“Hobby in Ireland? Good luck finding any action over there!” The words of a fellow board member both haunted and saddened me, for I’d long dreamed of what it would be like to ‘bag an Irish lass’. Undaunted, I searched ClubHombre for information on Ireland. Much like the Cuba section only a short year ago, the archives were essentially void of information.

I checked around a few other boards, with largely the same results. Hopping on Google, I hit one site that kept reappearing whenever I searched for ‘Ireland’ & ‘escort’.

www.escorts-dublin.com

With a few pages of the site printed and stowed in my bags, it was off to visit the land of my ancestors. My first trip to Europe too.

The accommodations for several days was this small 15th century castle located in the center of the southern interior

“Hey baby, wanna come back to my castle and get it on?” does NOT exactly work in rural Ireland. The small towns and villages of the region are ANYTHING but conducive to meeting and banging young single hotties. Dublin was miles away, so the P4P program wasn’t an option. Time to change gears and see about actually charming a lass outta her knickers and onto the mattress.

I met a lovely little spinner who lived nearby the castle. She was my age, but we mustn’t be fussy – desperate times call for desperate measures, right? During our initial meeting she immediately picked up on my query as to the whereabouts of a good pub by offering to take me to her favorite pub later that night. And a pleasant night it was to be. This thatched roof stone building literally reeked of character as we entered. Dozens of old Irishmen in their wollen tweeds and plaid caps all looked up from their pints to survey this newcomer. After an introduction to the bartender, the announcement was made to all that “we’ve an American to drink with tonight!”. And a good time was had by all.

After a day or two pub-hopping with this spinner, our familiarity had progressed from the standard European kiss on both cheeks goodnight to some great kissing. By the last night of my stay, we both knew we’d not be seeing each other again anytime soon. Pity too. After tipping several pints at the pub we returned to her cottage for a ‘wee sip of irish coffee’, when I suggested we take in the night air atop the roof of the castle.

After negotiating the 120+ winding rock steps up to the guards spire, we both made promises to smoke less while catching our breath. The full moon was dazzling, and hung very low on the horizon. Romance was in the air. As our lips met, I knew in that moment what had to happen.

There was a full moon glowing atop the castle as our lips met in full embrace. The roof seemed an odd place for our passion to commence, so I savored the bizarre novelty of it all while she caressed my uvula with her tongue. Although I could’ve done the nasty right then and there, she stopped my advancing hands when they found her breasts, and led me down the steps and back to her cottage. Within moments, the lyric slurping of her playing my tin whistle mezmerized me. It’s been some time since I’ve courted a lass, so several days of wondering had built up incredible anticipation on my part. Rising from her knees, I led her from the kitchen and to the bedroom where we both shagged out of our clothes. As I lay her across the bed, I was spellbound by her alabaster skins supple touch as my tongue found it's way past the guards, around the gate and to the moat. After only a moment on the gristle, she closed her legs and pulled me back up for some more kissing. Perhaps DATY was not her thing?

When she willingly lowered her drawbridge, my soldier charged forth up the slippery ramp and into the hallowed inner sanctum, and.... you guys know the rest…

From there it was off to tour the Ring of Kerry and the rest of the island.



Driving through Limerick brought a surge of brilliance to my pintclouded brain, or at least so I thought at the time. Sadly, without a pen and pad to write my limerick down, I’m afraid it may be lost forever. Hopefully it will come back to me. Perhaps if Kendricks were to write a few more of his charming limericks, it would stimulate the mental process and get it back for me…

After touring the rest of the island, including much Belfast, I came to this conclusion – Northern Island is NOWHERE near as nice as the rest of the island – cops in armored vehicles, lots of barbed wire – it’s a war zone in some parts.

THE HOBBY

Returning to Dublin, it was now time to try out some of the phone numbers from the escort site. To my surprise, most of the numbers worked! Plus, the girls were usually available for incall or outcall. Seizing the opportunity to see more of Dublin, I set out on foot to find the first address and meet my first P4P babe of the trip. The address was in a seedy part of town and was actually a private apartment, not a public place of business. Inside were about 6 available girls from every country EXCEPT Ireland. Caribbean Island girls, one Chzeck Republic, and a French girl, plus a Brit from Bristol. The Bristol lass was WAY too big for me, but she was chatting me up when I noticed the damndest thing. Her nipples were getting erect just talking to me. Hmmm…. I’ve always had a thing for the British… Well Masterbates – this one’s for you buddy! I took one for the team and tagged the Big Busty Brit.

The session began in a most unusual manner. I was ‘instructed’ to lie face down on the bed. Out of nowhere, she produced a leather riding crop, which found its way to my lilly white ass with a resounding ‘snap’. “This psycho bitch must be high if she thinks I’m gonna take this laying down!” was the first thought to cross my mind. Before I could respond further, she’d pinned my legs to the bed by straddling them as she began a vigorous routine of whipping, spanking and massaging with a vengeance. “Eeuve beeeen a right naughty lad, aaaven’t ye then?” she cackled while mercilessly frying my bacon. This was immediately followed with a change of venue as she went for the black leather studded paddle. “Holy Shit! Where in the hell is she hiding this torture shit, and I REALLY don’t want to know what is next!?”

As if sensing my discomfort, she then produced a bottle of massage oil, which she liberally squirted upon my back (and swollen red buttocks) before spreading it around with her engorged ta-ta’s. The sheer weight and volume of her tits landing on my back reminded me of the feeling you get when you swing your laundry bag over your shoulder on the way to the cleaners – those were some impressive knockers she had massaging me. So much volume that it felt as if a 300 lb Swedish masseuse named Helga had me in her clutches. Massive.

From there it was on to a very high suction CBJ. I normally will pass on a CBJ as they do VERY little for me, but EUREKA! could this babe ever HOOVER my hose. Moving on to the Mish pit, I tried my best not to look at the sheer volume of her girth as I lowered my skinny frame upon her generously apportioned womanhood. Ready for this? It was kinda nice ridin’ that bus! If I can be totally honest with you? Next to all those skinny latina spinners I’ve been tagging, she was kinda like comparing a hard bar-stool with a comfy Lazy-Boy recliner – what a ride.

In spite of the fact that riding a fat chick and moped is nice as long as your friends don’t see you on them, here’s a pic of my first English lady



Oh, and I almost forgot the best part!!! When it was time to finish, I asked her to talk dirty to me with her delicious Bristol accent. So while she was spewing out the early “My Fair Lady” dialect (think Eliza Doolittle/Jenna Jameson meets Henry Higgins), she reaches down and pinches my nutsack HARD, right between the marbles, as I’m crossing the finish line – OMG what a rush. Was that the fabled ‘reach-around’?

From there, it was on to meet my Russian connections in Ireland. You see, I learned something interesting on this trip. Irish girls don’t hobby. They’re afraid of the repercussions. I don’t know if it’s true, but a cabby told me “no self-respecting Irish lass would ever work in a whore-house. If the church ever found out about it, there’d be HELL to pay”. I don’t know if it’s true, but several of the escort places I called said there were no Irish girls available…

So I arrive at the ‘flat’ of the Russian girls, hoping for the promised dupla with the two young blonde Ruskies. I’d hoped to bang the two for 30 minutes for $220 Euros ($240 U.S. Dollars).Much to my dismay, one of the three was in session, which meant they wouldn’t permit a dupla. Since one girl had to be available for the next walk-in, I had to pick only one Russian. The choice was easy.

I haven’t done much research on Russian babes, but I need to. She was DEFINITELY in the top 5 of my life. Dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, white skinned, a bald snatch and HUNGRY. What do I mean by hungry? If you’ll permit me to compare Latinas/Brazilieras to tigers who like to play with their food, this little Russian was hungry, like a wolf. When our eyes met, I took a step backward. Immediately attracted to this fair vixen, I was startled by the look she gave me.

I asked for a massage. Narrowing her eyes and raising her eyebrows she looked at me impatiently before saying “yes” in her deliciously thick accent. The pressure she applied made me realize her slight frame belied her true strength. During the brief massage, I asked her how long she’d been in Dublin. Her reply of “Two weeks” intrigued me. My query of “How do you like Ireland?” was met with “I have only seen the inside of this apartment so far”. “What do you do in Russia?” I had to ask. “I am a secretary, here on vacation”. OMG.

Flipping me over, she applied the raincoat to my ready member before inhaling the whole of me, and resting there. With every bit in her mouth and throat, she began tightening her throat on the tallest part of my tallywhacker. With her mouth flexing around me, she did things I’ve never had done before. Mind you, this was my:

second CBJ of the night
after a few pints of beer
with a little vitamin V

and STILL within minutes I was thinking about baseball to hold off the early finish. This chick could suck cock!!! Knowing it was up to me to call her off, I tapped her on the shoulder but she wouldn’t release. Moaning with me in her, she continued inhaling my manhood and locking her larynx around my lucky little lad. Sitting up before she could push me across the finish line, I motioned for her to lay down so we could get to the main course. Again, I noticed the look in her eye. Startled, I drew back like an innocent hare at the sight of the mighty Beowolf.

When we’d progressed through the standard mish, doggie and reverse mish, there came a knock at the door. “Now – you finish” she snarled. Climbing atop for cowgirl, she lowered her mouth to the base of my neck where she began literally biting and growling in unison. “Finish” I thought? “Try explode!”

I will be in Russia before this year is out. Count on it.

The rest of the night was spent in a pub, basking the character of my surroundings while relishing my last Cuban cigar of the trip. I'm a little fuzzy on my recollection, but I THINK I may have even joined one of these two gents in a round of “Oh Danny Boy” before stumbling back to my hotel and flying home.




Don O’Gringo

I personally echo your desire to explore the wonders of Mother Russia. Since you are on your way to Rio perhaps I should point out that the famous Bia of L'Uomo (my personal favorite)is of Russian parentage. Perhaps this explains her phenomenal skills.

Realy Bia from Russian decent?
That would certainly explain her stellar performance.

Yeah I lived on year there back in the eighties so I know. She speaks any russian artist?

You have set the bar high enough that I dont think a Moose could jump it. One question, "the announcement was made to all that "we’ve an American to drink with tonight!"...ummmm... was there an American with you guys?

You know, there is precious little info on Iran on this board.

GCL

Thanks for the first and only Ireland trip report on Club Hombre, perhaps the first hobby report on Ireland anywhere. Your serious you've "long dreamed of what it would be like to ‘bag an Irish lass" Can't say I've ever given it any thought myself, and I'm half Irish also. Wait a minute, I remember as a teenager, watching Maureen O'Hara in the Quiet Man and wanting to bag her. Of course she was probably sixty by the time I saw the movie.

Rich

What the hell are you talking about Iran for? Haven't you been watching TV? Iraq man, people running all over the place with no food or water. For a degenerate that is a gold mine of opportunity. I suggest you stock up on bottled water and canned Spam and get over there quick before this window of opportunity closes.

Sman, I completely forgot. He can go over there with a suitcase full of pop tarts and start negotiating.

Artist
Knowing that Bia is part Russian explains a LOT. I've never had the opportunity to tag that, but I see a trip to Luomo around opening time in my future. Any suggestions on how to prepare for a Bia session? I confess to being a bit nervous...

Rich

The reason those Irishmen thought they were drinking with an American is quite simple. When I know I'm gonna tip more pints than I should, why would I want to disgrace my true homeland? haha... I forget, but I may have even told them I was from Alabama.

Young Hot Wet Iranian Babes, clamoring for my attention... hmmmm... this has MitchC written all over it. I can just see it now, as The Turban Cowboy gets off the plane, greeted by his harem and heads off for his first Arabian night...

The amazing thing about Bia is that she has the ability to be whatever is required at the moment. She is reknowned as a sexual athlete...screams and breaking furniture, that sort of thing...but she can also be the sweetest, most gentle creature imaginable. She will respond to whatever energy you bring, although I do suggest bringing some good lube and a pocket rocket. The toys are not really necessary since she brings her own, but she does appreciate the thought and it helps to set the tone for the session.

Rich

I can already imagine excerpts from his Iraq trip report. I ravished her golden body all night, like a wild Arabian stallion, and all for the promise of a bowl of Cocoa Puffs the next morning.

Sman, he would never surrender an entire bowlful. THey will be doing acrobatics and such for for a tiny handful.

What the fuck is this??? I post about the most beautiful girl in Rio and you post about (1) Jurassic Pork (your first on this trip), (2) the Michelin Woman (Bristol Blob), and (3) The Spy Who Sucked (Russian Secretary).

Congrats on a hilarious report. My English-Irish dictionary doesn't have an appropriate translation for "tallywhacker."

Actually, I have an Iranian friend who says that Iran has a hobby scene, believe it or not. For some reason, the term "veiled threat" comes to mind.

That was brillant. Thank you very much.

Out-fucking-standing sir! Very well put together. I've read many of your postings in the past, but I think this is the first trip report I've read from you.

As a small boy, I remember being taken to Ireland on vacation many times by my parents. We were dirt poor then, and Ireland seemed the most affordable place to visit. It was cheap and we were always welcome by our poor relatives. We could never afford the luxury of hotels.

My memories of Ireland were always of it's deep religious affiliations-never once considering that it had red light districts. Everyone knew everyone, and everyone knew everyone else's business. That's why it came as no surprise to read about the Carribean/British/Czech girls who are probably most likely visiting. (and hooking also)

I can well understand your quest for searching for Irish hookers, as I doubt very much any exist at all. (I'm sure they do, but in a country dominated by Catholicism, guilt is the guiding factor) During my early teenage years I have often had thoughts of searching out the red light districts (yes, I was always a pervert, even from an early age) You have a way with words and your report was very entertaining.

Well written and worthy of a trip report nomination.

Master Bates

Rich
Your right, he would never run up the price on his fellow mongers. What was I thinking of, a whole bowl, sheez!

But I guess the question still lingers here...are there any Irish hookers? or are all the hookers in Ireland mostly foreign visitors? Sure, I know if one were to look hard enough, sooner or later, you'll come across an Irish lass who will gladly spread her legs for the horny wandering monger, but is there any place where perhaps the taxi drivers know of?

Funny post. Hobbying in Europe is definitely different than South America. Probably how Dorothy and ToTo felt when they said, "we aren't in Kansas anymore". Ha, ha.

Keep up the world traveling and keep the posts coming. Happy hobbying.

MB
I had to go to Ireland for personal reasons, not to Hobby. Since I AM the degenerate everyone calls me, I simply HAD to find a way to get laid during my 8 days there. That said, I'm not sure I would call the place a mongering destination either.

After dipping the wick in an Irish lass, my list of 'must do before I die' items is rapidly diminishing. (Identical Japanese Twins still remains. I'd greatly APPRECIATE some help in this area - anybody???)

In all seriousness, Ireland is such a small community, I doubt that any natives would venture into the hobby for fear of reprisal from both the church and their family. That said, if any future hobbyist can report back on how to hook up with an bonnie red-haired/green-eyed irish lass, I may return.

Did you fulfill the fantasy with the Zebra costume and the Midgets? I notice it isnt on your list anymore.

GCL

Rich, you are the funniest guy on this board.

i noticted that he also took off the Gerbils, whips and Crisco oil....

(Message edited by bull_winkle on April 20, 2003)

If you think the Russian girls are hot(which they are, without question).Try Ukrainian ones.At least equally as hot and not so pissed off at the world.

TN

Artist
Great Scott Man! The mighty Bia, infamous for her rowdy, randy reprises also has a sensual, gentle side to her???? Exactly how many sessions have you enjoyed with her majesty anyways?

In 24 hours I will be aboard a plane to Rio. I have so many targets listed in my warplan that my ranks are swelling to meet the load.

DG

travellersn
Ukraine? Better than Russia? Are we talking a tour that could take in both countries here??? Don't tease me here ya bastard!!??

DonwhocouldlikecaviarandborschGringo

PS
Sman, Rich and Ball_Buster
Honestly, I don't know how you can look yourselves in the mirror in the mornin.
Here I am trying to enlighten the board with some new travel destinations, and the THREE of you hecklers take to hurlin' cheap shots at my character. Honestly! You should all be ashamed.
Since you HAVE no shame, permit me to assure you that I will lay awake tonight plotting a clever ruse to repay your wayward comments.
Gerbils,Coco Puffs and Midgets indeed - well I never.
Yet

(Message edited by DanishGod on April 20, 2003)

DG
Your going to have to think fast, shit you leave again in less than 24 hours. So what is the deal, you have like a favorite Laundromat here in the states, where you stop by to do a load or two, between mongering destinations?

Sman
Thanks for your concern, HOWEVER, my ladyfriend her in the states does NOT appreciate your reference to me stopping in to do a 'load or two' between mongering destinations.
Honestly!
DG

PS
If it weren't for the fact that I think you're a HELL-of-a-guy, I'd probably rattle off some comment like "ANYone I can tag for you while you're up here in BUMFUCK USA, jackin off????" But since you're a good friend, I'd NEVER say that.

But seriously...

is there anyone you'd like done while you're not there?

It is bad enough imagining him doing it in a bathtub full of pop tarts.

Jesus Fucking Christ. Would all of you Rio people PLEASE take a look at my "Part 7: The Most Beautiful Girl in Rio" videos? I'm feeling verrrry unloved here.

Damn. I wish I was going to Rio again.

Dear Lord

Bulls_Eye's antlers are droppin' here.

Permit me to assure you Bull_Winky and you too Sman that both your lovers will be safe during my Rio trip. I hereby pledge that neither Manuella and Isabella will ever see the light of my lense during my brief sojurn in sex-filled Rio.

Rich, didn't you mention that one of these garotas had a vertically challenged sister that LOVES chocolate breakfast cereal? With Crisco???

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, this one Irishman I drank with was quite the ladies' man with the lasses - watch out Rich - you may have some competition.



There's a striking family resemblence here.

But you're not related to her, are you?

DG

(Message edited by DanishGod on April 20, 2003)

Bull_winkle

Actually I've had trouble getting the video to work. I promise I figure it out in the morning.I think someone feeling unloved who has 94 posts on his trip report might be over reacting.

Sman
Much like so many other hi-performance rides, our newbie friend BW is somewhat 'high-maintenance'.

Hopefully he'll settle down and feel the love before threatening to jump from any castles.

DG

DG

I wasn't making any sexual innuendo with the couple of loads comment,honestly,I was just teasing you for only being in town long enough to do your laundry before heading off to Rio.

OVER REACTING??? I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT FAR BETTER PEOPLE THAN YOU HAVE ACCUSED ME OF OVER ACTING I MEAN REACTING.

(p.s., I believe that Sandman mentioned that he needed the latest version of Quicktime to view these...). I may have to break down and convert these to .wmv format.

Happy FUCKING Easter to all of you.

Bull_Winkle, your video is the first CH production I've seen that's a depressant. All that sad music made me, well, sad. The sense of loss from your missing the girl was, well, conspicuous by its presence. I hope you see her soon, or encounter others even better.

But be of good cheer. At least you have a fellow Mac user here, who is happy to tell people that all you alien Windows users have to do is download QuickTime, and you'll be all set. It's not even too big a file.

I will (hopefully, asssuming I can get garotas to agree) be shooting video with a professional-level 3CCD camcorder, and you'll just have to live with QuickTime if you want to see it :-).

Speaking of which ... I'm going to Rio between 2 and 6 July, my first trip! It should be very interesting after my infamous Cuba adventure.

Anyone else going to be there at the same time?

D

PS to BW: We Mac users have to stick together :-)

So finally you did nail a 'firenner in the 'ol cuntry did ya ?

Depressant? Sad music? Sense of Loss?

Shee-it. Now they are questioning my mental health. I can't handle it. Click, b a n g.

Gotta go with you on the Mac comments, though.

BW-yep, just download the Quicktime link provided by Hombre above your post and it will load just fine;

I have been enjoying your posts. I find it interesting that you have rated all the girls and sessions as 10's on your Rio visit. I also looked back on your previous TJ posts of your encounters with Alondra, Stephie and Michelle. They didn't even get a rating? Should the CH members draw any comparitive conclusions of TJ versus Rio???He he.

Hey, don't let these bastards get ya down. They are just jealous that they can't travel and monger like you can. I think we should pay S-Man's and BW's favoritas a little visit this week to make sure they are...er...ummmm...well nourished....and; save your Bia "cherry" for my arrival on Wed. I want to savor the look on your face when you exit the cabine. The wobbly legs, flushed face, chest grabbing, back of the hand across the forehead gestures will be priceless!

I am fired up buddy.

Sandman

He posts about Ireland and it generates so much response. People going, dang, why does he get to travel so much while I have to push pencils? He is living the good life. Maybe he is actually the rockstar that sings on his videos.

BTW, I saw a hi-def video of Ireland and it is really beautiful.

Sounds like a nice time and fun. Thanks for the report.

Moondog

I flatter myself by thinking of myself as the unofficial president of the Bia fan club. I have been enjoying her company for over 3 years and have probably done about 15 sessions with her including her last session as a teenager ( the night before her 20th b-day).I even followed her to Club 65 during her brief exodous from L'Uomo. When you do lose your Bia cherry, do yourself a favor and upgrade to at least an hour.

The_artist,
I belong to that fan club also, it is a good club.
CG

The S&M scene with the Bristol lass had me howling. I'll keep my eye out for the Japanese identical twins. That's on my list as well (actually, identical twins; doesn't have to be Japanese).

O'Murasaki

Lets do the whole of the CIS and Baltic states.
Hard,of so hard to go wrong.

TN

You have my vote for the funniest reports!! Well done, lad.

I found the siamese twins you were look'n for.



I have no idea what it is you plan to do with them, but whatever floats your boat.


-snapper-

(Message edited by snapper on April 22, 2003)

Oops, my bad. You said Japanese twins. Oh well

snapper

Bull_Winko
The results of your phsycological profile examinations must make for some very interesting reading. If you could maintain an erection the way you~ve maintained your tirades, Pfizer would want a blood sample.

Shit...i just got called off to the Luomo run. Wish I could say more
Donwhorespectsacaribouinheat

I can't help you with identical Japanese Twins but there is a set of Thai Twins dancing at The Long Gun on Soi Cowboy in Bangkok. I only did one, Born - 27, 5"5 with c cups (picture of her in my latest Bangkok Report) but I didn't know she had a twin until I talked to her sister two nights later at the bar and thought I was talking to her. Will try to hook up with both on my next trip. Glad to see someone else is having the same fantasies I am. Awesome report as always. What was the price of the castle?

Wallstreet
To think you ALMOST tagged twins. That alone is reason to get on the next plane

Glad you liked the Ireland report. The castle was offered for $2000 euros per week, however life is negotiable and didn~t páy quite that much.

Snapper
PLEASE stop adding to my already insurmountable list of ´Must Do Before I Die´ items.

Anybody know the whereabouts of some Siamese twins in the pay4play industry? Although Rich may find this hard to take, for convenience I´d prefer them to be joined at the toes.

There are irish available at many escort agencies. Times are changing, lad

Here's one of many
http://www.d4escorts.com/38-Julie-dublin-escort.html