The assault on Soi 33 was finally coordinated. My two buddies from work and I would go directly to the Blue BBQ from the office. One of the Brits would meet us there later, as would X. The drivers drew straws to see who would stay and who would go home, but I’m not sure which was the “winning” choice, considering their pay structure and the overtime opportunity.

So we piled into my other buddies Merc and made our winding rush-hour way to Soi 33 through residential walled streets – many topped with lovely broken glass to discourage prowlers (obviously no problems with spurious law suits from injured criminals in Thailand!). Finally we turned onto a Soi lined with very nice upscale pubs that were almost entirely named after famous artists. About half way down we turned onto a small side-street (more like an alley) called Wall St. A helpful sign on the side of a building at the intersection of 33 and Wall advertises the presence of the Blue BBQ. Wall St turns out to be only about 300 feet long, and on the left at its end is the Blue BBQ.

As I would soon find is normal for most bars on Soi 33, the Blue BBQ is much deeper than it is wide. As you enter the bar stretches along the right side of the room. Directly ahead are a few high top bar tables, and to the left a number of lower dining tables. Towards the back on the left is a set of stairs to the next floor, along with a cashier and what looked like a souvenir counter. “Get your Blue BBQ t-shirt here!”

We are met at the door by 2 or 3 girls and after a moments discussion a couple of the tables on the left are pushed together and we are seated. We appear to be the first customers, so a veritable hoard descends upon us, distributing menus, taking drink orders, smiling, flirting. The talent pool seems to run from average to above average, with one or two real cuties and an equal number of real dogs. It’s not long before one of the pack attaches herself to me as my “personal” waitress. I notice that my buddies have been provided similar accommodation. I don’t know how the others acquired theirs, but I think I inadvertently “selected” mine by giving her an appreciative look from a distance. Unfortunately at closer range her attractiveness diminished substantially and her rather severe features and larger than average size began to set off my katoey detector; too late though – she was firmly entrenched.

Photo: Scary
Photo: Scary and Cute

The Brit and X arrived before our food, and it rapidly became obvious that the Brit was a regular when two or three girls rushed to greet him, excitedly calling his name. They also included two of the cutest girls working. My opinion of the Brit and the value of his Bangkok working girl knowledge immediately increased.

The food at Blue BBQ is pretty basic. You have your choice of BBQ ribs, chicken, a hamburger and about 3 or 4 other items – I went for a hamburger. My buddy immediately suggested I order two, since they were Thai sized. I didn’t want to get full, so I stuck with one. When it arrived it looked like a ¾ scale version of a normal hamburger, with one interesting variation. The condiments included something I’d never seen on a hamburger. Instead of regular pickles, it had slices of pickled beet. My buddy knew exactly what had caught my attention, and he explained it away as an “Aussie” thing that was common in Bangkok. I have to admit – beets on a burger aren’t bad at all.

Since the Brit was a regular I relayed my doubts to him via my buddy next to me about the authenticity of the “girl” next to me. He replied, but I didn’t catch it. After we left I found out that he was assuring me that she was a genetic female. No loss though, she was a bit on the scary side anyway.

When we finished eating it was time for a change of venue. The chosen destination was The Library at the end of another side street between Wall and Sukhumvit. This place was significantly bigger than the Blue BBQ, and was set up in classic English Pub style. More girls, but the additional numbers all fell below the Mendoza. There were a few young looking cuties bopping around though.

The Library is famous for its sliding bar fine. First I guess I should discuss the bar fine situation on Soi 33. It is definitely NOT for the faint or cheap. In most clubs it runs from 1200 to 1500 baht, with 1500 being the more common than 1200. The prices for LT and ST are the same as anywhere else though. At the Library the fine starts at the normal level (I think it was 1500), but as the night progresses, it lowers. I think it was around 800 baht at Midnight. I’m not sure what the bottom end was, because the sign they used to have in the Men’s room laying out the scale was taken down because of the crackdown. I should have gotten the scoop from one of the girls, but I wasn’t interested in hanging out there long enough to find out.

One beer later we were on the move again. This time we were headed for Degas.

I love walking down Soi 33. Most clubs have one or two very nicely dressed ladies out front trying to lure you inside, but they are not as aggressive as the girls on Soi Cowboy, Nana or Clinton. They smile, wave, and occasionally one will walk with you for a moment - it’s all done with a dose of subtlety and class. Soi 33 exists mainly to cater to business travelers and the Ex-Pat community – there isn’t a place there you’d be embarrassed to put on your expense account. They can get away with the higher bar fines because 90% of their customers will never pay them out of their own pocket. This is the land of corporate-subsidized mongering and farang business entertaining Bangkok-style.

We were mobbed when we got inside of Degas. Its even a bit narrower than Blue BBQ, with a seating area of couches on the right as you enter, a bar on the left and a staircase opposite the bar that leads to the second floor. Under the staircase are a few couches. Between the couches and the barstools is just enough room for people to pass from the back to the front of the bar. Like all the “Art” bars, the girls are dressed in identical evening gowns. The bartenders are in black slacks with white oxford shirts and ties.

Each of us has at least two girls hanging on him, and we spread out over the length of the bar. For the moment we are the only customers. The combination of slow business in general and the fact that it’s Wednesday ensure that we will see very few other customers during this visit. My buddy had previously warned me about the mamasan, so when she approached me I was able to easily avoid having my hand jammed into her ample but ancient bosom. My prick buddy did me the favor of telling her I was the “boss” and would be paying the bill. I vowed to return the favor – soon. Drinks were ordered for everyone – the line of lady drinks seemed to go from one end of the bar to the other.

I wasn’t especially fond of the two that had me flanked. Five territory all the way. Looking around I noticed the overall talent level here to be a bit lower than the other two bars, but of course there were a couple notable exceptions. Then I noticed the bartender - very cute, especially considering the talent nearby. I began to chat with her more and my ‘companions’ less. Eventually they got the clue and wondered off. I then asked the bartender if she could join me on the “other” side of the bar and was informed that I would have to buy her three drinks for that privilege. Of course I agreed. Damn the torpedoes! Full expense account ahead!

Her name was Yen and she immediately became extremely friendly. It wasn’t long before we were in full French mode. After about 10 minutes of this I asked her about the bar fine and received my first hard introduction to Soi 33 “ficha” girls. I could fine her, and she would go to dinner or a club and even to my room, but she wouldn’t take her clothes off and she wouldn’t fuck. She had even been careful to wear a t-shirt between her bra and shirt to repel borders! Shit!

For a moment I considered fining her on the chance that I could charm her into bed anyway, but when she revealed that she was on the rag also I abandoned that idea. I was still having a good time with her so I went back to sucking on her tongue for a while. Everyone but X bailed, and as he left my buddy informed me that this one was going on MY expense account. Gee thanks!

X was on one of the couches flanked by one cutie and one almost cutie. I took Yen to the couch next to his while I waited for him to decide whether he wanted to fine either of them. He decided to pass, so I called for the tab and we headed out. It was about 11:30.

We walked towards Asoke and checked out the bars as we passed. None looked really promising, and we ended up talking to a couple of girls outside a club on the other side of Wall. After a few minutes we decided to pass on their bar also and popped into Monet a couple doors down.

We were greeted with the usual cold wet towels to freshen up with and were soon flanked by girls in eveningwear. I successfully blew off the first ugly one that attached herself to me, but then X dumped his in favor of a real cutie who had been with the guy next to us. They hit it off immediately and of course I was lucky enough to have his not-quite ugly first girl attach herself to me.

She really wasn’t too bad except for one thing – she wouldn’t shut the fuck up. As soon as she learned that this was my first time in Bangkok and also my first time on Soi 33 she took it upon herself to “educate” me. “ You know, you’re allowed to touch the girls here.” No shit. I just don’t want to touch you honey. If she’d shut up I may have actually bar fined her due to the late hour. As it was, all she did was ensure that the cutie who kept coming by and teasing me stayed away.

Photo: Monet 01(X)
Photo: Monet 02(X)
Photo: Monet 03(X)
Photo: Monet 04(X)
Photo: Monet 05(X)
Photo: Monet 06(X)
Photo: Monet 07(X)
Photo: Monet 08(X)
Photo: Monet 09(X)
Photo: Monet 10(X)
Photo: Monet 11(X)

So I waited for X to bar fine his girl so we could get out of there. I’d decided to cut my losses and go back to the Blue BBQ since I knew that she wasn’t a he. It was 1 am by the time his girl was changed, and when we got outside I received the last nasty surprise of the night – all the lights went out. Seems that Soi 33 closes down at 1 am instead of 2 am. Fuck me!

X grabbed a cab and I grabbed a ride, figuring I’d blitz Nana and fine the first acceptable waitress or go-go girl I saw. Along the way his girl decided she wanted to go to Riva disco at the Sheraton Grand. The Riva was on my short list of places that I’d gotten from the Brit, so I decided to risk the valuable time required to check it out.

Of course the traffic was totally fucked on the way over, stealing away precious time that I couldn’t afford to lose. It was about a quarter past 1 when we finally got to Riva, and after a quick tour around the bar, I knew I’d made a big mistake, so I bailed and grabbed a cab to Nana. It was 1:30 by the time he got there (I should have walked) and I headed for Carnival figuring on a repeat with Noy would be fine considering the hour. Unfortunately Noy was already bar fined and I didn’t see anything else available that was worth doing. I was down to 15 minutes before 2 am, so I headed for the door.

Fantasia was my next stop. One of the girls was fairly promising, but she disappeared right before the lights came on. Fuck me, or more accurately, don’t fuck me.

I followed the crowd out and strolled around the Nana parking lot for a while. The katoeys were out in force. I talked to a freelancer, but couldn’t pull the trigger – she was just a bit too marginal, even for me. While standing on the sidewalk fending off lady boys I noticed two girls standing by the bbq stand next to the pharmacy. They waved at me to join them, so I walked over. I thought one of them looked familiar, and in a second it came to me – she was the door girl at Fantasia.

The door girl asked me “where I was going” – freelancer speak for “do you want a date?” I was a bit non-committal and I really don’t know why – she was definitely “doable”, especially for 2:15 in the morning. Seeing that I wasn’t going to jump on her offer, they wandered off. I wanted to hit Grace, but I couldn’t remember exactly where it was. X had pointed it out on Sunday, but I hadn’t paid sufficient attention. I thought it was the next Soi east on Sukhumvit so I wandered that way. Of course it wasn’t there (its right on Soi Nana), so I headed towards the Marriott.

For the hell of it I continued past the Soi the Marriott was on, past the bus stop and the food stall. Seeing nothing promising I turned around at the next intersection and headed back. When I got to the food stall again who did I run into but the Fantasia door girl again! She bolted over from the table she was sharing with her friend from earlier, and asked me if I was hungry, and would I like to join them? Again I turned her down. I have no friggin idea why. This turned out to be my final stupid move of the night, because as I approached my hotel again, I decided it was too damned late anyway, especially since I had to “work” the next day.

I hauled my sorry ass up to my room, and amazingly, fell asleep rather quickly. Oh well, tomorrow would be a better day, and I needed the sleep.

To be continued…

drew

Wow, that sucks. All dressed up with no place to go. That's why I don't like Soi 33. Most of the real stunners wont fuck unless you dump the brinks truck on em' and they are not as good looking as the go go dancers in Pattaya so why bother.

Please don't spread the rumor around that mi amigo couldn't get laid in Thailand,

The "fantasia door girl' was an obvious reprive.
You don't know why you just couldn't pull the trigger?

What the fuck is the matter with you?

Ben who picked the under and predicted he would fall in love.

Oh Boy - you did 33 and not stop into Office Bar and Grill - well you certainly missed the best.