Background

I haven't been to the Philippines for a couple of years and the exchange rate of 100 pesos to the pound sounded good.

Friday
Battled traffic jams but made my checkin at LBA on time. I was armed with a seating plan of KLMs 777 and able to get 11G, an aisle seat of 3 behind a row of 2, so legroom all the way. Boarding at AMS saw a passenger in the window seat and his mate across the aisle from me. They tried to get me to shift but I declined. They had words with the flight attendant (in Dutch) and the outcome was I got a row of 3 as the guy in the winow seat moved. Had my best sleep ever going out.

First off the plane but I lost the advantage of the early arrival(1 hour) as my bag was last on the belt. The driver from the Ville was waiting and thanks to the new road I was in the Orchid Inn in 1 hour 45 mins.

I had arranged to meet MongerX and we met in Flamingo. We moved to Blue Fox where he was mobbed (never happended to me on later visits). We added Mistys Cambodia and Camelot to the run. MX had 2 ladies in tow and we had plenty of contests on the way. Biggest nipple , best susu etc. By this time I was getting weary and asked MX's girls to pick me my bride de jour. They picked a fine tall girl and she was OK. We had a drink on the way back and then some fun. She woke me in the middle of the night for round 2. One completition she complained of stomach ache and wanted to go. I had no problems with that and took advantage of the opportunity to get some sleep.

Saturday

Up and about, changed some cash and watched some soccer. Met MX for breakfast at Amsterdam Hotel and got the low down on Singapore and Batam. Mark has done a fine job at the Amsterdam and I booked in there for my last 2 nights.

We ventured out towards the perimeter bars and our first stop was Touch of Class where again MX was mobbed. We soon had a hareem hanging on to our everyword and ladies drinks galore. Our venture into contests brought 2 new categories 'Best smelling pussy' (only two entries) and 'best kisser' which brought a queue of contestants. That was brought to an early close as MXs lady got jealous. The winner deserved her cash and sadly as she was well placed in the nipple contest I never saw her again.

Club Rio was next as we got free samples of BBBJs . I can say they were true professionals in their chosen field. MX required more convicing so I moved on to the other 2 bars. MX caught me up as we went to ThiHi and then the Gentlemans Club. Two worthy of a mention a midget with a fat arse was one of the line up and the other the feature dancer although she had a few miles on the clock her figure was good and her routine gymnastic. For the price of a ladies drink she nearly had to mop up a mess as she demonstrated her interpersonal skills. I would say that she was not shy.

We ate at the Sports bar above Sub Delicious together with MXs friend who barely wore a shiny out fit designed to put off any she played pool against. We parted company there as my jet lag was getting to me and I had an early start in the morning. There was some sort of contest in the Jungle so I popped in and was fascinated by a tiny girl in a white basque and G string. She constantly tugged the g string out of the nick of her arse. I bought her a drink and found it was her first time with such a contraption. She was nice and cute so I BF her. I had a good time with her but she wanted to leave at 5 to get her bar licence. Unfortunately she could sleep for the PI and at 5 am we were both wacking out the zzzzzz's. She sorted me out again at 7am and then left.

Monday

Breakfast at the Orchid Inn and then a trike to Dau. As usual I somehow managed to have 23 porters all hell bent on putting me and my luggage on the Partas Bus to La Union. Only I got the 20 peso tip though. This was my first ever trip without a hangover. No major carnage and only one minor bump. Our driver stopped but the third party sped on down the road.

As usual I got a great welcome at the Bali Hai and sank a few with Bill. Then across the road to Bali Hai East to sink some more with Mike. I met a guy who wanted to join me for the happy hours but had to convince his girl he was showing a newby around. So I was asking all the dumb questions how far is it? do we need a trike? Then I had to get the girls to keep quiet 'secret' I've never been here before. OK Blue Eyes said the Mummy at Footlights. My nickname. After 3 bars I was ready for some shut eye. You have to be careful here as the bars shut at midnight.
I crashed out and woke at 10.30 having missed the excitement. The Security Guards were alerted to someone attempting to break into one of the cottages. They gave chase. One discharged his firearm at the robber but only just missed his mate who was leading the chase. Needless to say no further breakins were attempted.

I went to the Captains Club at Ocean Breeze and invited the only girl on view who smiled to have a drink. She was OK so I arranged to bring her back. At this point a real stunner with a killer body joined us so I booked her for the next night.

Tuesday

I had breakfast and walked on the beach. I was the only one and there was not a cloud in the sky. The South China Sea was a mill pond with a gentle breeze. I remember thinking if this is not paradise it's bloody close to it.

I read for a while on the porch falling asleep every couple of pages. Then to the bar for beers with the afternoon crowd. I won my first game of dice of the trip. That night the Seafood BBQ was terrific. Crab mussels tiger prawns kebabs fish and all the trimmimgs less than a fivver. (480 peso). Out on the highway to pick up tonights star prize. On the way I called at Footlights and put down a marker for the next night with A. She had escaped me five years ago. She agreed a BF and had then gone to Manila.
Back in the room with J I left the TV on to deter any robbers but really it allowed me to lust after her wonderful lithe body by the glow of the TV.

Wednesday

The PT trip was to Sunset Beach and a large gang assembled for the dice. It was a new venue for me and I enjoyed the atmosphere and the food. It was fascinating to see the Filippinas looking to move round , change tables and seats etc to get the lucky seat. They couldn't have it though because my arse was glued to it. 4 wins on the trot and I was 'smokin'. I did lose the last game which may have been due to the daughter of one of the players making the decisions. She was only 7. She made some bold decisions which got shot down in flames every time. Still I was getting the glad eye from her Mum who asked me for my phone number. I spent so long with them the vans had gone and I was a few miles from the Bali Hai down a back road with no lift. I set off to walk but an honest trike driver came along and whisked me back to the Bali Hai without the need of a second mortgage.

Back at the Bali Hai I had a couple more beers and then on to Finnegans. Whilst at Finnegans I was making enquiries about the lady from the dice game and dropped in a comment I wouldn't mind seeing a non working girl. Within 10 minutes I was introduced to C who offered a blind date that night with her sister. 30 years old unmarried and works in a local hotel. Date confirmed at 8 to 8.30 that night. It was now 6pm and I had a few swilling round inside me. I nipped into Tramps to postpone my professional arrangement and headed back for a power nap and a sober up.

She turned up on time with her sister and her sisters English boyfriend. There was a slight mix up as she had already eaten but no problem. We went via the beach to listen to live music at Cabana. The only trauma was that she mixed up high tide with low tide and at one stage I was hanging on to the sea wall trying to avoid getting my shoes dunked in salt water. Back to Bali Hai for a nightcap (via the Highway) and then I walked her back to the appartment with a date set for breakfast. On the way back I got an offer from a BillyBoy which I declined!!!!!

Thursday

I walked along the beach this time at low tide to have my new found lady love make me breakfast at her hotel not quite the mans breakfast I had in mind but it was bloody good and I made a date for that night.
In the late afternoon after snoozing under the palm trees I nipped in to Footlights and then Tramps and negotiated a short time with A that I had cancelled on the previous day. I took a trike back to Bali Hai hoping not to be spotted. As we got out of the trike the sister and boyfriend were just leaving Bali Hai. In the shit again! I just shrugged my shoulders and lead her to the cottage. In the room she said it's too early for boom boom what do we do? Blow job seemed the most apropriate answer. I then got 'what is a blow job?' She went to the CR and came out to give me a grade A copper bottomed number 1 porn star blow job. No lesson at all required from me as she finished me off with a chin dribbling shit eating grin. We managed to fill in the time with other activities until I noticed it was 6.30 when I got treated to another belter of a blow job. I couldn't help thinking I could have savoured those for the past 5 years if she haden't buggered off to Manila.

I took up position at the bar and wondered if my afternoon delight had been reported back and I would be stuffed. No she turned up on time with a big smile. Just after she showed up a friend turned up with her niece for me just in case my date failed to live up to expectations.

This time there was a meal on the agenda and we went by trike to Patio de Sol. As we walked in a bloody Myna bird shouted Pangit (ugly) at me and I pretended to be upset. We had a cracking meal but I wondered just what she was thinking as I spent what was probably the equivalent of her wages for 5 days on the meal. On the way out I sent her first to see if the bird called her pangit. My plan was scuppered when there was silence until I went past the birds and a cockatoo said 'Goodnight' to me.

I had previously been up to Poro and Intercon was now crap so we went to Granmas. This was great with the staff available to dance with customers if required and to cater for all tastes there was a gay waiter to dance with those that bat for the opposition. The band were inundated with requests but I found that mine wrapped in a 50 peso note for some reason took priority.
Towards the end of the night my date was chatting to a scruffy old bastard and then he buggered off. When we went outside we were mobbed with trike drivers seeking rich pickings from my pocket. A small hand grabbed mine and lead me across the road where the scruffy old guy fired his trike into life and took us back to Bali Hai at the regular price. He got a good tip for his efforts.
We had a night cap until 3 and again I walked my date home without the billyboy offer this time.

Friday

It was M's day off today and she came round at noon for breakfast!!!!!! I had plans to go out with Mike for a trip down the bars early evening. Word on the beach was that his last trip out was two years ago with me as he was firmly shackled by his wife. He confirmed the former and denied the later. I went across to Bali Hai Eastside to collect him. Naturally we had a practice session on the San Migels there. There was a lovely student aged 18 working behind the bar. Mike introduced me and I offered to buy her a drink. She declined and I asked if she was under age for drinking. 'No no drinking at work' I posed the question 'If you could have a drink what would you have?' Irish wine was the reply. We pissed ourselves laughing because she had never had Irish Whiskey before and they didn't sell it!!!!!!!!!!!

We tried all the bars and Mike was most impressed in Captains Club and with my first two nights company. It was always ranked below Footlights Tramps and Stiletoes but they were two of the best.

I made a phone call on my return to Bali Hai and M called to pick me up on the way to eating at China Seas.

Saturday

M took another day off and after breakfast I arranged for her to come back at 2pm. It was my last day in La Union and I wanted to buy a couple of presents. I sat on the porch reading until the appointed hour, then the next hour and she arrived at 3.30pm (2pm Philippines time). She had been to San Fernando to buy shoes with and for her niece. I said I wanted to go to San Fernando to the Pawn Shop. She asked why and I said I thought she would fetch a good price. We made it to the Mall via 2 Jeepneys and she asked what did I want. I told her it was for her not me. Get buying! We went into the first shop and she asked me to pick a top. I said it was for her so she should select. She declined so I told the shop assistant to pick. She then got the notion I was serious so she tried on two tops and I bought them. Now for you she said. I declined and said no get some shoes. We walked all round the Mall and ended up in the original shop and bought shoes and a handbag. At other shops we got a swim suit and earrings. Total cost 2000 peso.
By this time I was hungry so she lead me to Sharkeys where we had large meals and a pitcher of beer. The bill was 370 peso and I said it was mahal(expensive) can I have a discount. Are you a Sharkeys VIP sir? No but I can be. A few conversations behind the counter and I'm presented with a Sharkeys VIP Card and 10% discount. I paid up with a tip for the meal and 40 peso tip for the waitress who got me a 37 peso discount.

On the way back M got a call from her sister who was in Angeles with her boyfriend for the Australia Day celebrations. (Bali Hai had entered a team in the Curry Cook Off). As I was due to go to Angeles in the morning her sister asked if I would like to bring M along and they would get her back on Monday. I agreed.

We went back to Bali Hai and gave the new swimsuit a test run. We then sank a couple at Bali Hai and M lost at dice (I paid of course!).

Sunday

We caught a Partas service bus to Dau and got a trike to the Central Park. I was starting to feel rough and had corked myself up for the bus ride.

It was baking hot on Fields where the cooking was carried out. The cops had got their number ones on and were marching up and down like peacocks. They occasionally used their bikes to control traffic. They would let trikes through the barrier and then stop them at the other end and turn them back! I had a couple of beers and at night took M to Salvatores for a meal. We then had a few at Roadhouse, Blue Nile and BlackJacks.

Monday

I had a real rough night and was burning up with a fever. I thought it a touch of sunstroke from the previous afternoon. At 7.30 I took M to rejoin the party at the Phoenix where they were staying. A gaggle of thick heads showed that the team had taken the winning of the cook off seriously and had tried to drink the bar dry in celebration of the win. Fortunately no tears were shed when the minvan headed off to La Union just after 8am.

I called at Ricks Cafe and they confirmed the bus still picked up at 1pm for Subic. I then popped in to Action Travel and saw Jack. They tried to book me into Playa Papagayos for the following 3 nights but the silly pratt on the other end of the phone requested I go to a bank and pay a deposit to the hotel. I changed some more cash (103 to the pound). I was still troubled by the trots and never went far from the porcelain. I popped into Touch of Class I liked a couple but I had my silly head on and was looking for a couple from the previous week. I started to walk back to the Central Park and only just made it in time. It was now definite I did not want to wander too far from the home comforts so Santos St it was.

I chatted to R from Luz Bar and she fitted the bill. I said to her here or the CP she chose the CP. Back in the room she treated me to another expert BBBJ. On completion I said she could go back to the bar. She declined and got me going again before she jumped on top. (the phrase they use is 'I be the driver') She got into it and soon reached orgasmo. Sadly I was not near so the condom came off and she went back to her specialist subject. She got a good tip.

I felt like some food after a sleep. Unfortunately the food went straight through.
I had a lazy night with a few sprites and no company.

Tuesday

I had a snack and went to Ricks to await the bus. A 2 hour ride in the bus saw me get the room at Playa Papagayos without the trauma of a bank deposit. There was only one other room occupied.

I had a couple in Midnight Rambler and caught a jeepney to Subic. Not much talent in FoxHole and Kinkys was overloaded with Billyboys. I got a bit upset when I was told no more BBJs in the bar for the price of a ladies local drink (70 peso). I had a couple of susu and tingel (clitoris) contests and one Billy Boy showed me a very big tingel but I disqualified him on a technicality. I almost had a biggest Tete (dick) contest but thought better of it.


That night I tested the waters in Mangos Lions Den and Midnight Rider where I found a pale skinned beauty who showed me that she did not like wearing knickers. As it was early and the bar full of girls and only a couple of punters, I marked her down for a future date and hopped on a jeepney for Subic.

I tried Asia Reef and soon got the call of nature only to find the CR devoid of paper. I had an embarrassing trip across the club with a roll in hand but I just didn't care. One little lady took my eye but she seemed keener on cigs than customers. Muff Divers next and 2 guys were donating rolled up peso notes in bottles and mouths only to be snatched out by decsending pussies. One shouted to me it was my turn next but I don't think he would have liked the prospect of my arse opening up to pick up the money from his mouth. Perhaps he meant I should donate the cash to these worthy causes? I enquired the value of notes to be told 500 peso. I thought they were 50's. Eagles Nest was next with a minus score on the available women. I remembered my china doll and hopped on a jeepney but not before the trike drivers first tried to convince me that the jeepneys had stopped running and then gone on strike!!!!!!

I arrived at Midnight Rambler to see my China Doll shrug her shoulders as a drunken English guy took her out with another girl. Bollocks.

Next door at Nightriders there were no such problems. I picked E a 30 year old who told me she had hit hard times. She told me she used to have a massage parlour, hotel and billiard hall. Even showed me the food licence. I had a decent night with her and she looked to stay all day but I gave the excuse I was golfing.

Wednesday

I had the free (or should I say included) continental breakfast on the terrace. I was constantly interupted by a stream of beach vendors selling Rolex, Pearls or Silver Dollars.
I walked on to Blue Rock on Baloy Beach. This place was a real hive of activity much changed since my last visit. Spent a lot of the day reading and watching the waves feeling very lethargic.

That night I tried the Coconut Barn and was totally ignored until of course I was moving on when a young? Lady gave me grief because I wouldn't buy her a drink.
I moved on to Oriental Rose a bar set up as a GoGo but without a licence for dancing. I was the only customer and all the girls were sitting on chairs on the stage facing me. I felt like I was on trial especially as they were not inclined to smile.
They had games like the beer bars in Thailand, jenga, connect 4 and the dice game. They began to point to a white laminated sheet. I asked what it was and it was a bloody pizza menu. I told them I thought they were reading the training manual which may remind them to smile at customers!!!!!!! I bought a couple of drinks when playing the dice game and moved to Johannsens. There was an absolute stunner in there but she was disinterested when a customer made an approach.

I crossed over to Midnight rambler and again the apple of my eye was barfined and just leaving. Bollocks again. I had a little fun with a new girl who asked me 'where your house my house?' In the end I took a chance on a chunky girl with a rock hard body. I told her no cigs and she was fine with that. I got a bit of a pounding as she was strong as an ox. In the morning she put her coat on and said she wanted some fresh air. I guessed the cigs were calling and I offered her a quickie divorce or no cig and stay. She opted for divorce and a cig!!!!!!

Thursday

Another glorious day spent reading on the patio. Then Sheavans for lunch. The call of Kinkys was getting strong so I was off to Subic. I was the second customer of the day and bought drinks for the Mummy and a couple of girls. The Billyboys were getting ready and kept walking by with no tops on or flashing there arses at me, lifting the towels. As a good customer I had a word with Mummy and she instucted a very nice lady to take me to one side and give me a blow job whilst there were no other customers in. This seemed to arouse the billyboys even more and they kept coming over for a look but no touch!

I popped into Foxhole and was introduced to a new girl fresh off the bus from Manila. She had a fine rack but very little English.
I went back to change and tried Kinkys again. This time I had the set up explained 2 mamasams one for the ladies and a Billyboy mamasam for the gender benders. Trya worked very hard to secure a date with me so I gave him/her my hotel and room number. I don't know what came over me but I accidentally gave him/her the right room number but the wrong hotel.

I went to Foxhole and barfined J who was new to the scene but she had a great body. I was it turned out her first BF and the second bloke after her no good husband! I think that may have been true as she was a bit naive. She even told me if I like blow jobs so much I would be better off with a Billyboy as her jaw was starting to ache!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday

The bus came on time and I was sitting next to little cracker who had left a German in tears at Blue Rock. She worked at Rhapsody. I checked in to New Amsterdam and it is by far the best hotel I have stopped in in Angeles. If they had a pool it would be perfect.
I pottered about and went to Touch of Class and barfined a cracker with an arrangement to see me at the hotel. I then I went to Gentlemans Club to see the midget with the fat arse do her speciality act. The line up was much better than the week before. There was no show from Bridget the Midget as she was sitting on my knee. She said her last BF was over a month ago so guess there are more perves than me go to Angeles.

I went back to the room and my BF turned up. I was getting a BBBJ and I asked about boom boom. She declined and said you're getting a blowie now and you can stick it up my bum when we come back!!!!!!!!! We went for a meal at Krug Thai where no Thai was spoken. They did put The Full Monty on for me. It was on Philippine TV and they censored the ending - pillocks. We went to La Pasha DMZ (3-0 to England at pool) and Blue Nile. In the morning she proudly announced 'now you have had all my three holes'!

Saturday

I had breakfast in the hotel. Got my watch fixed again. I bought a cheapy in the UK which was guarranteed waterproof. I got the face cleaned and my money back when I got home. My laundry was next and I checked my emails. I was recommended to go to the Assholes club that day. I thought it would be late afternoon but it kicked off at 12.30 just half an hour before I got the recommendation.

I went to ThiHi and Honeykos. Whilst in Honeykos an old mate from Thailand came in. He had seen me walking in. He had been to sample the delights of the Knights of the Brown Ring and broke the news I had missed it. It was a good do except for one girl getting lassing early and falling off the stage.

That night I set off to have a good time. A big dilemma 2 girls or go for an old friend with good past performance.
As I walked from Rhapsoy I bumped into 2 guys from the Subic bus on a 4 month tour of Asia. They were a bit naive so I took them in the Jungle ascertained what they wanted and called the Mummy over to sort things out. 2 for a lesbian show please. 2 crackers appeared as if by magic. Deal done they had a break to get cash and changed and be back in 1 hour. By the time I returned just over the hour the lesbian lovers were back at the hotel eating fur burgers. The other brother was also in love and moving back to the hotel with his choice. He did say he would be back for the carpet munchers the following night. I felt sure he could have arranged a swopski later that night. Up to him!!!!!!

I called in to Las Vegas and bought a drink for Mummy Alice who still has the biggest susu in Angeles but I fear gravity may have taken its toll since I first fondled them 10 years ago.
Going passed the Orchid Inn I bumped into Binro who was with Kim. He told me he was a reformed character and monogamous since his conversion with Mrs Binro. He invited me to a little gathering at Phoenix tomorrow at 2pm.
I felt ill despite my being on the wagon and I went back to the hotel alone and watched Man U v Birmingham and England v Wales in the six nations between visits to the CR.

Sunday

No chance of a late checkout so I was packed for noon. A little time to kill so I ventured to Santos St where R appeared busy in Luz. I took a 19 yearold with a fine figure for a short time upstairs in another bar. She was not keen on a prolonged blow job so I resorted to asking if this was a blow job bar. She answered in the affirmative so I told her to get on with it then.
I popped into Touch of Class and was reunited with MX who had made another trip from Singapore. He was with DM and another member of Clubhombre whose name I cannot recall (my apologies).

At Phoenix with Binro Mack Lin and others we all started relating yarns. Mack had us in stitches with tales of Ackbar and GregShowtime. I made my excuses and left to be picked up at the Amsterdam. I left at 4.20 and at the airport for 6.10pm just as checkin opened. I marched to the front and flashed my Elite KLM card. I was half way through my bullshit about wanting a Business Class seat because I was working straight from the airport. I was doing well until I was informed the bastards at KLM had down graded me half way through a trip. I did manage to get 11G again. This time on a full flight.

The food was crap and I only ate the fruit and an ice cream. It was minus 1 in Amsterdam at 5.30 and I was shivering like a shiting dog as I waited the 4 hours for my connection. We were nearly diverted from Leeds to Manchester because of fog but I made it to work.

As a postscript. I booked to see the Doc that afternoon, who told me I had a chest infection and a virus. She prescribed antibiotics which would help my chest but make the shits even worse. I had to provide a stool sample. As the week progress I got a bloody awful cough and throwing up all the time.
A week later I got a call from the Environmental Health Dept wanting to discuss my salmonella poisoning. No wonder I was ill for all that time.

So there we are 3 S's in the Philippines Sun Shooting and Salmonella.

See you in Thailand at Easter

Jaime the Limey aka Shayman

Love the report. You managed to discuss in detail Subic and San Fernando(Bauang Beach) which are basically not discussed at all on this board. I love reading reports with that biting British humor and the writing style is much different but very entertaining. Looks like you did a runner on some girls and some girls did a runner on you and you took it in stride as you would rather sleep anyways....I'm the same way.

Nice detailed reporting with deft touches indeed! Do consider a handy digital to add spice!

Nothing like the grin of a jizz-gulping whore from AC that just got her hot boxes wore out right. I miss it. Just imagine if western girls thought as much about pleasing her man instead of trying to take his job? Ah, AC... two months to go, and this time I will be there for 15 days. Man, am I counting the hours!

Shaymam it was a real pleasure meeting you. I definately had a lot of fun hanging out and I will shamelessly copy your little contests ideas. Too bad abut my cock blocking former regular at TOC, becasue we really had the girls in a feeding frenzy. Oh well she has definitively been handed her walking papers. Funny how crazy three holers tend to be crazy?

I really enjoyed hearing about Subic and La Union sounds like a lot of fun. Perhaps some day I will actually shake out of the AC routine.

I am not sure which is the greater indictment. You were still in PI when I made a return trip, or I made a return trip so quickly you were still in the PI!

Hope to see you again soon and that you make that trip down to my neck of the woods.

Whenever I go to AC, I'll be sure to look for the number starting with a 'v' denoting virgen! And I'll be careful not to get salmonella poisoning either! Thanks for the warning!