Note: This report was from my first trip about a year ago. Since then, I have been in Thailand 22 of the last 52 weeks.

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I'm sitting on a Singapore Airlines flight back home after 12 days in Thailand. I have all my notes out, ready to start this trip journal on day one and I realize that I cannot start at the beginning. So I'm going to tell you the ending first, and anyone who is still interested is welcome to stay for the story.

Shortly after my flight lifted off from Bangkok International, a profound melancholy feeling swept over me. I feel like a kid sitting in the back of the family station wagon waving goodbye to his friends and seeing his home slip out of sight as Dad rounds the corner for the last time, following the moving van to a new home far away. It's hard to come up with the right words to describe how this trip has affected me. I would love to find something, anything, negative to say about Thailand to add some balance to this report. But I can't. It has been a truly life and attitude altering experience. The thought of not returning on an on-going basis is inconceivable. People talk about how the heat and pollution in Bangkok make it difficult to breath in the summer; the truth is I believe it will be difficult to breath anywhere else for a while until I know I am returning again to the Land of Smiles.

The Journey Begins

Having lived in the PI for 5 years during the 80's, I was intimately familiar with that small slice of Asia. A few of the military guys I was stationed with had Thai wives, and to be honest, I was not impressed. I found them to be less attractive than the Filipinas and never really developed much of an interest in travelling to Thailand. Oh, I had heard the stories about Bangkok, "sex capital of the world" but honestly, when you live someplace like Angeles City, why bother?

Fast forward to 2000. For those of you have read my previous reports, you know that I recently reentered the single world after two marriages that spanned 14 years. I traveled to TJ and have made monthly trips to the Dominican Republic over the last several months. Living in Florida makes the DR an easy choice, and I have become a big fan of the Latinas. They're fun and have a great appetite for sex (like yours truly)

About a month ago, I started to get this feeling I was missing something. So many great posts about Thailand - could it really be more fun than the Philippines? Were the girls better looking than I had thought? Did military guys just marry ugly women? Then I saw a series of pictures that El Hefe had posted of his "burger girls" threesome at Sabai Dee in Pattaya, and my mind was made up. I had to find out. I'm going to BKK!

I travel 200 days a year on business, so when I called Delta they were more than happy to allow me to finally use some of those frequent flyer miles in exchange for a business class seat on Singapore Airlines. We were scheduled to leave Orlando at 2:30pm. It hasn't rained for months in Orlando; in fact we're in drought conditions. So of course, right as the plane started to back away from the gate, a monster thunderstorm lets loose on the Orlando Airport. It rains and rains and rains. And finally after a 2-hour delay, we take off shortly before we were supposed to be landing in Newark. With a short connection I would have been furious, but in this case all it really meant was that my 5-hour layover would now only be 3 hours.

I refuse to be one of those Americans who travels to exotic locations to consume Big Macs for two weeks. So while walking around the Newark Airport, I decided to have one last All-American meal. Found a hot dog vendor and ordered a very forgettable but totally American meal in a bun, complete with the nectar of life, bottled by Coca Cola.

Our flight plan today takes us to Amsterdam to refuel then on to Singapore for a connection to Bangkok. Singapore Air flies 747/400's to Asia and I had always wanted to sit upstairs. I was a little disappointed to find out that upstairs looks just like downstairs only smaller. Oh well, no matter, there are about 40 nice large reclining seats in their "Raffles" or business class section complete with individual TV's , movies on demand, unlimited food and.. a crying baby. Someone please make a note to start a petition to ban infants from first and business class. I fly first class on business because I like to get away from the screaming baby and the woman who can't stop talking about her various infirmities for the entire flight. Well, that and the fact that Delta keeps me supplied with an unlimited supply of free upgrades in recognition of the fact that I'm stupid enough to fly so much.

Fortunately, the baby eventually settles down and the very long flight into Bangkok goes pretty well. The anticipation that had been growing for the last few weeks kicked into overdrive as the wheels touched down in Bangkok.

Breezed through immigration and collected my bags. Having read enough posts to qualify for a few semester hours in BKK101, I walked past the overpriced taxi touts offering Chicago prices and hit the metered taxi ranks. The driver had never heard of the Omni Tower, but Soi 4 seemed to make an impression and off we went. We hit Soi Nana in about 20 minutes and after motioning for him to just keep going a few times, we pulled up in front of the 35 story building that houses the Omni. I had changed some money in Singapore earlier, and paid the 250 baht ($8) cab fare.

The lobby of the Omni is nice. The first thing I noticed was a Cyber CafÈ immediately inside the front door, a welcomed sight. As I approached the front desk, an American who was chatting in Thai with the desk clerk turned to me and said "HI PI-Runner! Welcome to Bangkok!" Once again, that hat with my name on it came through for me. It was none other than El Hefe, an old BKK hand who had volunteered to serve as tour guide and companion on my virgin journey to the Land of Smiles. After introducing ourselves we went up to my apartment to drop off my stuff. I was impressed with the room - for 1650 baht ($42) the one-bedroom suite was rather spacious. Full kitchen, good-sized living/dining room, large king-sized bed in the bedroom, walk-in closet with electronic safe. Satisfied with the accommodations, I dropped my stuff on the floor and announced that I was settled in. El Hefe (EH from now on) made a quick call to Bozo who was staying at the LakePoint to arrange to meet and off we went into the streets. EH said he knew just what I needed after my long flight, and we set off for Darling Massage.

The body massage experience.

Walking down Soi Nana towards Sukhumvit, the main drag in the farang playground, EH pointed out all the local hotspots. We had only gone a few blocks when I started recognizing places I had read about in so many trip reports - Nana Plaza, Nana disco in the Nana Hotel, Annie's Massage, etc. I was surprised that most of these spots were within easy walking distance. I had expected things to be much farther. We walked and talked and almost ran into Bozo and his girlfriend (GF) coming the other way. Bozo said he would meet us at the "hotel" in a few minutes for our "shopping trip" and set off to drop his GF off. EH and I rounded the corner and walked up to Darling.

Which was closed. Ooops. It was around 3:30pm, and the sign on the door said they opened at 5pm. Time for plan be. EH and Bozo huddled for a minute and decided that Nataree Massage would be a great fallback position. We grabbed a cab and in a few minutes pulled up in front of Nataree. It was a large impressive looking place, surrounded on both sides by other massage places. We walked in the front door and I got my first glimpse of the infamous "fish bowl". Behind a 30 foot piece of plate glass sat about 15 girls, seated on multi-leveled benches that reminded me of the grandstands at the local ballpark. A few real cuties and a bunch more that would certainly do. We sat around and had a beer and made our selections. I have to tell you that I was a little uncomfortable with the fish bowl concept in the beginning. I felt like I was choosing a steak from the butcher's case. After seeing it a few times, though, you realize it's simply the easiest way to see who's there and decide who you want to spend some time with. EH went with his regular, a real cutie who turned into a smiling machine when she saw him walk in. Bozo picked a hot looker and I selected a gorgeous creature from the superstar section with a nice shy smile. Paid our 1700 baht and went to our rooms. The room was occupied by a large 2-3 person bathtub and a bed. My masseuse filled the tub, we lost our clothes and she proceeded to make sure I was clean from head to toe. We moved to the bed for a quick, cursory massage and good but somewhat uninspired sex. She was pretty young, about 18, and small in all the right places. Well, OK, one place. Her inexperience was obvious, but after the 30+ hours that had elapsed since I left home, her firm young body and the glove-like environment down below did the trick in short order. As it would turn out, this was the worst experience of the trip, and it was good.

Went downstairs to wait for the guys. By this time the fishbowl had added about 20 more to it's ranks, and many of them were drop-dead gorgeous. I made a mental note to come back a little later in the day next time. Once we were all properly lubricated, we headed over to Pantip Plaza to do some shopping. Bozo had told his GF we would meet her there around 5-ish; unfortunately, with our side trip to Nataree, it was now 7pm. Bozo heads off to find her and do some damage control and we start shopping.

How do I describe Pantip Plaza... "Bill Gates' Worst Nightmare" comes to mind, although the Justice Department seems to be filling those shoes rather well lately. This place is 4 stories of stores selling pirated CDs, software, DVDs and VCDs - you name it, they have it. Walked into one store that EH favors and looked through their selection. He ordered about 10 new movies on VCD, many of which are currently in the theaters in the US. They told us to come back in 10 minutes to pick them up. Wandered over to a software store and picked about a dozen new software titles I had been curious about (for evaluation purposes, of course). "Come back in 10 minutes." We looked around for a few minutes then headed back to collect our goodies. Sure enough, it's all there - right down to the full-color duplicated copies of the original CD case inserts! Paid the bill, an exorbitant $4 per title and off we went.

Nok The Babe.

Bozo's GF was nowhere to be found, so we headed over to her bar. She was happy to see him and our late arrival was instantly forgiven. It was my first time in a Bangkok bar, so we decided to hand out for a while and soak up the flavor. Within 30 seconds of taking a seat, a rather unattrative young lady decided to take up residence in the seat next to me. Oh joy. I was getting ready to excuse myself to make a bathroom run, hoping that she would disappear in my absence, when I spotted a really hot girl at the next table. I tried to make eye contact, but she was ignoring me. Gosh, I must be in the US. I figured that getting shot down here wasn't much different than getting shot down at hgome, and since I'm used to it, it might be somewhat comforting. So I walked over and said hi andÖ.she gave me the most gorgeous, radiant smile, the kind that says "Hi - I'm Candy. And you're Brad Pitt, right?" I melted. Game over. Nothing to do but wait for the buzzer. Bargirl 1, PI-Runner 0.

Her name is Nok (Thai for "bird"), seemingly one of the 6 names that all Thai girls share. I was really surprised that she speaks enough English for us to have a conversation beyond "What your name" and "How long you stay Thailand". In fact, throughout this trip I found that to be the case more often than not. Discussions about foreign policy are probably out of the question, but I only found a few I couldn't communicate with.

We played a few games of pool, and I can attest to the wisdom of those who say you can never expect to beat a bargirl at bar games. She kicked my ass. Repeatedly. At one point, EH tapped me on the shoulder and said "Look at that" - I turned to see Nok leaning over the table for an especially long shot, her exquisite ass up in the air and those perfect legs stretched as far as they would go. He said "That's nice". I'd have agreed with him had I been able to speak at the moment. What a body. I remembered what happened when I didn't invest in Dell a few years ago and decided not to miss this one. Told her I would never be able to sleep again if she didn't spend the night with me and, obviously aware of my need for sleep after such a long journey, she graciously agreed to help. I paid her barfine and told her I'd be back for her in a few hours and we set off to explore Nana Plaza.

Nana Plaza

The cab pulled up to Nana and I was temporarily disappointed. From the street, it looks like a small driveway going between buildings. But as soon as you venture inside, it opens up into this huge space, with a three-story complex set around a courtyard so you can see it all from the middle. Tons of go-go bars in a u-shaped configuration around the outside, with open-air beer bars in the middle. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. It was like all the Fields Avenue bars in Angeles teleported into one complex. Looking around I felt a bit like a kid who had just gotten an advance on next year's allowance and been dropped off at FAO Schwarz. We went from go-go bar to go-go bar asking up the atmosphere for a couple hours and saw a ton of knockouts. Perfect bodies, gorgeous faces.. there are great looking women everywhere, but here you didn't have to go through tons of mediocre talent to get to the good ones. They are everywhere, in huge quantities. Not an ounce of "baby fat" to be seen. No stretch marks. Just perfection. I was blown away. Made a mental note to explore Nana much more later.

So many girlfriends, so little time

It was getting somewhat late at this point, and EH took pity on me and took me back to Nok's bar to collect my first Thai barfine. Yep, she still looked as good as she did earlier. Bozo suggested buying the girls a bottle of whiskey and we spent the next hour getting the girls drunk. Turns out the suggestion for the bottle came from Nok, who confided in Bozo's GF that she gets really horny when she drinks. Damn, I hate it when that happens. I stuck with my usual routine of whiskey and coke, hold the whiskey. I drink rum the same way. It's amazing how similar they taste. About 3am the bottle of whiskey had been laid to rest. I'm going on about 36 hours since leaving home; the adrenaline rush has been sustaining me, but I'm fading fast and we set out towards the hotel.

This girl was everything I could have asked for on my first night in Bangkok - sweet, attentive, skilled and passionate. The epitome of the girlfriend experience. Her near-perfect body looked as good sans clothing as I had hoped. The owner of the bar had stopped to introduce himself before we left, and El Hefe told him it was my first day in Thailand. He looked at who I was with and told me I couldn't have made a better choice.

Turns out he was right.

Day 2

After being up for most of 36 hours and having finally gotten to sleep last night shortly before dawn, I wasn't totally oriented when my eyes reluctantly opened at 11:00am. I looked around the room and my gaze came to rest on the golden angel sleeping next to me. A grin crept onto my face as I remembered where I was. My angel stirred; I put my arms around her and we had another passionate coupling before I sent her on her way and prepared for my second day in BKK.

EH and I walked the few blocks down to the Soi 7 Beergarden for lunch. As the name implies, it's a semi open-air pub and restaurant that allows freelance working girls to hang around and ply their wares. The Thai food here is good and cheap. Even though it was only noon there were around 15 girls hanging around. Several of them were pretty cute. El Hefe (EH) said it was a surprise, since on previous visits he never really saw any worthy partners. I had a good time flirting with a couple of them from across the restaurant while we ate, but resisted the urge to place an order to-go and we headed to the Marble House for a traditional Thai massage.

Thai Massage: Almost as good as sex.

I've you've never experienced a Thai massage make sure you do it before you die. Don't mistake this for an ordinary massage. I've had lots of those before, but Thai massage is different. Besides the fact that it just feels amazing, they manage to get to muscles you have long forgotten. I've never been so happy to be bent into a pretzel before. The Marble House in located on the third floor of the building that houses Thermae. A two-hour massage is 400 baht ($10) with another 150 baht considered a good tip for your masseuse. No hanky panky on the menu here, but you'll feel like there had been when it's all over. Best damn $10 I ever spent. EH and I got one room and a couple cute young ladies to do the job. They actually sent in a guy for me and I vetoed their choice. The replacement was a really cute and fresh-faced 19 year old. Nothing personal, but if someone is going to have their hands on me for 2 hours, I'd just as soon she be female. EH speaks good Thai and soon had both girls rolling on the floor laughing. It was a great two hours. I'll be back whenever I'm in BKK. On the way out, I commented to EH how cute I thought my girl was. He turned to her and told her in Thai "My friend would like to know where you go after work". She smiled and said "I go home!". Damn. I wonder who massages the massage girl. Score - Massage Girl 1, PI-Runner 0.

Yes, Darling.

EH Suggested that since we were all limbered up, and it was after 5pm, that it would only be right to visit Darling again since it was closed yesterday. After getting all worked up over the untouchable massage girl, I thought this was a grand idea. We walked the short couple blocks and found it open this time. There were 25-30 girls in the fishbowl, we made our choices and headed upstairs. My choice this time proved to be much better than the Nataree girl, although obviously it's the luck of the draw at these places until you get to know a few of them. This girl had a great smile, which usually attracts me first. A nice soapy bath complete with lots of female flesh to serve as a washcloth and a good full service session. She was very enthusiastic and talented. After the Thai massage and the body massage, I was totally drained. It's been a real long couple of days and after the very thorough pipe cleaning twice today it would be an ideal time to rest for a while and recharge. So of course, when EH suggested we head to Soi Cowboy, I said "Sure!"

Ride 'em cowboy.

As I said in the first segment, for the most part everything is pretty close, with the exception of Patpong which is definitely a cab ride (albeit only a $2 cab ride). We walked about half the time, and took a cab the other half. I tried to walk whenever I wasn't in a hurry, because the street scene is great. There are vendors everywhere, selling everything from fake Rolexes and Polo shirts to barbecue (the pork sticks taste just like the PI) to exotic fruits and of course bugs. I saw my first bug vendor in Soi Cowboy. His cart was full of goodies from deep fried grasshoppers to water bugs to something that strangely resembled a cockroach. Yum. Now, I'm usually up for new experiences. I've eaten balut (an aborted duck egg with a partially formed duck fetus) and dog in the PI, (and females around the globe) but somehow I just couldn't bring myself to eat a roach, deep fried or otherwise.

I'm sure there's another reason for the name, but Soi Cowboy does feel a lot like the old west. It's one long street, lined with saloons on each side and just has that wild west feel. We went to Long Gun, Tilac, After Skool and the Toy Bar. Liked them all. Great dancers at Long Gun. Will have to return to BF a few of them. I particularly liked the bad girls at After Skool. We had barely walked through the door and sat down when we each had three of them all over us. There was only one other customer in the place, and I guess we were the fresh meat. One girl in particular decided to see how quickly she could get my attention by sticking her tongue down my throat and her hand down my pants. Took about 15 seconds and I was paying close attention. After a couple minutes of careful touching on her part and I decided to see if fair was fair in this bar and unbuttoned her pants and ran my hand inside her panties. She didn't flinch. I guess she decided to up the ante and see how far I'd go, because she pulled out my now well-aroused little friend right there at the bar. I like this place. I had a feeling we would have to move this discussion over to the "bad boy" corner any second now when a bunch of people walked in and she quickly restored everything to where it belonged. Nice timing guys, thanks. Another mental note to come back and see how much I can get away with. Bought a few ladies drinks for the girls to thank them for their company, and we headed out. A few Katoeys around, but they were easy to spot. They have them in the PI also, so maybe I'm just used to them.

For the most part, Thai girls aren't often taller than 5'5". The Katoeys were a lot taller than normal. Maybe if I was drunk enough one might fool me, but I thought they were pretty easy to avoid. Another mental note to come back and see how much I can get away with. Bought a few ladies drinks for the girls to thank them for their company, and we headed out. A few Katoeys around, but they were easy to spot. They have them in the PI also, so maybe I'm just used to them. For the most part, Thai girls aren't often taller than 5'5". The Katoeys were a lot taller than normal. Maybe if I was drunk enough one might fool me, but I thought they were pretty easy to avoid.

Nok, Part 2

We strolled around Soi Cowboy for a while, but didn't really see anything that stood out. Of course, this is all relative. There are just so many gorgeous girls here that after a couple days you find yourself not giving a second glance to a girl that two days earlier you'd have cut off a nut for at home.

We headed back to Nok's bar. She was there and seemed happy to see me. Bozo was there with his GF and we all played pool for a while. One of the girls was really getting into the soccer finals on TV, and was routing for Italy. Like a crazed maniac. This girl either had a relative on the team, or too much time on her hands. She was so full of energy she made the rest of us look asleep. EH wound up hooking up with her, undoubtedly just to see if she could possibly have that much energy in bed. I'll let him tell the story. Anyway, we BF'ed the girls and headed toward the Omni. We hit the corner of Sukhumvit and Soi Nana when I spotted a guy with a fruit cart loaded with durian. I've been dying to try durian for years, so we bought a couple and he set out to peel it for us. If you've never seen a durian, they look kind of like a large football with spikes. They supposedly have a rather strong smell, but taste great. The creamy inside was indeed delicious. I really didn't think they smelled too bad; in fact, I put some in the fridge at the Omni, and the whole fridge smelled like durian the next day. Fortunately, we were leaving for Pattaya the next day so.... If you ever stay at the Omni, let me know how the fridge in room 1601 smells!

Had another terrific night with Nok. It was even better than the night before, if that's possible. I could get attached to this one.

Day 3

Woke up to another dose of nookie with Nok. This girl is just too sweet. I'd love to think I have something to do with it, but I think she was just born that way. EH called, and suggested that we meet Bozo and his GF for lunch. Tried a somewhat upscale Thai place in Ploenchit Center. Covered the table with different dishes and ate until we were all stuffed. The check came to a whopping $25 for the 6 of us, dinner for two at Burger King in Manhattan. God I love this place. Said goodbye to Bozo, as it was his last day and he wanted to spend it with his GF.

The Snake Farm

EH and I decided to take the girls on a boat tour of the city with stops at one of the wats (temples) and the snake farm. EH's Thai skills came in handy again as he negotiated the firm price of 2500 baht down to 1500. The boats they use are very long and narrow, sitting just two across but at least 30 feet in length. We skipped through the canals that crisscross the old part of Bangkok, and it became obvious why they call Bangkok the "Venice of Asia". All along the canals were makeshift houses and more than a few of their inhabitants were escaping the 100 degree temperatures by swimming and bathing in the dirty brown water. I'd hate to imagine what mutated organisms are living in that filthy water. The first stop was at the snake farm. It's really a small zoo, with everything from snakes and birds to monkeys and tigers. Got some great photos, as the barriers between you and them seem safe but are less restrictive than in US zoos. A little girl was trying to reach through into the tiger cage and this huge cat, well over 6 feet when standing, leaped at the cage and stood up against the fencing snarling menacingly. I was convinced! A staff member announced it was time for the snake show to begin so we all filed into the little outdoor theater. We sat in the front row, a mere one foot from the edge of the stage.

They brought out several poisonous snakes and the handlers demonstrated how incredibly large their balls were by taunting the snakes into striking at them and managing to avoid the fangs. One of these guys (hero or moron?) kept grabbing a cobra by the tail and yanking him backwards toward himself until it got pissed and tried to strike him. I'm sure these guys have done this a million times but it was pretty convincing. They brought out a large 6 or 7 foot snake and were carrying it around the audience showing the fangs while holding the mouth open. When they got to us, the handler "accidentally" dropped the tail and the snake landed in Nok's lap. She screamed and jumped in my lap as the snake was quickly pulled back onto the stage. Everyone else found it amusing and Nok finally calmed down, although she spent the rest of the show safely snuggled up to me. If she knew how scared I was of snakes, she'd have probably snuggled up to EH. I'll have to give the guy his $5 after the show.

The boat makes a brief stop at one of the more famous wats (can't remember the name) on the way back, but it's right around sunset and the interior tour is closed, so we wandered around outside and took some pictures then headed back to the boat dock. Took the sky train (the new elevated subway) back and headed home, sending the girls off to work.

The garden of Eden

After spending the day doing the tourist thing, it was time to get raunchy. And there's not a better place in Bangkok to get raunchy than the Eden Club. (Soi 7/1, about a block off Sukhumvit) This new club has received a lot of discussion on the board lately, and for good reason. Although the girls aren't the best looking in town (most are 5's and 6's, with a least one standout 7) almost anything goes here. All the girls are bisexual (hand tested by the owner's wife!), at least half will go for anal if that's your thing, and they have a wide selection of "toys" available which the girls will be happy to make use of. I believe it was around 4000 baht two girls and the room for an hour and a half. Like I said, they aren't real beauties, but quite satisfactory and had nice bodies. We filled our allotted time with every conceivable combination of three bodies imaginable. I did them, they did each other, I did them while they did each other...you get the point. After I thought there was no way I could go again, I had one of them go down on the other and then strap on a large dildo and ravage her for a while.... Well, OK, I'm ready again. Had a blast. If you miss this place while you're in BKK shame on you, you're missing a hell of an experience.

Off to Patpong

Totally drained but with huge permanent smiles on our faces, we walked outside heading towards Sukhumvit when we heard someone say "El Hefe" - turned around to see this gorgeous creature who EH had seen quite frequently in the past. She had gotten rather attached to him on a previous trip. Turns out this chance meeting wasn't chance at all - her sister had spotted us going into Eden and called her. She had been waiting outside for 2 hours while we were cavorting in the garden of Eden. It was fun watching EH explain to her that he was merely having a few drinks while waiting for me. Her got her cell phone number and promised to call and we jumped in a cab heading towards Patpong.

Patpong is a cluster fuck. The bars are on each side of the street and in-between them, taking up the whole street, are thousands of little booths. This is the Patpong market, where you can buy anything imaginable. EH and I both got great deals on counterfeit Bulgari watches, which I'm sure will work great until the first time we get them wet. The market is surreal. Families are walking around shopping while the barkers for the bars are handing out pamphlets for the live sex shows. We hit a few of the bars, saw a couple shows (how did she get that in there? And why?) and stopped in the infamous katoey bar for a hoot. This was the first place that, had I not known, I night have been fooled. There were a couple of these post-op ex-men who were absolutely stunning, with none of the telltale signs except for the perfect boob jobs. Small hands, small feet, no noticeable adam's apple and faces to die for if they hadn't been manufactured and attached to what was at one time a guy. I noticed a fairly young guy who seemed pretty enamoured with one of the "girls". He made a trip to the men's room, and I just had to go clue him in. He didn't believe me at first, but once he did he thanked me profusely and left. Didn't see him again. My good deed for the day - might gain me some merit, I am in Thailand after all.

I'm not a fan of Patpong. It was fun to see the shows, but I doubt I'll go back. The girls seemed very hardcore compared to the other venues in town and the atmosphere was just a little too much. Pressure to buy ladies drinks was sky high. Glad I saw it, but.... been there, done that.

They're everywhere.

It was now about 2am, so we headed over to the Nana disco, a big freelancer pickup spot at the Nana Hotel. Now I liked this place - the music is too loud and it's way too crowded, but they also have the largest selection of my type of girl I saw the whole trip. I like the real thin, petite cute ones, and Nana disco seems to attract nothing else. Every girl I saw here fit that profile to a "T". We walked around for a while and ran into a TSM member whose handle eludes me at the moment. He saw my TSM shirt and came over to say hello.

As much as I liked the selection at Nana disco, the crowd was a little much for both of us and I was dying to see Thermae, so we headed off down the street for the 4-5 block walk to Thermae. As we were walking and talking a vision of perfection came walking towards us with a friend, heading in the direction of the Nana disco. I stopped, watched her walk by, and while I was trying to replace my tongue in my mouth EH gave me a knowing smile and called her over in Thai. She was gorgeous - petite, perfectly proportioned, thin, great face and a dynamite smile. Invited her to come to Thermae with us and she quickly agreed, sending her friend on her way. Sorry, already did the threesome thing today! Her name is A (asked her how to spell it - "A") Turns out she's a 21 year old college student who freelances when she needs money. It was the end of the month, so I guess the bills were coming due.

Thermae and Fang

Walked into Thermae, and it looked pretty much like I had imagined from reading about it. Small, but not too small, a huge mix of people and the definite feeling of "end of the night, end of the line". EH says "Look over there" and I got my first glimpse of Fang, the notorious denizen of the dark that hangs around Thermae waiting for a victim. The only way I can adequately describe her is to imagine the sea witch from "The Little Mermaid". Add more makeup and a ridiculous hairdo, and you have Fang. There's an ongoing cash reward on BGV for anyone who sleeps with her and lives to tell about it, and I see now why no one will ever collect on it no matter how large it grows. I quickly divert my eyes lest she mistake my shock for interest and slink off into the corner with "A". EH was looking for someone he expected to be there, but couldn't find her and we slipped out and headed to Rainbow 2000. This after hours disco seems to go all night, and EH wound up hooking up with the girls who ambushed us outside Eden earlier. A and I said good night to them and headed back to the hotel.

Coming out of her clothes she was as hot as I had hoped, and although she lacked the passion level of Nok, she was very playful and we had a great time until slightly before dawn.

Day 4

Had a great encore performance from last night's freelancer. Gave me her cell phone number and I sent her on her way. It was time to head to Pattaya!

EH had arranged a driver to take us to Pattaya for 4 days over the 4th of July. The guy showed up in a Volvo - compared to some of the shitbox taxis I've been in this week, this would be a joy! The 1-1/2 hour ride went quickly and we pulled up in front of the Penthouse Hotel on Soi Pattayaland 2 in the pouring rain. It's obvious when you walk into the lobby of this place that it's no ordinary hotel. It's bizarre, and the rooms even more so. They showed us a couple of rooms, which contain an eclectic assortment of decorations and knickknacks, including stuffed animals, back scratchers, fly swatters and dozens of other things. In fact, we stayed there for four nights and each day I found something else I hadn't seen yet! It's a fun place, if not overly large. At first I wasn't wild about it, but it grows on you. We originally planned to ride down the street and check out another place, but the driver ran out of gas waiting for us so we just checked in. They have an assortment of rooms, including ones with jacuzzis, balconies, and Patpong-style dancing stages and poles like in a go-go bar right in the room! Another plus is the fact that they will make up your room a second time at 8pm, after you finish with your afternoon short-time.

The "special" bar

Once we checked in EH suggested a trip to The Pump Station, a blowjob bar a couple blocks from the hotel. Never having been to one, I was game. Met a couple "OK" lookers downstairs. It's a BJ bar, so they don't have the cream of the crop (no pun intended...) but they're specialists. Went upstairs where they had another bar with individual cubby-like indentations (so you don't have to see your neighbor's business) with curtains in front of you. You sit down, have a beer and watch porn videos while your selected companion poops out from the little curtain and goes to work. We'd been busy for a few minutes when in walks another customer, and EH introduced me to BKKnight. Saved the small talk for later and got back down to business. Turns out EH had arranged to meet here before heading down to Pattaya Pete's bar to meet BigDaddy. After we all wound up downstairs again, we talked for a while and headed to Pete's bar.

Pattaya is a much different scene than Bangkok. Where the primary venues in BKK are either the go-go bars, massage places or freelancer joints like Thermae and Nana disco, the scene in Pattaya revolves mostly around beer bars. These are small, mostly open-air bars set in plazas where there might be dozens of similar bars right next to each other. There are many of these plazas scattered around Pattaya. Of course, they have go-go bars and massage places also, but the beer bars are the heart of Pattaya. I really liked the beer bars. You can hear yourself think, it's easier to talk to the girls and play games while you get to know them a little better.

We hit Pattaya Pete's and there was BigDaddy. Had a great time getting to know him and BKKnight, both great guys and a wealth of information on Thailand. Spent some time talking with one of the hostesses who kissed like an angel, and made a mental note to remember her for later. EH and I hadn't eaten yet, so we ventured across the street to a good Italian place called Ciao. I had sworn off American food on this trip, both nothing said I couldn't eat Italian. Turned out to be a good decision, the food was excellent. The seafood in Pattaya is extremely fresh and reasonable.

Beer bar hopping

After dinner, we headed out to make the rounds of some of the beer bars. Had a great time bar hopping, and getting our asses kicked at Connect 4. BKKnight met up with us at one of the bars and we hit a bunch more of them. The transportation in Pattaya consists mostly of baht taxis, the Thai version of the jeepneys in the PI. You hop on, pay your 5 baht and hit the buzzer when you want to get off. Note to PI veterans - don't bang on the roof like you do in the PI, the driver will get upset! Anyway, we caught a baht taxi to head to another beer bar plaza and there was a real cute petite freelancer in the back who said hello when we got on board. I was half tempted to take her with us since she snuggled right up when I put my arm around her, but something told me not to. We got off at the beer bar plaza and she rode off into the night. I still wonder if I would have repeated my luck with the freelancer I met on the street the other night. But the great thing about Thailand is that there are always a few more perfect ones around the next corner if you wait a minute or two!

After browsing through several beer bars at this plaza, we settled in at one in the middle with several cuties. One instantly attached herself to EH. Her friend, who could have passed for her sister, kept looking at me but then looking away. I assumed she wasn't interested and struck up a conversation with BKKnight. I glanced her way every once in a while, and she was looking again. Oh hell. I walked over and put my arm around her and introduced myself. She broke out with a beautiful smile, I asked her to go with me and she agreed. Exhausted from the long courting ritual, I suggested we make our way back to the hotel and the four of us (minus BKKnight, who had to get going) hit the Penthouse. Ning was 20, looked vaguely Chinese and was kind of shy - but some gentle oral persuasion overcame her shyness, and this girl wound up taking the "orgasm of the week" award. A real screamer. I hate it when that happens... drifted off into a well deserved sleep.

Day 5-7

I'm lumping these days together because they became a blur. I got really wrapped up and didn't make my usual daily notes. So bear with me. I went back to Pattaya Pete's to short-time the girl I met the other day. That ST turned into three days and nights. I didn't want to let her out of my sight and she didn't want to leave. We played, laughed and had a blast together. The details will forever remain between us, as I really like this one and will see her again.

Some time during this period, EH and I did manage to get some laundry done. It kills me - I had a week's worth of laundry (both daytime shorts and t-shirts and evening attire that was a little nicer) washed, dried, ironed and folded and the bill came to 180 baht - about $5. On future trips, I will never again worry about the accommodations having washers and dryers. I think my "Thai time" is far too valuable to spend it washing my clothes, especially when I can have it done better for the price of a happy meal.

EH barfined a girl he had seen on a previous trip and we all went out to dinner at a great seafood place on Walking Street. This girl was a total knockout - gorgeous face, huge natural breasts and legs that never stopped. Unfortunately, since the last trip, her attitude had either totally disintegrated or she was on the rag. Nothing was good enough for this girl. She really managed to put off both me and my companion by the end of the night. I told me girl after we got back to the hotel that I hoped her sexual skills were fantastic for EH to put up with her shit. The next morning he said she was still an animal in bed (and on the floor, and....) but he couldn't stand her attitude either. The next morning EH was still recuperating so I took this girl out for breakfast, and on the way back we ran into EH and his friend on the street. He went down to a local indoor mall, Royal Garden Plaza. We grabbed some really good Italian gelato (except for EH's girl, who liked ice cream but not THIS ice cream...sigh). It's a shame, she's a very strong 8 if not a 9, but you know what they say....

I also found time to pick up 41 Playstation games for my kid (I'm a single Dad) for less than $1 each. God, I hate this place.

The US Navy had pulled into town overnight, and other than the barfines doubling in the go-go bars on the main drag it didn't seem to make much of a dent in the female population. There are so many girls here that you'd need to have an armada off shore to do much damage.

It was with a good bit of sadness that we left Pattaya to return to Bangkok. This girl had really grown on me, and I think I made an impression also. Save the commentary and the flames. I've been around bargirls since my early 20's and have played the game many, many times before. This one might actually be different... we'll see.

Day 8

We had to get back to Bangkok today because there's a get-together tonight with a bunch of TSM and BGV guys who are in town and we've arranged to meet for the 10:30 dildo show at Carnival in Nana. Got back just in time. If you've never seen this before, make sure you catch it. They get a number of girls on stage with strap-ons who do a very live sex show leaving no holes unfilled and no tongues unused. Very erotic, as opposed to the weird shit at Patpong. In no special order, and I'm sure I'm missing someone or confusing part of this list with another night - it was me, El Hefe, BKKnight, Dr-K, BigDaddy, Jan The Man, Simon and Batman with us. We all went our separate ways after a few drinks to pursue our evening's companions.

I had promised Nok (for entirely selfish reasons, I'm afraid) that I would come see her when I got back from Pattaya, and proceeded to get her and all her friends totally sloshed. I drank way too many shots of tequila and bought a bottle (or 2) of whiskey for the girls and wouldn't call it a night until they killed the bottle(s). We closed the bar down around 3am and I took Nok back to my room. Where she got sick. A couple times. Or more. Hell, it was my own fault. I held her until she went to sleep and then passed out myself.

Day 9

Despite a hangover and a headache, Nok was determined to show me this morning how much she appreciated me taking care of her last night. I didn't bother to point out that I had caused the problem in the first place. A couple very hot rounds this morning and I sent her home to sleep it off. Being the nice guy pays once in a while....

EH and I decided to get some pampering today, and went to get hand, foot and facial massages at a great little salon on Sukhumvit between Soi 5 and 7 called August. This is a terrific place. They surround you - one doing the hand massage, one doing your feet, another doing the facial. Spent half the morning there, cost around 1000 baht. We were seated next to another American and exchanged some pleasantries. I just had this feeling about this guy from a couple things he had said, so I turned to EH and asked "Did you get on TSM this morning?". The guy next to me perked up and smiled and introduced himself as Carlos III. Had a great conversation after we knew who he was. The talk quickly switched from the weather to more interesting topics. Carlos III finished up and left, no doubt to commune with the monks.

The pursuit

EH wanted to get a haircut and I was dying to go back for another Thai massage, so I took off to see the massage angel at Marble House. She was with a customer, so I made an appointment to come back in a hour. Spent the hour just walking around the streets, eating street food, shopping, etc. Found a great little French bakery right in front of Clinton Plaza (next to Thermae) that has really good pastries and makes some mean sandwiches. It's called DeliFrance, probably a chain.

Went back to Marble House at the appointed time. My masseuse stuck her head in the door to the room, gave me a big smile and said "Khun (insert name here)! You come back!". The massage was as great as last time. I chatted her up as best I could with my extremely limited Thai and her not-too-much-better English. She did say I had learned a lot of words since the last time I saw her. She's 19 and doesn't have a boyfriend since she's "too young to date until she's 20". That's in October, and we have a date when I come back in the fall. It'll be interesting to see what happens with a 'good girl' - probably nothing. But I'll consider it a long-term project.

The Art Bars and Washington Square

Back at the hotel I called EH who had just returned himself, although from a different kind of massage. He asked what I wanted to do tonight, and I told him there was one place the tour bus hadn't stopped yet and that was the Art Bars and Washington Square area. So off we went.

First stop was dinner at Bourbon Street in Washington Square. I broke my "Thai food only" rule tonight, but the food was great. It's a terrific Cajun place run by a guy who I believe is from New Orleans. Filled the table with shrimp, gumbo, jambalaya and lamb chops and ate until we had to stop. One of the hostesses came over to chat; she was really hot, and sat around chatting in very good English for quite a while. She kept casually dropping hints that led me to believe that seeing her after work wasn't entirely out of the question - I'll find out on my next trip, as we were on a mission tonight.

Now it's probably Bangkok logic, but why is it that Soi 33 is almost directly across the street from Soi 22? The numbered Sois here are pretty easy to find, they go in order with the odd streets on one side, even on the other. Guess they have more odd streets. We went up Soi 33 and into Renoir and the Napolean club. These places are more upscale than Nana and it's cousins - waiters in suits, tasteful decorating, quiet and intimate and much more inclined to play jazz than the techno-pop-crap they play everywhere else. But to be honest, we both felt that the women in these places, at least the two we visited that particular evening, were a little heftier and less attractive than their counterparts we had seen elsewhere and from what I understand with many of these girls sex is not a foregone conclusion at the end of the evening. So we're hereÖ.why? We left and headed to Nana. I'll give these places a fair shake and try them on another night and see if it's any better.

The lesbian

Got to Nana and went straight to Titty Twister. Two girls had just started a mild lesbian show with lots of kissing and licking. One of them really grabbed my attention - perfect body, really large breasts for a Thai girl, tiny waist yum. I motioned to the Mamasan (OK, he's a he, but he's the gayest he in Thailand) and pointed. He gave me the thumbs up and sent her over after she got off stage. She felt as good in person as she looked like she would. Had a little attitude - not bad, but just a little headstrong, which made it seem liike more of a challenge. Thus begins the story of barfining my first lesbian. The short version - very energetic, not at all shy, intent on not allowing me to wear her out, and preferred things a little rough. We talked later and she told me she has a female lover. So does that make her bi, or a lesbian who needs the money? I liked her, we had a good workout, but I think I prefer some of the sweeties I have met in the last week for whom men are the first choice.

Day 10

After another frenzied round with "Miss Cantaloupe Chest" the lesbian, I sent her home to her girlfriend. EH had some business to take care of today, so I opted to do the tourist thing and grabbed a cab to the Grand Palace, about 80 baht ($2) to go all the way across town. This place is amazing - if you're a photographer you have to go. Word of warning, though - don't go wearing shorts or sleeveless shirts. They will make you put on some of their loaner clothes to be admitted. Who knows who's been wearing them. Instead I went across the street from the main entrance and bought a pair of light-weight long cotton pants for $2 that would be perfect for working out in.

As nice as the palace is, it didn't take long for my attention to drift back to other things and I took a cab back to the hotel. Decided to find a ST companion at the Soi 7 Beergarden so I headed up Soi Nana. Never made it. Every day I would walk down this road, and peer into the few beer bars along the way, just in case there was something interesting, and never saw anything worth stopping for. Today, however, a tiny little petite sweetheart with the most kissable lips caught my eye. Where had she been all week? I stopped, said hi, bought her a drink, and she said she wanted to play pool. Told her I'd pay her barfine if she won. Kicker her ass two games in a row and paid her barfine anyway. Really cute 19 year old named Nan. Sex was great - she was really small, in all the right places. After a very satisfying session she told me she was exhausted and sore. She snuggled up and said she would like to spend the night. Told her I'd be back for her before the bar closed and sent her back to work.

EH was still out running errands (he had lost his Thai cell phone the other day, a major hassle since they won't sell a phone to a foreigner without a work permit) so I headed out. Ran into him on the street and arranged to meet at Nana later with a bunch of other guys. I was feeling like a walk, so I walked down to Soi Cowboy. Stopped in Asok Plaza along the way, a small selection of beer bars a few blocks before Soi Cowboy. It was the first real beer bar plaza I had seen since returning from Pattaya. Nothing stood out so I headed to Soi Cowboy. It was pretty early, around 8pm, but it was Friday night and the talent pool at Long Gun tonight was stunning. Saw several real solid beauties who were either not there or already barfined on our last trip. Same applied in Tilac. Another mental note...

Met up with the crew at Roadhouse, a little beer bar in the center of Nana famous for having great cheeseburgers that actually taste right. Beef is kind of funny in Bangkok. Saw a very attractive girl I had talked to the other night, and had a drink with her. I told her I really wanted to spend some time with her, but my dance card was full for the next couple days and I'd definitely hook up with her on my return trip next month. She gave me her cell phone number and we took the crew into Carnival for another shot at the dildo show. A bunch of these guys hadn't been with us the other night and had heard about it. Once again, everyone was captivated from start to finish. The real reason we had come back, however, was that EH had designs on a solid 9 who was in the show, and she was unavailable the other night. I think EH was surprised when she agreed to go ST. since the other night we had been told she had a boyfriend. Must have meant "boyfriend du jour". EH had been hanging around with a friend and her cousin, and I agreed to take them over to Hollywood for the snake show which they wanted to see while EH was engrossed with his new love. We waited about an hour for the show to start and it was...well, pretty gross. This girl stuck a few goldfish in herself and spit them out one at a time into a fishbowl full of water. They started swimming. The goldfish were quickly followed by a couple large bullfrogs and finally a 2-1/2 foot snake, whose head was writhing around while the rest of his body was inside her. Yum, wonder who had the balls to barfine her that night....

It was getting kind of late, so I said goodnight to the girls and headed back to pick up Miss Petite from earlier. She had already gone home. Guess she really was sore. Went back to Nana to see if I could find the one I got the cell phone number from earlier, now that my dance card had opened up. No luck, she was already barfined. Damn, now it's getting late. Decided to see what was going on at Nana Disco, but it didn't take long for the crowd and shitty music to annoy me so I did the only logical thing. I went to find Nok. Sex was the best yet, she's getting more passionate every time I see her.

Day 11 - Final Day in Thailand

I had decided days ago that my last night in Thailand needed to be with a known winner, and after last night's passion-fest, that meant Nok. Told her I'd see her before 2am and sent her home. EH called BKKnight, Jan The Man and BigDaddy and we met at Bourbon Street for lunch. Damn the food's good here. Got a call from Beak while we were eating and he came over to meet everyone. Really nice guy. After lunch we strolled over to a bar in Washington Square and spent a while drinking and groping the bar wenches. These girls seemed hungry for attention, maybe the ex-pat crowd who hang out in WS haven't been paying them enough attention lately.

A popular vote decided that Darling Massage would be a good afternoon diversion, so off we went. Took #17 - very cute face, nice body, very good session. I still prefer ST to body massage and LT to everything but it's still fun and satisfying. Got really clean, too.

Look Ma, no hands!

Most of us had never been to the Galaxy "No-Hands" restaurant so we decided to take a crowd and go. It was a trip. They seat you at a large table Japanese-style, you select your drinks and food from the mostly Chinese menu, then you head to the fishbowl to select your dining companion. The goal is to never touch your food; your girl feeds you while you let your hands find other things to do. It was a great time. Eventually the cameras came out and it got a little crazy, culminating with EH's very hot new friend breaking out "Lil Hefe" with a pair of chopsticks. I'm amazed no one choked on anything as we were all laughing so much. The girls are available for ST on the premises or take-out after the meal. We all had plans for the evening so we passed, except for EH. His girl was so outstanding that we all threatened to take her if he didn't. He finally succumbed to the peer pressure and had her boxed up to go. Hell, I'd have blown of Nok for this girl if he didn't. He said the next day she was fantastic, so I don't feel too bad about harassing him.

A few of the guys decided to come with me to pick up Nok so we set off, me, EH and his waitress, BKKnight and his GF who had joined us for dinner and Jan The Man. As we approached the bar I grabbed Knight's GF's hand and told her I wanted to play a joke on Nok. We strolled up to the bar together hand-in-hand. Nok gave me a look that could have peeled paint and then looked away. I gave Knight his GF back, kissed Nok on the neck and told her I was only kidding and introduced everyone. She looked over at Knight with his GF, looked back at me, and broke out into a huge grin. I'm sure she'll find a way to get even. Probably get her period tonight....The Italian Stallion was shooting daggers into EH with her eyes the whole time we were there and then asked me if Jan had a girl. Oh hell. Time to leave before she gets ahold of him too. We walked back, said our good-byes and hit the hotel, but not before running into X-Man who had just gotten into town hours earlier.

As could be expected, the night was a mixture of joy and sorrow and the passion hit an all-time high. The morning brought another wave, and Nok insisted on going to the airport with me. She helped me pack and we took the short but very long ride to the airport together.

Conclusion

First, thanks "mak mak" to El Hefe, who spent 12 days serving as tour guide, companion and friend on this trip. It would not have been the same without him and the other BGV and TSM guys I hung out with.

I understand now why no professed whoremonger can truly claim that title until they have made a trip to Thailand. It's the holy grail. I consider myself to be pretty open minded and objective. I lived in the PI for years and am a confirmed Filipina lover. But I've also spent quite a bit of time in Latin America recently, and love those girls too. I think the whole Asia vs Latin thing is stupid - I love good women wherever I find them.

But I can tell you this....I found Thai girls with the fire and passion I love in Latinas, and I found them with the sweetness I love in Filipinas. Thailand as a country is cleaner, safer, has better infrastructure and better food than all the places I've been. El Hefe put it best - there are lots of places you can go to pursue our interests. But almost without exception, those activities must be sought out in whatever small pockets they occupy. In Thailand, pussy is flying through the air and you have to go out of your way to duck and avoid it. And even then it will probably hit you.

I never thought I would find a place on earth I loved as much as the PI. But I guess lightning does sometimes strike twice. I will always love the PI, the DR, TJ - but they will always be weak substitutes for the incredible experience of Thailand and it's ladies. I couldn't stay away now if I tried.

And I won't.