===== CHAPTER ONE – ALEJANDRA =====

Well, I stayed away from Nogales as long as I could stand it - so as not to go broke. Too late… Especially after my trip to TJ (cost me $700 – worth every penny). This was my first trip back to Nogie since TJ. Oddly enough, TJ seems like forever ago, even though it was only three weeks - and Nogie seemed like last weekend, although it has been six weeks or so.

Nogie was the deadest I’ve ever seen it on a Saturday night. I got there around 8 PM – delayed for over an hour by two horrendous traffic jams on I-19. So I had to delay checking into my home away from home, Hotel Andres, and head straight for Cherry’s so as not to miss my Sweetie (copyright Ben). They were turning customers away at 8 PM because it was so slow – I’m still trying to make sense of that one… FUCK!!

So I drop into Lipstick after checking into Hotel Andres at about 8:30. Roberto thought the Lewis fight would be on TV, like the Hopkins-Trinidad fight was a few weeks ago. It was not to be. In fact, I couldn’t find a TV set with the fight on anywhere. Lipstick was obviously dead at 8:30, so it’s off to Rio.

I wanted very badly to run into Ms. Alejandra de Tijuana, who was such a sweetheart last time. I missed her last trip (Thurs) – she only works Fri/Sat. BTW, more and more Nogie ladies are doing that – it’s too slow to make much money during the week these days. I told my good buddy Michaelo at Rio that, hopefully, business might pick up once we finish mopping up what’s left of those sad-sack Taliban pussies. Shit, Kandahar will probably fall by the time I finish writing this… AMERICA KICKS ASS!!! We did in two months what that “other superpower” couldn’t do in 10 YEARS!!! Who wants to be next, motherfuckers??? But I digress…

My good buddies Michaelo and Luis (nice-guy meseros) were fighting over who gets to be my waiter tonight (maybe because MrBill tips a buck for every beer and every lapdance… that shit adds up when MrBill’s in town, amigos!) I could not choose between two nice guys, so I had them flip a coin for it! Michaelo won. I had but one goal in mind - to have the sweet, sweet Alejandra back into my awaiting lap. Michaelo sought her out for me a while back because I told him what a bad night I was having that night – and that she’d cheer me up for sure – because she’s the best – and such a sweetheart. He was right.

Bring her to me.

There she was, replete with those green contact lenses that glow under black light. I guess Alejandra fulfils my X-Files fantasy fuck. You know, kind of like how some of you older (older than me) mongers have your Star Trek chica fantasy a la Captain Kirk. Well, mine is to pretend I’m Moulder and fuck one of them sexy alien chicas with glowing green eyes that turns into a man-eating beast or some such nonsense. But I digress yet again…

Boy, was I happy to see her! I had forgotten how good her English is. And how S-O-F-T her skin is. It’s like butter, baby! I tried like hell to find a single trace of stubble on this chicas legs, but no dice! She must sleep in a pressurized vat of Noxema or some such nonsense. Damn, she’s MrBill’s type all the way – baby’s butt soft skin, some meat on them bones to latch onto – prolly 34-28-36 and 135 lbs. – mmmmmmmm… Gotta love them real, firm and perfectly shaped B/C cups. And baby got back!! Oh, yeah… And the sweetheart attitude. What’s not to like?

Sure, I’ll buy you a drink, sweetheart! She even got a regular priced beer – ‘cause she did that last time ‘cause I was broke. What a sweetheart. Couple of lap(dance)s around paradise, and I decide this gal’s getting the VIP treatment tonight! Alejandra endures MrBill’s massage technique again, but I didn’t hear any complaints. She’d be the first girl of three to suffer that fate this evening. I decided it would be a good idea to just try to mimic the technique of Amanda de Azteca Massage, Tijuana. That’s not hard (to try, anyway) because it’s still emblazoned in my memory.

I hit Alejandra up for the privado, plus a lap first to get me in the mood. I told her in the “booth” that I liked it doggy style, but she wanted to grind a little on top first. Oh, okay – just for a while… Well, MrBill had been saving it up for a while, and he has learned to skip his orgasm-killing Zoloft for a day (works like a charm!) - so it’s in/out for about 30 seconds and SPOOGE. Damn, I wanted two nuts tonight, but that first one comes awful quick sometimes. So I just went on like nothing happened until the knock. Oh, yeah, I finished, thanks… That’s okay – for me, the 30 seconds or so after the spooge is the best part, anyway – so’s the next four minutes or so… I can just bump along like an idiot and emblazon yet another masturbation fantasy into my brain – you know, for when I can’t be in Nogie… BTW, sorry about the astroglide on the floor in booth #3 – it’s kinda hard to see in there.

So me and Alejandra chill for a while, then I’m out like David Justice in the World Series to try to find the Lewis fight on the tube somewhere – and Roberto. (Where were you, man?) No luck. Aw, shucks. I guess I’ll just have to get some more pussy instead. Rats!

I wasn’t in a big rush, so I took a lap around the block in the Rio area just to see if I might spot an elusive SG. Not sure if she was an SG or not, but I did see a looker walking by in a fuck-me-dress. Took a couple of quick double-takes, but couldn’t be sure. She seemed too pretty and too classy to be an SG, but ???… She was dressed to fuck somebody, that’s for sure - but I’m not sure if she was an SG or a bar girl. I’d say 51% chance she’s an SG. Tall chica, short, red hair. Not too shabby. Next time…

MrBillO^™- ~ Your hapless lapdance reporter... ~

===== CHAPTER TWO – THE QUEEN =====

Next up is Lipstick for to find my Sweetie. The dude at Cherry’s told me she went home, so I had nightmares of not finding her at Lipstick. But there she was. Damn, I smile bigger and bigger each time I see her. I pray that my shit-eating grin is never described to me in any detail. I must be in love… I get some TLC, some nice conversation and a few laps from my Sweetie. We make plans for another day when she’s not working.

Just like Alejandra at Rio, I’m only in Lipstick to see one, and only one, chica (besides my Sweetie). Usually, I treat the tittie bars like a fuckin’ smorgasbord and try to dance every damn lap in the joint. But tonight I have a different MO. I’m sticking to the sure things. The Rio and Lipstick versions thereof. After some bad luck in Nogie recently, I wasn’t exactly up for some MORE bad luck…

Holy shit, Batman, this gal is ONE HOT LATINA. I fondly remember getting a couple or four last-minute lapdances from her on my last trip to LipstickLand. I remember my head spinning from the experience. Spin it would again, my friends. A brotha could get a fuckin’ DUI from that shit!!!

Friends and colleagues, my preoccupation with the GFE lapdance is well known in some circles. I have spent many a happy evening in pursuit of lapdance perfection. I didn’t find it tonight. Instead, I experienced, like Smoove B says, “another level”…

So, without further ado and with great pride I hereby officially bestow the most prestigious title in MrBill’s kingdom:

~~~ The Queen of the GFE Lapdance ~~~

And the winner is…

LESLIE

Just when I thought that some lapdancers were merely better than others, along comes the QUEEN. Somebody cue the fuckin’ Mozart for her entrance, dammit! Show some respect for the QUEEN!! (Actually, the Andante from Beethoven’s Opus 132 quartet comes to mind…)

Allow me to describe the wonder that is Leslie – ‘case you missed it last time:

She says she is 18 – seems about right. She is about 5’0”. She is about 100 lbs. She has probably about 10% body fat, and every last ounce of it is in her breasts, where it belongs. Nowhere else. She has the most glorious, soft D-cups imaginable. She has responsive nipples. She has an ass that is formed like a fresh, ripe apple or some such nonsense, and it is as hard as a rock. She has the legs of a dancer, and they are even harder. She has a hairdo that is stylish, glamorous and sophisticated – like that which is to be found on the covers of glamorous magazines such as Vogue and Cosmopolitan. And she is pierced in many places. And I should not fail to mention that she is beautiful as well.

She is young. She is vivacious and energetic. She likes to dance. She REALLY likes to dance. She cannot go five minutes without shaking her ass, waving her hands in the air, waving them like she just don’t care. (I’m not kidding or making some nonsense analogy – I am speaking quite literally – it is a joy to behold). She is sexy. “Sexy” does not go far enough, but that is the best, albeit unworthy word that I have at my disposal. She is nasty – y’all know what I mean by “nasty”, don’t you? She is hot, another unworthy word for her. And I have not even described her lapdancing for you. If you would allow me the pleasure, I will do so.

MrBillO^™- ~ Your hapless lapdance reporter... ~

===== CHAPTER 3 – THE QUEEN, CTD =====

How does a woman of such a tender age know a man’s deepest desires so intimately? I shudder to ponder… How does she know that you want to see that perfect, little hardbody ass shaken in front of you, enticing you onward. Oh my, the image in my brain of cupping the innermost corners of that square, firm apple of an ass will never be erased from my mind. (If I ever come down with Alzheimer’s, just shoot me, please). I usually prefer an ass that is soft and pliable – tailor made for doggie style action. But I had not had the pleasure of an ass like that one before. I will make an exception, just for her.

And how does she know that you want her to cram that all-natural D-cup into your face as if to make it emerge on the other side of your head? She must have the power of telepathy or some such new-age nonsense. And how does she know that a gentleman likes to have genuine D-cups batted about his face as if he was being slapped for uttering an offensive phrase? I am a bad boy, slap my face with those titties – I surely deserve it. And how does she know that you like to have your penis nibbled upon through your pants? How does she ever divine that it is your fondest wish to have your engorged penis massaged with those very same breasts?

There are so many pleasures at this woman’s disposal, that one might expire of old age recounting them all. I recently documented her practice of pouring cerveza over her breast so that it trickles into your thirsty, thirsty mouth – and that when done feeding from her beer-producing breasts, one is obliged not to waste a drop by licking the rest up. That would be wasteful. Whatever gave her the notion that I liked my nipples nibbled upon, along with me earlobes and other such erotic places. Where did she get the concept that a man likes to be kissed sweetly and softly – and allow a kiss or two in her direction, if done discreetly and tastefully, as well? Has she been studying the Kama Sutra? She is rather exotic…

I will cease this senseless rambling to spare you all the grief, and because I am out of clean towels, and I don’t want to make a mess of my last clean pair of socks.

Sufficeth to say that one dance is not enough when the QUEEN is at your beck and call. I believe that it was six that evening. It would have been sixteen were it not for the limits of my meager pocketbook, and the $100 I was saving for my (hoped-for) hotel date. The next time I visit the QUEEN, I will negotiate a bulk-rate discount on lapdance tickets. I will calculate how many minutes there are in a day, and I will have an allotment of tickets for each one. That is how good she is. That is why she is the QUEEN.

If there are still doubters as to the logic of preferring a lapdance or ten to a 6-minute fuck in a closet – let him speak!! (Ten lapdances – the same price as this so-called “closet-fuck”) Why not do both, you ask? I cannot justify the spending of a precious nut, let alone my last one, on a six-minute encounter. Witness my 30-second cum with Alejandra. Is that a way to spend $70? ($20 for the “closet”, and $50 for the lady). Yes – if that is the only way she is to be had. If that is the case, so be it. I will pay that price – but… not if I don’t have to… Especially when one considers that upwards of an hour (or more…) in the comfort of your own villa can be had for the princely sum of an additional $30. I rest my case.

I had propositioned the QUEEN for a rendezvous at my swank penthouse at the Andres the last time I saw her – the first time I saw her. I was unworthy that night. However, my courtings were received more warmly this evening. Could it be true – a hotel date with the QUEEN? I was still cynical and badly burnt from my last hotel date no-show. I am still burned from the experience of a sure thing walking by shrugging at me, only to wait and wait with my dick in my hand. Could I take that risk this time?

I was to call her at 4 AM. I am not sure why, since my penthouse was right next door. I struggled… QUEEN or no QUEEN, my humble pie was not to be eaten again by one of these tramps. At the very last minute, a nice looking big-tittied-blonde (not usually my type) approached me for a lapdance. I countered that I would prefer such in the comfort of my suite, just next door. She obliged. At least I had plan-B lined up, and I would not, I repeat NOT, spend another night at the Andres with my dick in my hand. I can do that right here at home, for free.

I dutifully waited outside, determined to grab whichever lady was willing to stride into my suite with me at that very moment – NOT an hour from now - right next door. Leslie was outside, but she still wanted me to call her at 4 AM. I smell a dick-in-hand experience… Along comes plan-B. Are you ready? You are?? Vamos.

MrBillO^™- ~ Your hapless lapdance reporter... ~

===== CHAPTER FOUR – FERNANDA =====

A wise man once said, “A bird in the hand beats two in the bush”. I don’t know what that means, but a bush in the hand beats your dick any time!!

So I meet up with Fernanda. She wants to get something to eat first. This is good, as I am starving. Fernanda, two of her amigas and me hop in this gal’s hooptie in hot pursuit of some chuletas. I could imagine worse things than dining on chuletas at 4 AM with three hookers, so I don’t complain. My Spanish is not very good, but I got the feeling that I was the butt of about 75 jokes in Spanish that evening - given the way they frequently looked at me and laughed. That’s okay, MrBill is not willing to be stood-up, but he is more than happy to be made the fool. It just comes naturally to me – why fight it?

Well, not only am I the guest of honor at dinner with three very lovely and sweet ladies, but are they picking up the tab, too? That’s what I figured, so I just kept ordering chuletas. But it was I who was to pick up the tab. Back to reality, fool!! And I though my shit don’t stink…

Our curvaceous chauffeur dropped us off at the prestigious Hotel Andres. But, what is this? Three of us are ascending the steps to the penthouse level. Is something afoot? Could this really be the night? Could the Almighty be giving poor MrBill a break, after all? ‘Course not, dumbass! Fernanda’s even bustier and blonder amiga was lodging at the Inne as well. I complimented her taste in accommodations and bid her good night. Her room was right next to mine and Fernanda’s, so she took the opportunity of making sex noises to amuse us. Well, I was amused anyway. And… I smell ménage a trios…

I was keenly aware that a price had not been agreed upon prior to our date when Fernanda approached the topic. It was not a problem, however. I was $10 short due to our dining, but $90 for the hour was happily accepted. Bueno. SCORE!! Like they say in the colorful world of soccer,

Goooooooooooooal! …
Goooooooooooooal! …
Goooooooooooooal! …

Fernanda – early twenties or maybe exactly twenty, blonde (died), buxom (implanted), average height, average weight for a porno star, I imagine - very pretty, indeed, and her very big smile is crowned with braces. Funny - I didn’t even notice them after a while – just a fetish I haven’t picked up yet, I guess – I’ll get around to it, I’m sure. If MrBill’s Spanish gets a “D-“, Fernanda’s English must earn an “F”. But pobody’s nerfect. Well, maybe she will be when they are removed…

Fernanda is apparently strictly hygienic. That or she was trying to run the hotel out of hot water. I relented and joined her in the shower, lest she forget about me or something… Gotta love it. I was reminded of an amusing incident regarding DATY in the shower at this very hotel on an earlier occasion. On said occasion, the shower head was pointed directly at my nostrils, as if the fuckin’ FDNY was tryin’ to put out a fire in there… I was not to repeat that incident. I wanted to make sure the inside of her panocha was clean, too, but the water found its way circuitously into my nostrils yet again, as if by osmosis. Oh well, at least Fernanda had the good humour to laugh along with me about it. Not like whats-her-name – nevermind… (BTW – I was wrong about whats-her-name… She’s really okay. I’ll explain under that thread later).

Seeing that there was only one towel (the management will hear from me about this…) - I dutifully sacrificed myself yet again by drying off with the pillowcase, so that only a clean, dry towel would be waiting for my beautiful date.

Then, just like Smoove B says, “Bring it on”.

Or - “Let us freak”. Take your pick.

Well, a good freaking was had by all. Of course, I tried to write my name with my tongue on her panocha, in cursive, and in italics, Courier font. Her panocha was not only freshly shaven, save a landing strip, but it was clean and tasty. Actually, a dainty little panocha. I’m still in pursuit of the clitoris the size of my thumb, but I will not complain. She either came real fast, or wanted me to think so – I suspect the latter. For whatever reason, she wasn’t having too much of that action. My Spanish is not good enough to discover the reason why at any time, let alone at 4 AM and after several fine cervezas, with lime. And salt. Sigh… Each beer depletes my Spanish vocabulary by 20% - does that happen to any of you guys, too?

I forgot to mention that I received a very brief but very sweet BBBJ in the shower. There was no BBBJ en la cama, but a very brief ball-licking was warmly received. Thank you, my Sweet. I was to receive coitus in all three preferred positions, one of them twice. I was not in a hurry to ejaculate. I was only briefly concerned that my mastery over my anatomy was confused with the effects of too much beer. That was a relief.

Of course, coitus is initiated with the female on top. For her pleasure - and it’s a free five minutes or so for MrBill, due to the lack of in/out action. All is going according to plan. The next stop is a visit to the Missionary. No lubrication is required. So far, so good. Then, my request for sex in the style of Man’s Best Friend is greeted in an accommodating fashion. I have to admit, that is my favorite. Finally, another round of missionary action is required to finish the job, due to a lack of lubrication – we did fornicate for an extended period. Lubrication applied, I set off to finish what I had started. No, not “fee-neesh” – there would be none of that THIS TIME… I briefly struggled with the notion that I might be too drunk to fuck, like the Dead Kennedy’s say. However, the sweetness and beauty of my lover enabled me to triumph over the damage done to my body from all those cervezas, with limes. And salt. Not like last time with whats-her-name… Nevermind…

The finish line was crossed in a fashion suited to a winner. And I was a winner this night. MrBill, a winner? … Who’d a thunk it?? I like to leave LittleBill in his warm, moist hide-out after he has regurgitated his creamy, white lunch (I believe he likes to eat some form of chowder or another). However, I did not want to tread upon the hospitality of my lady. That would not be gentlemanly. But I was begged to stay put, not by sweet words but with a gentle force of hand - the hands of my lady. Of course I will accommodate her every wish. That is the duty of the gentleman, is it not?

Having satisfied myself, I was implored by my own volition to satisfy my lady in any way she might see fit. I suggested DATY, but she would not hear of it. One day, I would like to understand why… However, the third such mangling of a “massage” (the second was reserved for my Sweetie) dolled out by MrBill was exclusively for this lady – MY lady – at least for tonight…

I had wished to repeat the long, thorough and FULL-body massage I had experienced by the knowing hands of Amanda de Azteca Massage, Tijuana. Except the hands, this time, would be my own. And the FULL-body would be the lady’s. Well I’ll be damned if that isn’t just what happened. I am to this day confused about one thing, however. And that thing is whether I should take it as compliment that my massage put my Beauty to sleep – or whether I should take it as confirmation that I need more practice. I am open to your thoughts, dear brothers. Do not worry about hurting my feelings – I’m used to it.

I remember, also, joking with my lady about her sleeping with me for the whole night. (as IF…) I thought, I’d be a fool to think such an honor would be bestowed upon my foolish self. Well, it was a good night for fools, after all. I grinned at her gentle, feminine snoring – I wish I had DayTimer’s recording device so that I could play it for you. It was a sweet snoring – feminine and ladylike – not like the chainsaw action produced by MrBill’s flapping nostrils. And I will remember her warm embrace as we slept. At every turn in her fitful but restful sleep, she insisted on embracing yours truly, so as to make him feel special. I choose to believe this, rather than the more likely scenario that she was dreaming that she was with her boyfriend.

How could I sleep with Sleeping Beauty resting gently at my side? What could my imagination produce with my eyes closed to be sweeter than what they were seeing right now? Her lovely blonde hair? Her lovely and youthful face – still sprinkled gently with that glitter they wear? Thank goodness I don’t have a wife to have to explain the origins of the glitter on my face and clothing which accompanies me back to my home the next day. Uh, they had ANOTHER New Year’s party at work, darling. No, really…

Upon the ascension of daylight, I realized that I must have dozed off for a few precious moments. My Loveliest still embracing me. What a sight… The fuzzy, acrylic blankets I’m so fond of (I own one, myself) covered all of her body, save her lovely breasts and her even lovelier face. How lucky can a fool be? I am not accustomed to such fortune. How could I tear myself away from such a sight? Simple. I could no longer sleep, and Beauty was very tired from our amorous undertakings. God bless her. And the memory of those C/D cup tits wrapped in my favorite acrylic blanket, which I would nuzzle on my way out, will warm my heart on many a rainy day. Another dream-cum-true for MrBill (fetish #4892-A) It warms my heart still that I could leave her the key to my suite, for which she would receive an additional $5 from the deposit thereof – and kiss her gently on my way out. She was just awake enough to thank me, and wish me a good day. Well, that was not necessary, but thank you.

The Mozart I listened to, as is my habit, on the way home – viewing the beautiful and rugged mountains that dot the landscape between Nogales and Tucson – was ever so much sweeter that day. The marvelous Andante from Mozart’s K. 614 String Quintet, which I had so gloriously only discovered the night before (an omen…) will forever be associated with my sweet, sweet Fernanda. I believe in things transcendental, and I believe that Mozart wrote that glorious trio section of the Andante just for Fernanda. It brings a tear of joy to my eyes – along with the shivers and goose-bumps that a truly great work produces. Mozart and Fernanda are both capable of such unworldly feats. I am humbled…

MrBillO^™- ~ Your hapless lapdance reporter... ~

===== CHAPTER FIVE – REGRETS? =====

Well, dear friends and colleagues, you can clearly see what happens when MrBill gets lucky – after so much well-documented bad luck lately… He gets silly. So I apologize for my lengthy and incomprehensible ramblings. It is merely good enough for me to compose a memento for myself. Why not just post it? Anyone still with me? Anyone? Bueller? (If you are still with me, seek help – now.)

I failed to mention that the QUEEN happened to be dining at the same open-air restaurant chosen by my new lady-friends. I had forgotten about her, assured that I would be the victim of yet another standing-up (awk) However, her unaccompanied status implied that indeed she could have been mine that night. I cannot bear the thought… I simply cannot. Her slightly irritated look implied that this may be the case, however. Needless to say, she found another open-air restaurant at which to dine.

OOOOOOOOH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…

I should know by now that a born fool does not shed his skin so easily. The word, “fool”, is apparently tattooed on my forehead, after all. And there is apparently also a sign on my back which reads, “kick me”. And I’m not sure where “SUCKER” is emblazoned upon my person, unbeknownst to me, but I am sure that it is there nonetheless.

Could the lay of a lifetime have truly been mine that night? A carefree sexual romp through the tulips with the QUEEN herself – in the luxury and comfort of my suite? When I ponder that thought… Like Marlin Brando said in Apocalypse Now, “The horror. The.. horror…”

Is such a rendezvous yet possible? Could the vindictive Fortuna’s Wheel land on MrBill’s number, at last? I do not know, as I am helpless to read the minds of these harlots, these Latin tarts, these mysterious sirens, these sprightly demon-wenches. These Latina serving-wenches – serving up heaps and heaps of lovin’. Do you have a shovel, my darling? Because I am afraid you are going to need one. I will provide you with one – the finest shovel available from only the finest, Tru-Value affiliated hardware store. And I will also provide you with the receipt, in case you are not satisfied with it, and wish to return it for one more to your liking. I will also pay any costs associated with a more expensive shovel, as long as it is the shovel that strikes your fancy. MrBill would not have it any other way. I will not hear of it.

Does MrBill risk a broken heart over the possibility for the screw of a lifetime? Oh, yes…

It has been said that “There are people who know the cost of everything, and the value of nothing” – or some such nonsense. The cost of MrBill’s adventure into La-La Land? $380. The value of the adventure into La-La Land… Like the commercial says, “Priceless…”

What a night. Expect the unexpected in the land of the brown beauties (“La-La Land”) - always. This I have learned, sometimes from the excruciating sting of cold, cold water. And every so often, from the warmth of the November Nogales sunlight.

To make my tortuous and endless ramblings even richer, I spent the better part of the evening thinking it would be a very bad night for MrBill. A traffic accident on the highway and another unexplainable traffic foible delayed MrBill’s arrival in La-La Land by over an hour. I thought I’d miss out on my narrow window of opportunity to sleep with the as-yet-un-slept-with (by MrBill, anyway) Sweetie. The fight was not on TV at Lipstick as I was looking forward to (thanks a lot, Roberto…) In fact, I did not find Roberto at all. You wouldn’t stand me up, too – would you, Roberto? (just kidding) I do tire of mongering alone…

And perhaps worst of all, I had taken ½ of a Ritalin to help me drink and fuck all night. Big mistake… Sure, it allows you to drink and fuck like a madman, but at what price? (No shit, beer goes down like water, and feels like it, too). My advice – don’t go there, brothers. My nerves were so racked that I left Rio in a funk because my personality had been sacked by the onslaught of this cheap-ass, Mexican-branded Ritalin. It’s no fun, trust me… Go to the gym and take vitamins instead.

I had several goals in mind for that evening – I always do. Once in a while, one of them is realized, one – if I am lucky. Would me Sweetie be there? Would I get to fuck her at last?
Would I get to see, lapdance and/or fuck the twin goddesses of Nogales – Barbie and Daniela? (Two lovelier visages I have not yet seen, even in Tijuana). Would I get to see, lapdance and/or fuck my sweet Alejandra? Would I be able to avoid ending up with my dick in my hand yet again? More than one wish fulfilled on a given night for MrBill? I must be dreaming. Would I get to fuck the QUEEN? …

Perhaps it is best that I not find out – lest I be spoilt forever and ever.

As another sleepless night in Nogales blends seamlessly into a forty-eight hour day sometimes called Sunday, I close this chapter of the Book of Fools.

The End.

Keep it Smoove… Peace.

MrBillO^™- ~ Your hapless lapdance reporter... ~

I was also in Nogales last night. I asked my favorite messero why business was so slow and he explained to me there was some really big concert going on in Nogales. He said the name, but it was some long Mexican name I haven't heard of.

I usually try to avoid weekends in Nogales because I believe there is better mileage to
be had on weeknights, but with things being slower there recently the equation may have changed.

It was great to see a line up of excellent chica talent, with relatively few guys around! If this year is anything like the last couple of years, I've mongered in Nogales, there will be a gradual decline of talent as we get into December, until about February or March when the chicas migrate back after their holiday trips.

I found the fight at the upstairs cherries. Apparently they don't care about boxing unless a hispanic fighter is involved. I took care of the Barbi issue for you. That accident on I-19 sucked. We actually thought about turning around and going back to Phoenix. Glad I didn't.

great posts MrBill, sounds like Lipsticks is going to be on my ticket next trip down. I didn't follow the time/dinner thing, did you close down Lipsticks then go out at 4am? I thought the clubs closed at 2am - what did you do until 4? Roberto you decided on Nogales or TJ for this weekend? TJ is out for me, Nogi is looking good for me. Is Barbi the little 5' perfect shape hardbody at Placers? I got a lap dance from her a couple of weeks ago - not inspiring enough to take her upstairs.

Mr. Bill,
You have way too much time on your hands!!
Great report/book!

El Tecolote - I wouldn't avoid weekends these days, especially Saturday. Especially as winter approaches - I believe that's traditionally a slower time in Nogie. That, and much of the best talent does not even bother working on weekdays these days since they are so slow.

Roberto - thanks for doing Barbie for me - she's still way on my to-do list.

Bluelight - Damn right I closed down Lipstick. It always has been my favorite joint. All the bars close around 3 AM on weekends (except Cherry's - 9 PM). If there's still some action, Lipstick will close around 3:30. So I loitered outside until my lovely showed up.

Jarocho - yes, I do have too much time on my hands, along with various borderline psychiatric conditions, LOL (okay, only 1/2 true...) Glad you enjoyed it, though - thanks!

MrBillO^™- ~ Your hapless lapdance reporter... ~

MrBill,

I believe the girls you were riding around with are the same ones I met though Jesse. They are all hot and drive around all night. I want to do a threesome with some of them next time.

Roberto -

Not sure if we're taling about the same three girls. They're all Cherry's/Lipstick gals, so not sure how/why Jesse would hook you up with them.

Girl #1 - Fernanda (Cherry's/Lipstick) - blonde, big boobs and braces
Girl #2 - Abigail (Lipstick) - blonde, huge rack, prono-queen body all the way
Girl #3 - ??? (Cherry's/Lipstick) - Indian looking brunette, nice bod

They seem to be amigas, and I'll betcha a three-some (four-some?) would be possible. First one to find out gets a free beer!!

MrBillO^™- ~ Your hapless lapdance reporter... ~

In my relentless passion for the QUEEN, here is my pathetic 1st try to get Leslie on a hotel date...

"...So it's off to Lipstick. Leslie was there - woohoo! Got a couple laps from her - not sure if it was her or me, or just over-familiarity, but it wasn't as spectacular as usual. I bought her a drink first, and she seems to be gradually warming up to me (i.e. not showing the usual annoyance at my lack of Spanish, etc). The frenching didn't hurt, either - Good girl!!

Leslie's up to bat in the VIP room. Finally...

I was slightly nonplused about VIP'ing Leslie because what I want to do with her takes a lot longer than 6 minutes, and I don't want to "spoil" a future hotel date by just wham-bamming her (i.e. that being a reflection of what I'd be like in the sack). But WTF... It was nice to pound her sweet, hardbody ass - at last. Oh well, got what I "came" for, and finally got to cross Leslie off my list - part of that list, anyway.

And no BBBJ - I would have requested one but, fuck, I only had 6 lousy minutes - and needed all of it. But I should have got two privates - one for BBBJ (plus a little DATY), another for doggie-style pounding. Cum to think of it, that was dumb - what was I thinking, that one VIP would suffice with the QUEEN ??? Next time...

...

Well, it's only 20 'till 3:00, so I should have time to hit the ATM and get to Lipstick to pick up Leslie before they close - last couple times they didn't close until 3:30 AM or later, so I figured I had plenty of time.

...

Finally I get my dinero and make haste to Lipstick. I would be a tad late, about 3:15, but they should still be going strong. WRONG! The fucking place was lights-out and bolted shut. FUCK!!!

Well, at least I've got an ace in the hole being two doors down from Leslie that night. Surely I could hear Leslie coming a mile away...

Sure enough, there's that cute, husky voice and infectious laugh. Odd how asynchronous her voice is with the rest of the package. I took a quick peek out the door, but she was with some hombre (older, sour looking Mexican dude) - not sure if it's the novio, padrote or what (I suspect padrote). Then padrote departs, so I make my move. She's with a couple of unknown chicas, but she greets me warmly and we agree to "in an our or so" - when she gets back from dinner with las amigas et al.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL !!!

Bingo! Plan A this time, one hour to go! Finally!! Damn, I was psyched - trimumphantly pumping my fists in the air like an idiot.

An hour goes by while I watch educational programs on Mexican cable (which, by it's signal quality, has probably been spliced 23 times...) I honeslty didn't think she would stand me up - I was prepared to wait in chica time (1 hour = 90+ minutes) for her. She called my room (4:30 AM by now) to tell me that she was running late - another 30 minutes, mas o menos. Good girl! If she is considerate enough to call me and tell me she's running late, then I'm in like flint, right? WRONG! I watch more boring shit on TV, trying to stay awake, much less aroused... I finally hang it up at 6:00 AM. It was a fitful sleep as every little sound I hear springs me into full wakefulness, hoping it's Leslie, but none of those sounds are hers. Oh well...

Why hast thou forsaken me, my queen??? One thousand, million tears will not be enough to drown my sorrows!!!

That really sucks, becuase a hotel date with the QUEEN is at the very top of my agenda - and this time I thought I had it nailed. So, I don't know what I'll have to do to bag this chica. I should probably just bite the bullet and barfine her. It would be well worth it to spring $100 to get her hard, little apple of an ass out of there for an hour (plus $100+ for her). That's the only way I can see it happening - just barfine her - hopefully before she does her after-work routine (I really don't want to know what that is, anyway...) If I do barfine her, I will be EXPLICIT as to the terms of the deal: we go NOW to my room - no girlfiends, no boyfriends, no padrotes, no dinner, no drugs, no bullshit - not even one phone call.

I will not give up, however. She treats me with almost the same affection outside the club as inside, so I've got a reason (albeit a shaky one) to believe that I should get the porno/GFE fuckie-suckie of a lifetime, given the chance. I am at the very least determined to find out.

Slept from 6 AM to about 10 AM - 4 hours - not too bad under the circumstances. ..."

This pursuit might seem like a waste of time, and that I should just give up, but I just HAVE to find out if an hour with this chica is ANYTHING like her lapdance. If it is, oh my... oh my...

To be continued - some day...

MrBillO^™- ~ Your hapless lapdance reporter... ~

I just don't get it. You sound like Kandew did. Pissed, but next time. I have to admire your guy's determination. We asked about a barfine, she wanted $200 + barfine. Good luck.

BL - she just must not have "rocked your world" yet. When she does - you're hooked. And being subverted into the whims and fancy of a chica - at the mercy of her whims - is called being whipped - no need for admiration... ;-) I would pay just about any price for one hour alone with this gal. Even just to find out the answer to the question, "what if?" Sure, it's foolish - but this chica just OOZES sexual vitality and prowess. The notion of being given even the tiniest window into this world is simply, for me, irresistable.

$200 + barfine - no problem. I can't afford it but I'll pay it.

Your neighborhood fool,

MrBillO^™- ~ Your hapless lapdance reporter... ~

We need to find out if the barfine allows the chica to stay out the whole night or if she has to come back to work. $100 would be ok with me if I could get her to do an all-nighter or a couple of hours stating at 9/10pm.