Glancing around the storage room of this aging Russian prop plane, I took swig of Crystal cerveza and lit up another Marlboro. Twelve thousand feet over the Caribbean, the three of us were seated on cases of green beans being transported to Cuba and enjoying a rare treat; puffing away aboard a commercial airliner. Air Cubana may prohibit smoking on all flights unless they’re transatlantic, but it’s amazing what a couple of bucks ‘propina’ will do when you’re in the mood for butt. My five compadres and I were all pumped and ready for a long weekend of cigars, rum, sun and fun with the daughters of the revolution.

Pulling up to a fenced compound, I was struck by the beauty of our accommodations.
The setting for our fiesta was a colossal 6 bedroom, 5 bath pool casa in stately Miramar. Built in the 50’s, this gracious manor staffed by cooks and servants proved to be a gracious backdrop for our festivities. Closing my eyes, I imagined what it must’ve been like to live in Havana in the 50’s…

With our bags delivered to the rooms, we all congregated around the pool for a few beers. Two of our crew were new to Fantasy Island, and anxious to see what exotic delights awaited them. We had four female guests in an hour, but needed more. Hopping in a car, JackO and I struck out to find some more talent before dark. Cruising the Malecon and Prado, we spoke with 10 or more candidates before finally having 3 mo kindred spirits for our fiesta. The better ones never asked about money; those who scammed too much, too hard, too soon were left behind. Those who smiled and wanted to be part of the party were welcomed aboard as we made our way back to our suburban compound.

After a tasty meal with our crew of chicas, it was out to the pool for some dancing and drinking

I had spotted this spinner earlier while we were ‘fishing’, but FUCKING JACKO somehow managed hook up with her… the bastard! Our old car had no stereo in it, so with no music to fish by, I asked her to sing for us. Without missing a beat, she erupted into a full voice rendition of “Figaro” at the top of her lungs. Classic. My type of gal, BUT she was sitting in JackO’s lap!! It gets worse. After dinner, I notice her just standing around while we’re chatting.

Photos: Thumbalina

01 02

This 18 year old had just arrived to Havana from a farm community about 600 kilometres away in Camaguey, and she just couldn’t leave that thumb of hers alone. Watching her cheeks pucker in and out as she sucked so luxuriously on her 5th digit was more than I could take…but she was in the arms of another man… what a fucking dilemma !

I had settled in with my date for the evening and was really becoming intrigued with my new chica de jour

Photo: Ballerina

03

A ballerina who wore size zero pants. She had an ass you could bounce a dime off to impress a drill sergeant during bunk inspection. It didn’t take long for me to get her up to the room where we immediately started making out. For those who don’t know the ways of the island, DFK is a given. Every chica I’ve met has indulged me lavishly in this department. As if knowing the playbook, she ran down my torso to the goalpost. After a gracious BBBJ, it was time to check out her equipment room. Nine years of ballet had her 19 year torso toned and taut. Her tiny little frame was host to an even tinier panocha that fit me to a “T”. My first session of the trip with such a tight player didn’t last long – I was calling time outs to switch positions as often as possible before finally going long and strong for seven points.

The next morning found me scoring with some fresh roadkill, as my first gal had to be at dance class and didn’t want to stay out all night. Shortly after settling in, I looked down to see the dreaded ‘red plague’ had besieged my member. “Shit!”. Rubber or not, I don’t like parting the red sea, so we cleaned up and I had her finish me with a BBBJ for 50% of the agreed upon rate, or $15.

Returning to the pool, I found the party just getting started

Video ChicasLoca9CH

Those last two girls were sisters who were very comfortable with each other. Another hombre will have to report on them (how was it Big Man?)

Later that evening, I fired up a porno for the chicas to watch. Try to picture five cubans sitting on the bed watching a gringa get three-holed by these three gringos with footlongs, and then imagine the looks on their faces. They were literally sitting there with their mouths open, trying to comprehend what this little pornstar was doing! It was then that my little head concockted a plan to get with Thumbalina. It seems that JackO was stricken by my BTG (Big Titty Girl), so we agreed to a little ‘round robin’ with our chicks. Inviting the rest of the crowd to get lost, we closed the door and had our girls do a little latin dance to get to know each other better

Video ChicasLoca10CH

At long last, the thumbsucker was to be mine. She brought eighteen years of daily practice on her hand to the table. Ay Caromba, what a BBBJ that spinner could give. When I brought out the Vigel, BTG immediately started cheering which made Thumbalina ask what the Vigel was. Once she learned it enhanced her orgasms, she let JackO apply it. With a puzzled look on his face, he leans over and tells me she already drenched from watching the video. Mmmmmm….

(Editors note: The session was stellar, although it was hard to concentrate with another swordfighter yielding his lance in the room. At one point, JackO was banging BTG so fast and furiously that the bed was banging the lamp cord as it flashed like a strobe light in perfect rhythm with his thrusts. Later, while I was dining at the Y, BTG was riding him and kicking me in the ribs haha)

So while we’re going to town, an outbreak arises in another room down the hall. One of our newbie guests had brought a hardened street chick home DESPITE our protests, and she was hassling him for more money. There’s a knock at our door. JackO and I wince at the thought of leaving our two honeys to do damage control. Throwing on some towels, we head down to the room to see this nasty guttertramp pitching a fit and yelling at our poor newbie amigo. She had broken his martini glass on the dresser and was wielding a large piece of cut glass at him demanding “cien dollars mas”, or a hundred dollars more. Walking on the broken glass in our bare feet, we tried to talk sense into her, to no avail. Leaving the situation to get some shoes on, JackO tells the night watchman to open all the doors. Upon returning to the room, there was now a crowd of 5 guys and 5 girls watching this bitch try to hijack us for a 400% markup over what she’d already been paid. After JackO tried to tell her to just leave, I told her in my pigeon Spanish “Do NOT come into MY house and talk bad – leave with or without problems, but you’re about to leave, NOW”. At that, she grabs a tifanny lamp from the nightstand and holds it up at us. JackO dives in and grabs her in a headlock and she starts swinging the lamp. Grabbing her free hand behind her back, I struggled to control the broken lamp as she repeatedly swung it at poor JackO, cutting him and I in the process. Working her one room at a time (and only managing to bump her head into a few doorjambs), we threw her ass out on the street and slammed the gate shut. Kudos to JackO for taking the lions’ share of the abuse. Poor bastard was cut and scratched and bleeding, while I sustained a few cuts myself.

Back inside, we cleaned up and chilled out a bit. Damn! I was just getting to where I liked it with our two chicas too! We talked about the situation, and agreed that we couldn’t have handled the situation any differently. To pay her in front of 5 other chicas would’ve been a major loss of face. To call the cops might have meant spending a day or more in the police station. Fast and discrete is sometimes the best way. While bandaging me, BTG raised an eyebrow and smiled in her limited English “you don’t take shit, do you?” Damn straight girl. That stupid bitch was probably hopped up on drugs or something.

Next day, BTG gave me some TLC to start the day, and I noticed some more spark in her. Maybe latinas really are turned on by all that macho shit? We had a pig roast at the pool and chilled out with music, martinis and some new chicas. BTG invited a new friend to join us. I was really struck by her beauty.

Photo: BTG and Friend

04

Some more new friends joined us too.

Photos: Friends

05 06 07

That night, it was time for JackO and I to finish off where we left off with BTG and Thumbalina, so we fucking drilled it for two hours. Incredible. Sweaty. Vigorous. Exhausting. Taking it out to the pool afterwards, we listened to some romantic music and reflected on the trip with our chicas.

Next morning, guess who wanders up to my room to see her friend?

My hat goes off to BTG – she’s up for anything.

Photos: BTG and Friend

08 09 10

The two-on-one with her landlady’s daughter made Morning Woody very happy.

A double hummer followed up with a double dip of both those gals was all I needed to start my day. Why can’t I wake up to that at home? Oh, and if you think a white cubana can salsafuck, you should try a mulatta. Yikes!

Well lads, that’s it for this past trip. I’ll be back down again in a few days. I think I may try leaving Havana and roving the countryside a bit.

Best Regards
PB

PS
A special thanks to JackO and the BigMan and crew for their hospitality. Great time lads – let’s do it again soon.

Thats my buddy.

Know you guys had a great time but not as good as we are going to have, eh buddy?

Sandman

Photos: Chicas

11 12 13 14 15

JackO just emailed me some more pics. I might be in love.

Hey Sandman, how 'bout Thumbalina and the one in the brown bikini for us when we land there next week?

PB,

I like how you guys threw that chica out, like if you were bouncers at a NYC nightclub.

Now when I go to cuba where do you Recommend staying as a first timer? I would like (but not necessary) the amenities of a pool and a luxury property but I also want to be in the heart of the action. So should it be Old Havana, New Havana or Miramar?
What are the main locations in Cuba, compared to Help and meia pataca in Rio?

CN

Ceenotes
The pool gig can be tricky. Most all pool homes are located in Miramar, which is a suburb about 10 minutes drive west of Havana proper. To find a pool home, call Panataxi 555-5555 and have them send a Miramar taxi with a knowledgeable driver to get you. Tell him what you want, and tell him you want him to work with you find a pool home that will rent one room (kinda tough). There is a pool home "Casa De Magda" off Ave 5 near the 3 schools, behind a gas station. Nice place, but the rooms are $80/night +.

To stay in Miramar, you'll need your own rental car at $70/day +/-. If you decide to stay in Vedado or Centro Havana, you can do fine without a rental car, and save the money.

The best site I've found on Cuba travel info is:
http://www.cuba.tc/

Their new 800 # is 1-866-865-9851

Tell them you read about them on a men's travel website and ask them for help reserving the casa of your choice. Great people over there. The owner is Dick Z if you're lucky enough to speak w/him.

PB
Just when I had made up my mind to go some place different, like Rio, you write a report that makes me want to head right back to Cuba. I am so confused! How much was the casa a night/week, I'm curious? Great report, as usual.

Sman
You need to retire and travel full-time buddy. And as for Rio, that's a must see town. Call Copa airlines to see if you can do Havana and Rio in one flight?

The casa we stayed at was $750/night, but it can be had for much less.

PB,

thanks, I'm going to check out the website.
Now as for the nightlife, What Club/disco is the similar to Help?

CN

Ok CN
The simple answer is, they're all like Help. The entire island is like Help. Virtually every girl on the island is or has been on the program.

Now, if that answer doesn't suffice, the following discos are similar to Help:
Macumbe
Casa De La Musica (both locations)
El Chevere (closed until further notice)
Rosalia De Castro (a smaller, 'darker' version)

Don't forget, however, that once you clear customs, you're in Help Disco.
PB

When are you planning to go Ceenotes?

(Message edited by PoohBear on February 14, 2003)

PB...that sounds like a plan to me. Of course, anything sounds pretty good right now!

remember.....she's been sick!

sandman

PB,


If I do go, it will be around april 11, I hope your there, if not start handing over the numbers.
So your saying any sexy looking chica, just walk up and stert talking like if I was at copacabana beach?


CN

Sandman
Sorry bro. No sympathy from me. For a guy who gets pussy as much as you do, you got little room to complain ;)

Ceenotes
It really is pretty much that simple. The only consideration you must give her is to not put her at obvious risk with the police. With an average income of $12/month, the mentality of the entire island is "if a pretty girl can be with a tourist to make money and help her family, why shouldn't she?".

Keep in touch about 4/11. Maybe we'll bump into each other.

PB

PB,

Another terrific report. Sounds like quite an adventure and as anyone that knows me knows I'm up for adventures. I'd really really really like to hit Cuba with you. I'm still studying my Spanish and now conversational. I'm positive I'll hit Cuba sometime this year. I just bought a ticket to go to London in less than two weeks and now I wish it was to Cuba.

I'm looking forward to hitting the big "Help". Just picturing that crazy chica makes me laugh. Reminds me of that crazy girl that Kick Stand had in our apartment in Rio. I just wanted that garota the hell out of our apartment.

Cheers. Godfather

Godfather
Sandman and I are going to take in the entire island next week. That should be quite a tour. March takes me to Rio and Canada. Perhaps April or May will be good for us to hit Cuba? Email me at PoohBear@hotmail.com (put Cuba in the subject line) and we'll see about some dates.

And I really want to hit BA with you sometime soon as well. Perhaps May will see me down that way.

PoohBear,

Excellent report. I can envision a double with BTG and that mulatta. I also like the brown bikini chica-Thumbalina is ok, but not really my type.

The thing that intrigues me most about Cuba is like you say, all females are on the program. It seems most Cubans are broke and have nothing do to except stare at the walls. Then you show up and offer dinner, drinks, music, videos for an evening of fun. Then to top it off you pay them over a months salary the next morning. Sounds like a no-brainer to me.

I also like how you applied my Latina rule #2 (No bullshit) very forcefully with the crackwhore. Thats a tough situation to be in and there are obviously times where if you are held up at gunpoint or knifepoint you want to give up the money and not be a hero. That said, I think here you did outnumber the crazy chica and did the right thing throwing her out. You mentioned BTG was impressed and you can bet none of the chicas who witnessed the incident would try to scam you afterwards. If you see any of those chicas next trip, ask them what they thought you were going to do when she was holding you guys up-I'll bet they all say they thought you would give up the money. Then ask the chicas what they think rich or connected Cuban guys would have done in the same situation-My guess is they say it never would have happened because the crackwhore would never consider holding them up as they would take her out back and beat her within an inch of her life.

Reports like yours keep making want to give Cuba a try. I might try to bite the bullet and do it. Enjoy your next trip to paradise.

Hey HC1
Remember, I speak hardly any spanish. But I do understand the body language they all speak



Seriously, for a guy like you who is fluent, you could own just about any girl you want on that island. I'm convinced that once you try cuba, you'd never want to hobby anywhere else.

Bottom line with that crackwhore is this:
1. Go with your instincts: we knew this bitch was trouble, and tried to talk our buddy out of it when he wanted to bring her back. Next time, no discussion!
2. If you're on a one-on-one with a nutcase like her, you might want to just pay her and get on with having fun. Doing so in front of 5 other chicas would have been a death-sentence for us, however.

Hombrecito only does blondes now Deeg. DO they have any trouble getting bleach on the island?

What's up with the hair color issue? T&A comes in all shades, and it don't feel any different no matter how it's packaged.

With HC only doing blondes and you only doing jetblack, it sounds like you two could actually be trusted with each others' girls. (on second thought, doubtfull...)

Dunno about bleach, but every chica asks to keep my hair gel. Cuban gel looks like Dandruff so they don't use it.

Is that true, HC? Only blondes?

(Message edited by PoohBear on February 16, 2003)

Actually I was just kidding around with Rich. I too prefer brunettes, but not to the extent I would exclude blondes. I like to keep all my options open.

PB,

DEFINITELY try to hit Buenos Aires in May. I've talked a few guys into coming to Buenos Aires Memorial Day weekend. I'm actually throwing a party at my apartment on May 24th and I'd love to see you there. I have my Palm Pilot full of chicas so they are at your "disposal".

I've already talked UWPhoto and Kick Stand into buying a ticket (which to be honest wasn't that difficult..ha, ha). I'm trying to get Moondog, SFHombre and Seaman there too that weekend and I think Dino is in too.

I'll be in BA from May 16 - 26. Let's hit Cuba sometime this year. July 4th weekend perhaps?? I can't take any "hobby" trips March 22nd to May 4th. My Rio novia is flying to my house those dates. Yeah, it's a long ass time but it will be fun. I talked UWPhoto into flying his Rio girl to Cancun to meet me and my girl in April if any of you are gonna be in Cancun April 25 - April 30th let's have a few drinks.

Another great report. One of these days, I think you need to stop taking life so seriously, relax and have some fun.

"She had an ass you could bounce a dime off to impress a drill sergeant during bunk inspection. It didn’t take long for me to get her up to the room where we immediately started making out."

What exactly does a drill sergeant drill? It sounds like you were the drill sergeant inspecting bunk.

"Try to picture five cubans sitting on the bed watching a gringa get three-holed by these three gringos with footlongs, and then imagine the looks on their faces."

God Bless America

"JackO dives in and grabs her in a headlock and she starts swinging the lamp. Grabbing her free hand behind her back, I struggled to control the broken lamp as she repeatedly swung it at poor JackO"

Sounds like he nearly became a JackO-lantern.

Godfather - if you wouldn't mind my novice ass showing up in BA this May, I may just join you guys. I'd appreciate the opportunity to learn from someone who knows the ropes. Plus you've got a pretty good bunch of guys already.

Bol_Weevle
JackOLantern. Classic tie-in bro. Kudos. Really, all I'm trying to do is live a little Pulp-Friction of my own. You should take it to Rio with us in March - we're all dying to get a peek underneath that mask of yours.

The two videos for this report can be found on our Video page under Multimedia or by clicking here.

Hey PB,

You should be a travel editor, your reports and pics are the best!
I'm taking my first 'south of the border' trip to CR 3/28/03-4/8/03.
As much as I look forward to it, I wish it was Cuba instead. But that will be next hopefully.
Since I live a few hours drive from Toronto and they have R/T flights to Cuba for $500.00 Can$= about $300.00 US$, that sounds like a winner for me. Plus hopefully I can blend into a group of Canadian tourists to get under the customs radar going into Cuba.
Your experience with Cuba customs reminded me of one I had about 5 months ago.
After about 20 trips across the border into Canada I got stopped by this fat Canadian customs officer who looked and acted like the fat cop on 'Third Rock From The Sun'! A dead ringer! If you haven't seen him on that show, he played the fat creep down the hall from Seinfeld, (real name Wayne Knight I think, also played computer programmer who caused all the havoc in Jurassic Park)
He asks the usual questions about contraband (I've answered twenty trips before) then gets this suspicious look on his face when I tell him I'm going to a hotel in Toronto area to shop and go to the casino across from the hotel, (the ding-dong oriental girl on the hotel reservation line spoke of a casino "which turned out to be only a race track")
Now do I tell him I've really got a booking with one of Toronto's $120.00 ($US$) hotties, or stick to my story? So I decide I'll relieve his discomfort, demonstrate my innocence, and invite him into my motorhome to look around. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well the little prick did just that!
Five minutes later I'm sitting in a secure area trying to explain why I didn't 'declare' my pretty little S&W nickel-plated 38 caliber "police special".
Well this bloated 'Barney Fife' is so full of himself I thought he was going to explode. He got him a bad guy! Goes to show you "even a blind hog get's an acorn once in a while" aye?.
Anyway,guess what? pistols are strictly forbidden in Canada.
It's like smuggling fully automatic weapons into the USA....no sense of humor whatsoever!
So they arrest and body search me, detain my girlfriend and read my rights! Word was I would spend the weekend in jail, then see a Judge the following week. I went from player to gun runner in five long sweaty minutes.
About then I realize I'm in a foreign country and have no clue what legal rights a player turned gun runner has and I could be in deep do-do!
Sudden flashbacks of the movie 'Midnight Express', where the American kid ends up in a Turkish prison for smuggling hash seem eerily all too real!
They impound my 34' motorhome and proceed to search it with there flea-bitten dogs! I'm fucking powerless! Do I risk pissing them off and further compicating things by calling a lawyer, or trust these guys to be fair and reasonable and hopefully figure out I'm not some terrorist psycho, (even tho I did look like one since I hadn't shaved for three days and didn't shower that morning,you know morning hair and all) but I'm just-a-guy and it's not unusual for Americans to carry handguns...it's not a fucking uzi!
Well after about four loonngg hours they decide to fine me $500, payable immediatley (worse than some girls I know) keep my pistol forever and let me and my motorhome go, no extra charge for the fleas!
Hope to see you in Cuba someday!

(Message edited by podeelicker on February 25, 2003)

Podeelicker
Wow - that's quite the ordeal with the Canadian border patrol. Hard to believe that you got such a spanking over a little self-defense weapon. Those Canadians take their gun control pretty seriously.

Enjoy Costa Rica. I have many fond memories from there. Club Idem - be sure to check that place out.

It looks like you'll have enough time to split out from San Jose for a few days? I strongly recommend an excursion to the Pacific beach coast. Orlando is a great guide who will drive you out there for less than what you could rent your own car.

Cuba will be a great destination for you this summer. I'm hearing and hoping that some of the police pressure will be lightening up by May.

Be safe.
PB