• To get to Soi 33, take the Skytrain to Phrom Phong. There you will also find a couple of used book stores, a swanky mall called the Emporium, and two good but pricey Italian restaurants.

• Show your girl that you're turning your cell phone off before intimacy and indicate that she should follow suit.
• I never met anyone who returned from a trip wishing he'd packed more stuff, so pack light. Bangkok is hot and smoggy, so leave your jacket and heavy knit shirts stateside. I prefer light, short-sleeved shirts of cotton or linen.
• Don't bother with traveler's checks; just use ATM cards and make sure they won't expire during your trip!
• Although the tuk-tuk is a staple of transportation elsewhere in Thailand, don't get into one in Bangkok unless it's an emergency, or you just need a lung full of two-stroke exhaust. The drivers are egregious scammers that will whisk you off to a massage parlor instead of where you asked to go, hoping to collect a kickback from the proprietor. If you must take a tuk-tuk at least fix a price before getting in.
• Buy a 300 baht Skytrain pass because it's usually cheaper per ride and you don't have to visit the change booth and ticket machine (and possibly wait in line) whenever you ride. It includes a booklet of tickets for the shuttles that run around certain areas --see the red path on the free BTS map.
• Got all your photos on that one little disk? Stop at an Internet cafe and back them up to a CD for 150 baht. It's cheap insurance!
• Pick up a full-sized bar of soap on the way back to the hotel. Simple pleasures.
• Overcome your squeamishness and try the bidet. It may feel strange at first, but once you're used to walking around with a squeaky-clean hiney all day, you might miss it stateside.
• If you have a safe deposit box at home, put files on a USB memory stick and throw it in there before you travel, and don't worry about your computer.
• A basic guide book can tell you non-whoring sites to see, but I suggest Jim Thompson's house (near MBK), taking the Skytrain to Saphan Taksin and then the water taxi up the Chao Praya River to the temples and grand palace, and checking out Kaosan Road (a haven for itinerant backpackers).
• Don't let it bother you too much if the Thais stare at you. It's not a taunt or a come-on; some of them are just not used to seeing people with your features, even here in Bangkok, and they just think you're trippy to look at. Their etiquette is different.
• Public nose picking is perfectly acceptable, almost socially obligatory. Pick a winner.

• Foodland also has one of the places that will burn your photos onto a CD for 150 baht.

• Since you're already braving the crowds at MBK, go up to the food center on the 6th level and treat yourself to some excellent food for about a dollar.
• Note that electronics are expensive in Thailand, and name-brand items at MBK and Phantip Plaza are sometimes fakes, so bring what you need from home. If you have to buy something, try the Sony store (Sony Universe) in the Emporium at the Phrom Phong Skytrain station; at least you know what you're getting. There you'll also find a good book store with more than the usual crap offered at Asia Books.
• Many of the booths at MBK 4 display the Motorola logo, meaning they just sell the phones. If you can't find what you need for your Motorola phone get off the Skytrain at Sala Daeng and enter the Silom Complex mall; there you will find an official Motorola store.

• When you open a browser window and go to a web site, you are actually opening a remote terminal to someone else's computer. Which is why web sites look different from each other.
• When you see "https" instead of "http" in the address bar, it means that the information you enter on that page is encrypted before it leaves your computer. (The "s" stands for secure and it means you are using secure sockets layer (SSL), a standard for strong encryption.) It leaves your computer looking like garbage, and is deciphered by the remote computer, say your bank's computer, so it's secure from end to end. Some browsers provide other clues that you are using SSL, for example Microsoft's IE will show you a little golden padlock down at the bottom-right of the window frame if you have View -> Status Bar enabled. If you log in to Hotmail with IE and watch carefully, you will notice that the little padlock flashes after you click the "sign in" button; that is because it's encrypting your username & password.
• SSL cannot protect you from a key-logging application, which records your every keystroke on that PC before SSL encrypts it. It sends or stores your keystrokes some place the adversary can get them later.
• As an aside, E-mails are public documents(!) because they travel over a bunch of strange computers "in clean" to get from you to the recipient. You might not believe it, but anything you write in an e-mail can end up anywhere. How doesn't matter. Just be aware of it. If you need to encrypt your e-mail (which most people don't) and are willing to put up with the pain in the butt of doing it, there are solutions available, such as http://www.pgp.com

• Hotel dwellers: Don't dream of bringing a laptop without a security cable; at least anchor it to something in your room.
• Wireless Internet access is free at McBen Coffee on Soi 8! They don't even ask you to buy anything! If I didn't buy anything I would put something in the tip jar. To use their computers is 50 baht/hour. It's a few steps to the right of the 1 baht-per-minute place:

• Predictably, AUA's pamphlet says, "WARNING! The directors of this program have determined that speaking Thai during the first 800 hours of study may be harmful to your progress." --to keep you from trying other schools. In my judgment, ALG is a racket and, for the student, a waste of time.

• My experience has been that bar girls generally make terrible Thai tutors.

• For two-weekers: Hang it up and speak English. If you're going to go out looking for something or some place, ask the front desk people at your hotel to write it in Thai on a slip of paper; that's what they're there for. Then just show that when asking for directions. It will save time and headaches for you and some Thais.
• Always carry a pen for writing numbers and making drawings.
• I have yet to meet a Thai who does not know our alphabet. Many Thais won't know what you mean if you ask for the "Skytrain," but they will understand "BTS?" Similarly, many buildings around Bangkok have acronyms for names, like the "SSP" building or MBK, so refer to them that way.
• OK, pop quiz: Do you know how to say "padlock" in Thai? No? Then whip out your trusty pen, draw a padlock, show it to the clerk, and he'll happily take you right over to the padlocks! Easy!
• If you have a thin phrase book, you can carry it with you on errands and point to the Thai phrases to communicate.
• Speaking of home courses, see what your local library has before buying anything. I personally prefer tapes over computer software because I spend enough time on the darn computer already.
• View the Thai alphabet here: http://www.omniglot.com/writing/thai.htm
• Hear it by downloading a zip file of sounds from http://seasrc.th.net/spoken/th_con.htm

far from "definitive", but a good cell phone and laptop info for newbies...

Don Marco - Newbies could masturbate to this! Veterans could be puzzled as I was. I respect the fact that time and effort has been put into this but the real hot spots have been missed. Should be renamed "Rookies Guide" and then time is not lost. Where are you Blazers...HELP!!!

Looks like a good start and will keep many newbies occupied for quite some time.

Cellphones:

I've had phones unlocked much cheaper then that in the same mall. Lowest amount I paid was 100B. This will vary with different telephone manufacturers. Now, I buy the unlocked phones in Thailand or off the web. BTW, you can call your provider in the US and (in many instances) they can give you the unlock codes to your telephone. Hard to beat free!!

Most booths on MBK floor 4 display their available telephone numbers by carrier (AIS, Dprompt, Orange, etc) and will list prices for the SIM and amount of load that comes on the chip. Many low priced options. I bought one of the VIP number because I stay in Thailand a LOT, but my GF has a number that's VERY easy to remember and it was only 199B. Just walk around and look at the numbers listed until you see one you like, buy it and you're set. Hand them the phone and they'll install/activate the chip and add any additional credit you've purchased for ya...

The telephone provider you use CAN make a big difference. I use AIS and have been very happy with my service. Friends have used Dprompt and their network is not a comprehensive, but still gets the job done. If you're only staying in Bangkok/Pattaya just about any provider will work for you. If you plan on traveling around Thailand a bit more, and having a WORKING cellphone is important, then I recommend AIS.

Don't bother with using your US SIM unless you MUST receive a call on THAT particular number. When I get on the airplane I pull my US SIM outta my phone, replace it with my Thai SIM and forget about Cingular until I'm on approach back to the US. US carriers will RAPE you with international rates.

If you need to call back to the US I recommend just using your Thai SIM card. You can call from anywhere, anytime and it's reasonable - about 10B/minute. This is not reasonable if you're calling back alot, but for the occasional "hey how ya doing" call it's well within most budgets. If you are calling back to the states a lot more look into VoIP services like Skype/Vonage/everywhere.net. As you said, voicemail can be sent directly to your email.

Good report.

E

blazers is still trying to dust off the cobwebs from his "current" definitive guide...

My head is spinning and I have only had one drink.

Good info and unique writing style from someone who has obviously spent a lot of time in SEA.

Less Tech more SEX! ha ha ha

Thanks for info

GL.

I think that it's good to have different types of reports/guides and this is a perfect example. It's full of information that is useful and covers different areas. I don't at all agree with the opinions about the nightlife areas and nightlife details are sketchy. All in all a good guide for beginners and infrequent visitors.

Dave, feel free to mention Angel Witch right here. Being an American-style club it's not really my kind of place, but I must be an exception because it's jammed with farang. It is different from the rest of the NEP clubs: there's a good mix of music, as opposed to the continuous blare of technoid crap they play at most other clubs, and there are shows, as opposed to a monotonous, languid meat market display. I checked it out and enjoyed one of the shows I saw --two girls doing oral on opposite ends of the same banana --whoa! That was so lewd it would be banned in Denmark! :-) I must admit it had me captivated.

For the congregation, I have not (knowingly) hooked up in person with other members of this site, have never met Dave, and receive no special treatment at Angel Witch, so you can take the above review at its face value. I appreciate Dave's putting his affiliation right there on his CH pad for all to see. Hucksters sometimes plug stuff while posing as rank-and-file members; there's no crime in that --I just find it a bit underhanded.

Like I said, a comprehensive report on BKK would be impossible, and anybody who wants to mention a particular spot here is more than welcome to do so. This was more about the other info (logistics). Maybe I should have called it "Bangkok Orientation Guide."

Regarding taste in women, I'll say it again for the lurkers out there: If you've never been to country X and don't know who to listen to, then don't listen to anybody. Rather, LOOK at the photos. If you like what you see, give it a try. If you don't, don't go there expecting to find better than what you saw in the photos, regardless of what they're saying about that place. I've learned that lesson the hard way more than once: tastes vary, and a picture's worth way more than a thousand words as far as the "hobby" is concerned.

Goodlife, here is "less tech" (which I KNOW many of you can use): How to pick a tough-to-guess bastard of a password: Take the first character of each word in a sentence, for example: "I wish I had 55 million dollars" becomes IwIh55md. Cool, huh?

Goodlife, here is "more sex" (nudity, anyway):