Pretty much went as planned, except that I had only planned on it being a two month trip.

"You can take the girl out of the bar, but you can't take the bar out of the girl." I don't know who originally said that, but I used to think there were exceptions. Now believe it to be absolutely true (no exceptions).

PRACTICAL TIPS

MONEY

• Make sure your ATM card(s) will not expire during your trip. If so, have someone who can check your mail at home and Fedex it to you. Have a backup plan, like someone who can wire money to you (not hard to do). A stateside helper who stays in touch by e-mail can be a real life saver!
• Every single place I used my Visa card --hotels, travel agencies, and hospitals-- charged a surcharge. Use cash if possible to avoid the surcharge and exposing your credit card number, which invites a fraud hassle.

• Speaking of paranoia: If you live in a big city and your home will be empty during your trip, it's nice to have a post office box stateside. I put that down as my address instead of my street address. That prevents someone from e-mailing your street address to burglar friends back in the states. When I went to Mexico I did this religiously.
• I always have my wallet in my front pocket. Pickpockets are a problem in some areas, reportedly around the Siam skytrain station in Bangkok.
• Thailand is safer than any other country I've been to.

• Back up your digital photos to CD. Most Internet cafes can do this for 50 to 150 baht. Before leaving the place that did it, make sure the CD works by deleting any of your photos from that computer's disk by using Shift-Delete (that will really delete it instead of putting it in the Recycle Bin), disconnecting your camera, and then viewing photos on the CD.
• If your camera will format disks, use it to format a new disk before using it! (Don't format it with a separate computer).
• You absolutely do not need a voltage converter anywhere in Thailand because all the outlets are hybrid and will accept 110v and 220v plugs. These were also the only type of outlets I saw everywhere I went in Cambodia, Laos, and Burma:

• Get a wash cloth, any color but white so the hotel help won't collect it. Gently wash your face with it before you go out. (Don't give yourself a rope burn.) It gets in and cleans out your pores much better than your fingers can. I heard a skin expert say it on the radio and I think it's true.
• Shave it off. You can't fight city hall. I had a moustache for two decades and finally gave in because every Thai girl requested that I shave it off. It was a risk; I wasn't quite sure what I would look like without it, but I look younger. It was a smart move.

• Be a sweetie. There are different ways to say something and talk is cheap, so what does it cost for you to say it in the nicest way? For example, one girlfriend asked me (in her own way) if I like to eat pussy. I replied, "For you I do." A wave of something (love?) passed over her face. See?
• Be a perv. Took our laundry to the cleaners and plopped it on the counter. While waiting for service, and while no one was looking, I picked up her shorts from the pile, gave her a lecherous glance, and smooched the shorts. She slugged me.
• Don't throw money at her. To say goodbye to a nice girl in Pattaya, I took her to dinner one last time. Kept telling her I would take her anywhere she wanted. "Special food for a special lady." She turned down all the fancy restaurants I rode by. She told me to turn into Big C, so I did. She took us to KFC! LOL 89 baht. Fine with me, babe.

• The Thai girls' sense of humor seems to be simple, almost slapstick. You'll see when you trip over something.
• Whether in a bar, restaurant, or supermarket --anywhere: Just because a Thai girl is staring at you does not necessarily mean that she has the hots for you or wants to talk to you. Some of the girls from up-country were just not taught that it is impolite to stare. She might just think you're a geek. Approach if you must, but be light-hearted about it. Keep it light.
• I had read a long time ago that public display of affection is taboo in Thailand, but my experience has been that it is not. Just let your girlfriend take the lead in public and don't worry about what she does. But it is taboo in a temple, where even a peck on the cheek is inappropriate.

• smart: Getting all the medical care I wanted from Thai hospitals. The quality was first rate and it was a tenth the cost. Most of the doctors I saw had done their residencies in the USA or the UK. Money well spent.
• smart: Buying shirts in Thailand. You get a lot more for your money here --lots more!
• smart: Spending at least one night with someone before taking her away to an island. This is mandatory!
• smart: Not getting married on impulse, which my fiancee wanted to do! She was a stunner, but only seventeen years old. After meeting what family she had near Pattaya, but before going up-country to meet her parents (which means you intend to get married! FYI), I suggested we first travel together to get to know each other. We didn't get along well, but at least we found out before getting married. (You should have seen the way men looked at her. One morning we came out of our bungalow on the beach, walking hand-in-hand. Another guy who looked American saw her --I could never fault other men for looking, she was so incredible and creamy-looking-- and then smirked at me as if to say, "Oh, you son of a bitch where did you find her??!" I had to smirk because I could read his mind. He wanted to punch my arm. She was mine for only a week, but it was wonderful. Saw her a few months later and she was engaged to a Frenchman. Saw her a few months after that and she was back in Pattaya. "You can take the girl out of the bar, but..."

• mistake: Should have kept one of the cell phones I bought. Here you don't have to sign up for a year contract --you just buy a stored-value card, plug it into your phone, use it up, and buy another card. (Like the ones you get at 7-11.) Pretty convenient. These are GSM phones, which means that if the phone you use stateside is GSM, you can take it overseas with you, buy a card to stick in it, and you're up and running with a new phone number.
• mistake: Not learning Thai. All the time I wasted trying to explain / communicate with the poor Thais by speaking what little I know, pointing to my phrase book, making sign language, drawing what I wanted on a piece of paper, etc., was more time than I would have spent in a Thai course. Not to mention the added communication and missed opportunities I would have enjoyed.
• mistake: Getting busted snapping photos of my girlfriend (then fiancee) in the early light before she woke up one morning on our island retreat. She spoke no English, and boy was she upset! Before I knew it she was on the cell phone saying God knows what to God knows who, with tears streaming down her face. She wanted to go home. I erased the pictures (digital camera) and finally communicated that to her after a thousand tries, thumbing through my phrase book, etc. After that I gave her the camera to hide before bed. I explained later that she looked incredibly beautiful in the early morning light, which is the absolute truth. We had a good week there, but I almost blew it.
• mistake: Spending so much time in Bangkok. Being an LA-dweller it was natural for me to love this big city and build a life there, i.e. find everything I would need to live there a long time. But for what I spent living there in a month I could have lasted anywhere else in Thailand for three months. Girls, transportation, and lodging all cost substantially more in Bangkok than anywhere else.
• mistake: Building up a load for several weeks before going. No masturbating or anything. I told the first girlfriend of the trip, "I love you." It was really only lust, of course, but it just came out of my mouth when I was inside her. She was inexperienced and fell in love with me. Every time I went to Pattaya after that she begged me to just pay the bar fine so she could just come with me for free. She said she didn't want any money. It was pathetic and I really felt like a dick. Even after spotting me with another girl on the back of my bike, she ran up to me out of nowhere one evening smiling (though she had apparently been crying earlier) to show me she was over it and still wanted to be with me.

• Pattaya is tough on both mongers and working girls. Pattaya eats people alive. There is more butterflying and lying here than anywhere else I know of. Being a liar is a prerequisite for entry to Pattaya.
• Soapy enthusiasts pick one out of the aquarium, have fun for 90 minutes, and leave. In contrast, here in Pattaya one can do all-nighters which last through the next day and often the following week. A relationship between two real people develops in those cases, and disappointment can and often does result for either party.

Outstanding piece of work down to the last minor details. (like the importance of clean shaven look) An obvious pro. I work around a gang of Lao, Isan, and Thai ladies and you expertly nailed down every little detail of what you need to know.

Solid insight TJ! BTW, hope this question isn't too personal...How much was spent for hotels and fun for this six month visit?

Great Trip,

What are the best hotels to stay in at a killer deal?

Garota friendly of course....
CN

Ceenotes..In Bangkok you can try Nana Hotel, Dynasty Suites and Majestic Suites for location at about $25/$35 a night but overall your better off staying at Omni or Grand President which can set you back about $40/45 a night. I would also recommend Boss Tower for excellent rooms at $22 a night. It is not located near the action but not to far either and is an apartment with no guest problems.

Thai Inn at $12/night with A/C but no TV. Very near Nana Plaza

Solid808: I'm glad you asked because I thought about it and didn't spend as much as I first thought. I spent a little over $1000/month, but only stayed in hotels instead of cheaper accomodations. The biggest expense by far was bar girls! If you can live without girls and air conditioning, you can last a year in Thailand on $2000, but that's not realistic for me.

You can get a nice one-room apartment with a hot shower, refrigerator, and TV (no air-cond.) in Chiang Mai or Jomtien Beach (or a little less nice in Bangkok) for 2500 to 3000 baht /month. (Jomtien is a nice beach that's a scooter ride from Pattaya.)

Chiang Mai: Traveller Inn on Loi Kroh Road 250 baht fan rooms.

Pattaya: Eastiny Place is the best value on Soi 8 (not to be confused with the Eastiny Hotel on the same street).

Bangkok: Travelodge on Soi 8 (a short walk to Nana) for 700 baht ($16) a night. If everyplace is full you can usually get a two-room apartment-style room at Nanatai Mansion at the (southern) end of Soi Nana for 900 baht, but the lights and fixtures will be broken.

Blazers, where is Boss Tower?

Funny, I've spent almost three months in Thailand over four trips, and I never once had a girl ask me to shave off my mustache. I advise all parties to keep them short and well-trimmed, and not to have beards, but no need to shave them off entirely.

TJ, I've noticed in your writing that you love to repeatedly state that the guys on this site "flamed" you for something you said. Why is it when people disagree with you or have experienced something different, and post their opinion, that you consider it a flame? I remember your post about visiting the apartments of working girls. Many guys with far more experience with Thai culture and dealing with Thai women thought you were dead wrong in your analysis and said as much. Why does that constitute a flame?

Murasaki

Thank God - Now you tell me you have a moustache !! Ya told me she thought it was a fungal infection !
LoL

TJ
You advise not throwing money after girls , but admit to buying multiple cell phones, jewelry, and clothes for your BG's. Bit of a contradiction is it not ?? Little wonder that the BG's were your biggest expense. You pass it off saying they were worth it, but the next monger is going to have to deal with the expectations others create. Buying lavish presents for a girl not in the scene is one thing , but getting the BG's to expect more than usual fee is a dangerous precedent. BTW-- This is not just a poke at you as I have seen way too many farang looking like a zombie and being dragged around Robinson's by their previous night's entertainment !! This has to eventually raise the bar for everyone .

At 72 I will get $3,000 a month in social security. Is this enough to live on in BKK or will I have to find a cheaper place?
PS Its only two years away.

69 you can live there on 120,000 baht a month fairly comfortably, but a lot depends on what kind of housing you will accept, what kind of food you like, but most importantly how often you plan on visiting the bar scene. Given the fact you are posting on this site , I fear your BG expenses will exceed your available income. LoL
BTW-
The Thai government has minimum income and bank account standards for farang who plan on retiring in LoS. I do not know the current numbers, but you should check it out.

694me: On US $3000 a month? Oh, man can you afford to live in Bangkok! I envy you! In Chiang Mai you could live in a nice house for that, no doubt. Wherever you are it should cover everything nicely, girls included. There are some hi-rise apartments very near Nana, or wherever you want to live.

Khun Mor: I didn't buy any jewelry (that is lavish), but with one exception, the ones I bought stuff for had been with me for week(s). If she stays with me for that long, she should get something that lasts. If I didn't do that, other farang still would --jewelry included! I've seen it! Those girls don't expect more from the next farang, they just disappear from the scene. They retire, at least for a while. I saw one guy whip out a jewelry box for one of the hostesses in Living Dolls, take out a gold chain and put it around her neck. Never saw her again after that. I contemplated buying jewelry a couple times in pussy-whipped mode, but didn't. (That would have shortened my trip.)

Clothes are cheap. Jewelry's heavy. Plus, European guys can get them visas and import them a lot easier than we can to the US. That's another reason the nice ones disappear for a while.

$20,000 is required to be deposited in a Thai bank to obtain a retirement visa

Admin: Message retracted by author request

Admin: Message retracted by author request

Everyone calm down and take a look at the hotties in my report on day 2....you will all feel much better.

I am gonna start knocking heads together like Moe Howard !!!


Milk

TJDick
Nice report
Will comment later
take care
Milkman

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