Monday

Breakfast at the Pig again and then hired a baht Bus to got to Phoenix. Baking hot but as we were on the 2nd green the heavens opened and we were forced to shelter for half and hour as thunder and lightning all around. It cleared but the course was waterlogged and we splashed on for another two holes. The rain returned and we were out in the open and no escape. We swam on until we completed the nine and threw the wet towel in. We rang the driver who returned to pick us up earlier than planned..

We had the baht bus blinds down as we went back to Pattaya. We were going slow and realised why. Flood water was a foot deep in places and the place was a paddling pool. We got dropped off at the corner of Soi 8 and Beach Road. The only place he could anchor made sure we jumped out into another bloody lake.

My girl came round to the Flipper and jumped in the shower so I jumped on the bed minus my kit. Wrong signal! She was off to the Saloon to make beautiful for me and wanted to wash her hair. It had blue dye in it and it was everywhere in the shower. (the next day the towel was returned together with a bill for 150 baht as they couldn’t get the blue dye out of it!)

That night I went to my tailors and ordered a leather jacket (7000 baht). The plan was to go to the Beach Peppermint Cayote before are girls met up with us in Walking Street. However G had to stay at RS2 Bar as Noi was interviewing 6 new girls so we buggered off to get neck ache at the Beach Club and meet with G at the Roo Bar later. Back at the Roo Bar the party atmosphere was in full swing and drink after drink was plonked in front of us and just when I thought we would be off perving someone rang the bell and another round appeared.

We met our girls at Rolling Stone 1 then hit the FLB and back to RS2 where we christened the 2nd new pool table. We went back to Soi 8 and met a new bar owner who was pissed as a pudding. It was explained his girl ran the bar and he just sat there drinking the profits, unable to speak Thai and not mixing too much with the customers. He showed his gratitude for us drinking at his bar by kissing me. I would have appreciated it a little more if he had shaved in the last 48 hours! We went back to the room and I sat talking with my girl until 5.30am.

Tuesday

Yet another cloudy day so we went to Tops in the afternoon to play 10 pin bowling. After that I wanted to go looking for shoes for my Mother (don’t ask). We piled into a baht bus heading down Beach Road. The skies got blacker by the second and the flashes and bangs started. There was a hell of a crash and I estimate the lightening struck within 50 yards of us. The net result was the Thai lady hanging on the back of the bus shot to the front in a split second. I checked the bench seating for brown stains. We were drenched running from the road to the Royal Gardens Mall. When the rain eased we went into a shoe shop and they were more interested in mopping the flood water out than customers. The result of this storm was that it blew the phones in the Flipper for the rest of our stay.

I booked a taxi for golf the next day and called in at Tims for an early evening snifter and a bit of verbal abuse for Billy the door man.

We ate that night at Don Joes on Walking Street which was good value. My girl wanted a larger income so I took her into the Beach Club and demonstrated how fast she could earn tips. I was 200 baht down in no time. She had a chat with a friend (a hostess there) who confirmed the big money. My plan was to give a closer inspection to her undercarriage later that night to see if it was suitable to be viewed at an angle.

We went back to RS2 with a plan to see Lam Morrison at the Blues Factory later. I said we were off to the BF and D would follow later with his bride. At this point I went for a piss. When I came back my girl was in full swing dancing at the pole in RS2. She got a monk on when I said we were off to see Lam.

We got in and I had a chat with DaveThailand. She then started acting strange buggering off with her phone and going to the toilet. D joined us as did Gary and Bill. My girl then sat with her back to us gesturing to some bloke in the club. I let this go for a while and then told her to sit with me and watch the show. Still she carried on with the gestures. I told her if she wanted to talk to someone go ahead give him your phone number and come back. It was not a problem to me. Just don’t do it behind my back. She declined and continued to gesture. I saw who she was signalling but he just kept turning away every time I looked. Wimp.

In her defence I have to say she was dressed to kill that night and I presume wanting to line up another punter for when I left at the weekend. I had already agreed to her staying with me for the full trip and coming to the airport. Having had a good earner for over a week she would have enough cash to go home to Korat (from the airport) for a break and see the kids. The arrangement was I would pay a lump sum on departure so she would not be tempted to spend it.

We had strong words and she was sacked . At the time of the sacking the mystery man was outside texting her! I paid her up and said she was silly. She claimed she was going home to sleep alone. I thanked her for the last few days and hoped he would be a good customer. I gave her a last chance which she declined.

I left and went back to RS2 where I relayed the tale. I was graded A pissed off and had many suitors desperate to take her place but I was not in the mood. G laid a bet that I would not go home alone but he lost. When I got back to the hotel I packed her belongings and left them with security along with an instruction not to let her in. I felt much better and went out for a few beers. Watched the end of Man U v Lille and went back alone at 3.50am.

I was told later that her version of events had me as the Baddie and it was all my fault!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday

Up early for breakfast and piled into the taxi to pick up Gary on Walking Street. No sign of him outside the hotel so I called at his room. Noi let me in and showed me the boudoir where he was spark out. He said he forgot about the golf and got well and truly pissed and had been in bed only 4 hours. Golf was out of the question. Dave and me pressed on to St Andrews 2000 only to find there was a big comp on and we were switched to Green Valley. It was really in tip top shape and lived up to its name after all the rain. By some miracle we avoided rain but Pattaya was flooded again when we got back.

That night I was ready for a new lady having recovered from my broken plastic heart. I tried one that I had been in lust with for some time but she had ‘pussy holiday’ (Mens) . I asked a girl with a lovely smile if she wanted to be my temporary wife and she agreed. I struck oil with her. She was lovely in every way. Didn’t drink didn’t smoke and took good care of me. She was the exact opposite of my hyper active sacked girl.

We went to RS2 and then on to the party at the FLB. I had a good time at the party but I’m afraid I was spoilt with earlier ones especially GWillies chocolate cream party.

Thursday

Off fishing again we again caught 3. Dave landing a 12 kilo sprat. The 2 Jocks that were going home last Sunday were also there!!!!!!!!!!!!

That night we again ate at Don Joes and I saw a first. K had Thai food not Italian and she said it was too hot!!!!!!!!!

Whilst at RS1 we got an update of a group of golfers we had met earlier. We actually knew 3 of the party from back in Yorkshire. They had put together a golf trip and, as one was a club pro, they had cheekily called it an ‘Unofficial PGA Pro Am’. One guy had told his misses that they were off to the US for the Comps! It worked well when he rang home to report to the wife. It went down hill when he discovered she had rung the hotel in the States he was staying at to me told ‘never heard of him!’
That was one golfer who was dreading the flight home more than most.

We had a quiet night as we were off golfing early to try to avoid the afternoon downpour.

Friday

We met up with Roundy and others at the Roo Bar at 9am (2 fourballs) and set off for Mountain Shadow. Another great track and a real challenge of a course. All for 1050 baht.

That night we went to the Marine Seafood place and ate like kings for 700 baht (for 3 including drinks).

N had arrived from the UK with his sister and niece and they had spent 2 hours getting out of the airport. Had a few beers with them and off to see Lam at the Blues Factory. That night there were no traumas and I was a very happy mao when eventually we retired to the hotel. There were a few tears shed by K that night. She struggled with the English but she managed to say ‘I hope time stop’ and I knew exactly how she felt.

Saturday

Booked a taxi for the airport and did a little bit of shopping. When I got back to the Flipper I booked a massage with a girl from the saloon who had asked every day when I was minus a lady. 300 baht for an hour of oil massage. It was really relaxing and at the end I asked what about my friend? She looked puzzled until I pointed to my pork sword. She asked if he wanted an oil massage too but I opted for a BBBJ. I got her to do it topless and not only did she have a wonderful pair of knockers she had championship winning nipples.

That day I got a message to call to see my sacked tilac before I went to the airport and I said I would. It seemed she backed a loser with the guy in the Blues Factory because every night after the sacking she was working at the bar with no barfine!

This was the night of the opening party at Rolling Stone bar so we called to see K who was sitting with a customer. I was told he came every night took her for a meal but never barfined her! We had a brief chat and tears (hers!) out of sight by the hong nam. We had a beer with N and then a last one at RS2.

We went back to Flipper and got changed and went to see my ex for a last drink. We got leis and I got an apology. I asked if she wanted a lift to the airport on the way to her home but she said she didn’t have enough cash now. I tried to hide my smirk!

No traumas on the way home and the Emirates Flight to Manchester was a 777 which had every number 1 from 1954 on the sound channel. Heaven for an old bastard like me!

Post script

I have since found out the party went really well until at one minute passed 2am the cops arrived and took Noi to the monkey house. It seems a local got upset with the noise. The band were off stage for a week and there was a fine to be paid.

A note for all the doubters of the Covent Garden Complex the Rolling Stone 2 Bar is exceeding all business expectations!



Jaime (AKA Shayman)

I still love reading your reports. Your way with language is just TOP!

Sorry to hear about the drama with your favorita. Can make for a bittersweet trip, but sounds like you had 'sporty' stuff to make up for it, and there sure is no shortage of replacements.

Porker

On the night of the dramas I told my mate 'plenty more fish in the sea' He replied 'It's a big sea too'. I could only add 'yes and there are no quotas!'

Glad you like the style.

Shayman