Squeezed this trip in when G announced he was getting married to his long time girlfriend and also jacking in work to live in Thailand this summer.

Good Friday

Left from Manchester on KLM via Amsterdam. Had the good fortune to be upgraded on one leg. I mean I got an upgraded sandwich on the way to AMS. We had planned a sneeky entry to BKK, me on KLM , G and his brother M on China Air and T with the Luftwaffe all arriving Saturday.

A good tailwind meant a landing 50 mins early and a wait until the taxi arrived. Heavy rain on the express way and a few sensible drivers slowed down. G and M were sitting outside La Fontaine awaiting my arrival. A good tip - give yourself at least half an hour to book in there. It took ages also avoid the fourth floor as they have no lift and you are knackered when you get to the room.

When T arrived we moved on to the Rolling Stone bar and then the Roo Bar where I wrapped myself round the Irish Stew. Back to the RSB to watch England beat NI 4-0. Back to Roo Bar and met up with S and his Thai wife. I ended up taking her to Las Vegas where she enjoyed herself and I quite liked the titties on show, the pussies were also well manicured. I didn't like the push for tips and told them my wife kept all my money.

I moved on to the FLB where it was a sad day as Ben and others told me of the accident that happened the day before. I made a donation and went back to the RSB where I bar fined a real good looking freelancer. We got back to my room and had a tiff which revolved around her being sick and needing the cash for the doctor in the morning . I felt she should have told me this up front and sacked her. She dressed pretty sharpish and made it back to the RSB where she made up a cock and bull story about me having bad smell under my armpits and round the family jewels. If that was the case I'm going to sue Imperial Leather a I'd just polished all my bits and bobs in the shower. I made my case to G and Noi the Momasam. I picked another who said she couldn't do blow jobs because she just had her tongue pierced.

It was getting late and I was getting pissed and there were only a few options left. I quizzed the nearest lady to me about service provision and she ticked all the boxes so I did the deal. Earlier that night M had been rambling on about Billy Beaumont (ex England Rugby player) and I didn't twig he was referring to my paramour for the night or what was left of it. She was option 3 and she did carry a few extra pounds but she was a willing worker. At 4.30 in the morning beggars can't be chosers.

Once I drifted off into post passion slumbers I had a very vivid dream that my Dad came into the room (he passed away 15 years ago) then my Mum (still batting at 92) came in to the bedroom and gave me a right bollocking for picking a fatty when there were so many to choose from.

I woke up the next day and did the dirty deed with Billy again. When she had gone I got up and went to the Roo Bar for breakfast and a wander round. I was overcome by exhaustion and went back to the Windy Bar where M and G were breakfasting. Once I revealed I had spent the night with Billy there was no stopping them taking the piss out of me. The only excuse I could come up with was that I was pissed and she was strong enough to carry me up the bloody stairs to the fourth floor.

It was then that M revealed he had gone back to the room with a girl at 7am and found he had no condoms so she went to the 7-11 to get some (only in Thailand!!!!).

That afternoon we went to the dress hire shop with G and Noi getting their fittings for the wedding. When G came out with a white suit and gold braid we both hummed uh uh 'Elvis lives'. To which we got a string of verbal abuse.

We also popped into the jewellers to buy one of the girls a present as she was having a joint party with M that night. We bought a half baht gold bracelet for just over 4000 baht.

I then buggered off to buy shirts for me and 13 pairs of G strings for the ladies.

M had decreed his birthday party was fancy dress but I was the only one that turned up in it. I gave K the birthday girl a big guinness party hat.

The RSB was chock a block that night and guess who was the butt of all the jokes. Everybody that turned up was told about and then introduced to Billy. The bastards!!!!!

I stayed off the booze until 10pm and then the bets and booze flowed. 3 of us played dice for 1000 baht a corner the winner to ring the bell. I was happy to lose a few games and then the bell ringing was recinded and I started to get money back. At one stage I struck a bet with a girl. If she won she got 2000 baht if I won free boom boom for a week. Just call me lucky Jaime. But I lost the next game.

I had a break at the FLB and a gogo. I can't remember which one but I do remember writing down No 21 superb tits and No 24 had nipples you could tune in to Radio 2 with.

I took another lady that night and at 4.am as we were trying to get up those bloody stairs to base camp T's lady was running down them not saying a word. I thought I may have caused the problem as she had earlier asked T what he had done today and before he could reply I weighed in with '3 short times and her only reply was 'thats good for me'!

Monday

D left at 6 am. My notes only say that, I can't for the life in me remember why. It must have been a good reason because 2 hours is a short long time.

I buggered off to see Da at Residence Gardens to ask her to give me some Thai words for the speech at the wedding. She was rewarded with a bag of ASDA's best SmartPrice Chocolate Eclairs.

The four of us met up at 1pm for an afternoons drinking. Before that I was at reception when M was asking for more toilet paper. The receptionist struggled to understand him and she twigged and said 'oh yes for pooh shit'. Again we guffawed as she got embarrased.

We started at the Roo Bar and headed to 2nd Road where I ordered a couple of pairs of glasses whilst the others met P and D for a cold one across the Soi.

I then lead the party to Lólita's where I wanted to check the dentists chair. It was cold inside and so was the beer. We were surrounded by would be suckers and I asked to see a room. It apparently caused confusion as all the rooms and keys are lettered but there is no letter on the door. Satisfied it was a suitable venue for a pipe clean I went back down stairs.

By this time we were fairly boisterous (well I was) and I decided to do the deed despite having 5 blokes downstairs timing me. Tip from Jaime - take a book with you if they do that. I pick the lucky girl and said will you wear these and produced a thong! Much to the amusement of the gang. No ploblem. Got her stripped down and on went the knickers (not before she asked if she could take the label off!) I got comfortable and noticed a mirror on the wall facing me. Unfortunately I could only see my left foot. The girl told me she used to work at the Bangkok Lólita's and I was her first customer in Pattaya. Did that make her a cherry girl?

I went downstairs and they were still on there first beer. We paid up and I got and itemised bill.

Traditional Thai Massage 200 Baht
Sevice Provided 400 baht
16.00 (time)
Something F I asked if that was the score I'd acheived but she said it was the room!

We moved on to TQ1 and the Nui's 2. In there I exchanged a new G string for a second hand pair. One lovely girl decided to dance on stage in her normal clothes and then she took off her top and trousers. I picked up her pants and shot out into Walking Street with them. The lads she she went barmy shouting after me. I left them with the door girl.

On to Follies Pigalle where the music was crap so I asked the Mummy to change it. She put on an upbeat version of Stay the old Hollies hit and we all put are arms up a swayed to the song much to the amusement of the dancers. Some dancers had no panties on so we bought a ladies drink if the others took theirs off. They soon twigged and were all coming on stage with panties on. Back to RSB and then the hotel and a quick change saw us out for the night.

The Beach, Las Vegas, Super Baby and Polo were our chosen haunts. I was not impressed that in Polo a dancer hit on me for a tip before I'd ordered a drink or even looked at the stage. I exchanged a few pairs of knickers and got a second hand pair which really did min (smell).
Back again to RSB where I was on cokes and the others falling over.

The only disappointment was that we could not get the Carlisle Halifax Town game on the TV.

I selected a bride at 2.30 and went back and had a lovely massage with a very happy ending.


Tuesday

We had planned and booked a trip to Bangkok for a a visit to the Embassy and a civil wedding service (and a piss up) but that was cancelled as there was too much to do for the wedding in Pattaya and the girls wanted their wages early to hire dresses and get presents for the happy couple etc.

Every cloud has a silver lining so we took advantage and headed to Phoenix to thrash the living daylights out of a golf ball or two. I picked a great caddy and hacked my way round the first few holes. It was not helped by me borrowing a set of sticks which were right handed but because of the yips I putt left handed. Everything came together on the 16th where I sliced it out right to the lake, it hit a rock, carried over the water, hit another rock and hopped into the greenside bunker. I splashed out to 15 feet and sank my putt for the par!

G had a lovely caddie she turned down the offer of work in his bar. He later found out she caddies 4 days a week and at university for 3 days a week studying business and computing.

When we got back I was knackered and climbed those bloody stairs and collapsed fully clothed on the bed. T's girl came to see me but wouldn't get into bed to aid my recovery.
I got up at 11pm feeling much better.

We went to the opening of a new bar (Noi's friends) on Second Road deep down a Soi just passed Made in Thailand. My street cred went up again when we got there as 2 girls ran to meet me shouting my name. Fame at last. I had good fun with some more panties and came very close to a bar fine but she got too much mao.

Back to the RSB and more fun with panties only this time a bet was struck with M. 1000 baht each for him to climb to the top of the pole wearing only a skimpy red g string. He was stripped off ready to go and I can say that his wedding tackle was in no way covered by the 2 square inches of red satin!!!!!!!!!!!! Sadly the jape was stopped by Noi as she feared the Police would come.

I had an early night only 3am!!!!!!!!

Wednesday

A late breakfast at the Roo Bar and then across the road to get suits and shirts etc for the wedding on Saturday. Picked the materials got measured and booked in for a first fitting at 10pm that night.

I went back with T and called at the Windy Inn to have a look at the receptionist. T had taken her to Ruen Thai for a meal on his last trip but had not done the dirty deed with her. She had collared him on the first day of this trip and told him he had to move from La Fontaine as it was connected to the Windy Inn and she was not allowed to knock knock his door after her shift finished and she was determined to screw his brains out. I went along to act as his agent and claim 10% of what he was due from her. She is in her late 30's and I'd put her in the last chance saloon.

Her for you nosey buggers is the letter she sent to him:

I'm so glad to met you. I love you and I can won't you but I know you don't love me. Why don't you call me? You told me you can't move to other hotel and did you deplore the money that you paid for your room? I know you have money and you can pay for everything but you don't buy anything that can make you happy and I understand you. You never do anything for me and how can I stay with you?

I deplore the time that I wait you. I'm very sad now and I just know now that I'm not mean for you.

T 27/3/05

You can imagine what was the buzz word for the rest of the week. We deplored just about everything after that letter.

We had a do nothing afternoon and I went off to pay for my specs and restock up on knickers.

That afternoon the grooms parents arrived with G's niece and we made up a large party that went to Ruen Thai. By this time P had also arrived in Pattaya with his mate a Geordie newby and a couple of floosies from Bangkok.

Try as we might we could not understand the Geordie. I gathered he had holidayed many times in Benidorm and thought he was still there. As the Thai dancers were on stage he shouted to P have they got any Rod Stewart? He ordered a steak when asked what type he replied just bring us a steak man.

At 10pm we left for a suit fitting as the others went to see the show at the Malibu bar. I can't stand it so cut loose to Super Baby where a girl was doing the hot wax show for the Korean tourists who starred impassivly at the stage. When the tourist went the dancers came back on stage and they were just like wax work dummies without a hint of a smile to the pervert lusting in the corner. It was much livelier in Champion and absolutely rockin in the FLB. The wake was in full swing and the girls were inflicting great damage to the stock on the top shelf.

I went back to RSB to watch England Azerbijan.

Took my leave at 4am with another lady to help me up those bleedin' stairs.


Thursday

A slight problem my laundry had not been returned and I was down to my last change of clothes.

Had a quiet time. Went for a suit fitting and it wasn't ready so we booked in at 5pm before the stag night.

That afternoon I set off with M to find a massage with a happy ending and went down Soi 2 instead of 3 and ended up at the Welcome Inn where several attractive ladies were replenishing make up in the outdoor area. We didn't realise until we left for the fitting that the inside bar was wall to wall freelancers. One for next time.
The stag night started at 7pm in the Rolling Stone Bar (where else) and moved on to the Roo Bar where Roundy was still playing hell about having to buy shoes and trousers for the wedding.
We gathered momentum and numbers and headed off to Tims. We booked a baht bus for the night at the bargain price of 700 baht and C volunteered to be holder of the purse. We all contributed 1000 baht. All ladies drinks to be paid for individually. T was again shocked by the numbers of ladies who came to renew aquaintances with me there. More Lancastrians joined the gang at Tims and we leaped on the bus to go to Classroom 2. Fun and games with ping pong balls and the odd pair of knickers and we were off to Kittens in Naklua. The decibel level was frightening when 17 eligible batchelors walked passed the beer bars. I had started off with several bags of sweets and they were fast diminishing.

We were the only customers in Kittens but it soon warmed up as we had ladies sprauled all over us. Some Bolton Boys owe me several pairs of G strings as they got aquainted with the staff.

Back on the bus again and we were doing a bit of alfresco choral works much to the amusement of our driver. We next visited the old G string a gogo I can't recall its new name.

We got front row seats for the show and were soon tied up in papers flowers and other items. I had one girl stand on a buffet to take off her knickers to get new ones. One of their clientel was in a hell of a state. He sat with just a towel covering his modesty. Starring blankly into space and occasionally forcing beer down his neck. I was particularly keen not to exchange headaches with him in the morning. There were also a few Korean couples who also sat impassively at procedings.

I was not watching the show and then noticed 3 ladies engaged in carpet munching on stage. I shouted Oi what are you doing? One polite lass turned and shouted back 'eating pussy' 'OK' said I 'carry on'.

We piled back on the bus and headed to Walking Street. C paid our very happy driver 1000 baht for his trouble and I'm sure he would have dropped us off at the door of the Beach if he could.

We all crowded round the tables in the Beach and were hypnotised by the bald fannies. I took to undoing their Herman Munster boots and hit the jackpot on one when 10000 baht fell out of her socks. I was told that the big earners with pretty pussies rake in 80000 baht a month there. A good bit more than the 3 to 4000 a month for girls in beer bars. Lets face it they they don't need to be good looking, you don't look at their faces and provide they have no boils on their arses they should get the tips.

I think we went in a couple more bars Las Vegas and another alcholic amnesia has set in.

We were aiming for the FLB but time beat us and we went to our planned last venue Follies Pigalle. It's an intimate Gogo and we filled the benches across from the dancers. Mummy spotted us at once (well we were the only customers) and switched the music. At once Stay was blasting out and this time there were 34 arms in the air swaying to the music.
As 1 am approached our diligent kitty holder went to sort out the bin. Finding he had a cushion in the kitty he strode along the line picking up all the ladys drink tabs. He paid those and gave a generous tip. Hours of grade 'A' fun for 1000 baht a person.

The night not over yet as we made our way back to the Rolling Stone Bar and continue the fun. T tipped the DJ and this time we lined up in the middle of the Simon Complex and made them have Stay again. We even included a turn as we faced the other bars. I had collected a cutie on the bar crawl and she joined me at the RSB. We staggered off at about 5am still with a smile on my face.

Friday

I had to ring M and T at 11 am to remind them of the suit fitting at noon. I just got a series of grunts from M. Who confirmed he would make the appointment. The fitting went well until it was M's turn. He tried on the trousers and all he could say was 'I'm not happy' I'm not paying! The tailor was doing his best to say He would put everything right within the hour or make some new trousers. All he got in response was I'm not happy. I took a while to realise that M had got back from the stag do at 9.30am and he was still pissed as a pudding. He eventually said they were too baggy in the leg and was booked in for another fitting.

We had planned to go fishing at Jomtiem Fishing park and M eventually said he had put his sensible head on and was going back to bed for an hour and would join us later. He certainly did not do the breakfast at the Roo Bar justice.

T took his bird with us and we sat drinking at the pond for an hour without success. T's lady rang M so we could see if he was coming to join us. Our call was at an inconvenient time as he was carrying out horizontal exercise at the time.

In the mean time a 9 year old Thai boy was pulling in catfish like no tomorrow. He was wearing a Man Utd Rooney shirt which we hoped would be covered in scales and fish shit when he posed for photos. No such luck. T struck lucky and got a 20 kilo specimen within 5 yards of the bank before it broke his hook. He sat down exhausted when his reel screamed again. He landed 3 in the next 3 casts and lost another whilst I sat there and swore at him and the bloody fish. At one stage he gave the rod to his girl but we feared she would be dragged in. He landed about 100lb of fish in 3 bites.

Later a little Korean bloke took about half an hour to land one and he collapsed after it was in the net. He then staggered about trying to hold it for photos. We were telling him to change poses but he dumped the fish back in. Cost 3 meals and several beers 1500 baht.

That night I went to pick up my girl from her GoGo and she was sitting with a customer nursing a ladies drink. Bollocks was my first thought but she asked to be excused and cuddled up to me. I took her to Cabbages and Condoms for a lovely meal and then back to Pattaya. RSB and FLB before we went to her place as promised as it was her friends birthday. They were all well pissed when we got there. They wanted me to buy the whole bucket of ping pong balls and thought I had done when they went all over the floor. It was a wonder no one was killed in the rush. However the girl next to me admitted she had struck a firm blow under the basket and caused the stampede. The waitress was very frisky with me a major transformation from the other day when she cleared off when we started the antics. My girl told me she was No 1 in barfines for the bar. She was a cracker.

We had an early night as we were due to get the taxi at 7.30 in the morning for the wedding.

Saturday

The alarm was a bit of a shock at 6.30 but I left sleeping beauty unmolested as I hit the shower. It was a bit of a shock putting on a sports coat and shirt and tie in that heat but we were advised suits were for the night do.

We piled in the taxi. Most of G's family had moved up to the Amari Orchid the day before so it was the riff raff in the taxi. How quiet the roads were. Still we saw a squashed motor bike rider in the road with his bike mangled at the side of the road.

I thought we had an early start but G said Noi's beautician/hairdresser/ladyboy turned up at 3.30 am to start the transformation. We had a coffee before it kicked off. G's 14 yearold niece look superb in a hired Thai dress. The white Elvis suit turned up on time with G in it. The bride looked stunning. All her family had come down from the village and her Dad was wearing his first ever pair of shoes.

We shuffled in to the room where the ceremony would take place. There were only 7 falangs including the groom. The others considered an 8.30 start was impossible to acheive. ( monks were seated at the head of the room cross legged and joined by a long piece of string). I took a fancy to the hotels wedding organiser and told her I was liaison officer representing the grooms family (it did no good, she didn't whisk me off to a private room). The bride and groom faced the monks. One sat in the corner seemed either spaced out or asleep. The chanting started lead by the main monk. I thought he was a Beach Boys fan as one started Baa Baa Baa but they didn't go into BarbaraAnn as I had hoped. At the end of the first couple of chants the No 1 monk leant to the side and scored a bullseye in the spitoon. I started to laugh, the shoulders were going at either side of me and G's Dad tried to pretend he was sneezing. The grooms shoulders were also dancing to the next tune. We all managed to calm down and Number 1 monk called the couple over. He said something in Thai to the groom. I thought it was to ask his golf handicap or possibly to ask if he had any money left for their envelopes as it was such a fine venue. Noi did the answering and he had asked him how old he was and boring stuff like that. He then stared swishing water about and we were seated near the front. They would have been the blue seats if we were watching Shamu. The monks (9 of them - Thailand lucky number) got food, flowers and an envelope. The wedding planner then blew the whistle for half time and we trouped out for a coffee and some a smoke.

The second half got underway with an exchange of rings and 20 baht of gold in the form of a necklace and bracelet ( about the same thickness of the anchor chain of the Queen Mary).

The Nam Nom came next. The dowry so called milk and water as a thanks for bringing the bride up. There were 1000 baht notes everywhere tipped on the table. I mentioned to T that I always tried to get Old Kent Road and Park Lane when I played Monopoly. After a lot of farting about spreading the money out the Brides Mother put it in a cloth, then on her shoulder and swaggered out with it. The only time I saw her smiling.

Next was the string. We all tied a bit of string round the happy couples wrists. It then moved on to the couple sitting at the front with their arms outstreched over a couple of bunches of flowers. Water was then poured from a gravy boat type vessel over their hands. Again we all had a go at this. When it was my turn the groom just looked at me and said 'Don't you dare'. So I didn't do anything silly. T whispered to me 'It's a good job I'm not on a hand shaking day'. So perhaps he cut down on the booze last night as well.

I borrowed a hand bag and called the wedding planner over. I told her I had got the money and could she call us a taxi and we could go where ever she wanted. Another knock back for me.

It then went to the photos and we noticed the brides Mother was minus a couple of teeth and she was also chewing baccy when posing for the photos. We immeadiately nicknamed her Chewbacca. One unkind person described her as similar to a bulldog chewing a wasp another thought it was a bulldog pissing on a thistle. I thought she was doing both at the same time. G definitely got the pick of the litter.

A few more photos outside and we got stuck in to breakfast. Again it was first class food and service. We walked down to Beach Road and caught a baht bus back to Walking St. M had a job to do at the Rolling Stone Bar and I had a mans breakfast waiting for me in the room.

It asked my girl to come to the wedding party and she said she was shy. She then asked me to confirm I really wanted her to accompany me. I said yes of course. I asked if she had a western outfit or Thai for the do as both were acceptable. I got the answer I expected and gave her 1000 baht to rectify the situation. I had obviously given her too much as she asked if she could go to the beauticians with the balance!!!!! Turn up at 5.15 ready to go that all I ask!

I went with T and M to the RSB where a new attraction had been installed.

The grooms Dad had always said 'the day our G gets married pigs will fly' On his way out he popped in to Hamleys at Heathrow and purchased a pig (wearing goggles) with wings. The thing was battery powered and it was taking pride of place above the cashier. Ready for G's return from the wedding.

Party preparations were in full swing with what looked like hundreds of heart shaped balloons getting inflated and strung up.

I went back to get togged out for the do and my girl arrived. What a great investment the 1000 baht was. I just said suai mak mak!!!!! Dang good investment (joke for Thai speakers - dang is the word for red).

We took a minibus to the Amari. The room was well presented, the couples names and date on the wall. Various entertainment was on hand with a guitarist keyboard and female singer making up several combinations. The food was a buffet and the booze flowed. Noi's Auntie said a few words and her husband an Aussie MC'd the start. The couple said a few words and it was then down to the 100 or so guests to tuck in. At once stage the Wonder of You was played and T got up and made them have it. Most of the Thai guests got up and did a turn but T was the only falang. We all helped him with the woe woes. I had a speech planned which got G's Mum's approval but the party was going so well I didn't want to slow it down and so I gave G my words so he would know what I would have said.

The bouquet was thrown by Noi and loads of girls lined up to try and catch it. The lucky girl was the one from my previous trip who played the switching the light off game in the shower. I think she understands her role a little better now.

One superb looking girl spoke to me about her distress as her falang boyfriend had given her the elbow and was seeking a replacement. She stood up and ran her hands over her body and said why nobody want this? She also gave me a note which read:

0408xxxxx XX

Aged 20
Look for man love me long time not butterfly OK

Email xxxxxxxxx_6@hotmail.com

I wish to love him long time

See he soon (couple of hearts drawn)

So if you PM me with your cash offer for the blanks to be completed together with a sworn statement confirming non butterfly status I will consider releasing the information. I may also have a test drive for you when I return in May!

The do finished at 10.15 ish and we piled into a baht bus. I got in the cab with my companion. I immeadiately declared this to be a falang baht bus. When the lads got off I told them Falang 5 Baht Thai 10 baht.

This were in full swing at the RSB and the pig waited patiently before whizzing round when the couple arrived. After a while I went to get changed and proceeded to get bladdered as did everybody else.

Sunday

I had a good lie in and we breakfasted at Windy Inn and G came running across in a lather. He called T over and explained that when he was washing his hands his wedding ring had slipped off and gone down the plug hole. T rescued it as it was resting at the top of the waste pipe on the brink of going into Pattaya Bay. That must be some sort of record to lose a ring so quickly.

Did a bit of shopping in the afternoon and went to say adios to the lads who were by the pool with a couple of girls. The taxi came on time and as I was loading up one said 'whats that tune?' Then all three of them burst into 'oh won't you stay'. Bastards just because they had another week left.

As the taxi pulled out they rushed to Walking St to give me another chorus but the taxi driver scuppered them by turning left and not right.

Heavy traffic on the expressway caused me a few worries but I made it on time.

A week later G rang me up to update me. On the Monday they went to the fishing park and caught a barrow load of fish. They went golfing where M didn't get out of the buggie and just got an 18 hole massage from his caddie and worst of all T had short timed my bird and said she was his best ever shag. He did get his fingers burnt though as he left his bird at the RSB when he went for the ST and told her to have a drink if she wanted. By the time he got back she had run up a bill of 1300 baht and was pissed as a fart!!!!!!!

I will get my own back in May - which bird do you think I will short time on my first day? Sorry T but I've always fancied a go with S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shayman (AKA Jaime the Limey)

Shayman

Wow!! Where do I begin...? Remarkable read - great sense of humor. This is one of the funniest TRs I've read in a long time. Your friend's wedding sounds like quite the event. Wish I could have witnessed ALL of it!!

Sounds like you're returning in May? Might find myself down in Pattaya for a few days. Perhaps we'll hook up for a drink or three...

E

(Message edited by epimetheus on April 20, 2005)

Shayman

It's TRs like these that keep me on edge for my next round to SEA. So much to learn, so much fun to be had. It's amazing to me how all of this transpires, and in that world. I don't doubt your friend found his tee rak. I'm just trying to figure out all that he must've gone through to get to that point.

Amazing, truly amazing. As for your antics, gotta love them. I've got too much of a stick up my arse to let go and have fun like that. Guess I'll just live vicariously thru you and others. LOL

DJ

Shayman,

A great entertaining hysterical report. I really must be out of the states for a long time now. I actually I understood 95% of the Queen's English here. Anyway too bad I will miss your visit, I certainly have a blast and learn new ways to get the party started when barhopping with you.

I enjoyed what I read so far, but must profess that my attention span is way too short these days to make it thru. I recommend future reports be split in chapters to allow for more managable chunks for us ADDs. Good job!

Shayman>> "Once I drifted off into post passion slumbers I had a very vivid dream that my Dad came into the room (he passed away 15 years ago) then my Mum (still batting at 92) came in to the bedroom and gave me a right bollocking for picking a fatty when there were so many to choose from."

God that is F*ing hilarious!
Nice report !
Val

Fantastic writing, man, frign' POETRY more often than not. I'll try and remember your irreverent reports the next time I look down my nose at the skinheaded drunken louts screaming at the TV 'footie' match at the top of their lungs! Thanks for the perspective. And especially for the entertaining read.

(Message edited by porker on April 21, 2005)