My taxi dropped me off at my favorite hotel. I negotiated a better rate then ever before, dumped my gear and headed for the beach. I relaxed for a while before deciding it was time for a massage. I keep going back to the same massage place because the prices are right and although the women are not great looking, you occasionally find a cutie. It was a cutie I selected that evening.

Nok was twenty years old and had started work only a few weeks earlier. When we arrived in the little room she serenely instructed me to strip naked. “Hmmm, this could get interesting.”

She began working on my back with well-honed skills. I asked her where she learned massage. She told me she just practiced on her parents. The conversation was going well and I toyed with the idea of going long time with her. I was really appreciating her massage because I was still recovering from my ailment.

When she put me on my back she expressed surprise that I wasn’t, uh, rising to the occasion. She wasn’t the only one. The little wombat was sound asleep and there was no chance of waking him. I explained to my masseuse that I was feeling somewhat under the weather. She wanted to know how much I’d pay for additional massage services. I’m used to these girls starting with a highball figure of around 1000THB, so with the ball in my court, I was going in low, offering only twenty. She didn’t even comment when I suggested a hundred so I let it go.

The girls expect to give you a hand job; hell, I can do that myself! When I get the extra service, I get her to gently massage my nuts and stroke the ol’ todger. I don’t want an orgasm; I just want stimulation, to prime the pump so to speak.

Nok would not commit to going with me that night, but I did get her number. I really was overtired. Although I cruised the bar areas, nothing really struck my fancy. Once again, I slept alone.

The next morning I met for coffee with an ex-pat pal. When he left, I met a California-based pilot and his Thai companion. He was looking for advice on Phi Phi Island and Pattaya. I recommended he bring a friend to Phi Phi, and find lots of friends in Pattaya. I’ve tried to get him on ClubHombre as the guy is new to the hobby.

I rode the bike north, just enjoying being out on the road and close to the water. That night, I figured a go-go would suit my needs. I wanted a girl with a bit of energy. I checked out the bars before heading into the go-gos. It didn’t take that much time to find a cute young thing. I found my girl in Suzy Wong’s go go down at the end of Soi Seadragon.

Warning: do not patronize Suzy Wong.

OK, listen up. I actually posted a warning about this right after it happened, but it never showed up here (don’t know why and didn’t get around to following up). It’s a long story so I’m condensing it as much as I can without losing the salient bits.

After I agreed to a 1000THB long time fee and paid 500THB bar fine, Aon hit me up for a hundred baht to give to her friend. No big thing. She wanted to sing karaoke, I agreed. On the way to her friend’s Thai karaoke joint on her motorbike, she fills up her tank and hits me up for another fifty. I’m starting to calculate how much of that 1000 she has left. Karaoke place, she orders quite a few songs, no big deal, and a few drinks. She begs me to buy her friend a drink. OK, I’m a nice guy. Next, food. I expected this, but I didn’t think it would come until later. It’s midnight and I’m ready for action. The bill comes to over 800THB. I’m not happy about this, but I bite my tongue.

Back in the room, she needs to call her friend but has no time left on her phone. I offer mine. After a good fifteen minutes of phone time, we shower and hit the sheets. Things are going reasonably well as she’s responsive to cunilingus and but does an adequate job in return. I pop on the condom and just start getting into the rhythm (like five minutes) when I’m struck with the urgent need to use the damn toilet. I tell her I’ll be right back and dash off to do my business.

When I get back a couple minutes later, Aon is nearly dressed! What the fuck? I ask her where she’s going. She doesn’t even look in my direction. “So, that’s it then?” I ask. No answer. She starts heading out the door as I quickly pull on my clothes. I don’t even bother talking to her again as I pass her starting up her bike. She stops me as I’m walking down the street.

She asks me where I’m going. “To the bar to see the mamasan.” She tells me she’s not there. “A likely story,” I recon. This girl is now in hot water. She makes some lame excuses but I’m not even listening.

By the time I get back to the bar, she’s already been there a few minutes ahead of me. I approach the oldest looking girl, hoping she’s either the mamasan or knows where she is. I told her I’m here to complain about Aon. She starts making excuses when I tell her I want to speak to the mamasan. It turns out she’s off on a holiday or something.

The bar manager, a Malay in his late twenties sits down to hear my story. He makes some lame-ass excuse for the girl’s behavior (she went out to get food). Besides, he tells me, I fucked her and didn’t have to pay. When I mentioned the 1500 I’d paid so far, he figured I was stupid to entertain her, not just take her and fuck her, because “she’s just a whore.” Well, that may be his attitude, but she’s still a human being and I was going to treat her that way. To be mistreated by the girl demands retribution and I simply wanted my bar fine back. The long and short of it is he told me (and this is a quote) that Suzy Wong never refunds a bar fine. Did you get that? I actually made him say it again so let me do it in bold:

Suzy Wong never refunds a bar fine.

If you have trouble with a Suzy Wong girl, you’re on your own, pal. Do not patronize this place, gentlemen. There are other places that believe in good service and looking after their clients.

Although 1500THB was not a lot of money, my time was worth so much more and the injustice was gnawing. Sometimes I get way too worked up and that sure as hell was one of those times. I didn’t lose my cool; I just cruised around for another girl. I was a bad mood, still seething, so I let it go and went to sleep. Alone. Again.

Photos: Awful Aon 38

Wow, the bad luck continues....please remember to stay inside when there's lightning outside. Glad to hear you gave it the ole college try but Thailand bars will normally not give you a refund.....as soon as you stuck your dick in that girl...game over....bad time to take a shit...sounds like you had the runs. It's sucks being sick on vacation and the few times that it has happened to me has been a real drag.

One more thing, I was laughing when you offered 20 baht for extra services...then a hundred baht. it's a shock that she didn't want to go long time with offers like that. As soon as you see a girl try to take control and start to milk you that early on...drop her and get your refund then. Yo seem like a nice guy and Thai girls mistake niceness for weakness and will take advantage...much more so than Filipinas. Sounds to me that you like to spend some quality time with girls and on as little money as possible. If that's the case, I suggest you forego Thailand next time and head to the Philippines. You might want to start with Cebu for some sightseeing first as AC is a shithole with nothing to do and you are a traveler first and monger second.

Yeah, I'm really too much of a nice guy when it comes to female relationships. You're bang on with that. Epi gave me some coaching in that regard, but it I still need work. Stay tuned though, things get better!

As for low-ball offers, why not? I'm only paying 200 for the massage. A 50% tip for massaging less than 5% more of me? Blazers, don't tell me you've been paying a thousand for a hand job!

Wombat

I know you didn't WANT to believe me when I gave you that advice over lunch at JW, but I think you slowly discovered it's true, yes?

As for lowballing the 'sagi girl - that's FUNNY!! I may try your method when I want them to LEAVE me alone and just give me a damn massage!!

E

Well between you, David DeAngelo, Ross Jeffries, and Major Mark, I'm coming around. Actually, I just can't get my brain around the whole thing and adjust my behaviour accordingly. I'm learnin' though.

Wombat
I tend to hobby much like you do in that I turn many of my barfines into standard type date situations-- ie dinner, dancing, bowling, movies, etc. I don't know if it's the choice of girls that is different between us , but I have a hard time getting rid of them in the morning. It is extremely rare to find a runner like you seem to uncover frequently.
Maybe it's more a sign of the times . It does seem that the Thai BGs are becoming very mercenary. 10 years ago it was much more like AC with the girls all looking for long term relationships . ST was rare -- ALL the girls wanted long term BFs -- days at a time .

Glad to hear you have better days to come-- you're overdue .

KM

Methinks your familiarity with Thai customs coupled with fluency in her language makes them hang around. All Wombat has going for him is his GQ looks, 10" pecker and Versace suits...

E

Ugh, boy! Don't forget the wads of cash stuffed in my pockets and my Schwarzenegger physique. <sigh>

You're a PLM (Pipe Laying Machine) and don't you EVER forget it!! We'll get you familiar with being an Asian Playah and the reports from your NEXT trip will read like Blazers, but with less drama!! You could always have them be scary like mine, but I don't think you want to lower your standards...

E

Epi
It must be cause I sure as shit ain't got those other three things !!

KM

My friend - I've seen you work in Thailand. Why no one's accused those girls of being the brightest of bulbs, I'm CERTAIN they recognise a good thing coming when they see you!! You have LoS game...

E