Ahhh, Pattaya! Home of 30,000 bargirls and literally too many bars to COUNT! With my tail firmly tucked between my legs after not getting laid in BKK on the first night of my trip, I headed to the land of milk and honeys knowing that if I couldn’t get laid in THIS town, I couldn’t get laid ANYWHERE!

Luckily for Woodway, Phxguy and myself, our taxi driver spoke a little English and seemed to know his way around Pattaya. I directed him to drop off Phxguy at Sandy Springs on Soi 13, and he easily found it between Beach Rd. and 2nd Road. After a brief second of hemming and hawing about whether Woodway and I should just jump out and check on getting rooms at the neighboring Dynasty Inn, we decided to stick to our original plan to head for Soi 7 and try and get much cheaper and (slightly, IMO) more centrally located rooms at Flipper House.

The taxi driver dropped us and our luggage off right in front of Flipper House with no problems, and accepted 1K baht with no tip with a smile and bow. Wow, I wish all transactions in Thailand were that hassle free! Upon checking at the front desk at Flipper House, though, we were told that the standard rooms were now 750 baht, not 650 as expected, due to still being in ‘high season’ (it was late March at the time…), and that all of these rooms were already booked. The remaining rooms available cost 850 baht (I think. I had already tuned out by this point), how many nights were we planning to stay? I had my luggage headed for the door before the desk chick even finished the last sentence and told Woodway that we would try a place in the alley around the corner before heading to the Eastiny places on Soi 8 if that didn’t work out.

They did indeed have rooms at the Bella Vista Hotel, however, and as I remembered from the summer before, the price of 600 baht per night with NO BS over ‘how many nights u stay’ was extremely right. The only difference between the Bella Vista and the Flipper places was that there was no pool, but with only one night in town, that didn’t make ANY difference to us. The only problem we ran into was that our rooms hadn’t been cleaned yet. We were told that it’d take about an hour, and we registered for the rooms, dropped valuables in the office safety boxes, stashed or luggage and headed on the baht bus back to Soi 13 to meet back up with Phxguy. The ONE negative I saw with the Bella Vista was that there was no safe deposit access between 9 PM and 8 AM, but that would probably only be a factor for guys like US that were headed out early in the AM for a BKK airport run the next day.

We met up with Phxguy, and as my stomach was barking due to the Apcalis, I suggested getting at least a snack so I could calm the swirling beast. I’m kind of a sucker for Pizza Hut in Asia (I know, I know…), and as it was just around the corner we soon ended up there. Phxguy quickly learned a lesson about dining with fat guys as our pizza came with only 8 slices. Sorry, skinny man!

An hour killed and our hotel on the way to the early opening Soi 6 bars, we headed back that way and checked in briefly before jumping back on the baht bus to head to Soi 6/Yodsack, home of air/Con beer bar BLISS in Pattaya. For the uninitiated, while we were staying on Soi 7, Soi 6/Yodsak is a GRUELING walk of more than a mile in the midday sun due to the large resorts located somewhere between Soi 6 proper and Soi 7. No worries, though, as we were about 40 yards from Second road and the 10 baht shared transport baht bus. With both Woodway and Phxguy on their first journeys to Pattaya, it felt a little odd to be explaining about how the baht buses worked, as I’d probably been on one all told less than a dozen times myself prior to this trip. I did mention to them to always try and get a moving baht bus to stop instead of naming a destination to one waiting idly at the curb for fear of getting told that it was then a private taxi and the fare was 50 baht.

We rang the bell to be dropped off at Soi 6 soon enough, and I think ALL our jaws dropped as we turned the corner and saw SCORES of sluttily clad bargirls all shouting at us and trying to get our attention. I think we made it about 20 yards up the street before some MIDGET grabbed hold of the GIANT Woodway and physically DRAGGED him into some nameless bar on the left side of the street. Phxguy and I also managed to be seated by some designated company, and MY little spinner chick with pigtails put out a LOT of energy initially to ride my cialis-induced MEGA-boner right there in the bar while I nursed a drink and tried to process what exactly was going on!

Woodway was an OBVIOUS goner from the second we walked in the door, as his pocket-sized girl was all OVER him, and the squeals from their mutual tickle-fest were HILARIOUS to the point where I snorted beer a few times. But just when I was all set to take my pig-tailed spinner with the NICE ass upstairs, she lost all her energy and got cuddly/clingy instead of doing the non-stop pogo bounce on my lap that had me ‘harder than Chinese algebra’ when we had first sat down!

I tried to jump start that energy again, but eventually lost interest when I saw a LUSCIOUS chocolaty big-titted girl frenching some old Brit dude at a table across the way. I had INSTANT buyer’s remorse at that point, and wished to HELL I could’ve swapped my suddenly LAZY skinny chick for the younger c-cupped lass across the way!

My chick remained in cuddle mode for the 30 minutes or so that it took Woodway to consummate his ‘love’ for his tiny fuck bunny, and when they returned to the bar we quickly paid the bill and moved on. I don’t really know WHAT went wrong with my chick at this bar, but for whatever reason we both apparently lost interest in a trip upstairs at the same time. Oh well, at least already I had Vitamin C priming the pump for the NEXT possible encounter!

And it didn’t take long for the next encounter to present itself. One of the bars across the street featured all of their chicks wearing low cut pink dresses, and one with a NICE body accosted me and dragged me into the bar. I was only HALF-disappointed that Phxguy’s girl hadn’t gotten to me first. She was a REAL beauty, a head-turner on Soi 6, something not always found there.

This time I wasn’t about to waste a lot of time fooling around, and figured my amigos could wait for ME for a change! While my Soi 6 chick wasn’t s supermodel by any means, she had junk in all the right places, and aside from needing some pretty serious dental work, was fairly easy on the eyes.

When we got upstairs it was fairly par for the Soi 6 course. After showers it was kissing/sucking/madMONKEY love for the grand total of 20 minutes it took to purge the already bubbling-over first load of the trip. And all-told the damage came to less than 900 baht including my drink ordered as we entered. DAMNED reasonably priced entertainment! I LOVE SOI 6!!!

After a few hours on Soi 6, Phxguy wanted to head back to his room before we headed out on the planned evening barhop to Waking St. So we headed for the baht bus and agreed to have him meet us at Tahitian Queen on Beach Rd. as soon as he was ready to head out.

Besides the fact that I’ve never really seen a girl whose look really floats my boat there, I really do like Tahitian Queen. The music’s good, the girls have energy, the cold Heineken drafts seem to disappear rapidly and be instantly replaced. All in all, a pretty damned nice place to spend an afternoon. But on THAT afternoon, there seemed to be a chick that attached herself like a barnacle to Woodway, and she started getting mouthy with ME over my lack of baht-sonality. The FACT was that I was TIRED, nodding off several times in the refreshing air-conditioned comfort of a corner booth of TQ while she bored Woodway with the standard, (already this trip) annoying questions and browbeat him into buying her a drink for installing herself in our rather precious seating space.

Phxguy showed up eventually, and soon enough he also had a girl at his side. Woodway’s battle axe then started in on ME again, asking why I hadn’t bought a drink for the girl that I had sleepily allowed to sit next to ME. I told her to MIND HER OWN DAMNED BUSINESS and that if the chick sitting next to me had a problem she could LEAVE. Funny how that shut her the hell right up! With a sort of second wind kicking in and having Phxguy along for the ride, we paid up and jumped on yet another baht bus bound for Walking St.

As is my usual custom, the first bar we hit was Happy a go go, and as usual, it was an IMPECCABLE choice. I mean this place was PERFECT TITTY CENTRAL! I don’t DROOL often, but my GOD, man, Happy is simply the PERFECT TITTY center of the UNIVERSE! I was one DAMNED HAPPY fat man in that place! But, as always seems to happen there, the sheer VOLUME of hotties makes it almost paralyzing when deciding which one was the most interesting looking. I think we lasted for a whopping 2 drinks, ~ 45 minutes before it was suggested by the others that we move on.

I didn’t mind, figuring the next stop would be the possibly even BETTER Peppermint, but Phxguy piped up that he wanted to check out the sister bar of his ball and chain’s bar in BKK located on Walking St. While it certainly would never have been MY choice, I was certainly up for tagging along, and we headed a short distance more down Walking St. before we found it. It became obvious almost immediately that the place was pretty damned dead, but it was actually ME that made us stick around to finish our drinks as my vodka-redbull was DAMNED tasty and jolt-a-licious, and there was some chocolaty chunky D-cupped dolly that was getting full-on MOLESTED by some dude in a corner booth and flashing WICKED smiles directly at ME the whole while! THAT was certainly worth the price of admission, and I admit that I was hoping lightning would strike and that the dude would lose interest and walk away before we finished our drinks and left. Apparently he was no dummy and was in no hurry to go anywhere, however, and soon enough we paid up and headed back to Peppermint.

For those who have never been there, Peppermint-a-go-go is simply a MUST see on a trip to Asia, especially for all frustrated Bangkok afficionados longing for the days where it ALL hung out. I mean we walked into Peppermint, and the main stage was literally PACKED with topless Thai girls. Titties friggn’ EVERYWHERE!

We kind of wandered in in a daze and ended up getting three seats close to the main stage as all the tables were already PACKED with punters. MY eyes were immediately GLUED to the widest girl in the place, a chick who seemed to be THREE TIMES the size of all the other girls on the main stage. Of course the attraction was that she had what were simply MASSIVE tits, and was shamelessly shaking them so violently that I wondered if there was going to be a TSUNAMI onSTAGE!

I was MESMERIZED. I vaguely remember Phxguy and Woodway chuckling by my side as my gaze burned a HOLE in the pasty-white chubby girl onstage. As she paused EVER so slightly while exiting the stage, I literally GRABBED her and informed her that she was having a drink with me. She chuckled a bit and said OK, but kept looking around to check out whatever guy some waitress/friend had already identified as a target for her. Apparently I wasn’t the ONLY guy in Pattaya with a big boobie fetish!

I quickly cut to the chase and told her I wanted to barfine her. She said ‘no, I can’t do long time’. Gee, I’ve never heard THAT before in a Pattaya go go… I told her I wasn’t interested in MARRIAGE, just a romp for a couple hours, and of course plenty of pics. When she heard about ‘pics’, she asked ‘how much u pay me’? Warning bells started ringing, but I figured that it was ONLY money we were talking about, and responded that I never paid more than 1500 baht for ST. She literally LAUGHED at that amount and told me that if I wanted a bunch of pics I better be willing to pay more. I told her NO, I never paid more, and that the pics were for when I went back home CRYING and wanted them to remember the beautiful Thai girls while I jerked off (thank god for sign language and hand gestures!!!)! This made her laugh, and she immediately said OK and went to go get dressed!

WOW, THAT worked! I quickly told Woodway and Phxguy what was going on, and they both decided that they were going to return to TQ to find girls they had seen earlier. I told them to keep in touch as I was sure to be in the mood to head back out within a couple hours. When my girl came out dressed (still with GARISH blue eye makeup. YUCK!), we ended up all heading for a baht bus together, with the guys jumping out awhile before us. I remember holding hands with my DREAMGIRL of the hour and wondering what things would be like with her once we got to the room.
Once we DID get there, things were fairly well scripted: Separate showers, a little foreplay, a few pics, more foreplay, argument about condom use, fair-to-middling sex, blood all over a towel, some more pics, wai after payment, remorse that there’d be no second round (mitigated slightly by fear of the RED PLAGUE visiting again) and slight HAPPINESS that I was a FREE MAN at midnight in Pattaya!

I quickly cleaned up, sent a text blast that I was heading out, then headed for the Soi 2/3 places where I had initially hung out on my first trip to Pattaya a couple years earlier. I sat at the Heineken beer garden for awhile to watch the Thai cover band that is seemingly ALWAYS there, and saw what appeared to be several LESBIAN couples exhanging stares with me.

After a quick beer at Atlantic Bar where I saw lots of eye candy with ATTITUDE, I headed around the corner on Soi 3 for an electric-griddled hockey puck burger to calme the again QUEASY stomach. While there I had a bit of fun flirting with two hello girls taking a break and the possibly even HOTTER cook, but it ended up perfectly harmless. A bit of drama was introduced when some Thai dude decided he wanted to HEAT UP his beer in the Microwave! I wasn’t exactly SURE disaster would result, but I didn’t want to stick around in case it did!

I headed for Classroom 2 go go bar on Soi 2, and ended up having a GOOD time getting more than a little hammered while listening to just about the entire Rolling Stones’ catalog. Every half hour or so things would stop and the lights would dim and the show dancers would take the stage and get all slimy together during the first song, then hose down and cleanse each other off during song 2. DAMNED fun stuff.

Well drunk at about 2 AM when rumblings began (Incessant Thai music was clue #’s 1-27) that the bar was about to close, I headed down Soi 2 to Beach Rd. planning to walk back to the hotel and check out whatever freelance action may be available as well. The walk was pleasant enough (though it still seemed DAMNED steamy!), but I didn’t see ANY traces of possible freelancers at ~ 2:30 in the morning. Fair enough, as I was only marginally in the mood to hook up with one anyway. Translation: She’d have needed BIG tits!!!

Soon enough I was back on Soi 7, which looked DEAD, so I headed to Soi 8 to check out the beer bars, and the results were severely disappointing. Most were already closed, the ones with the lights still on had no more than a handful of girls. Thailand is NOT the place to go if you’re at ALL interested in partying all night long.

Halfway up Soi 8 on the way back to the hotel I did see a bar with a HOT hello girl, and let her drag me into the bar. Of course she immediately abandoned me there and headed back to her post! A chubby ‘well past the sell-by date’ chick immediately attached herself to my side, however, and I enjoyed my buzz by answering completely random answers to her INANE standard questions. I quickly morphed into ‘Pierre’ from ‘New Zealand’ staying in some nameless 200 baht room near the bus station.

After the bartender giggled appropriately at all my stupid answers to the standard stupid questions, I bought her and my old, fat, ugly companion a drink, which got their undivided attention for the next 45 minutes. Occasionally the hottie hello girl would return to easy attacking distance, and I’d grab on and grope for all she was worth until she ran away screaming. 3 minutes later she’d be back again, so it couldn’t have been TOO awfully terrible, now could it?

Eventually I got a MASSIVE boner talking to the haggard chick next to me, and when we started talking about individual sex acts, she quickly told me that she was up for anything my little perverted mind could dream up. Now this chick was DEFINITELY past her prime, and while ugly is kind of a cruel term, she certainly wasn’t going to win any beauty contests! But she got my mind RACING about penetrating an infinite number of orifices, and figuring that I had a STIFFY poking a hole in my side and that the price was OH so right even if she was totally lying about everything, I drunkenly decided to pull the trigger and commence to fucking the living SHIT out of her.

Long story short: She indeed lied about EVERYTHING. When the moment of truth came, she whined that my cock was too big to fuck her ass. Didn’t stop me from jamming my thumb up the bullseye and jerking myself off into her other hole, though. All in all I’ve had worse for 700 baht all told. But I’ve had a lot better too.

For some reason I was STILL feeling generous after the rather lame sex, and invited her downstairs to the street chef’s enclave for a 30 baht bowl of soup. It was closing in on 5 AM at that point, and the taxi we had arranged to take us to the airport was due by 6:30. Ahh, fuck it, I can sleep on the ride to the airport and on the plane ride to Singapore and ferry ride to Batam, RIGHT? Uhm…

It had been one FULL day in Pattaya. Final count was three girls, 3 pops, 3600 baht spent on pooying. No stunners, but a HAPPY dick! Ain’t THAT what it’s all about?

Photo: Soi 6 Tease 01

Photo: Soi 6 Real Deal 02

Photos: Peppermint Tits 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13

Photos: Soi 8 Girl 14 15

"Pierre, from new Zealand".... You struck a nerve there... after my first week, I too began to amuse myself with the standard 20 questions from the BG's and became "Bruno a Veterinarian from Canada", specialty, of course, water buffalos.

Your Soi 6 real deal is from DMTs. They've been wearing these dresses for quite some time (different color every day). I like how it gives me INSTANT access to their cans on the street. Also, a quick reach behind will let you 6-pack 'em with little or no trouble before you even get dragged inside.

Good TR so far. Looking forward to the rest.

E

"Harder than chinese algebra"....ha ha classic.

There are a handful of hombres that I wish I could monger with sometime: Epimetheus, Porker, Khun Mor, Blazers and Socrates are in the list.

Thanks for the report, keep them coming. They always are a lot of fun.

Good one Baddog

Maybe I havent been to Thailand in a long time but I think all three of your girls are quite cute and I'm quite keen on your Soi 6 geisha girl. Your reports flow real easy. You seem to know which details are important and entertaining and which details are mundane and best left out...probably the hardest thing about writing these reports. Some have it and some dont..you have it.

Soi 6 tease was quite amusing early in our visit. Note the two pony tails on the sides of her head - we joked with her that they were water buffalo horns, and she went right along with the joke and held them out to the front like bull horns. I think she lost her enthusiasm when Woodway took his girl up, and she probably felt like that was going to be the only one of us taking anyone upstairs. (My girl had absolutely NO enthusiasm, and we had NO chemistry. I'd have been much happier if she had bugged out and sent some other girl in to keep me company.) Porker's girl had been SERIOUSLY cajoling him to get busy with her for quite a while. I guess she just finally figured it wasn't gonna happen. Too bad none of us three was sitting with the girl in the other booth nearby going "Fuck my ass!" I'd have had to take her up on that proposition.

Biggest mistake I made this day was not taking the Soi 6 cutie for a little boom boom at the same time Porker took his. But doing a quickie in a club isn't my preferred modus operandi. Do wish I'd sampled that poontang though - very pretty face, skin like silk, nice legs and not an ounce of fat that I could see anywhere.

uck-- no wonder u like PI

DM

Muahahahahahahahah

E

Phxguy, looking back now, I'm wondering if the pig-tailed chick thought I came in my pants or something! We both noticed when the original erection evaporated, and when it didn't immediately pop back up she lost all interest/energy, apparently oblivious to the fact that SHE had generated the now lost power.

She still came running up to me when we headed to Pattaya again the next week, but I was able to dodge her and grab on to the big titted chick I lusted after before. That I ALSO didn't end up fucking due to amigos desire to leave early THAT ONE I really WANTED!

Concarne, wish I could take credit for that line, but it ain't mine. I've credited the source in other reports.

Baddog, those questions get SOOOOO annoying some times, don't they?

Epi, Blazers, thanks.

DM, if you like these you should see the one that DIDN'T get her pic posted here in the interest of good taste. Yeah, I'm certainly not usually plugging stunners in Thailand.

Who's posting using Blazer's handle ?
You HAVE been away from Thailand too long !

Additional photos integrated into post above.

I love DMT's too, some very cute girls there, I regularly spend an afternoon in there when in town. Porker, looks like you went in the room closest to Soi 6 and away from the shower? Quite funny queueing up when the rooms are busy! Done that once and my pick starting noshing me off whilst waiting! Good girl!
I'm not over keen on your peppermint bird though, maybe coz I've got enough weight so don't need a chunky chick too!!
Good report Porker!

Glad you liked. Back in Mexico for a week now, that Peppermint girl looks quite normal to me! Funny how you get accustomed to looking at smaller women on an extended Asia trip.