Awww shit. I'm back in the U.S.

Here are some impressions and highlights from my first ever Rio trip.

1) I DEFINITELY enjoyed hanging out with the Café Alcazar crowd, who convene next to the Hotel Debret across the street from Copacabana beach every day. The regular organizers of this group include Rich, Karl, and Don, who are definitely worth meeting. (never mind that they are a bunch of perverted bastards) Although I didn’t sign on to their newbie remedial mongering program, I did end up tossing them some $ because I spent plenty of time hanging out with them, and they completely turbo-charged my Rio experience. They led tours of the termas, trips to fine dining establishments, trips to seedy bars, and more. Rich’s woman, Rafiela, was also around semi-regularly, and was great fun to spend time with. I’m not sure that this group’s services are NECESSARY for the semi-experienced, confident monger, but that isn’t the issue. These are agreeable folks who provide instant comraderie, sage advice, cell phones, translation services, scam-awareness, hook-ups and more. And evidently, they are excellent for bailing out mongers who run into trouble with police, finances, garotas and more. Let me add Jose (whose handle is “Jose” at this site) as another local contact who I will probably do business with on future trips. He’s Brazilian, speaks flawless English, is fun to talk to, and arranges all sorts of roadtrips in and around Rio.

2) The Café Alcazar gang included a hoard of first-class hobbyists, including (among others), Wisconsin, Sman, Keemo, Mel “the Tool”, Sweetmesquite, and DonGringo, and some others whose board names I unfortunately can’t remember. A few words about the primary dudes I spent time with. Keemo: The most likeable monger ever, good people. Mel “the Tool”: a true legend, funny as hell, great source of inside her I mean insider information. Sweetmesquite: Sage veteran of the Rio scene and my first “mentor” in Rio; sorry for “cockblocking” all those beautiful women. DonGringo: The Patron Saint of Club Hombre, and clear choice for Monger of the Year, whose humor and technical wizardry were both dazzling and deranged. When I grow up, I want to be just like that pornographic creep. Bastard.

3) The women of Rio are simply amazing. The sheer numbers of intensely beautiful women is mind-boggling. As a TJ monger, I had to re-calibrate my objective, sexist rating scale. I remember being at one of the termas with Sweetmesquite, and noting that all the women looked like 9’s or 10’s to me. My jaded friend informed me that in fact, all these women were 6 to 8s on the Rio scale. And of course he was right, but my brain was still the consistency of Velveta cheese at the site of so much talent. I especially like the fact that most girls have natural breasts and very tight butts, and they come in various shapes, colors and sizes. Moreover, EVERY girl is a sexual superstar, as far as I can tell. I didn’t have one bad session, just good and great ones. Some like to dance, some like to kiss, some like to fuck, and some like it up the ass. Often they are not shy about their preferences, and they fuck powerfully and passionately. Although some of the girls use artificial lubrication, there was PLENTY of natural lubrication going on… After several days of prodigious duty, my dick was a little sore from all the grinding, ripping, gripping, etc. these girls provided. One monger (DonGringo, who shall remain nameless) actually seemed to be in severe pain and ready to pass out after countless dubious unions. We should all feel sympathy for the plight of this wayward, overworked hobby horse.

4) The termas were a great place to start, and to search for talent to spend time with after work. I went to Luomo, Solarium, 65, 4x4, Centaurus, and Rio Antigo at various times. The process here is quite simple, and a great place to go snacking. At the same time, the assembly-line sex is not the end-all experience. Either meet your favorite girls after work or on weekends, or find girls in other ways who will spend time at your hotel, traveling with you, etc. In the end, termas seem relatively expensive and impersonal compared to other sources of entertainment.

5) I had plenty of fun at Help disco, and Terraco Atlantico, the bar outside of Help, on several occasions. It blows my mind that EVERY girl (there are hundreds and hundreds) is available. On two occasions, I met girls there who spent the night with me for mere pocket change, and each blew me away. I suppose there is a little more risk and challenge involved in these places, but that adds to the fun, IMHO. Help/TA was a mere two blocks from my hotel, which was very convenient (never mind the numerous street urchins who inhabit those two blocks). My hotel (Debret) was very accommodating when it came to bringing girls to my room….

6) There are numerous strip clubs and seedy bars, ranging from low-TJ grade up to over-priced lapdance joint. Some of these places are fun. I found Frank’s to be amusing in an Adelita’s Bar (TJ) kind of way, and even scared up an overnight date there who was highly entertaining. Jesus Christ, what the fuck is going on with Frank’s floor show???? Barbarella’s had beautiful girls, but I sensed an over-priced scam and passed.

7) Unfortunately, I did not use any escort services, nor did I attend one of those epic VIPS pool parties. Next time, these will definitely be on my “to do” list.

8) I preferred to dress up ever so slightly, rather than roaming around in a t-shirt and shorts. You can get by wearing grungy clothes, but that will subtract from the experience at bars, discos, restaurants, shopping malls, and more. I ended up buying some shirts and pants locally – clothes in Rio are cheap. If you buy them there, you guarantee that you’ll have Rio-appropriate attire. Bring lots of spare underwear, and maybe a nice pair of sandals.

9) I brought numerous trip reports and postings from Club Hombre, and was glad I did. Athos’ two Rio trip reports were a great place to start, and of course there’s TONS of good Rio info here (from Hombrecito, The_Artist, Badseed [escort guide], Moondog [Latina’s 101], and much more). Also, there are plenty of internet places in Rio, so Club Hombre is easily contacted, if you need an internet addiction fix.

10) Money was easy to deal with. I found an ok (but not great) exchange rate at the airport. In the future, I’ll probably go to the money changing place AFTER I pass through customs, as the rate is somewhat better than the rate provided BEFORE customs. Money goes a long way in Rio, I must say. It is easy to hit a money machine after you have arrived, too, and exchange rates seemed pretty reasonable. Under no circumstance should you purchase Brazilian currency in the U.S. at such miserable establishments as Thomas Crook. It is a total rip off.

Ah, well, that’s about it. I can’t wait to go back.

Yours in international whoring

Dogster
Multi-continental Whoring Specialist

Dogster
It was very nice meeting you also. So ,
Mr. Multi-continental Whoring Specialist, when and where are you going next? I plan to return to Rio in June, maybe I'll see you there. By the way great report, I love your tongue in cheek style of writing. There is another guy on the board that has a writing style very similar to yours, but I can't remember who he is right now.

Tijuana

Clarification: Jose's handle here is Copaking. He altered his Discus profile to display "Jose", which is in fact someone else's completely different upgraded account. We have adjusted Copaking's profile and another user who was using "Jose" to display their actual usernames on future posts.

Some like to dance, some like to kiss, some like to fuck, and some like it up the ass.

Jesus Christ I am up in Vegas getting unhinged by your report. Will you water it down next time as I am getting too excited.

Shocked and aroused,
Lancer

Great report. There is something for everyone in Rio. I said it before and I'll say it again. A blind, deaf, mute guy with 3 eyes, 2 noses and a bum leg could get laid by a hottie in Rio as long as he had some Reals in his pocket.

There is simply no where on earth that can compare to the sheer variety in Rio. I want to hit Sao Paulo next. I hear the girls there are all stunning. I even met a few girls in Rio that tried working there and came back to Rio because they said they couldn't compete with all the supermodels in Sao Paulo.

Thanks for the nice report. I miss Rio already.

Dogster
Your reflections on Rio intrigue me, while your loyalty to TJ baffles me. One day I'd like to hit TJ with you to see the scene.
I think I broke my nose snowmobiling yesterday. I may have to book a flight to Rio next weekend so the wife can nurse my wounds.
It was good meeting you down there RA
DonGringo

Dogs,
Welcome back to the real world. Great to hear of your exploits. Has Rio spoiled you for tj?
Hey, you didn't dance while you were there, did you?

Lancer:
Sorry to steam up your screen. I’ll try to water it down…. How’s this?:
“There are of course some limitations to the girls in Rio. Not all girls wish to suck your dick uncovered, not all girls have brown, creamy skin, not all girls have naturally firm breasts, and not all girls wish to be your personal porn star. There are, unfortunately, a few exceptions to every rule.”

Dogfather:

“A blind, deaf, mute guy with 3 eyes, 2 noses and a bum leg could get laid by a hottie in Rio as long as he had some Reals in his pocket.”

It occurs to me that with that kind of anatomy, that guy may want to do a “dupla”.

DonGster,

“Loyalty” to TJ is not the same thing as “fidelity” to TJ. I can’t wait to go back to Rio. But Rio hasn’t cured me of TJ. On the S.America chat (March 27), Taco_Surfer asked me about my current perspective of TJ, now that I’ve been to Rio. Here’s what I wrote:

“You can take the boy out of Tijuana, but you can't take Tijuana out of the boy. I still love TJ, and the chicas who work there. What can I say? It is in my blood. Having grown up in Southern California, I must say that Tijuana is like family. Rio did not cure me of my affection for Zona Norte women, especially my various tried and true favoritas. I may go there for a "snack" in the next couple days.

“Having said that, I can also say that Rio blew my mind. As I mentioned in the report, these are the most beautiful women on the planet, at least as far as I can tell, and they represent the finest in sexual Disneyland technology. Rio's women are simply the best, in my limited experience. Additionally, Rio is a spectacular place, full of beauty, culture and passion. For a large city, it is remarkably laid back, and clean in many places. If I spent more time there getting to know the women, and learned the language and culture, I'm sure I'd fall in irrevocably in love with Rio. Right now, I'm still in the honeymoon/culture shock phase...

“Both places have serious problems involving crime, poverty, drugs, disease, and other tragdies.

If you are simply looking for an "adult" vacation, then Rio wins hands down.”

CuriousOne

See above re TJ. Yeah, I danced, vertically and horizontally. Vertically at Help, Frank’s, and Luomo prior to whorizontal dancing which came later. And if I ever attend one of those La Tropa monger conventions, I’ll dance there, too, goddammit.

Yours in international whoring
Dogster

Hey Dawgg. Glad you had a good time! But it sounds impossible not to have a great time in Rio. Sorry I couldn't go with you Hey, are you going to give us any more detailed reports on your experience in Rio?