Now, before you call me too much of a dork, I wouldn't have done what I did this morning without them, so, Go Geeks! For example, I read on PeruTops about Relax & Vida
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NAME OF GIRL: Alexandra
LOCATED VIA: http://perutops.com/foroweb/viewtopic.php?t=242 (Relax y Vida Discussion in Spanish on PeruTops)
NAME OF PLACE: Relax y Vida Banos Turkos
ADDRESS: Carlos Villaran 121, Santa Catalina (right in front of the Banco Interbank Building). It was a $1.80 cab ride from Miraflores.
WEB: http://www.geocities.com/relax_y_vida
HOURS: 10:00 AM TO 11:00 PM, seven days a week
PHONE: 265-5370
GPS: 12°05.366'S, 77°01.291'W
LOOKS: Young. She claimed to be 21, but I would have put her at 18 or 19. Very thin, small breasts. A tiny girl, but very cute. The pictures do not do her justice.
Photo: Alexandra 03
FRENCH: Yes
DATY: No
DFK: No
F/S: No
ATTITUDE: The best attitude that I have come to see in Peru, the Land of Good Attitudes.
PERFORMANCE: This girl gave it her all. She would have done anything I asked, within the prescribed limits of the facility. Assuming that she splits the house fee and keeps all of the tip, the amount of effort this girl put in for $26.52 was incredible. Without the extra tip for the photos, she would have done all the work for $20.31
REPEAT?: Yes, at the location, but not with Alexandra, just because all the girls there were just so nice
COST: 70 Soles for the Sauna & Massage (1 hour) with a more or less standard 30 sole tip ($31.25 total), or 30 Soles for just the massage (1/2 hour) and a standard tip of 20 soles ($15.63). I chose the hour.
RECOMMENDED?: Yes, a must see on any visit to South America
NOTES: This place is fairly well-known as a popular blowjob factory -- they do not offer full service here. One issue for the locals is that it is directly in front of the zillion-story tall Interbank building, so it would be rough for guys who work there to pop over at lunch. Anyone who sees you would know what you're doing -- if you give a damm.
Anyway, Relax y Vida has a completely different setup from any of the other Banos Turkos I've been to. First, things here are really cheap, considering the attitude and looks and quality of the girls. Second, this is the friendliest place on earth. When I went in, the boss lady gave me a nice peck on the cheek and welcomed me, sitting with me in the 'living room' and discussing the deal. Third, the girls are all sitting around in the living room, so you can chat them up and then make your selection. They are all dressed and made up nicely. Fourth, did I mention how friendly everyone there was? Fifth, Once you made your selection, you go into the girl's 'office', consisting of a massage room with an attached private sauna facility. Sixth, you change your clothes in the massage room, allowing you to have your camera with you.
So I enter, talk a little with the Boss Lady and then the girls. At 10:45 in the morning, there were three of them. We went in and took our clothes off. After about 15 minutes of a, er, sensual massage, we went into the sauna room, where she cranked the steam, filled the bath tub, and had me sit and enjoy the sauna, made more enjoyable by the young, pretty, naked girl in my lap. I let her take the lead, and pretty soon the kisses worked their way down to my lap, circling Mr. Happy. She then went and got a condom, and expertly finished the job. We then hopped in the bath tub for a bit to cool down. As we were getting dressed, I asked to take a picture or two, she reluctantly agreed, but I couldn't really get any help with poses, etc.
When I was ready to leave (after they offered me a drink), it was time to pay. The Boss Lady wouldn't let me just pay and run without making sure that I enjoyed myself. Perhaps Alexandra was new and the boss was checking on her, or maybe they just care about their customers' satisfaction.
Although English REALLY wasn't an option here; my 1st Grade Spanish did just fine. I suspect that someone who spoke no Spanish, but had a pen and a piece of paper would succeed here, as long as you were willing to go with the flow. I was quoted the same price as was reported on PeruTops, so no gringo tax applied.
BTW, everywhere I've been here in Peru, it seems that safety is Job One. If bareback French is a breaking point for you, go elsewhere. It can't be a case of cleanliness - I spend half my damm trip in saunas and showers.
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Since I was in a new neighborhood, I walked around a little until it was time to meet some friends for lunch at Francesco Restaurant at 1:30
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NAME: Francesco
ADDRESS: Malecon De La Marina #526, Miraflores. There's another branch in Callao, wherever that is
PHONE: 442-8255 / 221-2697
HOURS: According to the business card, noon to 5 pm.
GPS: 12°07.020'S, 77°02.812'W
WEB: http://francesco.myplace.com
TYPE OF FOOD: Fish and seafood. There were some pasta dishes as well
COST: Expensive, by Peru standards. It was excellent, and ran about $55 for the three of us. We did share two expensive appetizers prior to the main dish.
SPECIALTIES: I don't know what it was called, but we had a combo plate of cerbiches in three different sauces as one of our appetizers. Most every table had one. All these people knew what they were doing when they ordered it.
QUALITY: Very Good
NOTES: This place overlooks the ocean, so it's real pretty. Other than us, it looked like everyone there was going to expense their lunch, so they probably never noticed the view. But I did.
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After lunch, I split up with my friends and did a little shopping in the Indian Market, home of All Things Tourist Crap. I didn't buy much, but spent most of my time practicing my flirting in Spanish with the girls working in the tiendas. If only I had more time there, and wasn't such a whoredog, I could do very well with the civilian population. As soon as I get off the plane, it seems that I get 10 years younger, lose 35 pounds and grow some more hair. For some reason, I am just irresistible.
I head back to the hotel to cool my heels for a while, then I grab a quick cerbiche ($3.50) from a from a street joint, and proceed to totally fall apart at three different blackjack tables, getting my ass kicked more and more as the evening progressed.
I got back to the safety of my bed and fell asleep by 12:30, spent both physically and via my wallet.
The phone rang at 1:15 and 2 AM. Both times, it was Kathy (from my first night), wanting to come up and visit. I guess I was right - I way overpaid her. I was polite the first time, but at 2:00 am, I just told her to go away and hung up.
NOTE: Lima is huge. Every time I drive somewhere in a taxi, I see three or four more places (nightclubs, stores, malls, markets, restaurants, parks, etc.) that I want to explore. It's also pretty dense here, so there's lots of things to do per square foot. It would take months to see it all, especially if I go to Relax y Vida four or five times a week.