Before I go any further I would like to thank you for following my exploits particularly if you’ve stuck with it this long. I have a favor to ask each of you and that is after you’ve read a whole part that you leave a thread letting me know whether you liked it or not. I’m writing this to entertain you as best I can and, believe it or not I would like to know what you think. In other words, if you want me to curb my writing don’t leave a thread. Oh shit, I probably won’t get another fucking thread. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut.
Thursday
Today starts off like all the others, Felix and I go to Mondego for breakfast and once again we're disappointed at 10:00 a.m. Back to the hotel and I'm finally able I get Miss Bubble Lips up, grab three coke lites and two bottled waters from the fridge and head down to the beach. Jorge's very aggressive today and because he raises such a stink I tell him that we won't do business with him anymore and that Fernando is the only chair guy I'll do business with the rest of the trip. This doesn't appear to bother him one bit because he is somehow going to passively extract money from me due to their complex interlocking business partnerships. These guys have their business plan down pat and now I can’t even fuck over one of them, even if I tried. Miss Bubble Lips calls Fernando over and orders one of those coconut drinks and I tell her to ask him what they cost before I buy. Fernando replies, "R$1.50 each." We'll at least that's a lot better than the R$15.00 that Jorge was charging me on my last trip in March. Because now I'm beginning to finally comprehend the magnitude of my financial blunders with Jorge on my last trip, my mood becomes sullen.
In an effort to lighten my spirits I grab my camera and start taking snapshots of some of the lovely sights on the beach. I manage to snap a few of a Top Secret Brazilian Military test being conducted on the beach. I only hope they get past the censors so you can enjoy them too. Where was I? Oh yeah, I’m messing up again. This manages to piss off Miss Bubble Lips. "Why do you take pictures of other girls?" She asks in that hissing tone that is rapidly becoming familiar to me. I lied and told her that I was just taking record shots for my friends back home and that's when she grabbed the camera to look at the pictures. For some unknown reason, only girls’ asses came up on the LCD screen and this really pissed her off more. She told me that if I liked the other girls so much, why don't I go fuck them?
Camouflage bikini
That was an interesting proposition because some other girls were beautiful, horny and readily available but once again I lied and said, "If I wanted to fuck the other girls, I guess I could but I would much rather be with you." I should have kept my mouth shut! I think she heard something different than what I said because at that point she went "thermonuclear." "Oh, so you want to fuck the other girl's and because you're taking pictures of their asses, do you want to fuck them there too? Another interesting accusation that was absolutely 100% accurate! I'm beginning to wonder whether or not she can read my mind. I decide to try and lie my way out of the situation as I usually do, hoping she doesn’t have that supernatural ability. Somehow it doesn't work this time and then things kept spiraling downward like always.
Gorgeous Ass
Only feet away from us one of the beach whores is trying desperately to entice clients. She goes up to the fruit stand, gets a banana and peels it, and then proceeds to give it one of the best blow jobs of ever seen. It's absolutely amazing what she can do with that banana and her technique is absolutely flawless. I can't keep my eyes off her and Felix is only two chairs away watching right along with me. She plays with the damn thing for over twenty minutes and I have my eyes glued to that banana. I didn't think it was possible but now she's even madder than before, especially after I snapped three pictures of the girl deep throating the banana. It was just a few record shots I told her but she grabbed my camera and deleted about 10 pictures just to punish me. Brazilian women can really simmer for a long time with their anger and no matter what I did; somehow I dug the hole deeper and deeper.
As we were getting ready to leave Fernando came over to us to settle up. He said the following to me and I agreed: Four Skol, three coke lights, two aquas and one coca. He gave me my bill which was written in the sand and I paid him accordingly. On the way over to Meia Patacas for a late lunch Miss Bubble Lips decided to stick it to me one more time and said, "How many sodas and waters did you bring to beach today and how many do you have left in the bag?" I'm pissed so I say, "three sodas and two waters and they're none left." Then she deftly pointed out that I had just paid Fernando for the ability to drink my own sodas and water at the beach. Now Fernando’s charging me fucking corkage fees! These Brazilian girls love to stir the pot up, don't they? Just before we get to Meia Pataca's Miss Bubble Lips grabs the hairclip that seems to always be attached to my clothing and she and Miss Bimbo go to the ladies room, leaving Felix and I to get us a table, which is usually difficult at this time of day. Strangely, the place is still empty; guess those guys are still enjoying their boat ride because they never came back.
Felix and I search for a table as we finally select one that’s next to a table with three garrotas seated at it, one of them says to me "Oy James Bond." Felix comments that this is the first time he's heard it since he's been in Rio and I begin to think that only three other girls in Help have said that to me this whole trip. What the fuck is wrong? Don't they recognize me? I’m wearing the same monogrammed shirts (only kidding fellas) and smoking the same big assed cigars, what’s wrong? While I'm thinking this over the three garrotas start winking and blowing air kisses at the two of us. This is the first time Felix has experienced this phenomenon and found that he liked this unique Brazilian custom. The girls come back from the bathroom, the clip goes back on my bathing suit and suddenly the girls are not paying any attention to me and focus solely on Felix. He loves the attention and Miss Bimbo's only concern is what type of fillet she's ordering so she's not paying attention at all to what's going on at the table behind her. Felix nudges me and whispers, "I think that girl at the next table likes me." "No shit," I eagerly respond. "Watch her and tell me what you think," is all he can manage to mutter as he's enraptured by the allure of another woman. "Yeah, maybe you're right, she does seem to like you," is all I can say, desperately suppressing any indications of amusement. Oh God, I was having trouble stifling my snorts because he was so funny. Ah, I fondly remember when I was a newbie!
Another two garrotas sit at a table right across from Felix, directly in his line of sight, and one of them starts with the eye contact. Now he's in heaven with his eyes flicking back and forth between both garrotas and I'm just sitting back watching the whole thing. Miss Bimbo is devouring her fillet not paying any attention to what's going on around her, just concentrating on her meal. I think she must be like me in that she doesn't have the ability to multitask. Felix is now in a quandary because he's attracted to both women but has Miss Bimbo sitting next to him eating him out of house and home. I thoughtfully suggest to Felix that now might be the time to hit Miss Bimbo's ejection seat button and right about now Felix is definitely considering that option.
Real Sex, Well, Almost
When we get back to our room Miss Bubble Lips starts giving me more shit about my photographic efforts at the beach. She says that all I want is sex, which is true, but I decide to lie and I try to tell her that I want more from her than just sex. I suggest we have a glass of wine and discuss our relationship, she agrees and it is my sincere hope that I can get about three glasses of wine in her before I say something I'll regret. After two glasses of wine she starts to get a little sexual, cooing and rubbing my chest and I figure she's putting me to the test. I get up out of bed and tell her that she's not just my sex toy and this really turns her on. She starts taking off her clothes and gets very aggressive, grabbing me and trying to take off my bathing suit as she pushes me back onto the bed. Once again I get up only this time I tell her that I'm not her sex toy. This inflames her even more and before I know it she starts doing an exotic dance around the room, cupping her tits in her hands and licking each nipple in the same fashion that a well-trained stripper does. Oh man, I’m getting so fucking horny.
Photos: Miss Bubble Lips 04 05 06
She somehow manages to get me on the bed and then she lies down next to me facing in the opposite direction and gets up on all fours reaching back and spanking her ass then reaching between her legs and rubbing her pussy. I pretend not to pay attention and, remember the fire and gasoline analogy, well this has exactly the same results. Next thing I know she's laying next to me on her back with her legs spread and she's rubbing her pussy to get it real wet. When she's done that she proceeds to put her fingers in her pussy, moans and gives me the sexiest look possible then brings her fingers up to her mouth to lick and suck on them. Then she does the same thing to me. No, I don't mean she puts her fingers in my pussy -- despite what you guys might think, I don’t have one. No, what I mean is that she puts her fingers in her pussy and then puts them in my mouth in an effort to really turn me on. Damn, she's awfully successful but I want to make a point here. Does this sound familiar, fucking Felix is wearing off on me because now I have an opportunity to have great sex, but I won't just to punish her.
Photo: Miss Bubble Lips 07
To really piss her off, I decide to give her what every woman says they want and need from a man: intimacy. Only right about now she could give a shit about intimacy, she wants to get laid badly. I always thought women were blowing smoke when they say they only want to hug and cuddle didn’t you? More wine dear? Yes, she has another glass but this only makes her hornier and, despite the fact that I want to fuck her brains out, I'm having much more fun toying with her. Finally, I get to tease someone! Now I know why girls do it to us so often -- its great fun! Yeah, you go away empty handed but somehow feeling perversely satisfied by being in total control.
Photo: Miss Bubble Lips 08
After I get three glasses of wine into her and put on her favorite cartoons, she finally settles down a little and then starts to groom me. First she cuts my nails, then she massages me and last, but not least she starts playing with my hair. She starts by running her fingers through it then getting a brush and trying out different hair styles. I hate it when the fuck with your hair, but at least that’s better than when they try to fuck with your mind. For some unfathomable reason Brazilian women like to keep you off balance by making comments that mess with you. Back in January when I saw Fawn for the second time she pinched my stomach and said, “Five extra kilos?” Fuck, she was right! After all this was only weeks after the holidays, but did she really have to say that? No, but she knew it would fuck me up for a few hours by forcing me to suck in my stomach. The last time we were together in March, she came up behind me and told me my hair was thinning in the back. First I’m fat now I’m going bald. I briefly thought about asking Sandman whether or not I was losing my hair but I figured that would just give him a fantastic opportunity to mess with me for the rest of my trip. I had to wait two full weeks till I got home to ask the only truly honest person I know, my youngest daughter, about my bald spot. I explained what Fawn had said then she looked at the back of my head, gave me one of those crazy looks I’ve become accustomed to and said, “Dad, what do those Brazilian women do to you?” “Don’t ask, Sweetheart, don’t ask.”
Where was I? Yeah, she’s fucking with my hair and just about to start fucking with my little messed up brain. How does she do this, well, just read on? She parts my hair in the middle then each side and finally she tries to braid some of it. The braids pissed me off and I told her to quickly take them out, which she did. All of a sudden she starts getting frisky again and naturally I get hard and that’s when she had me right where she wanted me. “Do you have implant?” Where the fuck did this question come from, just because I get a hard on right away she assumes I’ve had major surgery to make this miracle possible. Then I go into a long explanation that the fucking cialis must still be in my system and she gives me this God awful look—like I’m totally nuts. I go ballistic and inform her that despite my recent unfortunate episode with cialis, I have never ever knowingly taken anything like Viagra because I don’t need it. Again she gives me that God awful look and says, “I’m talking about your hair, have you had implant?” That pisses me off even more and that’s when I realized that she was getting even for not fucking her. Odd isn’t it, I don’t fuck her so she fucks me mentally?
One more epsisode to this tirade and it concerns Fawn and my January trip to Rio. That’s the trip where she left the hair in the shower and the rubbers in the refrigerator. You guys remember that fiasco, don’t you? Well, I forgot to add this little “time bomb” to the story because Felix was rushing me to post the whole report before I got a chance to make sure I included everything. Scroll back to January, remember she took a shower and put the shower cap in the trash receptacle, well she also left another “time bomb” in the bathroom that was designed to get Lurch to kill me when she found it. It was a well planned and executed surprise and its success was dependant on me not taking a long shower as is usually the case. Like most guys, I’m in the shower for only a few minutes and her plan was dependent on this aberrant masculine behavior.
Fawn like most Brazilian women liked to luxuriate in the shower for at least 20 minutes and she was counting on Lurch to do exactly the same thing. What the hell, these woman don’t get to take showers every day so when they can, they shower till they run out of hot water or 20 minutes, whichever comes first. This took place the morning after I found the rubbers so you can imagine how relaxing and invigorating it was to take a long hot shower to ease my frazzled nerves and decompress my bruised psyche. When I stepped out of the hot shower, there written on the mirror were Fawn’s and my name with the word “loves” in between them, all enclosed in a great big heart with an arrow through the heart. I almost screamed out loud but then that would have brought Lurch into the bathroom. I tried to get mentally composed and immediately wiped it off, but what other traps had Fawn set and when would they surface? God, that bitch could really keep me off balance. Clever Fawn, once again very clever!
That night Felix and the Bimbo come over to my place for a nice pizza dinner at my suite. Felix and I walked down a block to the local Domino's, get two pizzas and while we are there we have an in-depth discussion about the merits of dumping the Bimbo. He’s still numb from the experience this afternoon and Meia Pataca's and I told him that if he dumped her ass, girls would be approaching him wherever he went. He liked the thought of that and I could see the wheels turning in his head and I knew Miss Bimbo's time was about up. I told him about how Bubble Lips wanted to fuck my brains out this afternoon but that I wouldn't and he looked at me like I was crazy. Why do people always look at me that way? Must be the way I say things, can't be anything I do, can it?
After dinner we had a few drinks then moseyed on over to Terraco to look at the sights and see if any fellow board members were there. We ran into Evil Twin who was holding court with a few of his friends and he was kind enough to let us join them for a few drinks. Somehow we got talking about toilets again and Evil Twin went into a long explanation about why water goes down the drain in the opposite direction in this hemisphere. Unfortunately, he lost me somewhere around the third sentence of his explanation and whatever he said sounded plausible but I still wanted to run controlled experiment of my own while I was down here.
We went in to Help for about an hour and during the cab ride back to the hotel Miss Bubble Lips again became very frisky, putting her hand down my pants and giving me a big wet Muppet kiss. In the elevator she pinned me against the wall unzipping my pants and kneeled down in front of me and then the fucking doors opened. I suggested we stay in the elevator for a while because to me at least, there was something strangely erotic about getting a blow job in one. For her, the moment was lost, so she dragged me into suite and threw me on the bed, jumping on top of me. This was great, absolutely fantastic but I had to hold my ground or else she would think I was weak. How to divert her? I grabbed the remote and turned on cartoons and within minutes she totally forgotten about sex. Strange that they should have this mollifying power over her, but they do. After I plied her with two glasses of wine, she became sleepy and finally dozed off around 1:30 a.m.
Friday
Around 6 a.m. I woke up suddenly feeling very claustrophobic and when I open my eyes all I could see was a pussy and an ass above me. What was going on? As my eyes finally focused I could see that she was trying to position herself to give me "breakfast in bed." I remember thinking, what did I do to deserve this? Oh, yeah, I wouldn’t fuck her. Boy, this was producing great results but I can’t let myself get too carried away or I’ll never get laid again. You guys know how I can fuck up a good thing so I decided to lie back and enjoy whatever she was going to do to me. She did not disappoint me! She was absolutely phenomenal. I have never had sex like that in my life. Her sexual appetite was unquenchable and by that I mean that as soon as she reached an orgasm, she wanted to immediately come again. Guess that means that less is somehow more, go figure? She fucked my brains out for about half an hour than quietly dozed off next to me only to awaken an hour later for round two. I was having a little trouble meeting the bell but somehow was able to please her in my incapacitated condition. Man, if I knew withholding sex would get me this, I would always do it.
Photos: Miss Bubble Lips 09 10
When I finally wake up at 8:30 a.m. to meet Felix for breakfast, she looks over at me and says, "James, you're so different today." What the fuck was she talking about? She's the one who so different but I decided not to point that out to her. God damn, she was a fucking animal all of a sudden and she has the audacity to tell me that I'm different. I’m just her sex toy and loving each and every minute of it. For once I kept my mouth shut and didn't fuck up a good thing. I know that surprises you guys, but honest, I held my tongue. Before I left the room, I told her that I'd be back in a little over an hour and that I wanted to fuck and spank her as soon as I got back. She smiled and said, "I'll be ready."
At the corner, across the street from Felix's hotel, there's a mean looking military policeman directing traffic who first directs me not to cross traffic then beckons me across. I notice that the yellow pedestrian caution signal is flashing but he once again waves at me, indicating that I should cross the street. Now for those of you who have never been to Copacabana I have to tell you that Copacabana Avenue is a very heavily traveled thoroughfare consisting of four lanes of highly congested traffic, particularly at this hour. As I am just about in the middle-of-the-road, I hear a loud whistle blow, look to my left and see the fucking policeman waving traffic ahead. Quickly, I look to my right and see four lanes of traffic surge ahead right at me. You would have thought I was in a God damn videogame because each vehicle that had the slightest opportunity to run me over tried their damnedest to do so. As I leap to the curb I looked back across the street and see the cop laughing his head off. How ironic, Felix and I go to Mondego everyday in the hopes of seeing someone getting hit and this cop is doing exactly the same thing only he has some control over destiny.
Felix informs me that the Bimbo is sick today and that she won't be going to the beach today. I tell him that he will probably have a better time today without her than he had all week. Guess what, I was right for once. Felix's newfound freedom revived him and he listened more closely whenever I brought up the subject of dumping her. I knew there would be fireworks soon, it was only a matter of time and I just hoped that I would be around when it happened to enjoy all the fun. He told me he didn't want to pull the trigger today because she was sick but tomorrow was another story. I was like a kid waiting for Christmas; I knew something great was coming I just didn't know what it was. Oh yeah, you're probably wondering what happened when I got back to the room after breakfast. She was ready for me, hot and horny and dying to have me to fuck her brains out. Once again, we got a little carried away with a spanking and at one point she couldn't quite get the towel in her mouth before she started screaming. I didn't care, I was having a great time and then I realized that somebody might be hearing all the commotion. I don't know whether she heard us or not but when we were leaving the room about a half-hour later, the maid in the hall wouldn't even look at me. This was unusual behavior for her because every day that I saw her she always politely smiled at me and said something in Portuguese. Now, I'm even pissing off the maids.
Felix decides to pass on dinner because the Bimbo is still sick so I decide to splurge and take Miss Bubble Lips to a nice upscale restaurant just to cause a little commotion. We have that effect whenever we walk into a restaurant and I still love it. Now before I go any further I have to tell you a little bit more about Miss Bubble Lips. She has a very distinctive and unusual walk; it's very fluid and extremely sexy at the same time. She appears to glide and if you saw her walking across the beach you would swear that she doesn't leave any footprints in the sand. She seems to gently float when walking. You know how some women who are well endowed walk with their tits and those who have sexy hips wiggle them distinctly when they walk attracting your attention, well, put the two together and that's the way she moves. Simply put, both men and women often stop what they're doing as we walk by just to watch her.
Where was I, oh yeah, we're walking to that restaurant along Avenue Atlantico when all of a sudden we hear a loud thump and a car speeds by us going towards Ipanema. People start running across the street to the Petrobras gas station located in the center island and we walk over to see what has happened. There's a dead body laying about 6 feet from the curb right next to a car gassing up at the pump. About 100 yards down the road in front of the Marriott I see a police car dome light flashing so we decide to go down there to let them know what just happened. The cop is taking an accident a report, some rich guy and his Citroen plowed into the rear end of a taxi. We tell him what happened down the street and he tells us that he must first take care of this report before doing anything else. You must take care of the rich first, that’s the Brazilian way! Two hours later as were returning from the restaurant we see the same body still laying in the gas station. The gas attendants are ecstatic because they are unable to pump gas with a dead body there so now they're all enjoying smoking cigarettes and talking about the poor guy laying at their feet. Not 50 feet away from them on the other side of the road are two girls advertising their wares to whoever will look, ah, life goes on. Brazil has such a vibrant culture, doesn't it?
We go back to the room and fuck our brains out one more time before we fall asleep in each other's arms. Saturday starts the same as all the others, breakfast with Felix. He didn't laid on Friday because she wasn't feeling well and if he doesn't get fucked after breakfast she'll be gone before lunch. Apparently, Felix went all by himself to Help last night and had a great time. After he tells me this I know the Bimbo's gone before the days out. I just hope I'm around for the happy event. It's another beautiful day and around 11 a.m. I get her ass up and she’s still in her sexy mood and before I know it she’s sitting on top of me going to town. I hope she stays in this mood for a long time but you know how women can be, the slightest things can set them off. I didn’t want to somehow cause that slightest thing so I just smiled and said,”mi amour,” whatever that means. Now, if I don't fuck up I should be able to get all the sex I want whenever I want, for the rest of my vacation -- what a lovely thought.
Yeah, Felix got fucked after breakfast but it was one of those halfhearted fucks, if you know what I mean. For the rest of the day she didn't pay much attention to him and in most respects she was a pain in the ass. Bubble Lips didn't even want to talk to her. Well, at least the agony was going to end in a few hours. I know this is going to come as a shock to you but within hours I had somehow fucked up Miss Bubble Lip’s good mood. All I did was suggest that we go back to the room for half-hour of quality time together and suddenly her mood turned ugly. "All you want a sex isn't it," she asked. Once again she was right on the money but I decided to lie again and tell her that I just wanted to spend some time alone with her. She seized on the word "alone" and told me that she was going back to the room all by herself. I figured what the hell; let her go because if she stayed here with me I would only fuck up more. What I didn't know initially was that rather than go back to the room she was going to leave the beach and go up on the sidewalk and watch me. I behaved myself as best I could just talking with Felix when all of a sudden I saw Bubble Lips standing on the sidewalk watching me.
To tease her little I got out my camera and snapped a few innocent shots of the beach and Sugarloaf. I knew this would piss her off and fully expected her to grab my camera when she got back to look at the pictures I took while she was gone. There was a real hot girl sitting right near me who was obviously trolling for men and I tried to act oblivious to the fact that she was only 10 feet in front of me. At one point the girl got up to go to the ocean and grabbed her valuables, putting them on my chair and asking me to keep an eye on them while she was in the ocean. I nodded my agreement and gave her the universal Brazilian thumbs up and as she was walking towards the ocean Miss Bubble Lips practically ran down to my chair giving me one of the most accusing looks I've ever had. I graciously smiled at her and said that I was surprised to see her back, that I missed her terribly and would she please forgive me for wanting to make love to her. I told her that making love to her was my clumsy way of letting her know that I loved her very deeply. She fell for it hook, line and sinker! Then she asked me what was the red Beach bag doing on my chair and I told her that it belonged to some girl who went swimming. This didn't seem to bother her one bit because after all, I was telling the truth. She smiled then grabbed my camera and scrolled through several photos expecting to see close-ups of asses but only saw shots of the beach. Oh, how little these girls trust us!
Terror on the Second Story
Miss Bubble Lips and I had a late lunch at Terraco because it was close and we were both tired, then we headed back to the hotel for a well-deserved nap. In the elevator I start to experience a little, well let's just say, intestinal discomfort. Bubble lips strolls into the bathroom to take a shower and I tell her I'm going downstairs to the gym. One look at me and anyone can tell I haven't been near gym in years so she starts with the questions. "All right, I have to use the toilet," I reply. She tells me to use the one in the room because she can to wait to take her shower. "What are you going to do, number one or number two," she asks. "Number two," is my reply. "Go downstairs, I remember what happened three days ago when I couldn’t use it for hours," she angrily responds. Why is it that a woman can take a dump and the bathroom smells like lilacs, I go in to brush my teeth and fart and they won’t use the can for hours? "Desculpe," is all I can manage to say as I shuffle out of the suite clenching my ass cheeks as tightly together as I can. Come on elevator, I think as I'm starting to prairie dog in my pants. I'm not going to explain prairie dog to anybody, just use your imagination. The elevator finally arrives and begins its torturous dissent to the pool level which is where the gym is located and I'm praying for speedy trip. I’m not that lucky.
The elevator door opens and I run down the hall, turn the corner and open the bathroom door, flick on the lights and run to the stall dropping my shorts as I approach. Timing is of the essence here because what's about to happen will make the airplane lavatory incident pale in comparison. I backed into the stall with my shorts around my ankles leaned back anticipating immediate relief and predictably things take a calamitous turn. I hit the back of my head against something hard and landed on my ass on a cold tile floor. Looking to my right I see a gray granite wall and small trashcan and vaguely remember thinking where the fuck is the toilet? How the fuck could I miss it, I had my ass aimed right at it, didn’t I? As I look to my left there's the toilet two feet away, positioned in a somewhat illogical place, parallel to the doorway not perpendicular as I expected. What the fuck is this; I think as I grabbed the bowl and pull myself up. Fortunately, the shock of the fall caused every muscle and sphincter in my body to tense up and I was able to reach the throne before making much of a mess. Whew -- that was exciting and something new in Rio! As I grabbed for some toilet paper that's when I find out what my head hit. It's one of those single sheet toilet paper dispensers; you know the same ones they had in grammar school when they couldn't trust us boys with a whole roll of toilet paper. Well, as I grab a sheet the whole fucking thing falls to the ground and single sheets are all over the place. I gingerly grab a few, clean myself and quickly depart.
I should've stopped there, but was still feeling guilty about the airplane incident so I went down the lobby to tell Carlos about the broken toilet paper dispenser. Carlos wasn't there as my luck would have it but the fellow behind a desk was anxious to help, that is until I tried to explain my problem. He also possessed rudimentary language skills so you can imagine where this conversation was going. I should've said the toilet paper dispenser was broken but somehow it came out like this, "I destroyed the toilet paper and sheets are all over the floor," then I pointed to the ground for emphasis. His eyes widened and he said, "sheet on floor?" "Si," I replied then quickly figured out that he must've thought I was from somewhere in South Carolina and spoke with a thick Southern accent. Not "shits -- sheets," I said as our conversation was rapidly spinning out of control. Fuck, I wasn't wearing a NASCAR hat or anything like so why would he think shit equals sheet but the damage has already done, I turned and pressed the elevator button never turning around until it arrived. When the doors open I got in pushed the button and was still facing the rear of the elevator and there he was right in front of me. Well, it wasn't really him but rather his reflection in the mirror on the rear of the elevator, his eyes never left me till the door slid shut. Oh fuck, another Brazilian pissed off at me. I’m making so many fucking enemies in Rio that I’m going to need my own personal AWAC just to keep track of all the hostiles. Why do I piss off so many people? It comes as a complete mystery to me. How about you, do you get it?
Toilet
As for leaving behind a bunch of pissed-off brasileiras, welcome to the club!