Chapter 4

Tues Feb 28. Relieved to be back to our normal morning routine, and our gringo skin repaired of the suns pervious assault , we plan on another beach day. This being our final full day, and having a phone full of eager business woman at our disposal, we begin to plan. Made a couple calls for a morning session but none could fit the narrow window stipulated. Made a 6pm reservation for Elvis’s ex and off to the beach we go ! Seated in the lounge chairs, provided by Fau, we see a few options for a luncheon at the condo, but each pair consists of a cutie and a fattie. Why does a hot chica bring an anchor to the beach with her? Not very entrepreneurial ! Not to worry, pussy is the least of our problems … A Few beers and a forced massage by Emily later, we meet a trio of Americans who are living in Cartagena. They are drinking Ron Medellin, and graciously offer to share . They asked to wrong two guys! As we chatted and emptied that bottle the picture of Cartagena clears. Having more questions for these vastly educated gentlemen, it’s off we go, for more rum and ice! Now fried, enlightened, and intoxicated, we bid our adieu and head home. Well, we try to anyways. Emily needs her hug. On that note; the retired and vastly knowledgeable expatriot Jack, informs us that Emily is the Generalismo de Beach. Anything you need Emily is “da guy”…anything he reiterates. Ok, we get it. You get it?

Now starving, we shower and walk across to the BBQ.After convincing the waiter we want something off the menu, we order a smorgasbord of meat, chicken and shrimp. While mid meal Salome arrives and I invite her to join us. Seated behind us a host of Louisiana oil workers, thinking they have an exclusive on English within earshot, begin to discuss the undressing of “my girl”. Well this is just too much and I will not stand for it! When enlightened to our being Americans we all get a great laugh, accented with innuendo to the virtues of CTG. Now off to the room for dessert. Funny, Im not hearing of Heartburn…Booze must be antacid ! We both enjoy Salome separate and together, then separate again. The warm up to our last night is over and off she goes with papacito mucho gracias her final vocalization. She’s only Human !! Oh god the heartburn again ! I head for the store across the street to get him some Tums but they have only this small bottle which I read Antacido. Anything to relieve my ear ache, and his heartburn, of course! He’s on the couch Im dressed and heading for LDV @ 11:30. The place is hopping , big time and my head is on a swivel. The scene surrounding me is truly amazing in comparison to the states. I can only think of the full parking lot at the local strip club, and laugh. Schmucks! I cant choose. Too much visual stimulation. Ok, lets go dancing queen, and bring your busty friend.

Three minutes later we enter the room as my wing man is leaving the bathroom. The smile that crosses his face is why I travel with him ! However, he is having a problem. We pound these two both w alcohol fill cocks and I hitting this chica so hard she blurts out the first English I have heard from her “ Oh god you killing me”. Well I drop the best load I’ve had all trip, deep inside her, as she’s laying folded in half under me. As she hobbles to the bathroom I hear the other toilet flush. Guess he’s done too ! Well he was, but Houston we have a problem. Are you sure that shit you got me was antacid? Yea, says right on it, look. Google translate this other word….um oh… laxative ! Oh man, I’m sooo sorry !!

Fortunately he didn’t drink much, so we dress and head back to LDV for round two. Again the talent makes it hard to choose what is to be the grand finale of our trip. I see the last girl I hit dancing around so she must have recuperated quickly… I pick out a silicone blonde about 5’-2” and me amigo a bigger brick shithouse type. Off we go again back to the apt. The security guard begins to laugh at the signing in of yet 2 more chicas.

This brings me to another insight I have learned. This signing in is good for your safety. One thing being checked is her age. There is a problem here with underage girls soliciting. The guys on the beach said to be aware of this, very aware of this… because the Columbian police will arrest you. Check their ID if remotely young looking, especially girls coming off the beach. Again the security desk is a layer of insulation for you. We tipped the security desk frequently throughout the trip. Consider yourselves forewarned !

Ok, back to the bitches. These two were a lot of fun. We drank the remaining vodka we had in the room w/ passion fruit. They dumped a pile of …”sugar” on the counter and consumed what I thought was a lot of blow ! Well now drunk, high, and a weeks worth of Cialis coursing thru our veins we bang and bend over, pound and flip over, grab and.. well you get it. Now spent, we hand over 150K ea, along with any remaining booze and a six pack for the security guy. They’re gone and we are done. We pass out @ 3:30 am.

The next day is packing and relaxing as we prepare for our 2:30 departure. Hindsight and luck gift us a late flight. I fall in love with one of the ticket agents while checking in, but on the plane we go, arriving in Boston half past midnight…drunk ! What a trip !

I’ll be back !

The Terminator

Photos: Blond - La Dolce Vida 05 06 07