Well, I am t minus five days until my china airlines flight departs from sfo to the motherland. Having spent the previous year doing most of thailand and cambodia, I have decided to embark upon a new mission this time around: More of the same thing only different.

I was 39 and went popeye, having all I could stands and I can't stands nomore. I had been researching Thailand as a retirement destination, and armed with the information from this web site (first mistake) I sold everything I owned and bought a one way ticket to Bangkok. I didn't know a soul, yet felt strangely John Denverish, ala "he was born in the springtime of his 39th year, going home to a place he'd never been before. He left yesterday behind him......" well, you get the picture. Without fanfare I landed via my Eva air deluxe class flight, stuck a thermometer in my mouth (sars scare was on) and made it though imigration. Taxi ride (uneventful) checked into the honey hotel on soi 19 (old but did the trick) dropped my bags and promptly walked to soi 7 1/2 to the eden club. Thats where the adventure started.

I have been to the eden club so many times now I can't count. The girls there basically will suck your dick until it falls off. Or, they will fuck each other (or u) with strap-ons until the phone rings, put on school girl outfits, nurse outfits, dom outfits, or whatever. One bathes you, one dries you, before and after sex. They tounge asshole, probe, suck, lick and flick cock. Fingers are jammed everywhere, and basically this is an all out fuck fest for and hour and a half. The girls are insulted if you don't come twice, and will work on you until the bell sounds without hesitation. As it has been said before, get there early and watch the girls come in. They sit outfront and eat alot of the time, they sit inside and put on makeup, etc. Sometimes there's quality, and sometimes there isn't, its hit and miss. If you go and don't see anything that strikes your fancy just say thank you and leave poliltely. Nobody will give you shit if you do it respectfully and with taste.

Next stop on day one. The cathouse. All you can drink beer chang for 100 baht between the hours of 4 and 8 pm. I punched a couple of guys in here over the past year cause beer chang is strong and guys drink it and turn into assholes. This place is great though, and if you like to drink and get a good prelimanary heat on before doing the go go thing, this is the best place. Not alot of talent, but you can look over the rail and watch the talent arive into the plaza.

By the way, this is Thailand as I see it, not neccesarily correct, but I am trying to give the straight dope on what i have learned and done, both correct and incorrect. If some of this fits into your bag of tricks, by all means use it, if it doesn't throw it to the curb and come up with your own way of dealing with shit, lol, cause in Thailand it's up to you.

I spent about three days in bangkok, and headed to Pattaya. I took the bus out and paid 90 baht. The ride took two hours and then i took a baht bus and stayed at a place called the palm grove lodge. It is near the circular turnaround in north pattaya on the second road. The rooms were 540 baht a night (low season). The place was airconditioned, had a good restaurant, and a beautiful pool. The rooms are sparten, but clean, and guests are no problem. They have safe deposit boxes and the staff were courtious and friendly and it is a place I have stayed on several occations, depending on vacancy in pattaya during the high season. I know alot of you guys stay at the Dynasty and Flipper, but there are a number of places a little off the beaten track that can be had for 500 baht a nite. They are new, clean and easy to get too. If you rent a motorbike most of them can be gotten to in a matter of minutes from walking street.

I met a chick named Ann at Peppermint that night. We ended up together for 6 months. She was a slender, beautiful spinner. She didn't work at peppermint, but was out with her friends, and let me know the minute i said hello that she was not a working girl <eye>.

Time out - What i know now vs. what I knew then.

Lets just compress this whole fucked up episode. I met her, liked her, she spoke good english (danger will robinson) and didn't ask for money (fuck I was stupid). Gentleman, this is called the big play, and if you arn't aware of it, then read carefully, cause I learned from the best. I stay in Pattaya, she stays with me, paying for food (steet food, 7 outta ten) drinks (out every nite for like a month), but getting the pootie for free. She never asks for shit, ever. She owns a beauty salon (o fuck now I say) and doesn't makeup and cuts hair. The second month she asks for me to pay for her room (2000 baht a month) and rent for her shop (4000 baht). I pay. Another month, this time she asks for 10,000 baht for her health insurance for the year. I pay. So, i basically am giving her 16,000 baht a month. I do the math and thats like one short time on soi 6 every day (my brain starts to finally engage) Now things start to get tricky. She breaks down in tears and tells me she is going to south africa for one month. She has a girlfriend who lives there and she is going to dance in a strip club there, but funny thing is, they dance in bikinis blah blah blah. So I figure ok, one month, she doesn't ask me to buy a plane ticket or anything, she leaves, I go back to bangkok and commence to short timing every fucking thing that moves. Once month later, back she comes, saddle up were burnin' daylight and everything is back to fucking normal.............. i thought.

Four months later were going to move in together. I am sitting on her bed, and she says she's going to south africa (for the third time now) again. She admits she's saving to buy a plot of land next to her mother's in Petchenbun, and the cost is 1 million baht. She has managed to save 300,000 baht so far by going to south africa, but this time she is going for three months. Tears everywhere, professing everlasting love till eternity dies blah blah blah....................blah blah blah...........if you loved me you would buy the land for us and we could live happily every after in Petchenbun.

Holy Fuck the big head finally takes over for a change.

What the Fuck am I doing. This is not the mission. I am supposed to be fucking all manner of pussy without getting into some fucking deep manner of shit.

Needless to say Ann is now living in Phuket with some poor sop from Italy. Come to find out she was banging some old cunt from SA and he was sending her somewhere in the neighborhood of 100,000 baht a month. Thats why she was going easy on me while leading me down the road to neverending fucking misery. I found all this shit out when I fucked her best friend. Ain't life grand?

Back to Bangkok. Three girl orgies, two girl twosomes. Some from the street, some from nana disco, some from playschool (my favorites are there). I know the suject has been beaten like a dead horse, and I know all that happy horse shit about "up to you" and all that, but guys, please, the number one thing that fucks everything up for all of us? Payment for services rendered. If its fucking shitty service, pay shitty, if its good service pay good. Don't talk about money before you go fuck, ever. I don't care how fucking hard you dick is, I don't care how hot the chick is. If we all got on the same page of proverbial music, the buyers market we all dream about would come to fruition. If you have deep pockets it especially matters, cause just cause you got it doesn't mean you gotta flaunt it. And overpaying these bitches is a major fucking mistake. Bangkok bitches are getting lazier and lazier. Please don't help them, thai chicks are lazy enough (I don't like the sun, I don't like the rain, I don't like to walk, fucking hell) So, therefore, I am going to enact the following law. Shortime.........no more than 1500 baht in bangkok...........pattaya depends on where you fuck, could be 300 baht, could be 1000. But never more. Longtime.........no more than 2500 (I wouldn't pay it but I am trying to be a bit lienent) for a go go girl, and 2000 for a freelance (i wouldn't pay that either), In pattaya surely it would be stuctured cheaper. I mean fuck, look at the soapy prices. In pattaya i can get bathed by a naked chick, slip and slided, sucked, fucked, and i am out the door for 1600 baht, for short time. What the fuck are you thinking paying some chich more than that. Why, just cause she's fine, fuck the fine ones. a few nights of no fucking customers and she'll come around. Anyway, i suppose you can tell i am a little jaded about that subject, but fuck guys, try it and see how it works. I had a fine one on the line in patpong one night, she wanted 2,500 for short time! I fucking laughed and said thanks but no. A half hour later she came down to 2000, and a half hour later she was at 1500.......... I told her I would take her, but I still wasn't going to talk about price. The closing bell rang, and yup, she was in the cab with me. Great tits, fucking great ass, spent all night, fucked each other silly and she didn't bitch at all when i shoved a pink and a grey into her purse. Try it, just once, get tuff with em, were the fucking prey by the way if nobody ever told you, not the hunters.

I left bangkok three and a half months ago. I am going home in 5 days. I am planning on a blow by blow report of my first months activities. I need to buy a camera, can somebody give me a good brand to buy that it easy to manipulate. My promise to all of you vetrans on the board, "Gentlemen, please fasten your saftely belts and keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle at all times." I will try to amaze and delight the senses, all the while attempting to do it with as much style and grace as others who have gone before me.

IronMX,


Great start to a report! I guess it's a prelogue based on the first paragraph and the cronology that follows?


Some comments:

" was 39 and went popeye, having all I could stands and I can't stands nomore. I had been researching Thailand as a retirement destination,"

comment: hmm I'm 38, so perhaps not twins, but clones so far . I haven't sold everything yet, but getting close.

eden, nana, and playskool-- my only three to-dos on every trip to bkk! I haven't been to playskool in a while-- how's the talent lately?



"I am supposed to be fucking all manner of pussy without getting into some fucking deep manner of shit. "

Comment: Amen! I shutter to think how many mongers are really dreaming of hooking up with a whore LONG TIME (and not the 24 hour variety). Let 'em learn the hard way if they haven't by now.


"up to you"

double amen. Up to me-- good here's 10b for the ride home you lousy fuck.

bkk: 1500st/2000lt
pat: 1000st/1500lt
(does not include barfine)

I get a whore who makes a cheap charlie comment once in a while-- that's ok. She get's a smile from me and a note not to repeat. If I am not done fucking her yet, I'll be sure to make sure she earns those baht.



Question-- if you hocked it all and moved to bkk, what the hell are you doing in the states for 3 months?


I'll see you in 5 weeks hombre -- can't wait!!! I'm still pondering heading to PP for a couple days for a little undercover(s) reporting. I'll play it by dick.


-DM


















(Message edited by donmarco on September 10, 2004)

Great start Ironman, I'll be very interested in how things are on a long term basis in Pattaya, I usually go for 1 week bursts.

It's been my experience that there are more jaded girls in BKK and Walking street go-gos. Pattaya always seems to have a sweetie here and there though.

I also have visions of retiring there as well, still a long ways to go, but hey, it keeps me going.

IM02, I appreciate your taking the time to share your experiences here, and hope that will continue. But you sound very bitter, and I hope you'll be able to enjoy yourself fully in a place where you apparently have some really bad memories.

As far as getting involved with an obvious working (or semi-retired) working girl, most on this board who have been around the block a few times would advise against it. Some relationships work out, most don't. None of us was there, none of us know the emotion (or pretense of it) that was involved, but it sounds to ME like you had a helluva ride with that long-term girlfriend and got out with little damage done. To your credit, it sounds like you learned your lesson a lot faster than most rookie mongers do.

But I don't think that's any reason to start preaching about how hookers in any part of the world are just disposable rent-a-holes. I'm currently about as impervious to romantic hassles as I can imagine anyone on this board could ever be, yet I am not at ALL bitter about girls trying to work guys for money. Some do it to a HUGE degree, some really ARE in it for a nice guy, a little support money, and an alternative to high-volume prostitution.

Next: Your rants about pricing are duly noted. But, Dude, what do you care about other people's money and how they spend it? Are you gonna learn Japanese and start handing out flyers in front of the BKK go-gos to try and keep prices in line? You're obviously well in tune with going rates and the odd big spender isn't going to ruin things for those of us that aren't, as like you say, working girls tend to get a little hungrier later in the evening and when there don't appear to be many fish on the line. I applaud you for being fiscally responsible, but to expect expert pricing/payment practices from even the majority of mongers in any given location is pretty damned naive, unless you're dealing with advanced pre-paid system like in the booking places in Batam, Indonesia, or Angeles City. And some guys still overpay there too... Don't worry about it.

Also, in this regard, you're apparently quite happy with the service at Eden, where the MINIMUM you will ever spend is 3200 baht, and that's with no tipping or drinks for the girls. Average price for most guys (presuming they go after happy hour pricing is over) will be roughly 100 bucks (including tip) for 90 minutes of action. The caliber of looks at Eden is at or below the general quality of Soi 6 in Pattaya, and the price is 3x more for no apparent reason, other than you're guaranteed the full 90 minutes of effort, and the girls specialize in lesbo-anal-toy play. Why bitch about pricing/payment practices, when you apparently have puked money at a place like Eden yourself? For me, Eden was a one-time thing, and I indeed had fun. But for what I got there for 90 bucks, I could have done the same thing twice with girls from the Soi 7 biergarten in BKK, and 3x on Soi 6 in Pattaya.

I don't know anything about cameras, but I do know that Bahtman and Epimetheus have spent upwards of a grand each on their equipment, and the resolution on their pics is at a quality level that is simply inSANELY AMAZING. Of course their cameras are huge and bulky and they don't usually tote them around barhopping without some bodyguard to watch out for them!

ENJOY your return, and please DO keep us posted.

I didn't hear any bitterness nor any bad memories. Did you take a sentimental pill today pork or am I aloof?

I found his writing style refreshing. I think writing with a little edge is a good thing... there's already plenty of Mr. Roger's reports to wade thru.




(Message edited by donmarco on September 11, 2004)

Ohh IronMX,

As for camera recs-- what's yur budget?

In a month or so, you can get the Canon 300D kit for roughly $600. This includes a SURPRISINGLY good lens that's an 18-55mm that becomes a 28-90mm when the digital "multiplier" is applied. The flash in unreal as you can fire the camera 5 times in 5 seconds with flash!! Also, the CMOS sensor is a 6.3mp so the size and clarity are like you've never seen. Their autofocus system is also one of the best - fast and accurate.

It is a bit bulky, and surely doesn't fit into the pocket, but it gives me pics that are unbefuckenlieveable. Just ask Porker, Blazers, Bahtman...

Look at my PAD Pic and you can see the kind of pics you can pull with my camera. The original file size was almost 3mb, but I reduced it to make it web friendly.

E

LOL~

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... thanks for all the feedback fellas, and believe me it does not fall upon deaf ears. I didn't mean to come off so trite Porker, and I definately didn't mean to come across like the girls are just desposable rent-a-holes. I have met many who i consider friends who I do not take for any action. They duly tell me all and teach me well. I am aware, but not jaded, by any means, and I (as you will hopefully one day witness) have a hella uv a time on most occations. Hmmmmmm, also, sorry about the bitching about the price structure, but that was a pot long overdue past boiling. I have been reading posts and reports for over a year here, and, without making a mention prior. This was my onetime, two cents worth on the subject, and you are right, I could care less what somebody does with his money. However, I do have a shirt that reads, Japs go to patpong, you have your own street. Myself and a buddy also knocked three of them out one night at Atlantic bar. Not that I am prone to violence, but it sure was a great giggle after the fact. The one thing i do love about thailand is if somebody acts like an asshole you can treat them like one. Do that in the States and everybody is suing and calling 911. Felt good after sucking up second hand smoke in rainbow 2 for a year, not to mention the cheap bastards only buy one beer and then nurse it all fucking night. The service girls ought to hand out rubber nipples when they bring the beer. But seriously, I get along with everybody. You'll see. Besides, I love your reports, and there is great damage to be done should we get a crew together to serve it up in Pattaya.

Epi~

thanks for the info on the cam, I think I maybe should start out a little safer. I need a simple, good, easy to operate model. But I do want to get reasonably clean pics, so any additional info would be great.

DM~

We are going to dominate.

I am gone in two days...............

Are you in the west?
There is a good deal at Fry's Electronics for a Canon with printer for $350. Good enough for most work. I have a digital with speed and apeture control, 27 times electronic and power zoom. Still not as good as my 35mm SLR with any of my 6 lenses but I use it for casual stuff.
Good reports, keep them coming.

Camera - I have a Casio Exilim which can be bought on Ebay for $150. It takes great pictures but the real attraction is the size. Its the smallest camera made. About the size of a half a pack of cigs. I take it everywhere. I have other cameras but they are too bulky and get left at home. All my friends that have bought this camera have ditched other cameras including pocket camcorders in favor of this one.

I lived in Pattaya for 2 years. Most of Ironmans comments are right on. The only thing I take debate with is the violence. I cant see any reason to ever get violent in a foreign country as you could very easily end up dead or in jail. I lived there long enough to know For Hire hit men at about $100. For $25, I could hire Motorcycle taxi guys to fuck somebody up real bad. I could also get anybody put in jail indefinitely for about $50-$100. Everything is for sale in Pattaya, the cops included. I never did any of this, but once I discovered I could buy it, I figured anybody else could to and started walking away from trouble instead of getting in the middle of it.

Ahh. I have to agree with 694me.. there's nothing like an SLR for good pictures.. I have a Canon Digital Rebel and the quality of my picures has gone up exponentially..

The little pocket cameras are great for the quick snaps, but Digital SLRs are for the times when you want to "set up" the perfect shot..

Unless I missed the thread elsewhere on this board --- isn't it about time for Round Two Ironman?