I do make references to a previous party she put on in Calgary in March called "Dinner to Die For" which I also attended.
.......and now........for the thrilling conclusion to........Libero Paradiso!
Yacht Adventure was VJ's (Victoria Jolie) third, and by far most ambitious, “party” for us pooners who would love to dive into a smorgasbord of hot ladies in just one day. It unfolded like this.....
The clients were booked into their own rooms at an upscale central downtown Vancouver hotel, with the yacht docked at Granville Island, a short limo ride away. There were two sailings: Thursday and Friday, I attended both. The Thursday sailing was from about 3 to about 7:30, the Friday sailing was a little longer, from 3 to about 8:15.
Part I: Thursday sailing-party:
I checked into my room at about noon (VJ looked after the bookings) and we all rallied in the lobby at about 2:30. The seven ladies looked lovely, dressed to kill, with most gentlemen (7) in suits, tuxes or, in one case, a themed nautical outfit (me).
After some re-positioning in the weeks leading up, as ladies dropped out or switched days, here is the final Thursday roster:
Victoria Jolie: should be known for her long-standing reputation by most board members by now, our Quebecois hostess and organizer. VJ had embarked on a far-reaching project, two back-to-back events in two days, coordinating land and sea activities.
Betty-Jean: an alumnus from DTDF, a fabulous energetic blonde from TO who, sadly, doesn't tour. She loves sex, love men, loves ladies, loves to party.
Chrystal: also an alumnus from DTDF. An imposing beauty, fun-to-play with, adored by all, tours extensively, see her when she comes to your Canadian city.
Peyton de Rose: yup, DTDF alumnus too. A porn star experience packaged as a spinner blonde, I find it soo sexy how she sweats when getting it on. I am so glad she is now putting the 'Peg on her tour schedule.
3sVanesssa: a gorgeous LP regular and local Vancouverite, attending all LP events-to-date who pulls the trigger faster than anyone at these parties; she's naked and cumming before you have had a chance to take the second sip of your drink.
Missy Mariposa: a newcomer and a kind of American import. (sorta' like CFL, the roster always has Americans). Great rack, great attitude!
2s Vanessa: A stunning petite young Asian newcomer who I understand is well-loved and well-reviewed, kicked the party off for me. She calls Calgary her main city. My DTDF review pulled her in, hope she will come back.
Tiffany Black: eye candy originally from TO. A youthful petite Playboy centerfold-type.....and exhibitionist.....with platinum hair and sexy bangs, and did I mention the 36 D naturals?
We left by stretch limo for the marina on Granville Island, boy-girl seating inside. Alas, unlike DTDF, no champagne served this time. I escorted Betty Jean down the walkway and along the dock, moving a little too quickly for a lady in 4 inch heels negotiating wooden planks. The yacht was a 68 footer with 3 levels. On the upper deck, a small bar was laid out with male bartender, we all shared champagne and briefly did a few more introductions. It had a table to sit at (or fuck on) and an aft lookout deck. The main deck was the saloon, with two leather chairs, a leather couch, coffee table, and an adjacent second bar with the house mom acting as a bartender, and the cockpit, manned by our hip, ship captain. The hold had two cabins and three heads (why are nautical terms so sexual? heads, cockpits.......mmmm). The large cabin had a loveseat and king-size bed, and was the eventual orgy pit. The second cabin was great for banging on a bed when there was no room elsewhere on a floor or couch.
The weather on Thursday was not co-operative, we were able to hang around on the bow deck a bit but it was overcast and rained off-and-on. You'll see from my review of the Friday sailing why this was something of a saving grace. We moored somewhere between Kits and Jericho Beaches, protected from the wind and not too far from land. But we stayed mostly indoors that day, making things a little more cramped than at the house events.
After intros, VJ took the girls below to change into lingerie or bikinis in the main cabin; the men into sarongs. We went upstairs and these stayed on for about as long as 5 minutes. 3S Vanesssa is always the friskiest filly, first out of the gates, disrobing and writhing on the floor with a pooner to throw out the first lay. I started making-out with 2S Vanessa then took her below for a vigourous shagging in the small cabin, spilling a glass of perfectly-good 18 yo MacAllan scotch on the rush down the corkscrew ladder.
A perfect spinner Oriental body, tight smooth behind, with a mouth that shames industrial-strength vacuums for its force.
We cleaned up (I think we used the shower, I had brought extra towels) and as we glided out of our cabin I could see Tiffany's gorgeous tight ass bobbing up-and-down on another pooner's legs cowgirl style in the other cabin.
Coming back up to the main deck the event was now in full swing. Chrystal was being sandwiched by two guys on the couch, Missy Mariposa was making out on the table with a someone, Betty Jean was riding a client in a leather chair, cowgirl style, 3sVanesssa was on the floor with a guy, some people were hanging out on the transom, smoking, Peyton getting nailed doggie style. I headed upstairs further to get more scotch from our cool bartender. The house mom kinda wandered around, throwing out hot towels, drinks, water for re-hydration, etc as she spotted people in need.
And that's how it rolled. Girls making out with girls, guys making out with multiple girls, everyone trying someone and something different, constantly. Kudos to Betty Jean for getting my cock and another client's into her mouth at the same time (I had to get drunk for that!). As the hours progressed more people wound up in the main cabin, with whatever was happening on the bed turning into a show for the others, sitting and or screwing on the couch. I think Chrystal spent most of her time there; it's where VJ and Chrystal tipped the captain!
As we returned to the marina everyone took their cue, found their bags and got dressed. About 10 plates of small hors d'oeuvres (very tasty) had been provided but all of us were still famished for supper. The limo took most people to an upscale restaurant near our hotel for dinner.
Part II: Thursday night Apres Party
One of the features of these events is the overnight, where the lady can double her Libero Paradiso income IF she plays her cards right and someone selects her. With the high overhead, I think the girls should work this more.
For me it was Betty-Jean. I was very impressed with her vitality and sexual energy at DTDF, found her really easy to connect to.....instantly......and this impression was re-enforced when I saw her on a brief......is six-hours brief?..... Air Canada layover at YYZ, her home city, two months earlier.
We were both famished after the sailing and ditched the others, who set-out by limo to a restaurant near the hotel, to eat at a Granville Island restaurant. I had a hoot with her over dinner! A few dozen oysters and a bottle of red wine, hell, I was almost completely refreshed. I especially enjoyed hitting on our attractive Asian waitress (“I just broke up with my boyfriend”) and, with Betty as my witness, came within inches of pulling her back to the hotel for a 3some. The thought that I may get her fired (I was standing up behind “Jennifer” at our table with my arms tight around her, Betty was slack-jawed and calling me a “brat”) made me finally pull back.
Peyton had mentioned earlier she wanted to hit the strip bar Brandy's......again.....so we followed suit and took a cab. Peyton really likes the ladies. After a roundabout course of retrieving our IDs and room keys (screw Vancouver for all its crazy ID rules) we finally, after two attempts, got admitted.....and Peyton didn't show-up! I guess her overnight client was too horny to wait. But Chrystal, VJ, 3s Vanesssa, and at least a couple of clients, Gonzo and my beloved fellow Winnipegger HDS, were there ahead of us, doing shots and tipping the strippers. Thank you Chrystal, for whatever that was that I drank out of your mouth. Tequila Semen? I especially enjoyed getting Betty and VJ lap dances from the Asian Jessica Rabbit, “Jade”, what a smokin' hot body, and watching their frustration as they couldn't touch. Ha Ha. Welcome to guys' world, ladies.
Betty and I almost shut the place down and then headed back to our hotel. She was fabulous and attentive to me, with superb oral skills, but I was so tired that I didn't get the next shot off until the morning. I love the way she can wrap her legs around my neck as I go deep. Aahhhhhh, to party and drink, or to not party and drink and go straight to the bedroom, that is the question.
After we both discovered I was due for the morning massage VJ had arranged for the gentlemen....I was last one up
....BJ and I said our good-byes and she took off. Why such a quick departure?...I didn't fart!? I really had intended to be a gentleman and buy her breakfast, but I was on the Libero Paradiso bullet train. I headed to VJ's large suite for the hot buffet breakfast she had catered in, and a fine one-hour Swedish massage in the room as well. One of two licensed masseusses, complete with professional massage tables, released my knots.......funny, I thought Betty Jean had down that earlier. Nice touch VJ, making sure the gentlemen were treated like kings! We all enjoyed each others' company with lots of charged banter around the table. Erratum: there were 8 ladies on the Thursday, not 7, and seven gentlemen.
........and the band played on .......and the band played on .....and the band played on and on and on and the band played onnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!
Part III: Friday Sailing-party
While I was having my morning massage my two intended overnight guests entered VJ's room: Roksi, an alumnus of DTDF, and her close friend and sometimes travelling companion, Lena Fires, a new recruit to Libero Paradiso. I sent them off to our room with a key to prepare for the sailing. Meanwhile, I rested up for the next round.
Better organized this time, VJ rallied us, ladies and clients, in her room for a briefing at 2:15. I believe she goes over some things with the ladies alone before that. It was a larger crowd, at least 10, maybe 11 well-dressed men ...I stayed with the preppy Boston-style nautical look. I know an attendee from Thursday almost joined on Friday too, which would have pushed the client number up to 12. I was a little surprised at the jump-up in numbers after weeks of VJ trying to get above 7. In the end, I think 17 or 18 men made this two-day event, almost meeting the target of 20 VJ had set for herself..
There were 10 ladies:
VJ and 3s Vanesssa "worked" both days
Tiffany Black and Betty Jean were asked to return due to the increase in client numbers.
From DTDF: Roksi, Veronica Sway, Yoko Anna
Lena Fires: a mostly-lesbian (?90-10) dominatrix from Toronto who I thought knew how to play it straight
Dolce Mia: A beautiful ebony lady, smooth skin and a spinner body. She seemed a little shy, but from what I saw, was able. ;)
Dayna Phoenix: a drop-dead gorgeous redhead from Seattle. Yes, another American import. U-Ass – Ehhh owns the podium!
Like Thursday, we rallied in the lobby, helping carry food down to the lobby. It was a huge entourage, the limo was packed and a second van was brought in to carry people. At the marina, I escorted Lena and Roksi down, some ladies had learned from yesterday and switched to flats rather than heels. We were the last to board, as I did want a few pics taken before hand, partly to send to and tease Manuella Cruz,who dropped out at the last minute, on what she was missing out on.
The bartender greeted us as before, at the upper deck bar, and the toasting with champagne began, but it was a brief ceremony, as some of us were a little too eager and got down to it before VJ could organize the ladies into lingerie and the men into sarongs. I don't think I ever put on my sarong this sailing!
As always, Vanessa hit the ground first and running, going to the floor on the main deck with Gonzo. I grabbed Yoko Anna for ......make-up sex! Yes, the girl has energy and can fuck hard, she is a dynamo and this was her farewell tour. She mounted me cowgirl style in a chair, then I went down on her on the floor. She made out with Vanesssa while Gonzo and I dined on them both! Gonzo, we should have swapped at one point so that you could taste sushi and I could try Italian.
Next it was Dayna, also on the main deck. We made out on the couch and then got in on in 69, right in the middle of the saloon!. I could hear Roksi behind me moaning, in one chair, and I know there was lots of action around me but I was concentrating on Dayna's glorious shaved pussy. She rang my bell and I was done...for at least a while.
I needed to “recharge”, I was down for awhile for having “fun”, so I thought I could get a drink and at least make out with someone. I went to upper deck bar, toured the party a little and scoped out the action. It was crowded, I was never quite sure where everyone was or what they were doing, every cabin and available space seemed taken.
.......AND THEN IT WENT ALL DOWNHILL....
I found it hard to get access to pussy for the rest of this party. There were a lot of guys, and what were the ladies doing?
I spotted Betty Jean doing Gonzo in a chair, but she gave me that I-checked-off-your-tick-box-yesterday-you're-done look, but that was OK, I think I gave her the same look and I wanted to check some new tick boxes myself.
I went out on the transom again, Tiffany Black seemed to be free. But she was busy sharing a cigarette again with the captain, and taking pictures of the Vancouver scenery with her phone. “What are you doing ?”, I said, somewhat perturbed by the presence of a camera. “I'm taking pictures and Instagramming my friends” What??? She can get 3-bars out here? The evil cockblocking triumvarite, Telus-Rogers-Bell, had struck again, out on the water no less. She turned away from me to keep taking pictures, not getting the hint.
Tiffany Banks fucked a few clients over the two days, but seemed caught up in sitting on the transom or in the cockpit, taking pictures with her cell phone and sending them to instagram. When I approached her she seemed indifferent. I hate this, I had encountered this with Jasmine at DTDF, doesn't the lady know I am the PAYING CUSTOMER and why we are both there? She's being paid over $400/hr, and it isn't to instagram and share cigarettes with the captain and house mom.
Lena Fires. A big mistake, and I, dear gentle reader, played some role in that myself. How could I have been so wrong, I'm still scratching me head over this one. When Lexxy Belle, my first choice to sponsor, proved unreliable VJ needed a replacement, and Lena's name came up, as she is a friend of Roksi's. I had seen her many times before, she was always consistent and good, and I knew she was a (mostly) lesbian dominatrix in her other life but I felt she knew how and when to park this at the door. She turned out to be a cockblock.
Roksi worked her tail off at this event, she could be the poster girl and do the training video for Libero Paradiso. She jumped on one client right away and just kept going, hardly resting at all, and often had two guys going at once. I would say she outworked Tiffany and Veronica each three-to-one.
......which became an issue itself. The poor girl was burning herself, never got any rest as guys saw they had a better chance with her than with the other girls.
Veronica Sway. The Ice Queen. Where the hell was she? During the whole event, I never even got to talk to her. I gave her something of a free pass in my DTDF review. At least I did get to make-out with her at DTDF, but she was the one I spent the least time with. She NEVER tried to initiate anything with me. On her website, she markets herself as an almost-celebrity courtesan of rocktar status, the air-brushed photos look great and she has fabulous reviews, but at these events, IMHO, she leaves her A-game back in TO. She walked by me a few times, but never even made eye contact.
The action in the saloon was intense, with Vanesssa, Roksi and Dolce Mia straddling someone. I picked up a MacAllan with ice then started to roam the boat. Everywhere I went a lady was occupied. Someone was slamming someone doggy style in the main cabin, some ladies were out on the bow, enjoying the sunshine but not taking the hint that I would like to play. Going out to the transom ladies seem distracted there too, sharing a cigarette with the captain and the house mom. They didn't take the hint either.
The Ice Queen walked by.
I ran into Lena, who screamed in excitement, “I just had four orgasms!”. Uhhh, didn't you know I'M the one who is supposed to have four orgasms? They were paid for in advance. She went off to do........whatever.
The Ice Queen walked by.
Dolce Mia looked good but I never got to play with her. She was good about getting on guys, saw her do a lot of cowgirl, but the clients were all competing, gently, for her attention. I'd get her to talk, then she'd drift away to another client. Back at the bar, Dolce Mia was available again, and I started up a conversation, trying to be smooth. I should have picked her up caveman-style, but another pooner slipped in behind her, put his arm around her and scooped her away.
The Ice Queen walked by.
What was I doing wrong? Was I supposed to have bought tickets? Was there a “Take-a-number” post somewhere I was missing? A secret password? A secret handshake? What was it?
The Ice Queen walked by.
...and so it went.
...cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock aftercockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock aftercockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock aftercockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock aftercockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock aftercockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock aftercockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock aftercockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after cockblock after...
Paid for a clambake, was served a sausagefest.
The Ice Queen walked by.
The party just didn't flow the way DTDF did. At that party, a pooner could easily find a girl and glide off one and glide onto another. Here, it was as if the ladies were pacing themselves and let distractions get them from time-to-time...the scenery.....the other ladies...suntanning...their fucking cell phones!
I did discover a new approach to navigating on the water....the cell phone. No, no, gentle reader, not the obvious GPS...THE SIGNAL STRENGTH. Just tell the captain to find a place that has NO BARS, then go at least 500 feet further.
Tiffany turned way and kept on shooting pics, not getting the hint! I don't know if she snapped the crowd or not, is there a sex tape floating around out there courtesy of Tiffany?
I hate doing this, I always feel like a douche about this, but I complained to VJ and she said she talked to the young ingenue, but it didn't make any difference.
The Ice Queen walked by.
Upstairs, Roksi was giving it her all, easily outworking Tiffany Black, frequently taking on two guys at once. This Irish girl gives everything at LP parties. As I was mixing drinks for myself at the now-unattended bar, some pooner was slamming her madly as she lay on her back behind the table, while the bartender had his dick in her mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK!!!
There seem to be three immutable laws of physics that keep the universe from falling into chaos: gravity holds it together, light is the absolute speed limit, and cockblocking-cuckolding bartenders at orgies MUST get blowjobs.
Now, for those of you who follow my reviews you KNOW the issue of the cockblocking DTDF bartender was beaten to death, resurrected, and re-beaten to death on two boards! If EVER a message should have been clear, it was: the bartender doesn't get to play! BUT......VJ did absolutely insist we needed a bartender.
I felt like pulling his dick out of Roksi's mouth, and saying: “Hey, I'm trying to mix a Cuban Libre. I found the Bacardi Gold and Coke, but could you please point your dong in the direction of the Angostura Bitters. Then I'll plug your tallywacker back into the mouth of the lady I am taking overnight and you can keep tickling her uvula!”
Yup, in the end, the bar was self-serve anyway. I know from Thursday, the bartender said, hanging his head with sadness: “I'm not supposed to play” (tears falling). At the very time, I thought: This guy is going to try to get off his leash. And he did. Why VJ pays her friends to cockblock the PAYING CLIENTS, I will never understand this business model.
And so it went. Superstar SPs glided passed me, not even bothering to make eye contact.
The Ice Queen walked by.
On the main deck, Lena announced: “Roksi has been bad!”, she had donned her vinyl dominatrix outfit. Yoko Anna was tying the stark-naked Roksi up in some kind of ninja knots with docking rope, courtesy of the captain, Roksi seemed to be under the influence......of something: “I've been bad, really, really bad”, she said teasingly to one-and-all. I didn't stick around to see what kind of punishment Lena had in mind for her; a lesbian dominatrix was now cockblocking by tying up Roksi and, in a way, Yoko Anna too, an experienced dominatrix herself.
My mind started making to make those strange mental calculations one makes when one feels hard-done-by in a business transaction:
For what I paid for this:
I could have flown first class to Bangkok, gone to "Poseidon", and have the papasan pick ten girls out of the fish bowl.......hell......I could have EMPTIED the whole fish bowl.......thrown them into the Rumpus Room, and played “rooster-in-the-henhouse” for longer than my body could stand it.....
..........or walked across the street to "Amsterdam", paid for the first two rows of the Superstar section, the one with Playboy centerfolds, Asian edition, and runway models, and thrown them into the penthouse suite with me for the whole evening.....
.........or have flown first class to Medellin, paid for the entire line-up of hot Latino women at "Lutron's", and have had a private Garden of Eden fuckfest outside right on the grounds all afternoon......
.......or have ridden the "Behemoth"
at Canada's Wonderland 644 times!
And yet another problem developed. Despite being warned ahead of time by the captain NOT to put condoms and feminine hygiene products into the toilet, someone put a maxipad down there early on the Thursday sailing, clogging it and causing a stink. Still, there were men and women going at it down there. Poor VJ was eventually on the hook for repairing it
One cool moment of this party was, when on the bow, opening the hatch to the second cabin and staring in on Dayna getting pounded furiously in missionary by ?Gonzo, just not sure. Geez, I sure hope I didn't break his concentration by screaming: “GO GO GO GO GO..........”
At this point, I had to have humour about the whole thing to keep it together. Dayna, your orgasm-face is priceless, something Jimmy Kimmel would talk about for hours on his talk show if he saw it!
I had hit Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's last stage of pooner death: I accepted I wasn't going to get laid again.
Maybe the way to get a lady's attention was to be always walking around with a hard-on. It seemed to work for Gonzo. You are a pooning rockstar, Gonzo, the mental picture of you 69ing Betty Jean on a rickety leather chair on a swaying boat is indelibly burnt into my occipital lobes. I thought to myself: If that chair falls over and someone gets a head injury.........OMG!
We should put a big set of hooters on Betty Jean and drag you both down to LA for your porn audtion.
Now you would think things couldn't get any worse, BUT......
I was on the bow outside, naked like everyone else, taking in the sun,
when out of the corner of my eye, I spotted the Vancouver Police Service Harbour Patrol boat speed in from the starboard side, heading to the stern of the yacht.
NOW......DON'T PANIC!!! .....I told myself....with apologies to Ford Prefect.
I saw this coming weeks ago, but figured, what the hey. Moored as we were, a quarter mile off Jericho Beach, within binocular distance of snooty Kitslano, VPS harbour patrol having to show they deserve their paycheque, people inevitably wanting to engage in various nude activities in sunlight, English-speaking Canada being oh-so prudish, this was a certainty. But the VPS are cool, hell, they let disgruntled hockey fans therapeutically burn down the city when its team loses. Nice!
Everyone scrambled to cover themselves with some flimsy garment, the boat almost listed to port as we scrambled away from view of the police.
The Ice Queen walked by.
Now this part REAAALLLLY scared the shit out of me!
With the boys-in-blue just 20 feet away, Tiffany Black was toking on a roach!!! I told her to throw it overboard but since this poster girl for dumb blondes doesn't listen to anybody, she tried to save it!
This was a watershed moment for me, suddenly sweating cold bullets, perilously close to being hauled down buck-naked to the cop shop on a possible bogus drug charge.
I saw my career, walking the plank, heading towards the white light, and an oh-shit moment of clarity: “I SHOULDN'T BE HERE!”.
Hey, maybe I'd get thrown into the same cell as Tiffany Black, and finally get some action. Nah, she'd likely be too busy sharing a “cigarette” with some wino.
Now, SPs, LISTEN UP!!!. You are working in an unregulated profession and this concept may not resonate with you, but many of YOUR PAYING CLIENTS answer to employers and regulatory bodies that expect behaviour so squeaky clean we make monks and priests look like party animals. Tiffany Black, a high shool drop-out who trades on her body for her income is not going to get this. IT'S UP TO VJ TO KEEP DRUGS OUT OF THE PARTY!!!!
Dolce Mia sped by, didn't even make eye contact, obviously nervous, rapidly draping herself on the run.
The captain was great, handled VPS at the stern very well , “Just keep it inside” and the police sped off. But it really killed the mood on the boat, my chances of getting laid again went from tiny to absolute zero. VPS, the ultimate cockblock!
The Ice Queen walked by.
Who did I get to play with on Friday: Dayna and Yoko-Anna
Who didn't I get to play with:
Tiffany Black
Roksi
Dolce Mia
Victoria Jolie
Lena Fires
Veronica Sway
3s Vanessssa
Betty Jean
...now about the review of Thursday......
In truth, it wasn't much better than Friday, ENDLESS COCKBLOCKING.
Who did I play with on Thursday:
2-s Vanessa
Betty-Jean
Peyton De Rose
Chyrstal
Who didn't I get to play with:
VJ
Tiffany Black
Missy Mariposa
3s Vanesssa
BONUS CHAPTER: The Overnight that Wasn't!
Originally, I wasn't going to do this part, but I'm feeling a catharsis here, so LET'S KEEP GOING!
Like yesterday, the party ended earlier than advertised, this Voyage of the Damned ended at 8:15, a little later than the previous day's substantially foreshortened voyage....7:30.
I led my two intended overnights, Roksi and Lena, off of the boat. Roksi was not feeling well, she had worked harder than anyone and the guys hit on her continuously as she seemed most available, with the possible exceptions of Vanessa and Betty Jean. She was “seasick”, I get that feeling too when I've been boating on a sea of Margaritas.
I had made reservations at the "Sandbar" again for us, but my group, Lena, Roksi, and another pooner-client, let's call him “J”, last off the boat, got a little lost, I was concentrating on helping Roksi with her “seasickness” and missed my landmark, the "Keg". Lena was getting upset, she wanted to call a cab even though we were just one-hundred feet from the restaurant, by J's GPS-cell phone calculation. You can take the girl out of Toronto, but you can't take Toronto out of the girl.
At the Sandbar, Roksi skipped dinner to manage her "seasickness" in the ladies' room. VJ, and her stalwarts were there, Betty-Jean, 3s Vanesssa, Roksi, but the high-priced help from TO was nowhere to be found. My guess is Veronica Sway had to board a private jet for TO to make a duo, trio or whatever-o for unescorted George Clooney at TIFF. Tiffany Black probably needed to find another "cigarette", and top up her red wine consumption.
Service was slooooooowwwwww, I had the kitchen fire things up as we had a deadline to meet: I had made reservations at "Celebrities" night club on Davie St, with table and bottle service, but we would lose the table if we didn't appear by 11 pm. Gotta' move. Lena went to the ladies room to check-in on Roksi. Lena and I had...somehow.....pulled Roksi together...and left ontime.
And now, drum roll please, the second most heart-stopping moment of the WHOLE trip for mrkurtz. There I am, standing at a remote taxi stand in a remote corner of Granville Island,......by the way, taxi service in Vancouver sucks the dog's hind leg....1500 miles from Winnipeg, with a courtesan on each arm, but who else is standing there: the president of my regulatory body, whom I know all too-oo well, and his adult daughter, a Facebook friend of MY adult daughter!!! How I didn't go into v fib, or asystole, will remain a mystery to me forever!
The president looked utterly stunned, his daughter radiated “I'M PISSED OFF” and I have never ever been so grateful in my life for a Vancouver taxi to suddenly pull up......I used to live in Kits and know how slow local taxi service can be. Wanting to avoid the pedestrian “How are the wife and kids?” questions, I hustled Lena and recovering Roksi into the cab and we took off! Lena was right, the taxi driver had a bad attitude, but I could have kissed him full on the lips in gratitude for showing up when he did!
Note to self: Avoid all future dinner parties the president might attend....for at least the next five years.
I got out on Davie St. to walk over to Celebrities to confirm the table reservations for us just before 11, sending Lena and Roksi on back to the hotel to freshen up. Somehow, I managed to hail a cab on Burrard St, what amazing luck! and make it back to our downtown hotel.
Back in the room, all-new shit hit the fan. Lena Fires had lost her cellphone! “It's my life! It's my life! You don't understand. My phone is my life!!!” she raged, emotionally out-of-control.
The all-powerful lesbian dominatrix from all-powerful TO was having a Chernobyl-style meltdown of epic proportions. “Did you back it up?” “NO!!!” Shit. Ladies, you LIVE for your fuckin' cell phones, so you should BACK THEM UP! I do, once a week!
Lena was decomposing, walking back-and-forth in the hotel room frantically going on-and-on: “It's my life! It's my life! You don't understand!” Ladies, if you are always on your cell phone....and you always are...guess what, YOU HAVE NO LIFE! The now-recovered Roksi and I sat on the bed slack-jawed at the scene we were witnessing. Roksi tried to calm her down. Mistake. A little name-calling started. Obviously, Roksi has never been married to a woman before.
Married and formally married pooners, as you know, when a woman is having an emotional meltdown, regardless of her sexual orientation, it's the no-win-scenario. You try to help her, it's “You don't understand! You don't understand!” If you don't try to help her, you are a callous insensitive asshole. I sat mute on the bed, next to Roksi.
Eventually Lena's rage burnt out, and we all fell asleep in the king-size bed, with clothes on. We didn't make it to the club, but some people from the "Adventure" did.
In the morning, Lena felt contrite, and offered me a free BJ. “Uh, no thank you”. I wasn't in the mood, she had fucked-up an entire evening and night in a terrible infantile rant, hell, everyone loses a cellphone at some time. I couldn't get hard after that, screw the BJ.
The real loser of the night was......Roksi. I was going to pay each lady $2000 for the overnight, but Lena torched that. I saved $4000. That helped with my pain. The insanity of watching a woman complain about the $600 cost of her lost cellphone as she throws away $2000 in revenue, Jeeeezzz- uz!
Tiffany Black was invited by me to my table at Celebrities. On the yacht, the beeee-atch asked me to spring for the cost of her flight change so she could come to Celebrities with us. It was only $100, so I did, why not, I want a party atmosphere. Did she show up? What do you think? OF COURSE NOT!
THE DAMAGE:
Two sailing-parties: $4200 x2 = $8400
Overnight with Betty Jean: $2000
Overnight with Roksi and Lena: FREE
Memories: A DANGEROUS RIP-OFF!
I have experienced "Your Mileage May Yary" before but this was outrageous!
Land Ho!
I made it to the departure lounge of YVR the next day, relieved to be getting outta' here. Thank you, Gonzo, for the ride to the Canada Line.
Imagine......someone who used to live in idyllic Vancouver, relieved to be leaving it, for of all places, armpit-of-Canada Winnipeg! Sick!
The Ice Queen walked by.
Nah, I'm just fucking with your head now. Veronica Sway had likely already gotten George Clooney off 2 or 4 times with her friends in the penthouse suite at the "Four Seasons" on Yorkville Ave.
God finally.....FINALLY....smiled on me....the bar was right next to my gate! I had dodged a rain of gunfire in the last 60 hours: cops, drugs, the president of my regulatory body, an incensed dominatrix with a suitcase full of torture instruments, to...just....name....a.....few. Normality set in. The bartender was fully clothed, actually providing service and NOT hitting on the gorgeous brunette at the other end of the bar. She eyed me in my natty nautical outfit, and I pondered hitting on her. Could I approach her, physically escalate, sexualize the encounter, and move her to the nearby men's washroom, shag her furiously, AND still make boarding call in 10 minutes? Nah, only a handful of men on the planet have Game that good, and I'm not there yet.
Yacht Adventure. Truth in advertising. There was a yacht and it was one helluva' an adventure, but not quite anywhere close to what I had hoped for.
I needed something to eat
.......I needed a drink
.........I needed to get laid!
While waiting for my food order at the YVR bar, I idly started surfing the 'Net on my Blackberry
search: “mrkurtz veronica sway sextape”
your search yielded no results.
No kidding!!!
Instead, showing results for: “mrkurtz veronica sway cockblock”. About 988,000 results.
Winnipeg
Once back in Winter-peg, I practically dove into the arms of Eva Pearl. Think of her as Dolce Mia 2.0, the incredible upgrade. Taller, bigger boobs, just plain better! And $100 an hour less! Standing outside her door, it was like a revelation, I had a new-found appreciation for the sanctity of the anonymous hotel tryst, its security, comfort and discretion, the undivided attention of a drop-dead gorgeous woman, the FUCKIN' cellphone turned off, a self-serve minibar, and.......BEST OF ALL...I KNEW I WAS GOING TO GET LAID! And it felt inexpensive, too, like getting laid for pocket change after "Yacht Adventure". But I STILL checked the minibar to see if there was a little bartender in there with his dick hanging-out.
Now remember this is just one pooner's view of things, the guys who could walk around with constant erections likely did better than me as they could quickly impale a passing SP, so they will have nicer things to say.
I had expected Yacht Adventure to be an experiment, to test the boundaries, to see where it could go. But access-to-pussy was a BIGGER problem than I ever thought it would be. I got more pussy at DTDF than I did on both sailings of YA combined. Paid more than twice as much, got less than half as much. VJ loaded up Friday with clients at the last minute to make more money, but didn't have girls to cover it, and this made the boat feel crowded. She was doing too many jobs at once herself, and not doing any particularly well. Discipline broke down, too many people she had hired just did their own thing.
VJ asked the ladies to drop the clients a thank-you note via email after the event. ONLY Yoko Anna did so. A little ironic.
My Review of Thursday's sailing-party
That review gave you the frame of the event, but the same problems of access-to-pussy were there as well. The fact Betty Jean was servicing me and another client at once tells a lot. I was upset by that day too, IMHO it was nowhere near as good as DTDF. At DTDF, it was easy to glide on-and-off of women. Friday was a significant step-down from Thursday, there were 11 or 12 guys there, including the bartender, but only 10 SPs and their dedication to their work was ...well....variable, functionally maybe the equivalent of 7 working at one time. Roksi was doing pretty much all of Tiffany's and Veronica's jobs.
It's a little ironic. The minimum-wage staff, whether at restaurants, on the phone, in service stations, whereever, always ask if you got enough, if the food tasted great, if there was anything else they can do, all that caring stuff, to the point where you want to shoo them away. Here, too many SPs paid $2000 for 4 1/2 hours work just didn't care about client satisfaction.
The Ice Queen walked by.
Sorry, but I just love using this literary device.
This was a ridiculously expensive event, with high overhead for everyone. The ladies complained about their flight costs from Toronto, the gentlemen had a lot of costs, and with hotel rooms and yacht to pay for VJ was doing a full retail experience. Trying to impress the clients with over-priced superstar help flown in from Calgary and Toronto may be good for marketing but WTF do I care if Veronica Sway commands $400/hr inside the #401, it's waaayyyy too much money to pay to just watch her doing some other guy, or walk by, when I can see the same stuff for free on her website. Betty Jean, Peyton de Rose, Roksi and Dayna are worth every penny but Tiffany, Dolce Mia and Veronica, meeahhh.
Being told by Vancouver Police to “keep it inside” meant we had to try to do DTDF in a cramped small environment that happened to be on water, with a smelly toilet. The house in Calgary for DTDF was damn-near-perfect.......fuck Albertans, why do they always do it right?.....a central orgy pit with nearby "theatres-for-fucking", such as hot tubs and bedrooms.
I want women who are DOWN-TO-FUCK, not marking time until they punch the clock.
I don't get it. I NEVER saw a lady on her cell phone at DTDF, and neither have I ever EVER seen a client at these events who had to check his cell phone for messages. Really, would you prefer checking to see what's-up-at-work rather than nail a 9 or 10 doggy style? WTF with cellphones at YA????
I should have grabbed Tiffany's iPhone and tossed it into English Bay!
The problems with the cellphone:
a) they can get lost. By my count, I know of 3 SPs who lost their phones that weekend, and that's only the ones I know of.
b) they have camera and video recorders attached to them, NOT COOL at a party like this. Ladies, Libero Paradiso would be doing you a biiiiiiiiig favour to take the thing and lock it up until the event is over. Really. Clients too. The default position is NO SEX TAPES!! But if you reaally reaallly want a sex tape, girls, I'll be more than happy to film you and post it on Pornhub. ...no charge.
C) ...and, most important of all, the GOD-DAMN THINGS ARE COCKBLOCKS!!
There were too many men and not enough SPs at both party-sailings. I am sure the ladies liked the attention, but the men, the PAYING CLIENTS, were hard done by. The ratios should be 7 men to 9 women, not 12 men and 10 women. Rule-of-thumb: If all the people at an event can't fit into ONE stretch limo, there are too many.
Yacht Adventure was promoted as 3 pm to 9 pm, but we only got 3 to 7:30 or 8. Not cool to water down the drinks like that. At DTDF, most everyone, ladies and gentlemen, said the party was still ramping up after the 5th hour, and if anything seemed too short. Several SPs wanted to keep going at DTDF.
Personally, I'll NEVER EVER attend a Libero Paradiso event again. The cops-and-drugs thing crossed a BIG RED LINE for me. I just can't risk career suicide. For others, it may be different, the independently wealthy clients who don't answer to anyone and have a premium law firm on their speed dialer may yawn at this....... and a bubble-headed bleach blonde who only works in the underground economy isn't going to get this, but some regulatory bodies start a long painful crucifixion even if a member is only charged, let alone convicted, of something to do with drugs or sex. Yes, VJ says she doesn't allow drugs at her parties, something every host says at a drug bust, but drugs got on the boat........and so did the police! It's her job to keep this shit out, air-tight!
If you feel you ABSOLUTELY MUST attend a future LP event, ASK FOR THE BARTENDING JOB! VJ will pay you good money to get blown by some of the hottest women in Canada!!!! WHY PAY FOR IT WHEN YOU CAN GET PAID FOR IT? SWEET!
If I ever went to a sex party again.....and I'm not saying I would.....it would be a DIY event. A fellow pooner and I......HDS, hint, hint, are you reading this?..... could take the penthouse suite of a certain downtown Winnipeg boutique hotel, the one with the 8-seater hot tub, and hire 3 or 4.....or 5 or 6....travelling SPs for 3 or 4......or 5 or 6......hours and go crazy, bringing in a case of Chateauneuf de Pape for all too enjoy. It's harder for the SPs to avoid clients in a smaller group, their paymaster is right there with a watchful eye on them, I hope, and it is socially awkward to be on a cell phone with just a few people around. And of course, no weed. The client gets to make the rules and steer the party, all in a discrete comfortable atmosphere
But I want to be bartender. That way, I KNOW I'll get a blow job.