Since there’s not too much current information on Jakarta, I thought I’d put together a brief trip report that will hopefully be helpful to someone. Sorry, no pictures, no girls names or numbers – but this will point you in the right direction if you're new to Jakarta.

My flight is on the early side on AirAsia from Kuala Lumpur to Jakarta. 2 hours. About $100 roundtrip. I decide to change money in KL. I ask the guy for Indonesian Rupiah and he misunderstands and gives me Indian Rupees. I look at the bills and think, man that Indonesian guy on the bills is a dead ringer for Gandhi. I put the bills in my bag and go home.

I take the bills out and transfer them to my passport wallet. I realize my mistake and go back to the money changer. No problem cancelling the previous transaction and I finally get my Rupiah.

I had been to Indonesia earlier in the year, visiting some historical sites. Flew into Yogyakarta and it was such a pain with the visa on arrival. Filling out paper forms, waiting in line, going to another window – by the time we were all processed, everyone else had passed through immigration. I like easy – and Yogyakarta was not.

I expected the same thing in Jakarta and when I saw them rolling the portable stairs to exit from the plane and then saw buses waiting to bring us to the terminal, I thought for sure this was going to be another crappy airport and waste of time getting in. The bus took off after quickly filling up, 5 minutes to the terminal and I entered a nicely renovated arrivals hall. I saw immediately to my left a window that said “Visas on Arrival”, and there were no “customers”. I went right over to the smiling agent, gave her US$35 and she issued me a receipt. That’s it. Then you go to immigration and it was very well organized – I was through in 2 minutes and they affixed the visa while checking my passport.

Then I started towards Customs and saw two people ahead of me hand a Customs Declaration to an agent and put their bags into an x-ray machine. Damn! I knew this was going too easy – now comes the problem. I walked up to the agent and said I’m sorry I don’t have a customs form. He smiled and said ok, just go through! I don’t know if he was being nice or where the other people were coming from, but I was thankful that I passed the last hurdle quickly.

Once past customs, there were some Western franchises like Dunkin Donuts and Circle K. This part of the building was modern and well maintained. Everything was clearly marked and it said taxis to the left.

I exited and went right to the Bluebird stand and got into a reasonably nice car – nicer than the same class of taxi in Kuala Lumpur. No problems with Bluebird using the meter.

I read about it and thought I was prepared for it, but I was not. The traffic in Jakarta is simply the worst I’ve ever seen in any city I’ve been to so far. It took 1.5 hours to get to the Gran Melia, my first time booking with that brand. I was in town for a business meeting and the guys I was meeting recommended that hotel.

Security was Embassy-quality, everything from heavy-duty barriers to K-9 units to guys with automatic weapons and metal detectors and x-ray machines. All done very professionally – way better than at any airport.

I was warmly greeted by the doormen and accompanied to check-in up the escalators. It was 10am and check-in time was 2pm. I was hoping for the best, but had my tablet and it was Monday morning and I planned on watching the Jets-Giants game somewhere in the hotel using their wi-fi. I booked through Agoda the night before and I opted for a room on their “Red-Level”, which is their club level on floors 14, 15 and 16. The price was about 900rm per night, all-in. That’s about $200 a night. That was the prepaid, non cancellation rate with a 20% discount.

I recently looked at prices for a month from now and it's substantially cheaper: I'm seeing 30% discount for prepaid on a lower base rate. Looks like you can get a Red Line room for $130 which is an incredible bargain.

Just as an aside - It was about $25 a night cheaper booking directly on the Gran Melia website, but my card wouldn’t go through. It always goes through with no problem on Agoda. Time to see if their “Best Price Guarantee” would actually work. As soon as I booked on Agoda, I made a claim, sending them screenshots of the rate, dates, room type, rate type and link to the site. Happy to say two days later I received an email from Agoda saying they were in fact honoring the claim and my refund would be processed and sent soon. They said it would be credited to my account within 15-30 days.

There’s a private check-in on the 14th floor for Red Level customers, but I was already at the front desk and I thought telling them I would rather check in on 14 would be a dick move. I made the right choice.

I showed the lady at reception my booking number, but she couldn’t find it in the system. She apologized profusely and asked if I would mind waiting and if I’d like something to drink. Mind waiting? Hell, I was four hours early anyway, so I sat in a comfortable chair, got my drink, logged into the public wi-fi and started checking messages.

5 minutes passed and she apologized again. I asked her where the restrooms were and she directed me. The restroom had an attendant and real cloth towels. Nice touch.

When I returned, I was informed that everything was in order and was accompanied to the 14th floor. I sat down, was offered another drink and a cold towel and gave the guy my ID and credit card. He informed me that I was upgraded to a Junior Suite. Sweet! Also, for $40 more per night I could get a Grand Suite. I declined, happy with the smaller suite which I wasn’t expecting. He walked me to the suite, which was very spacious. Great bathroom, everything very nice. Big Flat Screens in both the living room and bedroom.

Now, internet is free, but they have upgrade packages for faster speeds and they weren’t that cheap. I changed into a robe and set up the Jets-Giants game. The internet was fast enough to stream the game, albeit not in HD.

At about halftime there was a knock on the door – a complimentary fruit basket was delivered. Enough to tide me over until after the game. The awesome Jets win came right at 2pm – just when the Red Level Lounge began serving afternoon snacks. Nice selection of canapés and some hot food, really good iced tea, made freshly to order. After filling up, I went back to the room and did some work – this being a business trip after all.

I was in the mood for a massage and found a couple of places reviewed online. My first choice was BlowArt, a place with great prices, spa, massage and specializing in blowjobs. According to the review, you could even get just a blowjob for under $20. And the massage with blowjob was literally a couple of dollars more. I wrote down the address and found a backup place called Dream 5. I went downstairs and the main doorman, Defrizon, greeted me by name and asked me what I needed. I showed him the address for BlowArt, http://blowartalsut.blogspot.my/ and he said it would take at least an hour to get there, probably more. I really wasn’t in the mood for a 2+ hour round-trip, so I showed him the address for Dream 5. http://www.jakarta100bars.com/2015/09/dream5-massage-and-spa-pik.html called Dream 5.

He said that was much closer and asked Silverbird or Bluebird? I wanted to try Silverbird which was definitely a step up, a roomy Mercedes. They use the meter also and are maybe double the price of a Bluebird. Waiting time is 96,000Rupiah per hour, less than $10, so I told the driver to stick around.

This wasn’t really necessary, but my data roaming wasn’t working so I couldn’t get an Uber or MyTeksi. I should have bought a sim card at the airport. So off we went.

Traffic was horrendous and it took almost an hour to get there. The place was plain-looking outside and on a block with similar looking cheap massage places. I asked for a 90 minute massage in a VIP room and was told none were available. No lineup, didn’t ask although there was an unoccupied makeshift bar area downstairs, so maybe you could have gotten a look at what’s available, but it was really cheap, so what do you expect. 130,000R for 90 minutes – less than $10.

The cubicles were very plain, with curtains at the entryway and walls in between. 5 minutes later, my girl showed up and looked ok. She gave me a decent massage for about an hour, turned me over and asked if I wanted a HJ. Sure, why not. Decent technique. Lasted about 20 minutes. Cleaned up and was offered to use the shower, but I declined. I gave her 100,000 and she was happy. Went downstairs and settled up, 130,000 just as quoted. Dream 5 – great prices, but not worth an out of the way trip. If I was living in Jakarta, I would find my neighborhood “Dream 5” and make it a regular stop.

Back to the hotel, even worse traffic then before – I was in the middle of rush hour. On the way back I told the driver I wanted a sim card and we pulled into a mall. I went into the first place I saw, XL Axiata, and got the best deal they had, for 55,000R. For under $5, got the sim, 2GB of data and voice calls for 30 days. Well worth it even for 2 days. Great service – something that I experienced everywhere – I was in and out of there in less than 10 minutes.

Took the car back to the hotel and went to the suite to find the bed already turned down and ready when needed.

I freshened up and went to the lounge, which serves beer and wine from 6-9. They had a couple of cocktails, but if you’re looking for real booze, you’ll be disappointed. Food selection was good, service was awesome.

Stayed until 9 and went back to the suite. After all the time in cars, I just didn’t have it in me to deal with more Jakarta traffic and called it a night.

Woke up refreshed the next morning. I had my choice of breakfast on the main level or on the 14th Floor Lounge. Of course I went to 14.

Nicely greeted and ordered scrambled eggs. They were some of the best eggs I’ve ever had – the chef really knew what he was doing. Awesome presentation. Some fruit, juice and coffee and checked up on emails and news. Spent a leisurely hour there and went back upstairs.

My meeting was a lunch meeting and less than 1 kilometer away. Took 30 minutes to get there. Restaurant called Bluegrass. Modern BBQ. Had the “brisket” and it was inedible. But I wasn’t there for the food. Meeting ran 3 hours. Only thing I can say good about the place was they had one of the coolest bathrooms on earth. It was a “modern outhouse”! You were literally peeing in an outside urinal, but the view was strategically blocked by wooden fences. Super cool. Nice looking bar, so maybe for drinks the place is ok.

Bluebird taxi back to the hotel and I could feel it coming. A gout attack. And I left my medication at home. It was coming on strong and by the time I got back to the hotel I was limping badly. I went up to the room and figured I would just grit it out, wait for my morning flight. It was getting worse and I decided to get some help.

Went down to the concierge and said I had two problems, one easy and one more complicated. I forgot my cell phone charger – the concierge took my phone and immediately plugged it in. Then I explained I needed some medication – could we maybe send someone out to a local pharmacy? They looked up online my meds and made a phone call. They had called the Hotel nurse and she had an alternate medication on hand that she said was good for gout. I had tried it in the past and it worked 50% of the time. I said, sure let’s try it. She said there would be a charge. I wasn’t expecting anything for free, would be interesting to see what the price would be as this medication was super cheap in Malaysia. She told me to take a seat in the lounge and the nurse would be right up.

Got an iced tea and 5 minutes later the nurse shows up with a strip of 10 pills. Total price: 40,000R, about $2.85! I handed her 100,000 and gave each of the two concierges 100,000. Everybody is happy, especially me.

I take two and sit back. 10 minutes later I was high as a kite and could feel the effects through my body. I could feel the inflammation subsiding. The stuff was magic. Weird, sometimes it works, sometimes no. This time it really came through. For those of you wondering, it was Diclofenac sodium. I popped two 50mg tablets and was good to go in short order.

So now I’m thinking, maybe I’ll go out later, check out a place. I stay at the lounge until 10, then head up to the suite, freshen up and decide to give it a shot. My favorite doorman, Defrizon is there and asks how he can be of service. I pull him to the side and say I’m looking for company, is there any talent in the hotel bar. He says no, but he can recommend some places.

Starts with Alexis, says the Japanese really like it. I said that sounds like an on site place and I wanted takeout. I also asked him if that would be a problem, bringing a girl back to the hotel. He said I could bring back as many as I wanted and recommended Blok M and Top Gun. Said it was about 3 kilometers away and was confident I’d find a great selection there and if I didn't there were plenty of other places on that block. I’m down. Silverbird? But of course!

Traffic is better at this hour and I get to Top Gun just before 11pm. Blok M is pretty shady looking outside, streetwalkers on the corners, and other bars and small hotels.

There's a bouncer at the door who welcomes me in. I’m drawn to the bar on the left with about 15 girls of varying ages and quality from 2 – solid 7. On the right a couple of girls are shooting pool and there’s a live band playing further down the right. Maybe 2-3 guys in the place. More girls by the band. My timing must be perfect. Can't get a better ratio than that.

I stand at the end of the bar and order a beer I have no intention of drinking. 30-35,000, I don't remember. A girl comes over and starts small talk but I'm not interested. I do see a girl standing a few feet away that looks good. I walk over to her to make sure she looks as good up close as she does from down the bar. No time to waste, I have a 7am wake-up call.

Some small talk, the vibe is good and I buy her a drink, 110,000. Her English is limited but better than the few phrases of Bahasa Malaysia that I've learned in the past two years and hope will work in Indonesia. I like very specific things from my women and I want to be up front so there's no misunderstanding.

Out of the blue comes an older woman who says she is my girl’s aunt. Maybe she's every girl’s aunt, I don't know. What I do know is she speaks good English and I tell her what I want from the girl. She explains and says no problem. The Aunt’s name is Mama Mia, easy to remember and very helpful if you go to Top Gun.

I ask the price for 2-3 hours and says “up to you”. I immediately call an Uber and the wait is five minutes. Just then a KNOCKOUT in a blue dress comes strolling by and says hi and keeps on walking. My girl says she's her friend. I should have taken her too. Oh well, next trip.

Just before leaving I tell Mama Mia that I'm in a non smoking room so the girl can't smoke. She literally takes the pack of cigarettes out of the girl’s purse and puts them in her own pocket. “No problem” she says. She doesn't ask for anything but was well worth the 100,000 bill I gave to her for the translation services.

Uber is right on time. Traffic is light and we’re at the hotel in 10 minutes. Walked through security and right up to the suite. A little small talk in the living room – she loves Tequila, a real party girl. Then on to the main event. Very good performer, I’m more than pleased with the session. I tell her I'm going to bed, she says she'll stay until I get up. 6am another round and I pay her 1,000,000. She's happy. I'm happy. She's out the door just as the wake up call comes.

I pack my bag and head to the 14th floor. Checkout is done while I'm having breakfast and they print out my boarding pass. I have a car reserved at 8am, my flight is at 11:30. It's a public holiday, so it's a breeze getting to the airport. 25 minutes. Had I known that day was a holiday (local election) I would have shifted my stay.

I got to the airport so early that I tried to get on the 10:30 flight to KL. AirAsia is usually really good, but they fucked up a few things on both ends of my flights and capped it off by the drone agent saying I needed to change 48 hours in advance. Didn't bother looking if there were seats. Whatever.

Immigration is a breeze and there’s a smallish pay lounge not affiliated with any airlines inside to the left. Entry fee was the equivalent of $5. It's a no brainer.

There's refreshments and reasonably comfortable seating. Even some food. I grab a bottle of water, use my local sim as a hotspot and do some Skyping to the States and some business in KL. At 11am I walk over to the seating area for the fight to KL and I'm still messaging with a Spotify list blasting in my earphones.

I didn't realize that the sign meant nothing - you've got to get on the bus a little further down the terminal and they must have been paging me, when two guys come over and ask me if I'm on the KL flight. I apologize and get to the bus, but there's still one guy later than me. We get to the plane and people are still queuing on the stairs. Timing is perfect.

Jakarta is good if you know what you're doing. Prices are awesome, people are very service-oriented. If it wasn't for the traffic, I'd go more often. Maybe the play is stay in the hotel during the day and go out at night. If anyone has a good strategy for avoiding the traffic, I'd like to know it. I guess you could get a hotel close to where you figure on going, but the city is spread out and so are the venues. And I'm not staying in Blok M. Those days are over.

Great read! I learned long ago to plot everything about my Jakarta visit around the traffic. It determines my arrival and departure times, and even influences the days of the week I will arrive and depart.

Even more importantly, it determines the area of my hotel, so I can be within walking/motobike distance of venues. When I'm with the "wife," we stay in the Thamrin/Kuningan areas, mostly close to Plaza Indonesia. When I am solo, I always stay in North Jakarta in the general vicinity around Mangga Besar.

That puts me within striking distance of a vast number of places, most importantly the Kota Indah bars (Sari Ayu, etc.), the Lokasari bars (Bintang Mewar, etc.), Travel, Classic, Malioboro, and Alexis. Traffic is truly nightmarish there, and I can't stand being stuck in a car going nowhere. I've done a lot of walking in Jakarta as a result.

So you know for future reference, I've never had a problem in any hotel I've stayed at with bringing visitors to the room. It's not like some other places in SEA where there are protocols to follow, or it is outright banned. Jakarta is truly "laissez faire" about the issue.

It's cool you made it to Blok M. I haven't been there for years, as it always so hard to blast my ass out of north Jakarta after a long, hard day of... being hard?

Awesome writeup, Wallstreet! This is news we can use. Thanks for putting the time in to share your experiences.

Hey Murasaki! Sounds like your sitting on some useful info as well. How about offering up more detail on the points you made above?

WS, Glad you made it back. For the same price..you could've checked out CJ's. That's my only spot for great freelance talent.

The trick is to stay the fuck..
off the roads between 4pm-7pm M-F.

Go to classic or travel at 4pm and don't leave until after 7:30pm or walk to dinner somewhere.

I'll be back to JKT in a couple of months. Wish me luck!

Wallstreet , thanks for some good info on a gem of a spot.

OT:dated an Indonesian for almost 2 years in USA , they have some dutch in them and it makes for some of the most unique and pretty girls.

JKT traffic...god awful...

I miss Indonesia, I always thought that the Indo look was one of the best.

Is 1000000 R a reasonable expenditure in block M nowadays?

Now if anyone reports that TC or a place like it is back in operation...I will be down there in a hurry.

cheers, thanks for the report!

Enjoyed reading the detailed report especially the info about your Hotel.

To avoid the traffic, I guess the best time to land in Jakarta is Sunday or a Public Holiday.

Do they accept credit cards to obtain "Visa on Arrival"?

Thanks,
~BKKguru

WS;
Good report and very informative to the point. would like to make it there in the future and check things out by myself; block M in special.

MarcoPolo