While my old friend MongerX recently wrote some wise lines on the Asia chat board about not comparing destinations after his return from his latest trip to Angeles City, I really don’t think that I’ll be able to help it when writing about my experiences on my first trip to Batam, Indonesia a couple months back. I really had a good time there, and part of the appeal WAS that it was so ‘different’ than AC or Thailand. But that whole time (and since), I was almost compulsively comparing the new situation to the ones I had experienced before. While I think this is simply human nature, and I don’t think it diminished my experience, it may have led to some of the extreme highs and lows during the trip as I was simply ‘used to’ approaching things in a manner honed in the other places. Luckily I had Mx to guide me and let me know where I might have erred, much like Epimetheus had on my first trip to Asia in the summer of 2003.

My relatively smooth journey to Batam from Bangkok started REALLY damned early in the morning. I got a 5:30 AM wake-up call from the front desk at Dynasty BKK, and did NOT want to wake up and get moving. I had been drinking all night the night before, and all-told, with two marathon sessions with my Soi 4 cutie Mat squeezed in AFTER we closed the bars on Soi 4 at 2 AM, I had probably managed MAYBE 90 minutes of sleep that night.

But I was excited about heading for Singapore/Batam, so after ALMOST falling back asleep, I got up and severely sloooowly re-arranged my things so that I could make my expected 4 day trip with only a large duffel bag and a backpack instead of taking my big suitcase as well. I was afraid of weight restrictions on my cheap Air Asia flight (2800 baht before taxes and bullshit fees), plus I obviously didn’t really need to take several weeks worth of clothes on a 4 day trip.

After re-packing, I moved onto the next task, which was waking up a severely DEAD to the world Mat. After not being able to fall asleep while she tossed and turned and ground her teeeth a few hours before after our first round of boinking, we both fell into a pretty deep sleep after a very energetic round two. The girl did really NOT want to get up, and
I got a little worried that I’d have to have someone from the staff evict her after I left.

Finally she stirred a bit and I got her to agree that she was going to take a shower and get dressed while I headed to the front desk to reclaim my stuff from the safe and store my suitcase for a few days until I returned for one night before my next sidetrip to Manila, scheduled for the next Tuesday (this was very early Thursday morning). By this time I was in a bit of a panic, as it was already past 6 AM and my flight for Singapore left at 7:45. Looked like I’d be taking the toll-road to the airport!

Of course after I returned to my room to nominally take my bags downstairs and drop off the key and leave, Mat was still naked and snoring in the bed. FUCK!

Sitting here bored at home typing away, I cannot even beGIN to tell you how unnatural an act it seems to be to try and remove a beautiful, passionate, NAKED girl from your bed. But I had to be at the airport within an hour if I had ANY hope of making my flight, so I had to turn into a drill sergeant for a few minutes to get her the hell OUT while she only reached semi-consciousness.

She headed for the bathroom as soon as I got her up and fortunately didn’t fall asleep THERE or dawdle too long before getting dressed and heading for the lobby with me. As I headed out the front door at Dynasty and bade her goodbye, I was actually sad that I was leaving. I REALLY liked that girl, and promised to keep in touch while in ‘Singapore’ and to call her when I got back.

As things turned out, I was about 1000x more excited to see her when I got back than she was to see me… Maybe it was the 1600 baht that I gave her for the all-nighter (on top of her barfine), maybe it was getting so rudely kicked out so early in the morning, maybe she just forgot me when I ended up extending my trip to Batam. Who knows…

While taxi drivers in mongering destinations are probably my pet peeve to a greater degree than most of us here, the guys that hang outside of Dynasty are about as offensive to my sense of fairness/cheapness as they come. The fucking guys NEVER want to use their meter, and it’s such a goddamned joke, because there is ALWAYS another taxi passing by while they’re pulling their smug act, even at 6:30 in the morning, at which point they instantly back down, only to try and extort more baht from you at some point along the way. Assholes.

On this particular ride to the airport, the guy claimed he didn’t have change for 50 baht after the meter ended up slightly more than 200. I made him wait while I dug in my backpack for coins. While I was in a seVERE hurry at that point. It’s funny, but I would almost have preferred to miss my flight at that point than to overpay that asswipe cabbie. Like I said, I KNOW I’m more than a little sensitive to shit like this!

As it was, since I was late, there was no line to check in at the Air Asia counter, and I quickly hurried to the far bowels of Don Muang to the security gate entrance where I found out that a swiss-army knife (that had some sentimental value) was in my carry-on luggage instead of safely stored in my suitcase back at Dynasty. Of course I had no option but to surrender it, as I could already see the people lining up at my gate to board the bus to the tarmac while I was getting patted down for any other surprises.

The good news was that I did make the flight with no problems, and quickly enough was seated (Southwest Air style, except there are no boarding ‘groups’ to limit the choices, it’s a true stampede!) on the air-conditioned plane and passing out asleep before take-off.

Less than three hours later I was calling Mx from the ultra-clean looking airport in Singapore (where local phone calls are FREE on the payphones! FREE!!!), and confirming that I’d be heading to his place before we headed for the ferry terminal for the < 1 hour ride to Batam, Indonesia. While I’m sure Singapore is a nice place and has many worthwhile sites to see and experience, as the ho’s are at least 50% cheaper and a lot more readily available a short ferry ride away, I wasn’t about to waste any mongering vacation time checking them out.
Unsure of what the currency exchange/ATM situation might be once we hit Batam, I hit the ATM at the airport for nearly thje full day’s withdrawal amount and exchanged most of my remaining baht for good measure as well. As opposed to seVERE ripoff rates that I’ve seen at exchanges in airports, I got pretty damned close to the posted rate at the Singapore airport, though it may help that the baht is a relatively stable currency. I did make a point to see if maybe SINGAPORE might accept Mexican pesos, but, of course the didn’t. Bahrainian money, hell yeah. Mexico? Fageddaboutit! For all those thinking of trying it, do NOT bring a pocketful of Mexican pesos on your Asian vacation unless you’re thinking you might get stranded in the wilderness and that they might burn well.

My taxi ride to casa de Mx went extremely smoothly, and exactly as Mx had informed me that it would. He also reported that the taxi drivers were almost universally HONEST (imagine that!), and all would take credit cards if I was short of the fare in local currency. No wonder their whores cost so damned much!

Mx’s crib was a pretty damned sweet set-up, and as a bonus I got to meet his part-time maid, who seemed nice almost to a fault. Of course Bafana’s ex boom-boom maid looked 100x better. But there’s probably a reason that she’s an EX maid (I never got a chance to hear the story), and I doubt it had to do with the quality of the boom2. While Singapore probably has 90% of the things that a first world country would, it’s still in Asia, which I guess means that sexual harassment is a ‘yes, please, THANK YOU’ kind of transaction.

Mx had been about as lazy about packing for our imminent journey as I had been the night before (I’m sure I had a better excuse, though!), so I got to browse a super-handy printout of a multi-page guide to the Batam nightlife for awhile that he had been thoughtful enough to prepare for me. In hindsight, I should have had him stuff all the Bhasa Indonesian language primers into his bags for study upon arrival, but having just come from Thailand -- where just about every bargirl had mastered the art of speaking 150 or so words of English with an imMENSELY cute accent -- I had NO inkling that we’d be traveling to a place where even pidgin English in many booking joints is a sign of a hardened pro. I mean many girls couldn’t even count to FIVE.

We cabbed it to the the ferry terminal, which is actually at a pretty decent-sized mall. As it was close to noon and I hadn’t eaten yet, I was rather insistent that we get some food before getting ferry tix, and we arrived to a food court with nary a table to be found as a horde of hungry Singaporians were there on their lunch break. After lugging my luggage on what seemed to be a couple of laps around the mall, we finally headed for a sort of fast food pasta place, and I ate like it was my last supper.

Mx probably remembers the ferry details better than I do (and obviously they’re not unimportant in a report about travel to an under-reported destination), but I just did as he told me to do and followed his lead. I remember that the tickets seemed to be less than 20 bucks U.S., and you might save a little bit by buying a round-trip ticket. I remember that we JUST missed a ferry that Mx said was a bigger, nicer, faster boat, but the one we ended up on wasn’t bad at all.

Security at the ferry departure was no joke, and there were metal detectors and x-ray machines a-plenty before we headed with our bags to the boat. There was a little convenience store right at the ferry terminal and I bought a few batteries before heading out, as I figured that while I’d probably pay a little more, there’d be less of a chance of getting useless knock-offs in Singapore.

Onboard the ferry I amused myself a bit by looking at some pics on Mx’s laptop, but it seemed all too perv-ish with veiled women surrounding us, and in Singapore, you gotta figure they speak at least a little English. As I was still exHAUSTED from the night before, it wasn’t too long before my chin was hitting my chest and I was sawing logs.

After what seemed like a pretty boring hour or so (it was a little less), we reached the Indonesian entrance point, and I had a choice of getting a 3-day Visa or a 30 day Visa. The 30-day visa cost $25 U.S., I think, and was to be paid in U.S. money, not Sing. $ or Indo. Rupiah. The government lackeys put their stamp in my passport, and the damned thing was HUGE, taking up an entire passport page. Tipped off by a guy in Thailand earlier in my trip, I ended up peeling off that sticker after being safely back in Thailand, but as Sancho mentioned recently on the Asia chat board, you probably don’t want to try that at home.

After a no hassle customs-clearance, we hit an exchange booth first thing, and Mx advised me that the rough, rough, rough exchange rate to keep in my brain re: exchanging Sing. $ for Rupiah was 5,000-1. He advised that the exchange places at the ferry terminal were competitive, and that if I gave them 200 Sing. $ that I would become a ‘millionaire’. As this seemed like a REALLY cool thing, I did as instructed, and sure enough, I received more than 1,000,000 Rupiah! Man, MUCH better than the Beverly Hillbillies! Too bad 1m Rupiah was only slightly more than a day’s Porker budget (100 U.S. including hotel. The USD-Rupiah face-to-face rate was ~8700-1 during my trip in early July)…

We were soon in a taxi to the actual metropolis on Batam Island, which I GUESS is actually called Nagoya? The taxi ride cost what Mx was a standard taxi mafioso fixed rate of 35K Rupiah, or ~4 bucks U.S. As it was a fairly long ride (15 minutes?), and the asswipe cabbies in Batam always seemed to ask for the MOON for considerably shorter rides, this didn’t seem like a bad deal.

Soon enough, though, we were checking into what would be my new home for the next 9 nights, the Island View Hotel, a close to brand spanking new hotel built in the shadow of the (ritzier) Planet Hollywood Hotel, which also housed Planet disco on its’ ground floor. I absolutely LOVED the Island View Hotel, and it was part (well, a small one, anyway!) of the reason I ended up extending my stay in Batam and missing out on nearly a week in the Philippines during my vacation.

Standard rooms at the Island View Hotel cost 40 Sing $ per night during the week, and were $45 on the weekend. We booked 4 nights each, nothing paid upfront, and ended up only a few rooms apart on one of the middle floors.

My room seemed well-appointed to me, especially for the money (U.S.-Sing $ is ~ 1.7-1, so a $40 Sing. Room cost about $23.50 US per night), but the bathroom was pretty small, and the floor was sure to get soaked whenever the shower was used. The first thing I did prior to cleaning up was call to get the mini-bar booze items, which were pretty damned expensive and out in plain view, to be removed. After THAT, I had to call again to get someone to show me how to work the remote control that did everything from turn the lights off/on to operate all functions on the TV, to put an electronic ‘do not disturb’ sign in the door lock. The tethered to the nightstand remote worked GREAT, but it took a little instruction and HOURS of practice before a mechanical genius like myself (haha) was able to accomplish even the most basic functions.

After some cleaning up, Mx and I decided to head out and see some of the ‘sights’ AKA, the closest of the nearby ‘booking’ places.

The way things were explained to me by Mx, the Batam scene revolved primarily around ‘booking places’ -- which are pretty much just brothels, many having shorrt-time facilities on-site, but specializing in all-nighters for take-out for a set fee – -- and freelancing disco girls. Since it was in the afternoon at the time, and the discos didn’t get going until MUCH later, we naturally headed for the booking joints.

Booking places in Batam follow a similar M.O. to Thai full-service massage places, in that the girls that are working and available are found sitting around in a ‘fishbowl’ – large room, generally enclosed in glass – though in Indonesia, it is ‘de rigeur’ to sit around looking bored and NOT appear like you are trying to draw attention to yourself in any way. At least THAT was MY experience as a whitey in these places.

I understand that whiteys are somewhat of a novelty still in Batam, and often not in a good way, though we are often seen as quite generous and kind-hearted compared to the average Singaporean weekend warrior.

We also apparently have the reputation for having MAMMOTH cocks, though, which, as I would find out early and often on my cherry trip to Batam, can be a problem in and of itself. If you were ever searching for a destination where you could be thought of as the Harlem Warlords’ version of John Holmes on vitamin V, THAT is what I ran into on more than one occasion in Batam, and beLIEVE ME, whether you’re hung like a newborn colt or NOT, the ‘bule’ (whitey) reputation precedes you, and there are certain girls that will NOT want to go with you based on that urban myth. I do wonder what in the HELL the guys with TRULY monstrous cocks must encounter there when several chicks freaked out over MINE.

Our path to the booking joints came via the omni-present taxis, which we easily picked up by walking 40 yards or so to the end of the Island View parking lot to one of the ‘main’ roads. Mx explained that we saved ~ 50% on the taxi fee (AKA $1.25!) by walking out to the road instead of having a bellman call a taxi for us, meaning we paid a little more than a buck for the ride to the twin malls a block away from two booking places instead of more than two bucks for a 2-minute ride. Mx said that the locals traveled via ‘ojek’, or motorcycle taxi, which cost about 1/3 as much as the generally air-conditioned 4-cylinder cars.

The Centerpoint Mall, and its’ adjacent mall which I’m drawing a blank on the name at the moment, are only about a 15-minute walk from the Island View hotel, with many other establishments a little closer and on the way. But since I was brand new to the scene, and with high humidity making the rather cool temps (compared to Thailand, anyway – low-mid 80’s and a threat of rain every day in July) still seem sticky, we asked to be taken to the nearby mall despite being deadset on heading to the booking places due to the fact that taxi fees can result in a (relatively) hefty % added on to the price at most of the booking places.

We arrived at the mall at about 4 PM, and Mx advised me that there was a rather universal late afternoon siesta at all of the booking joints from 5-7 PM where the places closed for a dinner break for the girls. GEEKED about seeing these places for myself before we headed out, the looming break time ended up freaking me out a little bit when it came time to decide as to whether I wanted to hook up with a girl or not.

Our first stop was the booking place ‘Dynasty 99’ a short block from the mall (and directly across the street from ‘Queens 8933’), where a good 20+ girls ‘ceweks’ were seated on plush padded benches against the wall near the door as we walked in. My first stone-sober reaction to Dynasty 99 was that the girls were half-ass OK looking, and that there were several that I wouldn’t kick out of bed for eating crackers.

But the lineup was slightly uninspiring. Mx suggested we have a drink and do a couple of interviews, and it sounded good to me, so we stayed for a bit. Tiger beer (the Singapore brand) was at a minimum halfway decent, but as I soon found out, ALL drinks in the KTV(aka viedoke)/booking joints were seVERELY overpriced at ~ 30,000 rupiah, or close to 4 bucks each. Bring a fistful of rupiah if you plan on getting buzzed at the KTV places. 30K rupiah was ~ ¼ of an onsite short-time fee in most places – a bit out of whack.

It didn’t take Mx long to call a girl over for an interview once our drinks arrived, but I was a little more hesitant to choose. The girls seated 20 feet in front of us would occasionally steal looks in our direction, but would normally avoid direct eye contact at all costs. I guess this is probably a natural defense mechanism against the constant influx of horny dudes that would mostly end up NOT picking them, but it seemed weirdly counter-intuitive: I had obviously come there for company, why wouldn’t any of the bored girls on a bench show even the SLIGHTEST interest in catching my attention? Afraid of whiteys? This is an ongoing developing theory…

After a good 10 minutes of semi-awkward silence as Mx struggled to have a conversation with our English-challenged table-mate, I finally decided to say ‘FUCK IT’ and called over the girl with the biggest tits in the lineup across the room to join us for a drink. She seemed nice enough, but I got a little flustered when she couldn’t apparently understand more than a dozen words of English

My new chunky friend was certainly decently friendly despite the immense language gap between us. But with the clock ticking towards break time at 5 PM, I was getting rather paranoid about pulling the trigger with her for a short time while knowing that her dinner break loomed. So when Mx gave me the universal mongers eyes cast toward the door signal that he was also ready to bail, I offered no argument. I did TRY and tell my chica of the hour that I’d surely see her again soon, but then we headed back across the block to the mall again.

There have been several posts on the Batam forum site about trying to pick up amateurs/semi-pros at the malls in Nagoya, and I’m sure it’s possible (though NOT my specialty at ALL). But when WE headed to the mall at ~ 5 PM, WE saw a whole shitload of working girls from the nearby massage places checking out the gold shops and cellphone stores.

While over the next week both Mx and I (and later on Epi) would get more than friendly responses from the local mall girls, that first afternoon, Mx and I seemed to get nothing but GAS FACES from the KTV girls on their ‘lunch’ breaks. I guess any inklings as to a AC-style sneakout revolution haven’t yet taken hold in Batam!

Not sure whether I was actually hungry again or needing a Vitamin V stomach soothing, I dragged Mx to McDonald’s at the mall for a late afternoon meal. For those of you who subscribe to the Big Mac economic index, it costs 13,000 rupiah (~ $1.50 US) in Indonesia, and it tasted almost exactly like a Big Mac!).

We then got my cellphone battery charged and I bought an Indonesian sim card and some ‘pulsa’ AKA ‘airtime’ or ‘minutes’ or ‘load’ as they call it in the Philippines. For some reason there is a comisson paid to the vendor when buying under 100K rupiah worth of ‘pulsa’, and Epi later got burned for a seemingly hefty surcharge when buying a sim card when the vendor told him that he had had the misfortune of getting a ‘premium’ phone # (whatever the HELL that means!). I guess they make their bucks any way they can in Indonesia.

Mx and I then headed over to something called the ‘NED’ or ‘Nagoya Entertainment District’ (hereafter referred to as WHITEY CENTRAL) to meet up with some local guys that Mx knew for a drink and maybe dinner later on. At a completely DEAD bar there we met up with one of the local ‘bule’ (whitey) institutions who is a bigwig on the Batam Forum board, and agreed to meet up with them a little later for a trip to one of the local food courts specializing in seafood that is cooked to order, known as a ‘pujasera’ in Indonesia.

But when 7 PM approached, I felt like a man on a mission insisting that we head back to the booking joints to find a companion for later that evening.

Having read Mx’s Indo reports and hearing his general advice, he seemed to think that being in town on a Thursday night to start my cherry trip to Batam to be a very good idea, as there wouldn’t be nearly as many Singapore weekend warriors in town to snap up all of the quality KTV joint girls. BTW, when I say ‘KTV’ joints, it is the same thing as the ‘booking’ places, which are nominally places where the available girls are available as karaoke/videoke ‘hostesses’. And indeed many do like to sit there and hang out and sing songs for as long as you’re paying the freight. But, of course, they’d all STARVE if there wasn’t a ‘booking’ for sex for cash in them at the end of the evening.

As we hadn’t made it there before closing for the afternoon break, we headed to Queens 8933, and when I saw the sheer NUMBER of girls available in the ‘fishbowl’ through an ~ 18 inch clear strip along the blacked-out glass wall, my mouth dropped open in awe. There were at least 40 girls milling about in regular street clothes, none appearing to be more than 25 and none appearing to be FAT. And when Mx got some ballpark pricing from the mamasan (130K short time, 230K long time, if memory serves -- ~$15-27 US), my mouth dropped open even firther. My initial reaction was this was like a combo of the TJ streetgirl alley and Santos St. in Angeles City, PI comBINED, yet the available girls were a LOT more attractive. I imMEDIATELY liked Batam!

My enthusiasm was slightly tempered when I asked to have a girl from the fishbowl brought out to talk with me and she seemed to know even LESS English than the girl I had had a drink with previously that aftenoon at the booking place across the street. It didn’t take me long to quickly grow tired of the language barrier, and I was worried that this would be ruinous for my short trip.

The girl I asked to see apparently had NO interest in me whatsoever, but I found her to be one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen in a P4P locale: She was simply BEAUTIFUL. Despite her immense shyness and apparent discomfort around me, I figured that I would ignore any and all warning signals and simply do an Asian-monger style ‘pay and start giving orders’ type date with her, figuring that spending some quality time alone with such a beautiful girl could NOT be THAT bad, even under the worst of circumstances. Little could I have guessed…

Warning signs abounded with the Queens girl, and the alarm bells should have been BLARING when I got into an argument with the cashier when trying to ‘book’ the new love of my life for a long-time date for delivery to my room later that evening while she hid in the dressing room. The cashier quoted me a rate that was ~ 50K rupiah higher than the rates the mamasan had informed us about less than 10 minutes before, and it actually made me MAD that some minion was attempting to extort some extra cash from me. When the cashier remained quite insistent that this was the price, I demanded to see the mamasan, but in a rather comic moment, apparently she was deep in the throes of a MAJOR bowel movement, hence the reason for having to deal with the cashier instead of HER!

Finally, after a couple of minutes, the mamasan appeared and instantly backed down on the cashier’s supposed hard-line price and assured me that the girl would be delivered to my room’s door at exactly 10 PM. Of course ‘my’ girl was still nowhere to be seen, and Mx told me later that this whole scene seemed to SCREAM to him that the girl never wanted to go with me in the first place. Which actually would explain a LOT about what happened a couple hours later.

But early that evening I was pretty happy with my bargain: I had booked a total HOTTIE for a guaranteed all-nighter, and at a cost of less than 30 bucks (before a possible ‘tip’ in the morning that’s supposedly a nice touch for the booking girls).

Despite having already eaten a few hours earlier, I headed off to dinner at a pujasera called “A-1” so Mx and I could meet up with the guys we’d had a drink with earlier in the afternoon. To say that I was impressed by the food and the festive open-air atmosphere and the camaraderie that evening would be an immense understatement. The pujasera experience with some like-minded friends was simply a HIGH that would be repeated almost every night for the next week+. I’m not sure at the moment what I miss more about Batam: Fucking hotties or PIGGING OUT at the pujasera!

Our local friend ordered the food, and I was quite impressed, though I wouldn’t have ordered most of those same dishes again myself. We were also descended upon by several beer promotion girls, whose job it is to get you to order the brand of beer they’re pimping. It seemed that all of the girls were quite cute, and just about everyone at our table repeated the line that all of those girls should be available for some fun later in the evening once their shift was over, but not before (closing time is ~ 1 AM?).

I ate until I was waaay overstuffed (yeah, there’s a first time for EVERYTHING in life!), and then was SHOCKED when my alleged portion of the bill seemed too insanely low to be true. I can’t remember the exact figure, but it seemed like pocket change. Of course basking in my bargain didn’t last long as the beer promotion girl that had been making goo-goo eyes at Mx and NOT ME all night started hitting on me to tip her after she had supposedly already been taken care of TWICE by various members of our party. And then she pouted when I said no… My first conFIRMED case of being too cheap for an Indonesian girl (and it certainly wouldn’t be my LAST!).

Finally after a couple hours of the pujasera ORGY of a meal, time was nearing for a return to the hotel to clean up and await my ‘date’. And sure enough she arrived at my door at almost EXACLY 10 PM.

First thing in the door I was impressed by how aMAZING this girl looked. She was flat-out BEAUTIFUL. And when combined with her apparent shyness and innocence, I was quickly intimidated by her, and felt slightly guilty about the prospect of defiling her.

I tried to melt the ice a bit by producing Mx’s printout about key phrases in Bhasa Indonesian, and we laughed a little bit trying to piece through them and their English translations. But after that silliness was repeated several times, there were long, awkward pauses, and I began to get a little impatient for the ‘festivities’ to begin. I wanted things to be as romantic as possible, but I was also hoping that my love of the night would help me out in that regard and volunteer to get things moving forward, and she most distinctly DIDN’T.

Finally I decided that I’d try to initiate a little kissing, and Little Miss Innocent didn’t take to THAT idea at ALL – pulling away and upping the ante on her ‘I’m shy’ routine.

At that point I was more than a little disappointed, and not sure what to do. I figured I could try various other warm-up activities, including going out for awhile to break the ice, but I kept coming back to the fact that while I liked the girl, I was the CUSTOMER, DAMMIT, and I kept focusing on the fact that I was not getting much of a positive attitude from her as far as pleasing me. I figured I had figured out the correct move when I dropped all pretenses and asked her to take off her clothes, and she gave me a knowing smile and did as I asked.

Of course, after that initial victory, things went diRECTLY to hell!

I’ll save a lot of effort by just summing up my first session in Batam as HORRIBLE. The girl immediately complained about my dick size and did everything in her power to make sure that I barely penetrated her. I offered her the chance to suck me off instead, but she insisted that she didn’t suck dick. Uh oh.

After getting several ‘no’s’ and ‘oww’s’ and knees to my inner thighs, I finally just had her cuddle up next to me and explained our little dilemma: She could either do her job and make some tip money, or she could get a one-way ticket back to see mamasan, and fortunately we were still a good hour before the place closed at ~ midnight. She immediately made it clear that she didn’t want to deal with the wrath of mamasan, and her attitude instantly improved. She was still far from a sex machine, but at least we stopped WRESTLING when it came time to fucking. She also quite obediently gave a few kisses to Mr. Happy, in what had to be the world’s most satisfying inCOMPETENT attempt at a BJ I’ve ever had!

My amiga was soooo inSANELY hot that it didn’t take much effort to get off with her, and I almost immediately regained my sanity afterward and realized that we’d probably both be much happier with her GONE. I whipped out the camera and she started the ‘NO, I’m SHY’ routine again, and I told her that there was a small tip for her if she’d pose for a few. Which aGAIN quickly changed her attitude 100% towards my point of view. Gee, both carrots AND sticks seemed to work well in Batam! But being used to Thailand and the Philippines, it was quite annoying at the time that I’d have to resort to such measures.

After a couple of rather interesting pics of a smiling, posing princess, I gave her about 35K rupiah and told her to not let the door hit her on the way out. She pouted for a bit, and I wasn’t sure at the time if she was pissed about the money or about being sent home early – something I had initially viewed as a reWARD. Looking back now, it may have actually been the LATTER, as I got exTREME stinkeye from her every time I went back to Queens on the rest of my stay in Batam. I hope she didn’t catch hell from the mamasan for being sent away early – I certainly didn’t rat her out after she left. But if it improved her attitude even 10% for the next guy, I’m happy to be the martyr for the TEAM.

But all in all, I was exTREMELY disappointed in my first ever session in Batam. I had had some of the worst sex of my LIFE and ended up kicking the girl out in frustration after already having paid for an all-nighter. I WAS slightly mollified by the fact that the girl was one of the hottest I have EVER had the pleasure of sticking my dick into, though. Sometimes the tradeoff is worth it.

While I knew that Mx had big plans for a weeknight disco run that night, I was still feeling rather sleep deprived from the night before, so I crashed right after I sent my girl home. I went to sleep both disturbed and intrigued by my initial Batam experience. Yeah, the girls were beautiful and the price was right, but we were DEFINITELY not in the Philippines or even Thailand any more.

Photos: Booking Girl 46 47

Always an extreme pleasure to see a new trip report chapter posted by Porker. And it was great to have you visit my little corner of the world. However, I have recently discovered that you can actually do hot Batam disco freelancers right here in Singapore for roughly the same ST price as Batam. In Geylang, there are a couple of street lined with Indo girls ranging from ugh to shagolicuous who will do shortime from 30 to 60 Sing. Over 80% of these girls are Batam disco FL who are over on two week tourist visas. The pluses are that you are outside and see, breathe and hear unlike the discos. While IMHO the Indo girls by far have the best attitudes you can also bang smoking hot chinese girls, Indian girls, Thai girls, Malay girls, and even some white women. Plus it's a real festive atmosphere with all the outdoor cafes and activities. The drawback is that you little cewek is banging at least half a dozen guys a day as opposed to getting one or two guys a week and correlated long time prices are more expensive than Batam (150-200 Sing for the night). Next time you gotta hang in Singapore for a day or two as well, if you just do a couple short times you may find you money goes just as far.

Oh and the Food in Batam does rock! I am with you brother, hitting the Pujaseras, especially with a group,is always a highlight. Hell even X-munching Shampoo smoking, skinny assed ceweks can enjoy the pleasure of Gong Gong. Oh yeah how about that San Miguel beer promotion girl, her ass grew like 10 kilos right before our eyes that ten days we were there. She was a real sweety that first night though.

"The Centerpoint Mall, and its’ adjacent mall"

Lucky Plaza

I was not as impressed with the Pujaseras as you were. Yes, the food was the BEST we had in Batam, but was not nearly as good as the chow in Singapore or Thailand. Granted, Singapore is more expensive, but when comparing the SAME foods prepared in both Thailand and Indonesia I found the Pujasera experience... lacking.

Also, I know there were some dishes you were CRAZY for, but there were a few that almost pressed my "purge" button. Just a matter of taste...

After reading The Complete Works (one day) of William Shakespeare (Porker) I can see why it took you a month to complete this chapter!! Methinks it's gonna take another 18 months to finish this up.

E

Hey Epi the Fornicating Gourmet,

Is there an INEXPENSIVE outdoor seafood place in Pattaya where you can pick your animals and they will prepare them as requested? I know there are a couple of incredible places like this in Phuket a block or two away from the beach which are really great bargains. I am sure I can find expensive rip off ones with cloth napkins on Walking street, I just don't want to pay that hefty tourist premium.

Yes, there are a few, however all the ones I've gone to are in North Pattaya or Jomtien. I'll see if I have some name cards floating around.

Most places are not going to offer you the dirycheap prices you find in the Pujaseras, however they do tend to have something that resembles a menu with pictures (always a travelers favorite!!). They will also have a LOT more variety.

If you REALLY want good food, there's a place near Walking Street with about 10 street vendors. When Beach Rd curves around and turns inland, follow it up about 1 block and you'll find some INCREDIBLE food sold at those carts. Also, Soi 13/2 has a LOT of carts during the day that offer quite a variety of food that's both CHEAP and REAL GOOD!! I've had seafood salads, somtam and soups that are nothing short of remarkable.

Just remember to brush your teeth after eating there. Most girls don't take to having you munch on their boxes after somtam ped mak.

E

If I did have one complaint about pujaseras it was that the variety of seafood was minimal and all of the stalls basically sold the same thing. I was there only three nights so I was happy as a gong gong but I would get tired of it and need some big prawns or something else eventually. One thing you should try Epi next time in Batam are the ice cachangs....simply the best I have ever had...even better than Singapore.

Booking girl photos added

All those words and TWO PICTURES?!?! Ay naku...

E

Ive been DYING for your report on Batam, i know i will need a couple of side trips to get away from baby's momma ko.. a BKK-pattaya-cambo run and then a trip to Batam sound like a dream to me... P-P-P-Please dont make us wait another month for your next installment, or i'll be reading it from ricks cafe or kokomos and i enjoy it so much more when there arent $9.00 shorttimes right around the corner !!! Are you going to cash in those China miles and come give some lucky honeys a little X-mas tamod?