roselle 71
Photo: Roselyn - Dollhouse 72
Photo: Yet Another Cute Doorgirl 73
Photos: Pat - Soi 6 74 75
Photo: Soi 7 Girl 76
Photo: Smiles - Iron Club 77

Did you do a survey on Facebook to find some candidates?

MM

Over the top great, PV. Here's hoping the economy treats you kindly and you're back on the road again soon.

PV:

Great report.

Thanks.

MM

You must mean Mary Ann the new micro-spinner from Mrs M.C. Robinson???? I think I may have inadvertently cross-pollinated that one recently. Great report. I probably passed you a few times on Raymond St.

Paulyvegas

Thanks for taking the time to post a very well written report. Very entertaining.

Quite a few familiar faces in your AC pics.

RT here. Great report, great pictures. I am looking forward to voting for some of them.

PS - I freaking love body paint! Thanks.

Understand the bad economy. First year out of the last five that I stayed home. I've never paid 3k long time in Pattaya or 2k short time. I always paid top price of 2.5 lt and 1.5 st. Maybe they've had inflation since last year. that would be a shame as the Baht has gained on the Dollar at the same time.

Times change and from your Pattaya experience maybe not for the better as to prices.

Since my Pattaya trips were always in the month range I got good at finding the girls that would lower the price. Also found that the little gogos still had some good pulls that were more willing to go with my programs. Maybe it also helped my price dealings that in certain gogos the girls knew that if I long timed a girl and liked her that I'd keep her for another day or two.

You do just make the most of your AC experience. I just can't seem to get the quality out of AC that you do. Not that I can't have fun.

Great pictures!! As usual!!

Somehow you remind me of my 12/08 to 2/09 trip. I planed the trip for 12/08 to 1/09. Then in AC in early January I got an email from Epi saying he was in Pattaya and do I want to go hang out. A call to American Airlines and they change my ff ticket dates, an email to Pattaya Bay Resort and I have a room. Cebu-Pacific on line for $185.00 round trip. An email to Epi saying I'll be there tomorrow, and rent me a motorbike, which he did. A call to my business partners telling them I'm not coming home yet. Then a lie to Madalyn, my AC wife du jour, telling her that Hunterman's in the hospital in Thailand and if I don't go help him maybe he die. Then I'm in Pattaya the next evening with a great Thai dinner, motorbike, foot massage, and Silverstar Soi Seven girl. After a week I'm back to AC for the next week I'd added to the ticket. Did different girls every day, till it was time to leave. Now I called American Airlines and changed my ticket for ten days later and return from BKK, Cebu Pacific $85.00 one way to Pattaya and Pattaya Bay Resort to get my favorite room back. Afterthought called my business partners and told them to hold down the fort for another ten days, I'm sick in Asia and can't come home. Call Madalyn tell her that I'm back in AC for one night only have great makeup sex and off to Pattaya again. That made for the end of extensions as I'd sworn that I'd be back in Chicago for business on 2/13 no matter what.

Our hobby becomes so addictive!!

WOW! What a trip and what a trip report. I think we need more of your photos posted. You held back!

PV....the MDE street girls miss you. They don't have water buffalos here but they sure do like to fuck...and make money,

4 hour flight versus 30. Hummmm?

That was a great report. I love the artistic way of writing and the tons of pictures.

Awesome stuff !! Great read, you seem to capture all the little things that make each trip soooo cool and special.

Just make a quick comment on your 2000B ST on walking st...............

Was in Pattaya same time you were, for 1 month, never paid more than 1500B ST from any of the WS A-GO-GO bars.

On my 1st trip there last Dec, I like you did pay 2000B ST a couple of times, I like you wasn't going to fret over a few dollars with a girl I really wanted, but once I figured-out every girl will accept 1500B ST, I was the after never turned down by any girl for a 1500B ST.

A number of times the girl would pretend like she was hesitating, but I wasn't backing down, so she did.

These girls are just more pro and you need to deal with them as such as a bussiness transaction much more than say AC.

It was no difference in performance in the room.

I had a much tougher time than you getting photos, well, photos with clothes on weren't too much a problem although a couple did refuse.

But with clothes off were very tough to get, however, offering a few hundred Baht ussually did the trick. 15OOB ST plus 300B = 1800B for ST and nude pics, maybe your paying 2000B ST explains your getting pics so easily, just a thought.

You cracked-me-up with some of those bar names, how many times I heard this..... my friend you.

I couldn't firgure-out what the girls were trying to say, based on the context of the conversation I knew it's not what it appears to be.

She's not calling you her friend as it would seem to be, finally I figure it out, she's trying to ask you if you have a friend with you.

My friend........ you ?? In other words, this is my friend...... and you ???...... have friend to ????

Untill you can learn how they phrase things it's very tough communicating.

The simplest little things I struggled to understand.

But I suppose once you've been around them and understand what their saying it becomes much easier

Outstanding report. Disagree about a lot of 7's in AC...really tough to find. As you can see, a lot of nice trim bodies with below average faces in AC. Now you might have paid a bit more in Pattaya but look at the difference in looks...Pattaya girls much much hotter. Thats a great idea on putting masks on AC girls in the photos....takes away the Puerto Rican boxer nose and puts the focus on the nice trim, brown bodies.

PV, I like your style. Great idea with the costumes. You even brought a Hello Kitty backpack for the school girl costume. Now that's what I call attention to detail.

Great report and pictures. Thanks for sharing.

H1

PV, great report. Enjoyed the style and pics. Reads like an Anthony Bourdaine script.

Agree with all PV, great report as usual. I hope the economy treats you well, so that you can be back on your way to mongering.

Ditto that- fun read and great report, thanks for putting in all the effort!

Re Asiana, business class makes for a well rested monger upon arrival At the very least, try to get *A status so you'll have use of the lounge (shower, eat, get a massage, etc).

On closer inspection I detect THREE!!!!!!!! more of my dearest girlfriends cheating in me in this report. Loves of my life. I was momentarily fooled by their disguises. The little tramps. And after I tipped them 150 Piso and everything now they are cheating on me. I am really heart broken.

Sancho... that is fucking hysterical. Yes, they do give the appearance of YOU being the center of their world. If only it were true...

Mary Anne, yes, the new micro-spinner. As if Mrs. Robinson's needed any more talent with Gracie, Loona, and Rhian around.

Ever been to Medellin? You would lose your mind with the street girls...

So, PV, if forced to choose only one locale, which would it be? AC? Pattaya? Or Medellin?

Orange High Heel Shoes, Hello Kitty Backpacks, Tiger Outfits, That familiar cum stained Central Park Cheesey bed cover and Banana Shakes. The essential props for a hedonistic tour of small pussy flesh.

Fantastic Report.

\m/

a great report !!! seems like you had a fantastic time, alot of cuties. love the costumes also. i hope things turn around in the economy for you !!!

Great report, great pics. Makes me miss SEA.

Mali M

Ditto.

Thanks PV. I am in the Pattaya Bay Resort now based on your recommendations. I took good notes of your bar list in Pattaya.
I know where i will put my nose tonight !! .
Yesterday i had a blast at Silverstar soi 7. I like the bubble bath ! .
Great report.
Zen.

Check-out sexy ago-go on soi8, 3 nice little spinners, no. 17 very sexy,beautiful hourglass figure, 1 and 3 with her perky nice rack.

Bwana... man, having to choose between the 3? that's an impossible predicament. How about we paste together a town with the weather and street girls of Medellin, the barebackness, pricing and GFE of AC, and the tourism, food, and Walking Street of Pattaya?

PV- Can we add a fourth, and get the beaches and sexual prowess of the GdPs from Rio?

Guys, that would be utopia..............

Pauly another masterpiece. Trip Report of the year for me, and you are becoming a legend. I love your style...both the writing style and the living style. You know how to go for it, and I admire that.

I am heading back to AC for trip #15 (I think) in just a few weeks. I am little worried about the typhoons. I stay in touch now with all my babies in between the trips, so I have a dozen or so lined up and ready. I do not file trip reports anymore, but I love living through yours.

Thanks!

RM

PV, you_are_sancho http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Sancho . I have determined you have similar taste in Filipinas as I,,,,,,,, so I recently re-reviewed your previous trip report from last year and discovered you banged another one of my former loves of my life (from WOW Bar) last year. . I suspect you have banged about half of my top 10

Clearly a man of impeccable taste.

Never been to MDE. Alas my Espanol is hopeless. Tried CTG a couple of times and had fun but operating at minimal levels.

So was "Grace" the one from "S" Bar???? I was her second in life and her first foreigner dick.

RadioMan...thanks, bro. You're the one who started this shit in this first place. Have a great trip.

Sancho...Gracie, wow, what an animal. She's at Mrs. Robinson's. And she cried when I gave her that $10 gift set. If you were also with Trixie at Wow Bar last year, you too have excellente taste!

Not the "Grace' I'm thinking of. Different bar. I've done all the worthwhile ladies at Mrs M C Robinson's but to be honest I cannot remember their names.


An interesting side note on Trixie. I will have to check dates last year. But when I photographed her she was very accommodating BUT with the caveat that "some other guy" had photographed her and posted her pics on some "pay site". She vowed to have that guy murdered if she saw him again. Thats what she said. I only now recognized someone else here posted a pic of her. Don't know if that's what she was talking about. I haven't seen her since but last I saw her she said she was moving to a big bar. I won't be posting my pics of her.

Don't think she was talking about me. I was in Wow Bar a lot this trip and didn't hear word one about it. Might be wise to steer clear though, eh!

I partied with Trixie and Yena from Wow bar last Sept. At the time Trixie had a bit of "belly bump". I just assumed that it was Jollibee catching up with her. In December Yena texted me and told me that Trixie had returned to the Province to have a baby.

H1

wow - great report - its good to see a fellow indie rocker here on the board - looking forward to a few guided by voices reunion shows soon - last time in ac i was able to get some good tips for daytime activity in local haunts like coffee academy - met a few gals there and found that they too enjoyed barhopping - well written stuff here - at this point i'll take the cuddling and crying-over-the-10dollar-gift gfe action over what you are describing in pattaya - ill be there for three weeks at end of oct - ill take better pics this time!

"I laughed. I cried. Trenchant, witty, no holds barred. Two thumbs up (where?)!" - Roger Ebert

You've raised the bar.

This report deserves a prize, thanks PV!

I am also trying to visit both Pattaya and AC, next April. I am hoping to meet up with some buddies in Pattaya and then after they leave town continue onto AC. It seems pretty easy on Continental to book an open jaw ticket . . . NYC-BKK and return MNL-NYC. Now I need the cheapest and least hassle way to get from Pattaya to AC. I plan to stay 10 days in Pattaya and a week in AC. I don't want to hijack PV's TR so post answers in the Asia Chat section. Thanks in advance.

Off to AC for New Years Eve. I did the same in 2008. You're a writer. Great descriptions. I loved the part about Manila. It's spot on.

Paulyvegas hey man great report.... I got my work cut out for me trying to find the girls behind the masks hehe... A challenge I'm up for. You really only had three weeks in PI so I got 13 days to you 21.... Also your taste in the LBFM's is right up my alley!!!! Jan 4-17 2011 in AC

BIGGUN

Hey PV:

Our little Rhea is now a Daddy's Girl. 4000 peso barfine only.

Quite a far cry from the 500 peso sneak out you did on her and even the regular barfine I paid.

She is still cute as a button though.

Hi Xenono...

Haven't been on this site in over two months. Just happened to look in tonight and saw your post.

4000, wow. Well, hopefully she puts on some sex miles. She was green as grass. Worse comes to worse I'll just have to find a new 4-11, 90 pounder.

I'm back in AC for a month starting July 19. You around?

Xen

Rhea now has a steady barfine boyfriend already. She still works and still barfines but "blowjob" only . She "respects" her boyfriend so at least claims no more sex with other guys. BJs do not count. I guess she is a student of Clinton sex rules.

What a laugh. A 4,000 peso blowjob ??

For 4000 pisos she should also give up her ass. I believe that WU payments only cover the pussy.

Grace aparently borrowed 8000 Piso from some woman outside the bar and then skipped out on the loan and is currently MIA, causing much drama.

In fact several of the ladies above are MIA at this moment.

Sancho...

Makes me sad to hear about the MIA chicks. Then again, I had to go back to the photo to remember who Grace even was (Great girl and 5X the lay Rhea was).

I'm guessing a year in a blow-job bar goes by a lot longer than a real-time year. They were sleeping two and three to a bed.

I'm guessing the turnover for my once-a-year trip will be about 75%.

Why do they have have the word 'borrow' in Tagalog. The same word for 'gift' should be used for 'borrow'. Same can be said for just about any third world hooker but this rings especially true in a country where lying is a sport.

This was a fantastic, well-written report. Shame on ME for not applauding earlier, but stuff that gets posted while I'm onsite sometimes falls through the cracks.

What a fantastic report, but did I read and remember correctly that you stayed 30 days in AC? How did you manage to remain sane during that long of a stay? I love the girls, but hate the place...after one week I can't wait to get back home...

I had the condom question come up a couple of times during my last trips as well, but luckily was able to convince them otherwise....

Re: long term stays, I should just cut/paste this, but:

What does one do anywhere else? I mean, assuming most of your life is not spent finding, wooing, fucking girls?

For those planning to post about Thai crocodile farms and dodging shit-flingers during waking hours elsewhere, bring something better/new?

ME? I like fucking 3x a day. Sometimes that's 3 different ST's, somnetimes that's one yeoman-girl.

For those that fuck 3-5 times a WEEK, well, we are different, you're gay-ish, and to each their own?

Well Porker, although I'm nowhere near 90 years old, I'm guessing that by the time I am 90, I may only be fucking 3-5 times a week. But in the meantime in an abundance of caution I think I'll avoid all old people, since according to you they are "gay-ish."

"ME? I like fucking 3x a day. Sometimes that's 3 different ST's, somnetimes that's one yeoman-girl."

How very studly! Why not also share your dick size with us. Yeoman-girl? Is that what you're calling ladyboys these days?

"For those that fuck 3-5 times a WEEK, well, we are different, you're gay-ish, and to each their own?"

If this is humor, it isn't funny. If this is a jab at other CH board members, it's boorish.

C'mon, is there not one thing exempt from being vaginified? Maybe there should be a detachable vagina on the outer vagina, so you can keep on fucking no matter what! ......


(Message edited by copperfieldkid on June 04, 2011)

I guess I offended the brasil-set geriatrics. Maybe explains a lot about why they put up with ridiculous prices?

Porker,

You have an amazing ability for hijacking threads with smartass posts. This was a very civil and interesting report/discussion until you joined in. Is there no way for you to make your point without putting down others here? Just curious, as this seems to happen a lot. I know you're not a dick, so what gives?

Bwana, u see what you want to see. I'm not the brazil vet that posted about "what's there to do in AC" crap. There's fucking to do there. A whole lot of fucking. If you want to do a LITTLE fucking, we're different (and I can't relate to you), AC may not be for you.

(Message edited by porker on June 05, 2011)

I think everyone, including LM, knows that one can fuck all day and all night in AC. His comment implying that there ain't much else to do in AC is hard to dispute. All you have to say is you're perfectly fine with that. No need to diss LM because he's bored after a few days in AC. He didn't say anything about not enjoying fucking 3X a day. The only thing he said is AC can get boring after a week or so. I agree. The place is a shit hole. Great for quantity fucking, but nothing else. If that's all you want out of a trip, more power to you. It's a great place to be. But calling guys "geriatric" and "gay-ish" because their tastes, preferences, or resources are not the same as yours seems just a touch immature.

I'm indeed immature and I indeed like fucking to an unnatural degree.

Next?

edit to say fucking on a budget to an unnatural degree.

Again it ain't for the squeamish?

Sorry to truly attempt a hijacking here, but getting back to the original (gay) question, what does anyone else do in any other destination on their (ostensibly) whoremongering vacation?

My personal favorite things to do every day on whoremongering trips:

1: screw bargirls
2: interrogate bargirls in english. Repeat, In English. 3x, in English. Name one other affordable destination where that's possible with more than 1% of the prey?
3: drink cheap booze
3a: swim with bargirls
4: eat with bargirls for less than 5 bucks total
5: watch english tv with bargirls
6: text/chat/email potential fuck buddies IN ENGLISH
7: watch american sports

oh, I forgot one, please forgive me:

Take pics/video of my bargirls.

I presume the destinations where there is a massive disconnect in posting such memorabilia is because the posters are shy vs. the girls wearing the pants in the photo taking relationships?

His comment implying that there ain't much else to do in AC is hard to dispute.

MY COMMENT implying what else is there to do in any mongering vacation is even harder to dispute for a real monger?

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quote:

Sorry to truly attempt a hijacking here, but getting back to the original (gay) question, what does anyone else do in any other destination on their (ostensibly) whoremongering vacation?

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Interesting ".. There's fucking to do there. A whole lot of fucking. If you want to do a LITTLE fucking, we're different (and I can't relate to you), AC may not be for you..." and "....but getting back to the original (gay) question, what does anyone else do in any other destination on their (ostensibly) whoremongering vacation...."

Certaintly interesting take on a mongering vacation - I guess I am gay, because I like to drink, play pool, go to the beach, fishing, diving, go out at night and listen to music, good dinners, go to nightclubs, etc, etc, beside just fucking 3-5 days a day. Now all together - plus sufficient opportunity to fuck be it one or 5 times a day, plus the availability of all else makes the ultimate mongering vacation for me. So again, if not being wanting to be cooped up in my hotel 30 days fucking 24 hours a day then I guess that does make me "Gay" in the eyes of some individuals that seem to not have a normal adjusted and balanced life.... it might also be hard to conceive for those individuals that fucking girls actually exists outside the mongering vacation itself, hence no desperate need to "fill every single minute of my day with fucking". Just because my mongering vacation ends does not mean my fucking does....

AC has become one of my favorite mongering locations - outside Brazil - but one week is enough for me. Fucking is just one of many things I like....

I guess if your goal only every centered around bar girls 24X7, then you could be happy forever in AC....that is just not me! I guess I can't relate to Porker at all....

To each their own, I should definitely know better than to criticize what others do on their vacations. I'm just a bit too sensitive to criticism of my favorite place.

That's it, Porker. It's not meant as a criticism of you or of what you do on vacation. I can even appreciate that some would love love love AC for what it is. For pure numbers and low prices it's hard to beat AC.

I can love it for the same reasons, but only ST. I'm with LM (and many others I know) who can only deal with the place for about 7 days max. Different strokes for different folks.

Here's why I wear out after about 7 days. Note--these are MY opinions, and not stated as facts:

1. The food sucks. I know some think it's OK, but I hate AC food.
2. Walking around AC is an unpleasant assault on one's senses. It's noisy, it smells bad, you are constantly harassed by vendors, etc. Infrastructure-wise, it's a shithole. Trikes? Jeepnies?
3. Conversations with the girls tend to lack depth . It's like Groundhog Day...each conversation seems a clone of the previous one. After a few days it's hard to stay interested. It beats no conversation, but not by much.
4. The non-bar activities are few and uninteresting. How many times can you walk laps at SM? Even the hotel pool gets boring, with the same lousy music on the PA day after day.

The reasons why I return repeatedly to Rio parallel these:

1. Food is awesome. World class restaurants and cheap por kilo places by the hundreds.
2. Beautiful beaches, picture postcard views everywhere, nice sea breeze, mornings spent lazing on the beach with friends. Getting around Rio is easy and comfortable. No fucking trikes or jeepnies.
3. Great conversations with the girls. My Portuguese is better than the English spoken by AC girls, and the Rio putas are generally better educated than their AC sisters. They talk politics, sports, sex...
4. The options in Rio are countless, and many can be done with your favorite puta. During my last trip I went hiking in the forest with one, spent a day at the beach with another, and went to a live music club with three others. You could do something different every evening and never run out of new things to check out.

That's the type of vacation I prefer. I like a nice blend of sport fucking and traditional vacation activities. I don't think it makes me gay

Bwana: Phillies has live music every night at 10:30!

Bwana,

I think that this Rio vs. the rest of the world debate has been going on for a while here.

My take on it is that everyone is entitled to go to their favorite mongering spot and enjoy it.

You get MUCH RESPECT from me because your Brazil reports for the late 90's enabled me to go to Brazil.....and it was indeed paradise during the early 2000's due to the strong dollar.

I also acknowledge the fact that you have probably been going to Brazil since the Cruzeiro/New Real days....

But as a newbie back in 2000 I must say that the prices in Rio now are CRAZY. Yes, I do know how to navigate the local scene and the second class termas. But I can't justify paying over 100 dollars for less than an hour of sex NOWHERE in the world!

I have only just started going to Angeles City recently and I must say that it was a breath of fresh air for me. I like the simple pick and choose aspect, and also the unlimited amount of girls to choose from. I don't have to catch metros across town, I don't have to go to hidden secret locations to find termas etc. I don't have to put up with a narcissistic culture. I will admit that I do like many aspects of Brazil, and that the quality there is unmatched. Despite this, I am not willing to pay crazy prices for it.

While I like Rio and will return, there are other pastures to explore. Also, Rio is not the end all, be all to everything. You and Lovingmarvin prove this fact by the way that you guys still go to other mongering spots.

Is Angeles a shithole? Hell yeah! But it's our shithole. That's why we keep going.

Bwana: Phillies has live music every night at 10:30!

Granted, there are live music venues in AC...if you want to hear cover bands churning out mediocre pop and rock. By comparison, Rio has countless live music venues (50 in Lapa alone) where you can hear every type of music imaginable. It truly has one of the best live music scenes of any city in the world. A city of 12 million is just going to have more stuff to do than one the size of AC.

Superion187,

I completely agree. Everyone is entitled to their favorite place. I also agree that prices in Rio are pretty high, and many will conclude it's no longer worth it. I haven't reached that point.

And I agree there are other pastures to explore. I've been to AC and Rio this year. Next up is Medellin, then Thailand, then a couple more trips to Brazil. We all find the place or places that work best for our own budgets and vacation/mongering styles. Vive le difference!

Rio is an ideal fit for me. AC is a lousy fit (still, I love those AC spinners!). I like BKK and Phuket but don't really like Pattaya.

The fun is in searching to find your own sweet spot. But preferring one place over another does not make one "gay" or anything else. One man's shithole is another man's heaven. I understand that completely.

Ok, I still hate AC - but love the girls - so booked another trip for July 30th - August 7th. Already know what will happen....about half way in my trip, I will get home sick and can't wait to get home by the time August 7th rolls around..... Then about a week after returning back home, I will already start planning my next trip back....aye, what a fucked up place of mind AC leaves me :-)

LM-

Been there, done that.

The difference is that as my time in Rio comes to a close, I get depressed at the thought of leaving, so I get on-line and book a return before I even leave.

I completed a trip to AC on Monday and currently already posses plane tickets for the next FOUR trips.

IAS-

I think you need to reconsider which location is "home."