I once had a business partner – good-looking black guy, could dunk from the foul line – whose white girlfriend was so fat that he didn’t know she was pregnant until she went into labor. Twice. (I didn’t say he was bright.)

So it was not entirely startling that, amidst the astonishing international smorgasbord of pulchritude at FKK World, I saw one unusually young, ripped and handsome local devote several hours to a very generously proportioned and mature Jamaican woman who I wouldn’t give a second look on a desert island. The bottom line is there’s no accounting for taste, at least without a tedious analysis of early imprints and media indoctrination.

Here’s a simple fact: within his own taste, a guy will go for the most attractive girl in the room. It doesn’t matter how big the room is or who’s outside. We adjust to the available talent.

Some places - Rio, Cape Town, Buenos Aires, Cannes - are very big rooms, blessed with a cornucopia of beauty. Others, like AC and Bangkok, almost overwhelm with sheer quantity and availability.

Hollywood takes architectural studies to a different floor: beautiful girls from all over the world get off the bus every day with stars in their eyes and the gumption to put their best foot forward. The room is a suite.

I’ve navigated the Hollywood scene for more than three decades. I’ve met movie stars that are unremarkable in person but dazzling onscreen. I’ve seen women who are gorgeous onscreen but positively radiant in person. I’ve been intimate with women you’ve seen on the covers of magazines, and turned down women you’ve seen in Playboy.

But, as befits “best in room”, I’ve also done women with whom I’d be embarrassed to be seen in public. I’ve extricated myself from entanglements with nutballs whose initial appeal was hard to fathom after they’d gone psycho. All I’m sayin’ is, you can hold women up to the finest in the world as well as the best in the room.

There’s the baseline, now for the disclaimer: beauty’s only skin-deep (yeah, yeah.) A bit of personality and a dollop of enthusiasm go a long way, just as a pretty girl with a bad attitude quickly sours. A year ago I passed on a truly world-class beauty outside of Help because she made not the slightest pretense of interest in anything but the “gift” (and I watched several other guys approach her and retreat, no doubt due to the same vibes.)

Anyway, after much beating around the bush, I still can’t say it any better:

Chantilly lace and a pretty face and a pony
Tail hangin’ down and a wiggle in a
Walk and a giggle in a talk - Lawd! it
Makes the world go ‘round, ain’t
Nothin’ in the world like a big-eyed girl, make me
Act so funny, make me spend my money, make me
Feel real loose, like a long-necked goose, like a –
Oh, Baby, that’sa what I like!

© The Big Bopper


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