I woke up, and decided to take a break from sex today. Sex was starting to get boring, so I was hoping to deprive myself for a day in hopes that I'd be horny again tomorrow. Besides, I still had a lot of shopping to do, and today would be the perfect day to do it.

But I think the main reason why I wasn't in the mood for sex was because I felt bad about the episode with Noy the night before, and the fact that I only gave her 500 baht. Sure, she was truly being a bitch, and didn't deserve a single baht for the shit she did to me. But, hey, it's not her fault that I sometimes have a hard time reaching orgasm. And, yes, Noy was my favorite girl because I had a real good time with her the first time, and she seemed to have the most fragile and vulnerable personality. I missed her, and felt bad for her. Inside, I felt empty from what I did to her.

The mood that I was in was the perfect mood for getting a tattoo. Whenever I feel empty, or depressed, or otherwise not happy, it's easier to block out the pain of getting tattooed. So I visited Bali, and had him complete my tattoo today. We started at about 4 p.m., and it took him only two and a half hours with only one smoke break to complete the tattoo. Yes, it fucking hurt...but that's exactly what's so addicting about getting tattoos. The pain releases adrenaline and endorphins, which are your body's natural painkillers. These hormones are the same hormones that give long distance runners their "second wind." It puts you in a trance-like, euphoric state of mind. And during my pain-induced trance, I decided that I would make amends with Noy.

After getting tattooed, I went to Polo A-gogo to apologize to Noy. All the mama-sans knew who I was, and as I walked in asked me if I wanted to see Noy. I said, "Yes." They told me to sit down and have a drink, but I said, "No, thank you. I just want to give something to Noy" and stayed near the door. One of the Mama's went backstage to get her.

A few minutes later, Noy came out...and she looked pissed off! She just glared at me as she walked to the door. No smile, no "Hello." Nothing. Just a look of anger mixed with sorrow, as if saying, "Why you American fah-lung do this to me? Why?" I walked up to her, unable to look her in the eyes, and whispered an apology in her ear. "I'm sorry," I said. Then, I placed a 1000 baht note in her hand, and asked, "Are you okay?" She didn't look at the note, but said, "Yes. I'm okay." I smiled, then I turned and walked away without kissing her. As I looked at her for one last time, she slowly waved goodbye and had a softer look of forgiveness on her face.

I hurried down the stairs and towards my hotel. Damn, I really liked Noy. My eyes watered as I thought to myself, "I wish we could've parted on happier terms..."

Tatoos for 2 and a half hours followed by giving a girl a thousand baht after she berated you and treated you like shit the night before...talk about masochism. You seem like a very nice guy but you definately fit the profile of a tatoo artist....to a t.

Hehe!

I think another reason why I wanted to give Noy 1000B (which was in addition to the 500B she received the night before, while embarrassing me in the lobby of the hotel) is because I didn't want her going back and telling all her friends how American farangs are mean and dishonest, and how I didn't give the proper tip for her service (after all, I don't think she would say, "Well, he didn't cum and that's why I only deserve 500B.")

Hey, give me time...I'll harden up! <grin>