EXECUTIVE SUMMARY: I go to a new country where legal sex is available easily and at reasonable prices. Despite doing everything in my power to screw it up, I manage to get laid but have no fun doing it.

Hola amigos, RT aqui.

Well, work tells me, “RT, you’re off to Puerto Plata in the Dominican Republic. Go with your boss this time, but you’ll be on your own for later trips. This instruction will self-destruct in 10 seconds. Good luck, RT.”

Now, one thing I know how to do is travel to other countries and sample the local, er, flavor: Do your research. Ask around, check the various websites devoted to adult travel, read, read, read. Did I do any of this for this trip? No.

And I got what I deserved.

It turns out (as far as I can tell) that there are two hot spots in the DR: Santo Domingo and Santiago, with Puerto Plata a weak third. Did I know this in advance? Sort of. Could I do anything about it? No, that’s where work sent me.

Our company puts people up in an all-inclusive resort in town. Great if you’re on vacation, but sucks if you’re leaving the hotel to work or play. You have to wear this stupid wristband for the hotel, but it identifies you as a gringo tourist everywhere else, so all prices are doubled (or tripled). Could I do anything about this? No, as well. Two strikes.

My boss is a great guy. Unfortunately, he is sure that he has ‘man of the world’ status and could tell me all the ‘places to go for action’. I can’t imagine what he considers action, but I know what it’s not. Let’s put it this way: a night at an Orlando would be ‘out of control’ in his mind. So he’s no help.

We arrive late Monday night, check in and go to the nightclub on premises for a drink. The only parts of this resort open to non-guests are the disco and the casino. The disco is a big deal in the beach side of Puerto Plata. It was fairly busy, with half tourists from all hotels and half locals. “Ooh, look at all the girls,” he says.

I dump him after a half hour and go to the casino. It wasn’t very crowded. I grab a chair at a table that faces the front entrance. I look up and give a smile to each unescorted lady who enters, just to see what happens. You can’t fish without bait. Since My being a single gringo who can afford to gamble was the entire contents of my tackle box, I went for the gusto.

PAYDIRT! After about a half hour or so, these two girls come in (without wristbands). I give my 100-watt grin (not a pretty sight, I promise), but one picks up the signal and smiles back. We make eye contact, and I dutifully follow her and go to the men’s room, just so we can run into each other on the way out.

Everything works just like it was supposed to. We talk a little (she spoke some English), and I offer to buy her a drink. She grabs her friend and the three of us go back to the disco.

I’m still not sure if she was professional at this or just an opportunistic amateur. Either way, we managed to hit it off, what with dancing, groping and making out in the club. She asks if I’m here alone, I say yes, and she replies: Not tonight.

STRIKE THREE: No guests are allowed ANYWHERE on the hotel grounds without a stupid wristband. There are security guys everywhere, and incredibly in a country where the average wage is $400 a month, they could not be bribed to look away. She had big ideas involving other hotels, taxicabs, come with me baby, but I was in a new county a total of three hours now and I had to be up for work in another four hours, so I wasn’t getting in any cabs anywhere. Adios, Janet. I gave her 50 pesos ($3) for cab fare home and went to bed, frustrated.

Tuesday rolls around; I work all day and by talking to a local, I manage to get the name of a club where girls are available. A start, at least. We have a business dinner, and my boss and I part ways at about 9 pm. I go to the lobby and negotiate a round-trip (with up to a 2-hour wait) with Pablo the cabdriver to Club Crystal for just $15. Now we’re cooking, I think.

MISTAKE NUMBER FOUR: Pablo got a commission for bringing in a gringo that was probably bigger than the $15 I wound up giving him. I’m not sure of a way around that without better Spanish skills and/or a vehicle.

I go into Crystal’s and take in the scene: a big stage with a small bar to the side. Think Adelita Bar in Tijuana without the crowds and style. One girl dancing and about 10 girls scattered throughout the club. Maybe four other customers. I order at the bar and before I can get my drink, I am pounced on by a friendly young chica.

MISTAKE NUMBER FIVE: Never go with the first girl you see. They’re usually sharks. This applies in brothels, strip joints, libraries, anywhere. Trust me. Someone should. I didn’t listen.

She’s overly aggressive, what with her hands everywhere and me only knowing one word: Gracias, no. She started at $84 for her and $24 for the room. All my ‘no’s did was lower her price to $48 plus $24. I realized that she wasn’t going away easily, and had promised a massage as well as ‘sucky-fucky’, so I decided to make the best of it and agreed.

We went upstairs, dealt with the money, and I proceeded to have a horrible time. No massage, all of a sudden no more kissing, CBJ for a real short time, and she wanted to hop on immediately. I made her continue with the BJ some more, than did a 3-position job. I got the non-verbal version of “have you finished yet?” so I just went ahead and did so. Did I mention that the room was a million degrees? Anyway, she dresses and leaves me to fend for myself without so much as an adios. Maybe there are better, friendlier girls there, I don’t know. I will take the hit for not being as selective as I should be. And I probably paid triple the going rate, to boot.

Pablo and I leave Crystal’s and go across the street to an open-air bar with plenty of girls. I order a Presidente for him and a water for me, and I proceed to fend off many much friendlier advances from some chicas. We finished our drinks and got back in the car and headed home. I asked Pablo how it worked with the outside bar girls. He explained that he would take us to a ‘Cabana’. This is basically a short stay hotel (there’s hundreds of ‘em in the country). You get the room for four hours for $24, and the places are supposed to be nice (confirmed by others, not just Pablo). I filed that away for next time, and went to sleep at about 3 am.

Day 3: Worked, ate, napped, gambled and wrote this report. I won at the casinos, of all things.

That’s it – I did a lot wrong, but had some adventures. Nothing horrible happened, so it could have been much worse. And work paid for the airfare/hotel and I got paid for being here.

When you get down to it, I’m still pretty sure that fun can be had in Puerto Plata – and at a reasonable price. I will be spending a couple of more weeks down here towards the end of May, so I’m looking at this trip as a learning experience to which I can apply this knowledge for the future. I plan on doing my ‘due diligence’ in the meantime. I can only blame myself for this trip’s misadventures. I can try the outdoor place, and there are these ‘Car Wash’ joints where I understand that very few cars get washed. Pablo says that tourists don’t go there, but he would be happy to go with me next time.

Well, I’m coming home, resting up, and leaving for San Jose on Wednesday. I know how to have fun there.

Take care,

RT

Did your girl clean up? If not that's pretty gross. I had asked in the chat area if anyone had experienced stinky pussy, the only yes I got was from girls in the DR. Personally, I've only experienced SP in Tijuana. I've been to Thailand, Philippines, and Costa Rica.

GR
THE AVERAGE WAGE IN THE DR IS O/A 15 P/PH ABOUT 90 CENTS .THERE ARE A LOT OF PLACES IN PP TO GO .BUT YOU NEED A GUIDE UNTIL YOU GET THE LAY OF THE LAND,THERE A CANADIAN GUY WHO LIVES THERE THAT IS IN THE KNOW ABOUT ALL THE HOT SPOTS HIS NAME IS BILL LANE AND HAS A WEB SITE.ILL BE IN BOCA THURSDAY AND HAVE BEEN TO THE DR ABOUT TEN TIMES,IF I CAN BE OF ANY HELP ,LET ME KNOW.

Dart -- Yes, she was pretty gross. She did not clean up before our session, but I didn't see her in the club when I went back down, so **maybe** she was cleaning up after.

God, I hope so. BTW, nice reports last month.

RT

You'll just have to do two at a time next week in Costa Rica till you work that one out of your system RT! LOL

can i get a job where u work? working and traveling sounds like the master plan to me!!!