Once you have gone through the arduous 17 hour+ flight, you will be exhausted and not ready to put up with any shit. Once through the immigration check, you head downstairs and look up to the monitor to see which belt your luggage is on. This may take up to 45 minutes to get your luggage, depending on the passenger traffic...so be patient. Once through customs you will see many desks to your left and right. Check out the various exchange rates and exchange at least $250, especially if your flight arrives late and there are no banks or booths open. You can also go past all of the taxi touts to your left and go to the many ATM's on the floor.
Once you have your money, you will be bombarded by taxi touts trying to get you to pay outrageous sums for a short trip and you will get some hot Thai girls at the desks who want you to sign up for their "special" taxi. IGNORE THEM. Go out the front door and look for the "Taxi Meter" sign. Wait in a short line and you pay 50 baht(I think) for a departure tax or something and tell the lady where you are staying. They will direct you to a taxi meter and you will be off. These drivers will not fuck with you. You will have to pay the fee on the meter and for toll roads. The total is somewhere around 250 to 300 baht, depending on traffic. I have had touts ask for as much as 800 baht for a trip to Soi 4.
Once you are approaching your hotel, you will see some of the most beautiful creatures in the world walking down the street....don't be in shock, this is Thailand.

Something that I would also like to add is the Aircon minibuses that leave the airport at BKK. These are not big buses but are smaller buses that take express routes. These are especially smart if you are going to Pattaya. After leaving the departure area, make a direct left and look for the AB3 minibus. It comes every 15 minutes and cost 100 pisos. It goes on the expressway and makes a couple of mongering stops on Sukhumvit before stopping at Ekamai. It takes about 10 minutes longer than a taxi and is much cheaper. Once at Ekamai you can take a bus for 90 baht. The transition is very smooth the driver will help you with luggage. May sound petty but 190 vs. 1,500 is a lot of savings you can put towards pooying. The other thing it saves you is having hte taxi driver badger you the whole way to Ekamai on how he can take you to Pattaya instead of he bus. I usually just lie and tell him I am going to Cambodia or something.

I took the airport bus to Ekamai both of my trips to Pattaya and it worked great but I was wondering about the private minibus services from the airport to Pattaya. Has anyone ever tried that? How much do they charge?