It’s day 3 of my Asian vacation, and as usual I’m wide awake early – it’s now 7AM. I decide to head down the street to the Nana Hotel for their breakfast buffet. Since we need to decide when and how we’re getting to Pattaya, I text Porker to let him know I’m going to Nana for breakfast. Porker happens to be up as well, and pretty soon we meet up at the Nana Hotel restaurant. We end up chatting for almost two hours about mongers, mongering locations, our situations and about the occasional OGBF (Other Guy’s Bar Fine). As our planned departure time is drawing near, I have to return to my hotel and get Pink up and ready. Porker decides he’s going to track down a taxi, which is fine by me.

When I get back to the Omni, Pink is already up and dressed (guess I took a bit too long at breakfast). Ok, one problem solved. In a very short time I get a message from Porker that the taxi is ready. Wow – that was quick. I tell him I can leave as soon as I check out, and we agree that they’ll meet me at my hotel in a few mins.

Somewhere along the way, Pink asks me “where you go”? I tell her truthfully that we’re going to Pattaya. Then I go on to explain that my friends are then going to Indonesia, and that I may join them, or perhaps I might even go to Cambodia. I knew I would most likely stay in Pattaya the next several days, but wanted to at least make it seem that I might do something else. I kind of get the impression that she keyed in on the Cambodia comment. Even though I would like to visit there, I know that’s almost certainly not where I’ll end up spending the next few days, but I decide if that’s what she wants to think, I’m not going to fight it.

I check out, Pink says her goodbyes and goes to find a taxi, and I hop in the taxi with Porker and Woodway. We then sit back for a high speed run to Pattaya, with the taxi driver constantly weaving in and out of traffic, and somehow managing to ride the ass of every Thai driver between Bangkok and Pattaya. Fortunately, Porker and Woodway are talkative enough to keep me entertained and distracted for most of the journey. By some miracle we arrive in Pattaya in one piece. Porker has the driver drop me off at my hotel (Sandy Spring), and then they go to their place. Since I have no clue where the hell I am, where I am in relation to where they’re staying, or how I would get from unknown location one to unknown location two, they’re supposed to come back and get me soon.

After WAY too much paperwork (hey – I’m just renting a room – not buying the damned place) I get checked in and go up to my 5th floor room and turn on the air. Just as I’m getting settled in, Porker calls me on the hotel phone. I’m thinking to myself “he’s got the hotel number?” Turns out their rooms aren’t ready, and they’re already back in the lobby of my hotel. “Ready to go?” Sure I says…

We catch a baht bus (ok - a freaking pickup truck with an sort of camper thing on it) and take a quick ride over to Soi 6. It’s hot and HUMID as hell as Porker, Woodway and I wander down Soi 6 checking out the girls in front of each bar. The gals seem to LOVE Woodway, and they’re all trying to get us into their bars. We finally wander into a little bar (A/C – YES!) when two gals grab hold of Porker and Woodway and drag them in. A third gal belatedly comes to join me, and we all sit down. We order some beers and right away Woodway’s gal starts joking and playing with him. Those two are really hitting it off. Porker’s gal is more business, making all kinds of fake sex sounds and stuff, but she’s also giving him a pretty damn good lap dance in the process. Not bad. She’s also a good bit of fun, joking about her pony tails on the sides of her head being buffalo horns and such. My gal, on the other hand, is about as lame as they come. Oh she’s nice enough to look at, but she is clearly not into me. Unfortunately, she still decides to stick around for some reason I can’t fathom, even though I’m returning about the same level of interest in her. Meanwhile, Woodway decides his little pack o’ dynamite just must be had, and they head off upstairs. Porker’s girl tames down – a lot. I think she decided Porker just wasn’t going to pull the trigger, and just stopped trying. By this time my gal was all but asleep. Ho hum.

When Woodway comes back we head out into the OPPRESSIVE heat and humidity again. In no time at all I’m sweating like a pig. Ugh. I knew there was some reason I’m a night monger. Another bar – ok – any place with A/C and cold beer sounds good – and hey those chicks in pink are cute. Alright - got me a cute one this time.

I believe the bar we wander into is called MDT. We order some beers and start chatting with the girls. Chatting is a relative term. My Thai is maybe 50 words max, and this girl don’t speak Engrish. Oh well, she’s pretty, has a nice bod and silky smooth skin, she’s fairly attentive, and most importantly she’s stroking my cock through my jeans for the price of a lady drink. Not such a bad place to be. Porker and his gal seem to be hitting it off, and they end up heading off to the back room. Woodway just blew a load, so he’s in no great rush to do so again. And me – I’m hesitating. Why? Hell if I know. I just don’t care much for quickies in a back room. And there’s the fact that there’s a whole town full of go-gos and girls that I haven’t even seen yet. I decide to bide my time and see what the night brings. When Porker comes back, we have one more round and then prepare to leave. As I’m leaving I have the mama-san tell my gal that I really like her and that I’ll probably be back to bar fine her later. I know there’s every chance things won’t work out that way, but for all I know I may be back later.

We head out and I go back to my hotel. Feeling scummy from the day’s sweat, I get a cool shower. I’m now feeling much more refreshed. A quick communiqué from Porker and I’m off to meet them at a bar called Tahitian Queen. Walking distance from my hotel he says. No problem.

Following Porker’s directions, I find the Tahitian Queen pretty quickly. Once inside it takes me a short while to find Porker and Woodway – ahh, there they are sitting back behind that wall thing. No wonder I didn’t see them when I came in the door. We kick back for a while and have some brews. Porker, Woodway and I all have various girls approach. My gal, Keow, isn’t particularly attractive, but what she lacks in beauty she makes up for in enthusiasm. I get the impression that this one could be a nice GFE. Somewhere along the way Porker says something to Keow, and she jokingly replies to him “kiss my ass”. Thus she is crowned the title of “kiss my ass” girl. Before much longer Porker’s ready to roll, and I’m not about to barfine a so-so gal from our first bar of the night, so I tell her that we’re going to Walking Street and maybe I’ll come back to see her later. I really doubt that’s the way things will work out, but what the heck. It could be true. Off to Walking Street we go…

Walking Street is just sensory overload. The lights, the smells of street vendors cooking, fellow mongers, full families with the kids in tow (as Woodway put it “how come my family never vacationed in pussy central”), and lots of bars with their best gals out front hawking their wares. Walking Street actually has a lot of regular shops as well – tailor shops, curio shops, even a shop with some pretty good custom oil paintings. But we ain’t here for trinkets.

Hey – check out the white Austin Powers go-go boots! Those are being worn by girls hawking what Porker insists is a “world class go-go” that we must now enter. Beer? Check. Scantily clad girls? Check. Ok dude, I’m there. And thus we enter Happy a-go-go. I’m thinking the place is actually pretty small, and it’s almost packed. Not too many places to kick back in here, and certainly no place to stretch out with a sweetie. I order the requisite Heineken and watch the show from stageside with Porker. Pattaya go-go stages are funny. They’re all designed with two openings – typically at opposite ends of the stage. They feed the girls in at one end, and when they have shuffled their feet all the way from end to end the gal pops out the other end. This place does have some nice looking gals, several of them with near perfect tits (as Porker points out), and I do like the outfits – little skimpy shorts that oft times show the bottom of the butt cheeks. Oooh – ya gotta like that. But I just don’t see any gal in particular that jumps out at me. I also get the feeling that the girls are mostly bored to be here. I don’t see a one that seems to have even noticed me. I’m ready to move on long before Porker is, but the night is young, and I’m not about to rain on a fellow monger’s parade or diss his hospitality. And in any case, I’ve got beer and nice looking babes to keep the eyes entertained, so I can wait.

When we do leave I see the sign for the Dollhouse. As the Dollhouse in Bangkok is about my favorite bar there, I talk the guys into going in. Doesn’t take long to figure out this is the sad twin of the Bangkok bar. There’s just no life in this place. Check please.

We go past a Muay Thai boxing rink (was that some guy screwing with a big-ass python in the rink?) up an escalator, and I find myself going into Peppermint Playhouse. We hang out a while by the side of the stage. I like the outfits in here, there are a ton of girls, the music is good, the beer is – well – it’s Heineken – what do you expect in Thailand. And there are two gals on stage making googly eyes at me – that has potential. Uh oh – Porker spies BIG BOOBY girl. As his eyes glaze over and he begins to drool, Woodway and I know that he is lost to us. Sure nuff, before long he’s barfining Ms Big Boobs and off they go. Have fun kiddies!

Woodway and I discuss the situation and we both decide we liked the gals we met back at Tahitian Queen. Alrighty then – back to TQ it is. We’re barely back in TQ a minute when Kiss My Ass girl spots me. A big hug and kiss – “you come back for me?” Yes I did was my reply. Looking almost incredulous that someone would look over all the girls in Pattaya and come back just for her, this gal was obviously very eager to go with me now. But Houston, we have a problem. Woodway can’t find his gal from earlier. I get him to describe her as best he can, and pretty soon Kiss My Ass girl and mama san are both on the hunt. As fortune would have it, Woodway’s description leaves some considerable degree of room for interpretation, and I believe Kiss My Ass girl and mama san ask “is that her” while pointing to about half the girls in the bar. But then fate smiles upon us and Woodway sees his gal on the stage. I point her out to mama san and in short order we both have our bar fines lined up.

Woodway heads off with his gal and Kiss My Ass gal and I walk around the corner and up the street to my hotel.

After the usual showers, Kiss My Ass girl and I hop in the bed. She wants to start the usual routine, but I throw her off guard when I roll her over on her stomach and make her lie down. Then I hop out of bed and grab the honey-almond massage cream from my suitcase. Thai women seem to have a really hard time lying down to be pampered and pleased, but pretty soon she relaxes and just begins enjoying the massage. Why do I do this? Well, I hate just jumping right into the boom boom. Seems so impersonal and business like. I’m here to have fun, and things are going to be even better if fun is had by all. I also happen to enjoy pleasing others, and I must admit that I enjoy running my hands all over soft young female bodies (yummy!). With a little massage I can run my hands ALL over their bodies without it seeming at all crass or perverted. I also make a point - by choice - to avoid the genitals while doing the massage. Oh I'll get close, but never quite there. I start at the neck and shoulders and work my way down, and many times by the time I reach the lower back and buttocks the gal is moaning softly “mmmmm” or “aaaah”, sometimes even arching their rear up in the air slightly, clearly wanting some sexual stimulation. Sorry honey, you’ll just have to wait. Nothing like a little anticipation to get a gal’s motor running. I work my way down to her buttocks, then proceed to massage her down the legs, all the way to the soles of the feet. When I’m done with the massage I lean over and kiss the back of the knees, open mouthed. A little nibbling and sucking and a little bit of tounge. Not every erogenous zone is in the pelvic region. I work my way up to the buttocks, and per her "kiss my ass" directive from earlier, I proceed to do just that – with a big "kiss" sound, telling her "ok, I kiss your ass" - then a little "smack" with the palm of my hand because she's been a bad girl. Then I move up a little to the small of the back. This is a very sensitive region, and deserves its own degree of oral attention. Working my way up the spine, I finally reach the nape of the neck. By this time my naked body is in the perfect position right behind hers, and most girls who relax and enjoy this treatment are VERY much ready for more than a massage by the time you’re nibbling on the back of their neck and breathing heavily into their ear.

Why do I do this you ask? Because at this point in time about 80% of the gals will THROW your ass down on the bed and devour your cock like it’s the last they’ll ever get. Another 10% will DEMAND to feel your cock INSIDE THEM NOW, and the other 10% - might as well just toss them back in the pond. I’m glad to report that Kiss My Ass girl is in that 80% of which I am so very fond. After she got done sucking my cock we proceeded to make mad monkey love in several positions, with her moans of "yeah", "uh-huh", "UHH!" edging me closer and closer to orgasm. After reaching the edge and easing back on several occassions, I finally had to go past the point of no return. As we collapsed together, she grabbed me and held me tight. A quick rinse end then I hop back in bed. She does the same, then snuggles up close and we talk for a while about things I won’t begin to remember. But I do remember feeling that, at least for this moment, there’s nowhere else she or I would rather be. That is the heart and soul of a GFE. We eventually drift off to sleep in one another’s arms.

Photos: Kiss My Ass Girl 01 02

Lol, she told ME to kiss her ass? I musta been more sleepy than I thought that day at TQ!

It was funny as HELL calling your room from downstairs at Sandy Springs when the Thai dude answered the phone! I was thinking you had worked quickly to find a 'friend'! Didn't realize it had taken you so long to check in. What'd you think of the hotel? How did it compare to Omni in BKK?

The Soi 6 chick at the place with the pink dresses that was rubbing your dick in utter silence was a HOTTIE! I can understand the general preference against back room quickies, but man, how could you hold off and just get fondled like that for so long? We gotta work on your exit speeches, btw. Asian bargirls are not known for hearing the word 'maybe' very well, and it can create needless drama. "Bye bye" works very well! They'll still remember you if you decide to come back.

I know Woodway said he got gigged for a 1000 baht barfine at TQ. I presume you paid the same? Hopefully that policy won't last (Dave the Rave said they'd since dropped it), but I guess if you have a good time you can't really argue about it.

Again, keep them reports coming! Pics too, those were great!

>>>Lol, she told ME to kiss her ass?

Yep, I distinctly remember that one. Your response was to take mock offense and reply with something like "THAT wasn't very nice". Although I don't think those were your exact words.

>>>What'd you think of the hotel? How did it compare to Omni in BKK?

While the Sandy Spring was comfortable, clean and the suite was HUGE, it wasn't nearly as homey as the suites at Omni. The floorplan was somehow lacking, as the bedroom section was off to the left when you enter and the den portion was off to the right. No divider except the open entrance way you see Keow standing in there in the 1st pic above. I ended up not using the den at all.

The floorplan at the Omni is much better, and I find myself using the den many mornings if I have a gal who wants to sleep in a bit while I watch TV or read. There's also a door between the den and the bedroom, so you can "divide" the two when you like.

As for exit speeches, maybe I should change it to "I go now, unless you want to try 3-hole?"

"I believe the bar we wander into is called MDT"

DMTs actually.

"As for exit speeches, maybe I should change it to "I go now, unless you want to try 3-hole?""

Quite frankly, I use that as a screening question, then 6-pack the girl during foreplay in the bar. you'd be surprised how often that works out...

E

THE best thing about Sandy Spring is you can take the room key off the plastic stick ,leaving the sucker in the slot to run the air con all day. Worth it's weight in gold !

That is exactly what I did KM. And every time the maid came in she TURNED THE DAMNED A/C OFF. GRRRRRRR!!!!! I started making special trips back to my room just to see if she'd come and gone so I could turn it back on.

PG
I give the maid 100 baht per day and ask her to never touch the aircon and give me extra towels every day. They get the idea quickly. Everything runs on the baht in Thailand.