Sauna Guaiba
Rua Santa Cecilia, 1330
Santa Cecilia, Porto Alegre
Phone: 3333-5200
Open Monday-Saturday, 3:00p-1:00a
http://www.saunaguaiba.com.br/index.html

Sauna Guaíba is a funkier version of Sauna Karan D’ache, with some similarities and some differences. It is located in the Santa Cecelia neighborhood, a brief (7 reais) cab ride from Centro, and closer to other locations where you might be staying. It is situated ½ block from where Rua Santa Cecilia intersects with Av. Ipiranga. The neighborhood is an “intermediate” one, neither upscale nor particularly run down.

This sauna is nowhere near as nice in appearance as Sauna Karan D’ache (SK, for short), especially once you’re inside, and the facilities are far more basic. One can imagine (well, someone can, but I can’t) going to SK for the sauna facilities; you would NEVER consider this at SG. More on this in a moment.

Like most such places, you enter and a person at the desk will explain the house rules. Entry (entrada) is 43 reais and includes all the choppes you can drink. Other drinks will be added to your tab, as will drinks you might buy for the girls. The cost of using a room upstairs is also 43 reais, and the fee for the girls is a maximum of 110 reais. Apparently you can negotiate a lower price for a “diminished” session. Strange. So, unlike SK, the house collects the fee for the girls.

Once you know the pricing rules you’re given a locker key on a band to wear on your wrist. My band was quite tight and I thought it was going to completely cut off circulation. The locker room is, well, as basic as the rest of the place. Very funky indeed. In your locker you’ll find a robe (yes, sleeveless again; I think Gauchos like to show off their shoulder muscles), a towel, and a pair of sandals.

After changing, I headed upstairs to take a shower. Mistake. The shower room was dumpy, relatively dark, and wide open to the world. Thirty seconds into my shower to women walk in. look at me, shrug their shoulders, pull off their towels, and take showers. I was in the garotas’ shower area. So, I gracefully finished my shower and headed downstairs where I could hear the noise coming from the boate.

The boate was, you guessed it, funky. There really is not much to it: tables and chairs stuck here and there, a couple of TVs showing porn (what, no soccer?!), and a pool table that was constantly in use. About 20-25 garotas, mostly in bikinis of some sort, were milling around and talking with guys. Music was playing but this is not a place where the garotas get out and shake their asses as a form of advertisement. The place was pretty low-key. Guys would grab a girl, find a place to sit, and start groping a bit.

The way things work here are: find a girl you like, chat a bit, conduct “the interview” and if she passes, invite her to the sauna. It turns out the sauna and men’s are located right off of the boate floor. Girls go in the sauna with the guys and shower off with them in the shower room afterwards. The showers and sauna both suck. The water that came out of the shower was so hot that I nearly scalded myself. The sauna has a heating element that is fully exposed, which you have to be careful to avoid. Some girls, including the two I have tried out, get playful in the sauna. One played tonsil hockey and worked me over with her hand. The other gave me a pretty decent bbbj. If you’re the least bit shy, this might not be for you, as there are almost always other guys and a few girls in the sauna as well. One guy was giving a running commentary on the blow job I was receiving, noting her “garganta profunda” skills (she was good).

Post sauna, it was time for a trip upstairs. There was no wait on either a Tuesday or Friday at 5:30, and we just walked up, found a room with an open door, and went for it. The room was, no, it wasn’t funky, but it was basic. It was large, with mirrors strategically placed front, left, right and above, and had clean sheets, but there was no shower. It served the purpose. I noticed that there wasn’t a phone present, so the only clock running is the one in the girl’s head. After the session she headed to the girl’s showers and I headed back to the one next to the boate.

Let me return to the topic of the girls. I mentioned that there were 20-25 when I arrived. By 6:00 there were more, and they easily outnumbered the men. On the other hand, I would only consider about 50% of them falling in the “do-able” range. There were a fair number of uglies, but there were also a few stunners. Competition seemed to be intense for the cuties, although I saw a few really ugly girls hooking up with guys. They must really be talented…

Drinks seemed expensive to me. A Red Bull will run you 18 reais, and one guy told me that he’d had girls run up 100 reais bar tabs on beer alone. It seems that the house uses the bar to generate a lot of their revenue.

Like SK, SG shuts down early. While the sauna stays open late, the girls are completely gone by 9 or 9:30. Weird.

My total bills ran between 196 and 225. Is it a bargain? That’s hard to say. I had two excellent sessions, but the environment…yes, it’s funky. For those guys who go for that sort of thing, you might enjoy the place. It’s an interesting change of pace, possibly. But it would never become my “Cheers” of Porto Alegre. No Bwana Dik Seal of Approval for Sauna Guaíba.

BD

If they used rainwater runoff barrels instead of scalding hot showers you could probably get I Am Sancho down there - he's the MASTER of "funky" establishments...

E

Epi,
Yes, I've hung with I am sancho a bit in Rio, and Sauna Guaíba is WAY too upscale for his tastes. Maybe if the place had squat toilets...Since POA has nothing to compare with the squatter villages in Cambodia, or even Vila Mimosa in Rio, I doubt that I'll convince him to come down here. Any guy who goes in search of cheap pussy in Laos would definitely feel a bit out of place in POA (even in Suana Guaíba).
BD

Bwana:

Ahn.. Sauna Guaiba, my old hangout, nice to know it's still around and still the same. Yeah, it's no palace, but plenty of fine doable girls (jeez, the bar prices went up though!). Never tried the "facilities" besides the bedrooms... I always would just go in, enjoy the floor show (at least they USED to ahve one), have a beer or two, feel up the girls and then get a room - I sem to remember being square rooms with big round beds in the middle. May not have gotten the BD seal of approval, but sure brings back memories ahving you describe it.

Abraco,

BS

BS,
Tchê, it may not have the BD seal, but I still go there. It's a short walk from my office. All it takes is one hottie and a bed. But there's a better party atmosphere at SK. Even the garotas at SG have said to me "be sure to try SK."
BD (Sou Colorado)

I'm single again and stepping out a bit more.

I hit this place earlier this week and so far for Porto Alegre this is the closest thing to a Rio terma, and it reminded me of 4x4. They're open Monday through Friday, and have about 40 girls every night. I was told Monday and Wednesday were the busiest days for guys showing up. Entry includes all the choppe you can drink and they put out food, too (e.g., lasagna and chicken soup).

Entry is now $R69. Girls are now $R120. There are normal suites and more expensive thematic suites. I tried the "Africa" room which was big and nice (and I think an expensive R$120, much more than the regular rooms).

They have strip shows, and girls can strip down. Lots of bikinis and termas type outfits rather than street clothes. Plenty of tits to suck on, plenty of lap dances to be had, and the local Brazilian guys were giving the thumbs up over it all.

There were a handful of stunners. There were also a handful of older/bigger gals. The bar is at least as big as the one at 4x4, but not as crowded. Mostly lighter skinned girls as is normal for Porto Alegre.

I want to reiterate the comments above about the drinks. I was trying to destress over something and decided on my first visit price wasn't a cost. Well, Red Bulls are $R22. Whiskey is $R22. Red Bull + Whiskey is R$44. And when you have a dupla, they double charge the room.

I had one of my biggest bills ever outside of Centaurus or Luomo's in Rio when I've indulged with duplas in the supersuite and just gone to town. No reason not to escape with a reasonable bill from here if you watch the drinks. New rule is a one drink limit.

Had a GREAT time with the girls, for a totally great session. Total safadas, who both gave me their numbers in full view of everyone in the bar. We got a call about 45 minutes in, so there does seem to be a time limit on the rooms. They suggested hooking up outside to avoid such a time limit.

There were still girls after 9pm, but it was falling off rapidly. I got there around 7pm and it was packed and fun.

For me, I can take an early bus stop on my way back home from work, so it's dangerous. Just off of Ipiringa, and probably well known to cabbies. I'll be back regularly if I don't get sucked back into another girlfriend situation.

Glad you got out from under that GF!

I know the danger you're talking about, Broman. I could walk there from my office and it was on the bus route between my office, PUC, and Campus do Valle. It was just to easy to stop off for a few beers, a blow job in the sauna, and a quick session. Glad to hear the place is doing well.

Fica bem, Tchê!!

Yeah. Dangerous for sure. My place is closer to Sauna SK, but that's farther when I'm coming from work (Campus do Valle). The suite, I should add, did have a nice bathroom and shower so I missed the public sauna BJ on my first trip.

Got something to write about La Barca, too, which is a short walk from my apartment. Good live music there the night I went last week. Also recommended. Gruta Azul has been the only disappointment for me in POA so far, but I have lots more places to hit.

Went back another time and learned a bit more (although not to avoid the dupla, apparently, although I did show restraint buying drinks).

It looks like Mondays and Fridays are the best days to go, at least for price. The have some kind of package deal for entry, girl, and room, under $R200 total, combined. What I was told before was that these days are not as busy, but there are still 40 girls there. I am suspicious that there is an owner or manager who understands how to use sale prices to bring in customers on slower days! Que bom!