This is my first report on any travel destination. It is not ideal, nor is it anywhere near the par set by other writers on this forum.

Some street mongers have no intention of finding a girl able and willing to provide the GFE, but for those who do, you will find that a GFE brings out the best and worst in that girl. First, the best: 1) Wake up to a lovely face and/or other body parts, all there to take care of your mortal morning needs, without saying one word; 2) Consistency of knowing what to expect and not needing to go out hunting. If you picked her for more than one reason, you will be pleased to enjoy the ASSets day after day. The more time I spent with my GFE, the better she got, less shy, more assertive, etc; 3) Lose the stranger status. If you take a girl for more than LT, chances are good you will meet, chat, drink and even play games with her friends at her place of business. Even though I failed miserably at connect four, even I needed a break from fuck-eat-fuck-HBO-fuck-sleep after three days. The networking with her friends is invaluable, fellow mongers. These girls do talk about their guys, the good, bad and the ugly. If your girl likes you (I would hope she did, how would you get a GFE from some girl who didn’t like you?), your credibility gets around. I’m not a handsome man, but after three days with my GFE, I had so many offers for the same thing, and from girls who only smiled at me days before. You cannot buy a rep like that in the Western world at any price. Now, the worst: 1) If she is just OK, or if you were too drunk to make a quality decision, you may not want her for more than one night. Don’t start at GFE if you don’t like what you wake up to! 2) Wake up to the same face and body. If you are in Thailand to sample pussy, don’t even bother with a GFE or even LT! 3) Losing the stranger status may make you uncomfortably familiar in the girl’s bar. If you want to be seen strictly as a bar-hopper, don’t start a GFE, since doing so will hurt the girl’s feelings and even her reputation among her friends. Saw one guy do this, right in the girl’s face. The girl cried and went home. By the looks on her friends’ faces, this was no act. I wanted to test the elasticity of that guy’s face.

Pattaya: I didn’t care for it. The girls were less experienced with less English ability and less friendly than their BKK counterparts. The only thing I liked about Pattaya was the immense number of shops in a small area and cheaper prices compared to BKK. It felt like a college town to me, with many very young girls (in one bar, a dancer confessed to being only 14). I suppose this was part of my turn-off of Pattaya, since I prefer more experience in my women and the idea of doing kids just leaves me cold.
In general, great if you want a teeny-bopper feel with less out-of-pocket overall.
Take the island tour, but don’t wander off too far or you’ll be stuck on the island waiting all day for the boat to come back for you!
Beach Road is a good place to check the asses walking by. Also, you’ll find everything for sale there, from art to DVDs of some camcorder snuck into a movie theater.

Pattaya Hotels: Nautical Inn –1, Penthouse 7.
I stayed at the Nautical (700B) on a suggestion from a Canadian monger I met at the airport. Summary: I wouldn’t let my daughter’s hamster stay there. Mangy, old, dull and the cumulative English vocabulary of the entire staff was 10 words! I pulled out of that hole faster than if I had dipped my wick without a raincoat. Bathroom mold thicker than the tiles. Found a well-used condom under my pillow. I am not shitting you. Took them an hour to place an overseas call. Bottom line: Not even suitable for an off-season dog kennel. Avoid unless you need nothing more than a Pattaya mailing address. Barf.
The Penthouse is true to it’s website. Although the breakfast buffet is weak, this is the place for non-stop sex in the city for non-stop sex. Exotic rooms decorated for the task at hand. If I ever return to Pattaya (why?), this will be my respite. My room here had my own private dance pole and huge tub for 3. Pricey for Pattaya (1500B).

BKK: Smelly, smoggy, gave me a lung infection… bring an air cleaner!

Nana: Ah, now this is where I should have come straight off the plane! Tons of bars, hundreds of girls waving their bodies in an attempt to get out of the bar! And just $2 for their drink, which gives you unofficial license to (depending on the girl) check multiple parts of her anatomy. Best damned $2 I ever spent! And I spent it a hundred times!
Honestly, the best part of my trip would be a toss-up between my GFE and feeling all those tuned little (18 year old+) bodies pressing into mine from all angles, doing their best to get me to get them the hell out of the bar for the night. Some tried very hard… to my enjoyment.
While in Nana, I spotted some fool who brought his wife and little (under 10 years) kids into one of the Go-Gos. Couldn’t believe it. They were standing there staring for a good minute before they were asked to leave. I hope he got his balls chewed out that night, unless the wife was equally screwed up, in which case someone should call the police. What kind of a fucking moronic husband and father brings his family to a strip joint as if it were a picnic? Well, it was for me, but…
Since my next trip will be much more focused in location and activity (BKK only as opposed to Pattaya and BKK, and my GFE plus $2 explorations instead of “I dunno”), I expect my next trip to cost 40% less than my first, or around $1500, airfare included. Hey, if my GFE isn’t available, I’ll just have to fill my time feeling another hundred bodies until one convinces me she is hotter than the rest.
I am one who believes it is more fulfilling to buy a dozen lady drinks (total: $24) and have 15 minutes of fun with each one than to touch very few girls and wind up with one who doesn’t give you what you want. Call me old, but I enjoy this type of variety much more than taking all dozen ST.

Bangkok Hotels: Majestic Suites 7, Nana Hotel 6
I realize that these two scores seem too close together for two vastly different types of hotels, but my criteria included price and not merely value. My 700B room at the Nana was a better deal to me than the 1400B room at the MS, if only because I wasn’t trying to impress anyone with my digs while in Thailand.
The majestic Suites is modern, clean and mildly fancy with lighting controls and a tub for 2. An abbreviated breakfast can be negotiated in the 1400B.
The Nana Hotel was as some claim: Old. However, I did not find it to be a dump, as some others claim. The staff were more experienced and bargained easier than the MS. I got breakfast buffets for two included in my small 700B room for five days. And the buffet, while not Marriott quality, was above any other American-style buffet I had seen near Nana Plaza. It was a clean place with a good King mattress, HBO and free water in the fridge. I liked it.
Bottom line: The MS is great, but I’d rather pay the barfine and take two extra lady drinks with the 700B I save by staying at the Nana.

Bangkok Tailor: Majestic Tailors
On a recommendation from Stickman, I chose this establishment for a few suits and sets of shirts. Treated me like a million. High-class kiss-ass. The suits cost me twice what Pattaya tailors wanted, but if they’re good, I’ll be calling in for some more. Will post more on this when they arrive.

Woodstock Bar in Nana: Hands down, the best burger in BKK… and I tried a dozen places. I was one of those farangs who did not stick his stomach out to try and eat native for his stay. I hadn’t touched the Pepto since arriving and was damned proud of that, so I was not going to cleanse my colon with some hot & spicy rendition of whole fish. Anyway, Woodstock is the pool bar extraordinaire of Nana, and an Expat bar at that. I took my GFE here and introduced her to the American fare and Americana on the walls. She ate it about as slowly as I ate the Japanese food in Tokyo airport. No American food in that whole damned airport… that sucks.

Eden Club: What can I say… it’s all true. While $2 for lady drinks was the best cheap fun I’ve had, the $100 left in the Eden Club was the best expensive fun I’ve had. The girls here either seriously enjoy sex and each other or are grade AAA actresses. I picked two “10”s from the lineup and left the EC one limp noodle. This place is a 3-D interactive porn show. I think the owner instilled it in the girls to seriously blow a man’s mind. It worked. The only “10” place on my first trip.

The plane trip: The worst part of my experience. Why? 24 hours total inbound, 36 hours total outbound. Forget that. Next time, I fly United Airlines direct, no connections, just one 2-hour stop each way. And I won’t be dumb enough to try and sleep on the plane again… with or without drugs!
Despite warnings from fellow farangs, I WILL take my laptop next trip. The flight is just too frickin long, and I will get to catch up on my games, movies, etc. I found a way to plug into AC power from the cheap seats! On the new 777s, there are plugs near the floor at the rear emergency exits. If you are very nice to the stewardess… oh, excuse my ignorance… flight attendant (barf), they will let you plug in until your battery is recharged. Do this over a meal and maybe an in-flight movie. Of course, they are not responsible for your $2,000+ toy sitting on the floor, but if someone takes it, where the hell are they going to go with it???
I am regularly scanning travelocity.com for another $540 deal like the one I went on this month. I am waiting none too patiently. I will go when the available dates tell me to go.

Knowing even a little Thai will enhance your experience tenfold. I did attempt to learn some before going, but I did not grasp it well. This is a shame, since the one thing I did not enjoy about my Thailand experience in general was listening to my girls laughing at friends’ jokes and either playing deaf by asking them to translate or not being able to laugh with them at all. Bottom line on Thai: Learn some or resign to cutting back your options to only girls that speak some English. If you don’t, your conversations in the morning may be limited to how many Baht, and that gets old REAL fast, gentlemen. Yes, I agree that we’re the tourists and we’re giving them money, so they should learn English, but it is their country and WE are going to THEM. A final note: Do not go and expect to find English literacy as the norm!!! I encountered a group of Brits who were disappointed to the point of leaving shortly after arrival… because the girls did not speak much English at all! I was dumbfounded at their ASSumptions, but I guess they had not visited ClubHombre or Stickman’s site.

A few personal notes on the girls of Thailand: I found the better the dancer, the worse the sex. I already knew this to be true through my years with western women, and did not know what to expect in Oriental women. I thought the stamina level was well below-par for women in general. TJ ST is 30 minutes; BKK ST is 2 hours. But if the girl can only last through 45 minutes of action, what is the benefit of the remaining 1 ¼ hours? I’m talking outside of the bath. These girls look in good shape and, except for my GFE, none of the ST girls I had measured up to my western girlfriends in terms of stamina. I suppose it had something to do with my member size, since my GFE filled me in on all the racial sizes encountered by the girls.
The bar is not where the girls want to spend their time. Indeed, doing ST is not their most liked activity, albeit the most profitable. Upon learning this, I was hit by a new perspective. Check this out, guys… If an opportunity presented itself to you to make a million bucks a year, indefinitely, and you could start immediately, would it matter to you what it was? How about servicing fat, smelly, sweaty and indiscrete 400-pound women who barked at you in a foreign tongue? Well?
I also learned that these girls, for the most part, would rather be with their families, just like us working stiffs, than working away at some dead-end job with time demands and mandatory overtime, just like us working stiffs. Think about that when you go over and wonder why the girls try so hard to get out of the bars with you…
I made it a point to interview some girls I “met” in Nana, and found them shy until I shared my above perspective of “farangs at work”. Then, they opened up about their line of work. A few even asked me what I thought about them working there.
These ladies are not dumb. They are simple with degrees of nativity. I only wish western women could be so simple and innocent. OK, maybe they’re not so innocent. J

On katooeys: I was not fooled once, lucky me. If they looked good, I only had to check their hands, face or voice for confirmation that there was a man standing in front of me with his dick turned inside-out. Some of them look damned close, though.

My two cents on men’s health in Thailand: Unless you are from the deep south and are accustomed to hot, humid weather, you are at risk for dehydration while in Thailand. I fell victim and spent the last two days of my “holiday” in bed, being nursed by my GFE. Not what I had planned on. Lucky for me, my nurse was up to the task, as she cared for me (non-sexually for those days, my choice) in a way no western woman could imagine. I truly felt like a king in her care… and this was outside of sex! Sure I paid her barfine each day, but she convinced me she really liked me and this made the GFE that much better. She IS my list for the next trip. To the point, if you suffer from FSS (farang sweating syndrome) like me, you would be well advised to make every other drink a bottle of water. Booze in ice doesn’t do it, and neither does soda. In the planning of my trip, I questioned this forum about the safety of food, water, etc. I found no problems with the food in restaurants or hotels, however please note that I did not experiment with street vendors. Ice was not a problem. No intestinal explosions.

Tokyo International Airport: Lean on restaurant choice, fat on traveler amenities. Web café, showers and day rooms in one shop. All $3 per half hour.

Bangkok International Airport: Lean on traveler amenities, fat on restaurant choice.

Summary: I’m going again, just waiting to see when. Highly recommended to all western men tired of western women and wondering if a man can feel like a King with a woman these days. $2000 (including air) should do you for your first week, unless you’re buying lots of trinkets, suits, etc.

Recommendation: Bangkok if you want the friendly, experienced scene. Nana Hotel for sure, but get a room away from the street (single-pane glass) and be sure to negotiate the breakfast buffet in the room rate. Do the Nana Plaza until you’ve run out of fun, then look elsewhere.

Good observations IndyLA , Eden Club looks righton but i'm sorry you didnt enjoy Pattaya , also no report on a " soapy massage " not on your agenda or not enough energy ? I'm off to the LOS in early january but still flipping the coin as to Pattaya or BKK , i have 6 days and want to spend them in one or the other. Also you are righton as to the " BG Telegraph " they always seem to know where you are and who you have been with.
Thanks for the report.

Indy,

sounds like a solid trip. you're not kidding about the humidity - it can take a guy down real quick. try playing 18 holes of golf in Phuket when it is 90 degrees with 90% humidity !!!!! i'm from california and can barely deal with it. i drink alot of booze so i really make sure i drink alot of gatorade and water - as much as i possibly can without bursting.

i also found the english skills of the gals in BKK to be a big positive. i've not been to pattaya but have done phuket several times. the english skills in phuket are almost zero compared to BKK.

as badabing says, you must go for the "soapy massage" if you didn't enjoy on your last trip. one has not been to thailand until that experience is under one's belt. see Massage thread on this board for info.

No non-stops from USA.
I do not know of any non stop flights from the US to Thailand. United uses Tokyo as a hub and the Seattle-Tokyo-Bangkok is the only through flight for United. I think SF and LA to BKK is too far for a loaded 747 or 777.

Correct info 694ME , closest you'll get is Thai airways which lands osaka going over and narita on the back , but it is the same aircraft with an hour or so wait. At least this was the last time I flew thai.

Indy.Good report.I don't agree with a lot of your opinions,but your entitled to them.I didn't like Pattaya the first time I went.The 2nd time last July I had a blast.You have to get used to the pace,and know your way around.Also where you stay can make big difference.I know quite a few mongers who've Didn't like Pattaya at first,but now really like it.

Nice report Indy. I concur with you on Pattaya. Seems people either like BKK and hate Pattaya or vice-versa. Next time try Phuket. I bit more expensive, but way more relaxing than the city or Pattaya.

Harry

"Next time, I fly United Airlines direct, no connections, just one 2-hour stop each way."

I don't think my American butt would be comfortable on an old Thai 747 seat straight through from LAX. I'll suffer the few extra hours and go on a new 777 with United.

Thanks for the feedback.

Well done Indy. Glad you enjoyed your trip. I'm like you. First thing I did when I got home from trip #1 was to start scouting trip # 2. Going to be in late january.

Indy,

Sorry I missed you in Pattaya. Maybe next time. I extended my trip by another week. So I will be here until this Saturday night. I am having a blast.

I do have some different opinions on things. I'll post them in my trip report. I'll have lots of pictures and lots of details.

Xenono -

Sorry we didn't hook up. Enjoy another few days in paradise... or is that pair of babes? I shall never forget the $2, 15-minute lady-drink sessions. Let's hope the Baht gets a little weaker for more of those.

>>They are simple with degrees of nativity.>>

Sorry, "nativity" should be "naivety."

Sorry about a lack of report on soapy massages... didn't have a chance, but lots of intention!!! It was on my list for the last days of my trip, but finding my GFE combined with my dehydration made it impossible. As stated, the next trip will be more focused so I can get to the items missed this time.

Should someone book a hotel online at expedia for the duration of their first trip to BKK? Or just go and reserve a room when you get there? Thx. - RastaMan

I would defintely book it for the first few days. Especially if you are arriving on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday.

November through February is the tourist high season out here. When we went to Pattaya and then came back to BKK on a Saturday night, we had a hell of a time trying to find a room. We waited around in the Majestic Suites lobby hoping someone would not show up. They didn't, so we luckily got our rooms.

I like a place somewhat upscale. In BKK, for me, that is Majestic Suites or one of the President Park places. To save a couple hundred baht and live with the roaches and bugs is not for me.

The Nana Hotel and NanaCity are plagued with bug problems. A room at Majestic runs 800-1700 baht depending on the room size. That is 18-38 US. You can get a nice suite at the Grand President for 2000 baht a night. 45 US. Still cheaper than a Motel 6 on the weekend in the US and tons nicer.

Just my opinion. Again, I am not into saving 300-500 baht 6-11 US to live with bugs, although I seem to know quite a few people who are.

As they say here, "Up to you!"

If you check the BKK and Pattaya bar boards you can get a monger recommended hotel and usually make a reservation. I would not rely on waiting, especially since most flights arrive late at night and by the time you clear customs its after midnught.

I agree with Xenono. If you're arriving for the weekend, book it in advance.

I didn't see any bugs during my week at the Nana. If I did, I would have been outta there quick and my night would have been free. I did not plan on staying at the Nana at all, and made no reservations to do so. It was a last resort due to a reservation error on the part of Majestic Suites that gave my confirmed room to another monger. I previewed a Nana room, as it is within 3 minutes of MS, and thought I'd give it a try. A week later, I was still happy.

Don't get me wrong, I think great things of MS, but I stay in the Motel 6 when in America, so you can guess my expectations. One of them is clean. Have a good trip.

Thanks, guys. I think I'll go with the Grand President or the Omni and pre-book my room for the first 3 nights. I will take care of the other nights while there in case I work it out to get over to Pattaya. Can't wait to try out this new experience. But dreading the flight from So Cal...

If you don't like sitting still for long periods of time, you won't like the flight.

Mine was 12 hours to Seoul, another 6 from Seoul to Bangkok although we made good time and the flight only lasted about 5 hours.

My solution was to stay up all night and make myself so incredibly tired for the flight I had no choice but to sleep.

For Pattaya, I recommend the Eastiny Place on Beach Road, Soi 8. Don't confuse it with the Eastiny Inn though.

They are both on the same street.

The Eastiny Place was newer and had nicer bathrooms. It was 800 baht a night, about 18 USD. Nice and clean. I stayed at both and prefer the Eastiny Place.

Bring one girl back, no problem. Bring two girls back, you have to pay more.

Have fun. I had a blast and can't wait to go back!

Thank you so much for the advice Xenono. You are a gentleman and a scholar!

Bangkok: I see that all the information already posted here is accurate. Been to the land of smiles before and here are my choices on places to stay. In Bangkok I like the "Royal Asia." It's on Soi 8 off Sukhuvit. It's walking distance to Clinton Plaza, Thermae, Nana Plaza, Buckskin Joe Village, Soi cowboy, and the metro system. The rates are very reasonable and the staff is very nice. Since I always stay there the staff has gotten to know me and they provide excellent service. The staff at Royal Asia can get you anything you need/want while in BKK. And to top it off, the hotel has a roof-top swimming pool. The hotel has a web site, look for it with yahoo.
Pattaya: I've stayed at the "Welcome Plaza," "Royal Palace," and the "Royal Twin Palace." All these hotels are reasonably priced with the Royal Twin being the most expensive, it also happens to be the nicest; highly recommend it. Welcome Plaza is the cheapest but the more worn-out of the three. These three hotels are within walking distance of all the fun Pattaya has to offer and they happen to be right next to eachother. Word of advise, when checking in make sure that there's an understanding that you will not be charged for any over-night visitors. The hotel staff will be a little hesitant to agree to this but will ultimately rule in your favor. I've had staff try to charge me for my visitors but they quickly changed their minds. By the way, the three hotels I've mentioned have web sites that can also be located on Yahoo.
Phuket: I highly recommend the "Bayshore Resort- Patong Beach Resort." In Phuket there is another resort with a similar name. The "Bayshore Resort" has been around less than two years and it is very nice. The rooms are very clean and comfortable. The rooms are bungalo styled with a swimming pool in the middle of the complex. As with everything in Phuket the prices tend to be a little higher but I truely believe that the quality of everything in Phuket is slightly higher than Pattaya and Bangkok. The "Bayshore Resort" has a web site that can be located with Yahoo. As with Pattaya, make sure that there is no visitor fee when you check in.

I hope that this info helps. Happy hunting and be careful out there.