Phuket Town has the reputation amongst those of us who are lucky enough to live here as a place that competes with Patong for top totty and serious shagging. However, it's charms are not as obviously displayed and as I speak Thai fluently, it's hard to judge how much advantage a visiting monger could take of the place. However here are a few pointers.

The Siam Hotel - is situated in the center of town opposite the Caramba House Restaurant, near the police station with a clock tower on it. This place is hard to find as it has no obvious signage at all. If you are stood with your back to Caramba House look slightly to the right and you will see a car park, on one side is a bank on the street corner, on the other side of the car park is the Siam Hotel. It looks like a tenement building, again no signage, not even for the hotel, because there isn't one. The frontage is an open floor (no doors) with a reception desk, don't bother them. Head up the stairs on the right and once at the top the floor opens out into a central open area surrounded by doors, anyone who has been to the knocking shops in Germany and elsewhere will know the layout. There is a girl stood in each door, or this being Thailand, sleeping on the bed or eating with her friends on the floor. There are two more floors above of the same layout. Do not expect stunners although it has been known. The cost for a BBBJ and fuck is between 300 - 500 baht. The rooms are not nice, think basic with a hosepipe shower. There are girls there who will do everything, lesbian and anal, hell, there are even two sisters, one does anal while the other one plays with her tits, the girl who does anal is extremely proficient BTW and will also lick your butt hole and suck your toes. This is a popular day time spot for married ex-pats who go into town 'banking' etc.

Soi 7 - ask any taxi driver to take you to Soi 7. This is entire street full of shops with girls in the windows sat on plastic chairs looking very bored, there are however dozens to choose from. The windows are very brightly lit, I assume this is down to the weird fixation Thai men have for white skin. Spot a girl you like and tell the mama/papa san, she will then call out the number of the girl and you will head off to a seedy room in the premises where you will get a BBBJ and Fuck for B500.

The Pearl Hotel - again ask a taxi driver. This is a fish bowl massage and costs 1800 - 2000 for tow hours. Here you will get bathed and massaged, BBBJ and full intercourse by an above average girl. I have had some amazing experiences here, especially with new girls who are not used to foreigners. Check out the pics of Boo who I was banging for 3 years on and off, even after she moved to Bangkok, she was very special and some of the photo's are from our first night together at the Pearl, I was her first foreigner and actually considered moving her in for a while. She was by far, probably the horniest and most willing Thai girl I have met with an unending curiosity, we had quite an adventure which culminated in 5 way with three chicks from her village who had wanted to try a big farang dick, I was happy to volunteer, you'd be proud of me boys and I am sure that if any of you were asked you have carried this Burdon too.

Always good fun, the rooms are great and only the price keeps me away. Daytime is not a good time to go here, it used to be but they seem to be struggling for staff these days.
Daeng Plaza - a similar type of establishment to the Pearl but have not had any decent numbers of girls for years, avoid.

Fantasia is a new VIP place in town and looks great, a cut above the norm in Phuket Town, it’s situated in the old flea pit that used to pass for a cinema here. The décor is well thought out and completely right for the place, lush and comfy and the seating is ultra cool. The sound system is one of the best I have heard and it is used responsibly and the light show, without blowing you away had it’s moments too.
On the large stage there are two shows a night from a compact yet talented singing and dancing troop and o the top tier of the stage is a huge band complete with brass section. The stage has risers in it too where the artists emerge onto the stage at various apt moments, I couldn’t stop myself from humming the Thunderbirds music every time though.

The two main Thai female singers were outstanding and were perfect on their pronunciation too which is a treat to behold, no more ‘I lub juu’s’ there was also a fairly groovy miming Katouey, I think they are insisted on by the union these days, however she did ‘get ‘em out’ as we say in the trade.
The set is a mix of standards and alternate between a sad ballad (or bad salad) and a dance number which does slow the pace somewhat, however the troop appears to be quite small and all the dancers are in every number except the ballads. The girl dancers were outstanding however the males with the exception of two looked to be going through the motions. There was a total absence of smiling from any of them during any numbers which is a shame, for a smile would sell this show a lot better. I wonder what the Thai is for ‘Tit’s and teeth daaahlings’ as so often used by camp choreographers the world over?

There is a catch to this place if you are a woman (accompanied or otherwise) your first drink will be B300, they are trying to discourage women not associated with the venue from coming in.

One can request the company of a hostess and there seem to be dozens of pretty girls sat at a different bar. These girls are fairly high class and there are a lot of them sat behind the glass. However, I recently learned that one can take these girls out for B1,700 which includes room and two hours ST. There are also private Karaoke rooms in the same building fitted out with latest gear and the longest echo effect ever.

There are also about 100 uniformed male staff to serve tables and they are all dressed in white shirts and bowties, I know it’s a cliché but it still looks fabulous. Service is polite and totally efficient, pull out a cigarette and a lighter appears.

However of greater interest to my fellow mongers is the other dancing show they have. Twice a night the lights go down and the stage and room are populated by a dozen or so very hornily clad young things who shake their booties for an hour and it's rather special and I learned only last week, these girls are also available. I got talking to one little one who was a bouncy as box full of puppies, she could not leave before the bar closed at 2 .a.m. so I bit the bullet and waited and my god was it worth it, I thought this chick was going to break my dick, she would not leave it alone and I got no sleep. She had no expertise, but she more than made up for it with enthusiasm. It runs out she is brand new, not a virgin, but not on the game as such, she is just desperate for a foreign boyfriend, married or not, bless her. If I was in the market for a Mia Noi (2nd wife) this chick would be candidate number 1. This place is definitely worth checking out but make sure your taxi driver does not to Phuket Fantasea, this is a theme park on the other side of the island, make sure he knows you want to go to Fantasia, if you have more difficulties it's near the Pearl Hotel and Pearl Bowling so go there and walk round the corner, it's a huge place.

Photo: Boo - Pearl Hotel

Hey man I appreciate the info on Phuket because I always thought it was a more expensive place and I liked that Town alot. Now I'll know where to go to get cheaper sex. Thanks.