A sample night out:
Koro and I had a list I printed from Nanapong.com of their top rated bars. So we started at the top, the Pink Panther, which also turns out to be the first bar on the corner of Suriwong and Patpong II. It was pretty nice. Well lit and mid-sized, it had an energetic vibe to it. There were 3 girls I considered attractive, but as would become all too usual, they were all taken. BTW one of them was a close replica of La Perlita. After one drink we moved on down the street. We went in several bars, but as I mentioned earlier, they are mostly small, about Pollo bar sized and unmemorable.

The next memorable bar was King’s Corner. Here I saw my first “Beauty”. She is about 5’7” and lithe. A face that made me think French/Asian. Could be on a magazine cover. Wouldn’t return my glances; give me the time of day. Instead a “lady” with high Katoey odds, interjected herself into our visit. She planted herself in front of me and immediately popped her(?) boobs out of her bikini top. Major Katoey flag. Koro’s girl was even a bigger winner with similar Katoey flags and the charm of having taken the time to write “TIP” in the palm of her hand. This caused us to shorten our stay here.

We looked in another bar or 2 and ended up at Queens Castle II. Queen’s Castle II is an upstairs bar that advertises a sex show. On alert about “show charge” scams, we went up and immediately confirmed with the MamaSan that there is no extra “show charge”. The show consisted of several acts repeated through the evening. One girl pulls a scarf chain out of her snatch. Another pulls out razor blades on a string (ouch!). Ping-pong balls and eggs are inserted; horns, whistles and dart guns are blown. Bottles are opened and they even draw pictures. Interesting but can become blasé.

When you sit in a club, you are usually approached by one of the girls. And just like at AB there is a high probability that she will be past prime, or a shark. So I would play a couple of games with them to let them know I wasn’t too green. When they would ask me my name I would say “Charlie… Cheap Charlie”. A Cheap Charlie is the local name for a tightwad. It would usually elicit a laugh from the girl, but let her know I wasn’t an ATM. The other thing I would do is use their script on them. They would ask my name and I would immediately ask them “What you name?”, then “Where you from”, then “Are you on Holiday?”. With this last question, it would dawn on them that I was “stealing their lines”, and they would get a sly grin. It was great fun.


I did hear a story that cracked me up. Koro said that to mess with the girls minds, some guys would answer every question with “Three”.
As he wrote: “I forgot to tell you about 'Instant Thai'. There are some guys who even if they can speak Thai, merely answer every question a bar girl asks with "Three."

"How long you come Thailand?" "Three."

"Whachoo name?" "Three"

"What hoten you stay?" "Three"

"You want lady?" "Three"

(Super quizzical look, her brain's ripping now, trying to figure out what the hell's going on)

"How long you stay Bangkok? "Three"

(Most definitely avoid time units here; utterly baffled at this point, she transitions to the physical plane, which at least she's got a grip on, so to speak)

"You like Nok(her)?" (grope, grope) "Three"

"You pay bah Nok?" "Three"

"You come bah see Nok tomolo?" "Three"

"You give Nok give 1 night tawrai?" "Three" (Whoops!)
('taw' as in 'how'; tawrai is 'how much?')

('Instant Thai' breaks down here, time to switch to Standard Thaiglish or you're out B3000!)

Drives them nuts! But if they stick around, 80% chance they like
you a lot and you're going to have a great time with her. Or three. Their brains are on fire trying to figure out what's what.”


Maybe it’s mean, but it cracks me up.

Funny stuff Headingsouth.

On two of my trips as a gag, I took a rubber mask along with me. I'll try to describe it. Imagine a guy who has just had an auto accident, one eye sticking half out, swollen cheekbone, crew-cut hairstyle, large nose and swollen lips.

Well, I'd walk in the bar, lay the mask down and as I was asked what I wanted to drink, the girl would took notice of the mask. "May I put on?" Sure! Once she did, the girl would take a peak of herself in a mirror and would gasp loudly in fright. With that loud shriek all the other dancers would take notice and stop dead in their shuffle dance and immediately begin shrieking too as they could hardly belief the transformation of the bar girl they knew so well. It's sort of a disbelief shock. The girl with the mask would ten often walk in a zombie-like walk, which caused the shrieking to new and higher levels. By then I'm laughing my ass off, so is everybody else. Then another girl would come over and yank if off of her head and put it on.

I've never realized what a simple rubber mask can do to a bar in mere seconds. This uproar could last for maybe 10 minutes or more, never less than that.

I had even more fun with this same mask in the Angeles City bars, maybe because the Filipinas are more playful. In one case, a dancer put it on and stole the show. Someday I'll post that picture.

In another case, the bartender came over and put it on, sneaking up behind people, tapping their shoulder and watching the person turn around in fright.

My cohort, Tom, once remarked after getting the mask finally back on my table, "You'd better steam clean that mask for ten minutes!" Which meant, there was a lot of HIV? siliva on the inside by then.