I've taken a while to finish this report because I was trying to find a way to talk about bar girl relationships from a different perspective.

I arrived at BKK and told the taxi driver to take me to Boss Tower. He told me that he did not know where it was and that none of the cab drivers would either. Showed address to other cab drivers and they looked dumbfounded. Finally one guy told me about a place close to Chatachuk Market (where I was planning to go) and that the hotel was close to my girl's house. I knew that this guy was getting commission but I went for it anyway. The place was in Saphan Kwai area and was OK on the outside. The place was only 750 baht and I was tired so I checked in. BIG MISTAKE. The rooms were a dump. Not much better than a high-end guestroom on Khao San Road. Next stop..Chatachuk Market.

This place is abolutely incredible. It would take an entire day to see. Unfortunately it was 95 degreees with 100% humidity outside. Fortunately I had a map of the stalls and knew exactly where to go. There is a section which sells travel guides from Lonely Planet and other publications for about 200 baht. I bought several for Laos, Cambodia, Phillipines and Vietnam (my next destinations). There were also several vendors selling Thai Penthouse, Zoom and For Men (Thai Maxim) magazines for about 110 baht a piece. Thai Penthouse sells for about 14 bucks in the U.S. and back issues are impossible to find. I bought the entire 2000 and 2001 collection. Drank loads of water but was starting to feel that BKK pollution and heat. I was losing the battle. Bought some flowers for the lady and returned to hotel.

I gave directions to the Taxi driver and he said he vaguely was familiar with address. (Address of brother of my girlfriend). I rang the doorbell but noone answered. She has no idea that I am coming to visit her but I told her that I would see her sooner than she thought. I was trying to speak to several people in Thai if they knew her. Nobody wanted to help. Same taxi driver was lost and I got a ride from him to nearest phone booth. I was really pissed because she would not give me her actual address so I had to search for her in an area of BKK totally unfamiliar to me. Bought phone card at 7-11. Didn't work. Clerk tried to help me..still didn't work. Had to get change for phone booth and proceeded to put baht coins in phone with everyone staring at the only farang for miles. She answered the phone and could see where I was coming from..the surprise was ruined and I was a little mad...not at her.....just mad.

Taxi took me back to same place and there was her brother. The same guy who looked at me with a stupid look when I asked if he knew her. He only knew her by her knick name and wasn't expecting a 6'3" falang. I told her to tell him that I might be coming and to warn him. She did but he was drunk and forgot. Rode with him to her house and passed a large market on a dirt road. He was reeking of whiskey but he drove fairly safe. We drove through some mud into a small, narrow dirt road with shacks on both sides. Little kids running around in their diapers with chickens and dogs all around. The houses were all one room with about 6 people living in them. The homes were raised for flooding and had roofs made of tin and wood scraps. This was poor. Tijuana ghetto poor.... maybe worse.

Luckily, she had the only decent place on the block. The house was made of new wood, stucko and drywall. Had a nice patio, kitchen, living room and bedroom. Looked clean and the helpers were furiously working in the kitchen. Her babysitter was trying to get together some dishes to make for the incoming falang. Everybody was panicking because I came unexpected. The babysitter ordered the brothers to buy Beer Chang because it was my favorite...evidentally she had told her babysitter/friend about me a lot and informed her of my liking to Chang. The other brothers sat around drinking Mehkong and Coke and started speaking rapid Thai. I tried to interject and tell them to slow down but they kept at their rapid pace. They offered me some but I knew not to try to compete with Thai men in drinking whiskey or gambling. Drunk and broke in BKK is no way to be.

My girl came a little while later and gave me a reserved hug in front of her family. She would not sit too close to me as her brothers were monitoring the situation very closely. Then came the kids. The little girl is about 7 years old and is completely adorable. The boy is about 5 and is a terror.

In Thailand, the boys are allowed to do whatever they want and the girls must work hard around the house and stay close to the family. As a result, the boys are given little discipline and can grow up selfish and worthless. Like other macho, third-world countries, the men contribute very little to family structure and growth.

The plates kept coming to the patio table. Som tum, chicken curry, Kao niao ma muang, kao gai, the works. Everyone is talking and trying a little of everything. I love the way Thai people eat. It's communal, peaceful and therapeutic. I still feel that the microwave has had a big part in the decline of family communication and togetherness..I digress. I was playing kung fu games with the kids and was trying to teach the kid how to throw a football. Although it was only a small nerf I had brought from home, he picked up on it quickly.

My girl then spoke to me in English for the first time of the night and told me that she just started working at a bar on Thaniya Street. Thaniya street is close to Patpong and is made entirely of private clubs exclusively for Japanese customers. They usually pay for a room and pay exhorbitant prices for drinks and flirt with the girls. Many times the Japanese want a place to hang out and drink with hot prostitutes but they usually don't take the girls home...very strange. She is one of the few girls who doesn't have pale white skin so the Japanese guys shy away from her. She said she received more money in one night than she did in a week elsewhere and she rarely had sex with the customers. The would usually buy two or three girls each and take the girl home with the lightest skin. She usually lost.

I had to meet the Thai owner because he did not believe that my girl had a "boyfriend" in town. I stayed for a bit and the Japanese guys looked at me as some sort of novelty. I was dressed like I was going to a club but they were all dressed in suits. They wanted to buy me several girls even though I told them many times that I was with someone.

Two hours later I was drunk with a table full of Japanese businessmen. The only thing they kept saying was, "you rook rike Robert Jr....boyfriend Arry McBeal" Huh? They watch Ally McBeal in Japan? A little while later I got up on our private stage and sang Willie Nelson's "Angel's Flying Too Close to the Ground" and The Doors "Love Her Madly". They went nuts and the owner bought me a bottle of Johnnie Walker...not knowing that my new friends had just bought me a bottle of Chivas. I told my girl to remember to take the bottles home because I wanted to live. This reafirms my belief of how much I love Japanese, Filipino and Thai people. They embrace life and love Americans.

I wanted to leave but my girl told me that they would be offended. I then got up to sing "Satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones, only I did the Devo version of it. Remember in the video when the guy does that half-flip onto his ass...I did it several times and nearly killed myself. Whiskey was flying out of many Japanese noses and the girls kept covering their mouth during their laughter. I was fucked up and the room was spinning. We had to go. Ate some noodle soup at one of the street stalls for about 20 baht. I felt kind of cheap that I walked into a private club, walked out of there with two bottles of whiskey and didn't spend a dime...they wouldn't allow me to even leave a tip. God Bless the Japanese.

Back to my hotel, my girl was not very impressed and I suggested that the Omni was in the horizon the next day. After one session, I passed out with my condom still on. She tried to wake me up but gently removed it and cleaned me up with a warm towel. I didn't remember any of it. Next day was to be eventful as I was to take her kids to the mall to play video games....