The Laos border from the Thai side of the river.
I caught a ride into Chiang Rai, arriving at my cheapy guesthouse at nightfall. The only bed available was in a four-person dorm room. I dumped my bags, hoped my roommates were quiet, and headed out to explore the night market.
You will be pleased to know that I quickly located the entertainment zone with absolutely no references. This was a first for me. However, guiding you to it is a bit complicated. It’s important to note that Chiang Rai is not designed for tourists. I mean tourism isn’t that important there, so getting around isn’t that straightforward.
You can find a little bar zone near the town clock on a main road. Sorry I can’t be more specific than that, but I’m sure you can find it.
Bars just across the street from this clock.
Despite a few weeks abstinence, I was not horny enough to partake in any sanuking at the bars. There were certainly some cuties there, but I was not about to drag one home to my dorm room. Right? In hindsight, I should have gone for a cheap hotel, but there you have it.
If you want to own a bar in Chiang Rai, here’s your chance!
When I returned sometime around ten that night, the room was full. Two guys were reading in their beds, someone else was completely bundled up in the third. I changed into my nylon trunks and sprawled out on the bed. The person sitting beside me might have been dead as there wasn’t so much as a stirring all night. I was starting to suspect that it was nothing but a bundle of gear disguised as a human.
In the morning, the two guys were up and out at the crack of dawn. When I finally got around to rousing myself, the fourth person still hadn’t moved. I got cleaned up and went down for breakfast and spent quite some time arranging a motorbike.
It was then that I spotted some familiar garments. My sleeping companion was alive, eating breakfast and very, very cute. I had no idea they started mixing sexes in the dorm rooms. I walked over and questioned her to determine if it indeed was her I was sleeping beside all night. It was. She was a particularly cool English lass doing the backpacker thing, independent of any companion. Good for her. Now, I wonder if I can sneak a Thai girl back to the room.
Today, however, was a day for going back to Burma. My last time here, the border to Mae Sai was closed. I made the hour long bike ride to the border and cruised around a bit. I knew damn well there were brothels here, but my research did not indicate on which side of the little river they were. I was determined to nail one more hairless Burmese babe before I left and this was my only real opportunity.
Mae Sai is sorta like Tijuana. It’s a day crossing for most folks who want to do a bit of shopping and maybe a bit of hanky panky.
The Burma border from the Thai side of the river.
The few massage places I found on the Thai side were only just opening, as it was still morning. I checked out a few but was not drawn in. Well, it was time to cross the Rubicon, as it were.
I then realized that my passport was with the bike rental guys! Damn! I checked with the customs guys who told me that a photocopy of my birth certificate, driver’s license, etc., would do the trick. Five baht later I was back with a smile.
On the other side of the bridge I picked up a trike taxi to give me a tour. “Take me to the lady houses,” I instructed him. If you want to do something right, you gotta get someone else to do it.
Down a couple of streets and up an alley later, we were parked inside a small courtyard where girls were flitting about like little birds. As I was extracting myself from the trike, a Japanese guy rolled up with the same plan as me. We chatted for a few minutes while we looked the girls over.
I was there first so I picked a tastefully attired young lady with a pleasant smile. Japan let out a grown as he wanted the same girl. Ever the gentleman, I asked the girl to pick between us. She either didn’t understand or didn’t want to make the decision herself. I jokingly asked if she’d go with both of us. That certainly got a reaction as she waved her hands in front of her face and shook her head. Heh, heh!
It was down to a coin toss and I won. Japan went away dejected as no other lady appealed to him. It’s too bad because he would have made a terrific drinking companion. Anyway, Saen led me around the back, silver bells tinkling around her ankles, and into her chamber. It was decorated with all the usual Burmese stars wearing way too much clothing.
We got undressed and I wrapped the towel around myself. Saen had a bit of baby fat, but looked quite nice. She took me to the showers and directed me inside. Too late I realized that she was sending me in on my own as she stepped into another toilet. Damn, so much for giving her the old back scrub.
After my bucket shower, I went back into her room and waited. I opened the window and tried to get the fan working. When she came back, she closed the window in fear someone might see us. I compromised with her by leaving open a crack. She then got her little battery operated tape player going as she settled in beside me.
There’s not much to report on the bedroom antics. She had about as much hair on her nether regions as I have hair on my eyebrows. I was quite determined to go down on her but she was more determined to squeeze her hands between her legs and keep me out. After a few dry weeks, I was just happy to see her and enjoyed the session.
I tried to pull her into the shower with me afterward, but with the help of another girl, she escaped again into another shower. I decided to give her a hard time when I paid up. Although we agreed to 500THB, I handed her 300. She looked a bit put off, so I gave her another 100 and pantomimed her holder her pussy, keeping me out. She made a sour face and shook her head. I gave her the last 100 note. She’s lucky she didn’t ask for a tip or I’d have taken her over my knee.
Photos: Determined Saen 37
While I achieved two goals at this brothel, I was still unsatisfied. I had my driver take me to three more in the neighborhood. It was there I found the girl of my dreams. She was good looking, graceful, well build and had absolutely no desire whatsoever to be anywhere in my vicinity. Damn. Papasan tried to talk her into it, seeing how interested I was in her, but it was obvious that going with this girl was going to be like putting a cat in a box with a dog. I cut my losses and headed back to the bridge.
I wandered around until the border closed, then made my way back to Chaing Rai. I hit the night market again before going back to the guesthouse. English babe wasn’t there so I got a room of my own.
The next morning, I took the early bus to Chiang Mae. It was terribly comfortable. Sitting across the isle from me was an old Brit who spends his summers driving trucks all over Europe and his winters fishing in Thailand. Man, what a great way to go. He told me long stories about his relationship with his much younger girlfriend and how crazy she was. Basically, he paid for her room and board and some spending money. She kept demanding more, getting pissed off at him, and breaking things, so he dumped her. Where she had a pretty good thing, she was soon to be out on the streets.
After exploring the zoo and the mountaintop temple (Doi Suthep), I checked out a few bars in Chiang Mae. I even found an entertainment center, but I was ambivalent. I couldn’t even get interested in the local soapy massage place.
(Soapy alert! I learned there is a soapy joint out near the airport. I have no details, so someone better check it out.)
It turned out that I picked up some kinda bug; something like the stomach flu. The next day, still feeling awful, I decided I really needed sand under my feet and clear sky overhead (the sky was full of smoke from the seasonal burnings in the north). I tried to book a flight out to Bangkok, Pattaya or Phuket, but all flights were full. There was no way I was taking a bus, so I made my way to the train station and got myself a first class sleeper. Oh, how I love sleeping on the train. The only thing better is to be sleeping with a Thai girl on the train.
We’re on the train to Bangkok, aboard the Thailand Express ...
The next morning, bright and early, we rolled into Bangkok. I went staight to the travel agent there and inquired as to flights to Phuket. As much as I liked the train, it was too difficult a journey from this point on. I discovered that I was too early to book a flight, but if I went directly to the airport, they’d probably put me on the next available plane for the usual low-cost fare.
A couple of taxi touts did their best to try and rip me off (“Yes, airport, only one thousand baht!” Bastards!), but I found one who knew how to work a meter and we were off. I curled up in the back seat, still suffering, and dreamed of rolling surf. The rest of the day was rather hazy, but I know I slept through both takeoff and landing.
The moment we hit the ground, a few Russian babes started cheering and roused me. I trailed them up the ramp trying to figure out their story. I knew Russians came down for the winter and earned some spare cash hooking, but this bunch didn’t seem the type. They spoke no English.
I hung around the taxi stand for a while, hoping to find a fellow sanuker heading for Patong beach, but I was alone. I got in a cab and started feeling much, much better. Next stop, Bangla Road!
