As much as I wanted to sail to Batam and experience the girls there, I ended up in Penang, Malaysia instead. I wanted to be close to Hatyai as the Thai New Year approached. I also needed to get myself into a Western medical clinic as soon as I could (more on this later).
I followed a couple of backpacker types as they tromped along the street, knowing they’d lead me to the cheap accommodations in Georgetown. On Love Lane, I picked the first decent looking place I found and registered for a fan room. I then took a stroll around the area to admire the gorgeous colonial and Chinese buildings.
Typical Georgetown architecture.
Needing to see more of the island sooner, I rented a motorbike and took off. The research I’d done on the sanuking situation in Penang lead me to conclude that it was overpriced compared to Hatyai, but after a month of abstinence, I was a horny. I was also dirty. Therefore, the only place that could satisfy my two needs was a Malaysian Health Club (see: https://www.clubhombre.com/discus/messages/1365/45268.html?1074149916).
After making a survey of the area, I pulled in to the most attractive looking Health Club I found during my ride. The place looked like all the best clubs in Kuala Lumpur, but I asked for a tour anyway. It was, as it turned out, quite classy. The only problem came up when I started asking for the prices. I hinted around the possibility for some nasty action, but the guys at the desk weren’t taking the hint. “Uh, what about package girls?” I asked. Finally, I got smiles from the guys, but they started shaking their heads. No package girls means no sex. I was bummed out, but by now I was more exhausted than horny, so I agreed to pay for a massage and enjoy the facility.
Enjoy it, I certainly did. Steam room, sauna, hot tub, cold tub (where I impressed the attendants by immersing myself for several minutes at a time), and TV lounge, I did it all, then did it all again. I also helped myself to plenty of noodles and fried rice.
Inside the wet part of the Health Club.
The TV lounge.
A lady, who the locals would undoubtedly refer to as an “Auntie,” performed a skillful massage. By the time I left, I was feeling pretty good! I was also feeling pretty tired, so I went back to my guesthouse. Near the main road off Love Lane, I got hit on by a few rather large and scary looking transvestites. <shudder>
The next morning, I got myself to the Western hospital to get checked out. I’d had some unusual gastrointestinal symptoms (of which I will spare you). The doc thought it could be any of three or four possibilities (including cancer, but that was a long shot). He gave me a prescription and I laid out about 100MYR for the meds. My symptoms cleared up the next day (see my post-trip follow-up for some interesting information).
I checked out the Penang beaches and was terribly disappointed. They just don’t compare to anything in Thailand. The shopping, on the other hand, was damn good. You’ll find a much better selection of software, movies and music in Malaysia than you do in Thailand. So, I stocked up on the more difficult to find stuff (including an amazing Chinese super-group called the 12 Girls Band). If you’re inclined toward botany, Penang has some of the best gardens I’ve seen anywhere in SEA.
Feeling a lot healthier, I was ready to head north to Thailand. The next morning, I took breakfast at a ritzy old hotel and took a minibus to Hatyai. At one of the rest stops just before the border, I happened upon a couple of good-looking Western babes looking bored and tired. “So, you’re ready to celebrate Songkran?” I asked cheerfully. They looked at me blankly. “You know, Thai New Year?” I asked. They’d never heard of it. I couldn’t believe how uninformed they were. I resisted being my typical helpful self and told them to enjoy their holiday. I just wish I could see them get nailed by a bucked of ice water. Mind you, cold as these gals were, they’d probably find it quite warming.
Next stop: Hatyai!