Hello. RT here.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Hurricane Wilma had hit South Florida three days earlier. It looked as if I would never get my electric back, so I got on the internet and found a flight leaving that night for Guatemala City, returning Sunday night. Hopefully, I could get laid, have some fun, and return to a brightly-lit apartment. I booked a room for the three nights at a Crowne Plaza hotel in the city, at a fairly reasonable rate.
American Airlines is surprisingly on time, so I emerge from the airport (I changed 300 dollars in the terminal - changing dollars isn't a snap in Guatemala, so I used my ATM or credit cards for the rest of my Quetzal (7.5 to the dollar) needs. I knew that the airport was very close to my hotel, so I was shocked when I was quoted Q80 to the hotel. I walked away, and just about bumped into a representative from the Crowne Plaza, who was at the airport drumming up business. We confirmed my reservation and she called the shuttle bus. Fifteen minutes later, I was whisking my way to the hotel (a five minute ride) for free. Just about all of the hotels had people with signs and shuttle busses, so don't pay for a taxi from the hotel. The Crowne Plaza is located at 9-08 Avenida Las Americas, Zone 13.
I checked in and got upgraded to the Executive floor, based on my four-year-old Holiday Inn Gold Rewards card. The room was a little nicer than a regular one, and they had snacks during the week for free… so far, so good. There was a sports book in the lobby, and what they called a casino as well - no table games, just machines and a computer-driven roulette game.
After a quick (hot!!!) shower, I grabbed a cab to "Le Club." According to my research, this place had a fine selection of attractive women. The taxi was pretty expensive - about $5-6 to the club.
The streets of Guatemala City are numbered in Avenues and Streets, and they are fairly intuitive. The neighborhoods, rather than being named, are all designated as "Zone XX". Fine, except that Zone 13, where my hotel was, is next to Zone 10, which was next to Zone 9, which bumped up against Zone 4, which was next to - you guessed it: Zone 1. So that part was rough, but I downloaded a map and got the general impression.
We arrive at Le Club (#4-20 on Via 4 in Zone 4) and I like what I see… a reasonably clean building with doormen and a security guard. I enter, and it still seems OK - scantily clad women around (probably 30 or so, with about 50 customers), a long stage with two or three strippers stripping and a bunch of waiters trying to rush me to their table. After ducking into the bathroom, I get a table a couple of rows back from the stage and WHOOMP! I am accosted by four waiters and three chicas all wanting to variously join me and separate me from my money. I order a club soda (Q35) and let one of the girls join me. She's almost naked (good), not all that pretty (not good) and very thirsty (really not good). I buy her an Q80 glass of something which she slurps down in record time. Before her empty glass hits the table, there are three waiters trying to sell me another drink. She tells the waiter yes before I answer. I correct the situation and get up to leave. The Manager speaks English and asks what the problem is. I tell him that I didn't need to change continents to get hustled at a strip joint. He commiserates to a point, but offers me no reason to stay, so I leave.
I **think** leaving was a shame, because some of the girls dancing were fairly attractive, and I was just about the only gringo in the house, so if I wanted to, I could have played "my wallet is bigger than your wallet" and won, but I was disgusted and left.
Right around the corner was another club, named ????? Rojo (I just don't remember). It looked to be a step down from where I just was, but that was OK with me. I enter, and find that I was right. Maybe 10 girls, and as many customers. A smaller stage, with one girl stripping. I sit down (they were much less aggressive there), order a club soda (Q30), and wait. I turn down the first two advances, and agree to having the third chica join me. I don't remember her name, but she was OK looking and from Nicaragua. I bought her two Q70 drinks while we negotiated. We settled on one hour in one of their short time rooms for Q400, and off we went. The room was just a small cubicle with a bed right on the side of the main room. It wasn't very nice, but it wasn't filthy, so I went ahead. She let me take some pictures, and we had an average session. The knock came at about the 40 minute mark. I complained, and she opened the door and screamed in Spanish for a minute, then they left us alone.
Photo: Nicaraguan 1
Photo: Nicaraguan 2
When I left, I got a cab over to Moulin Rouge (#2-18 Calle 11, Zone 9). This place was not marked, and the driver did not know it, but the addresses are where they're supposed to be, and there was a doorman and a few taxis in front, so I knew I was in the right place.
The main room was very long and narrow, with a stage at one end and the bar at the other. There were a few hallways leading off to bathrooms and god knows what else. The women were fairly decent, and were all dressed in gown-like getups. It turns out that it was the club's anniversary, and they were having a party. Again, I was the only gringo in the room. I think that the only person that noticed was me; it wasn't a big deal. My soda was priced in the Q30 range, and I got some friendly advances, but no outright pushy people. The strip show was mixed with a dress-up dance act or two, possibly in honor of the anniversary, or maybe it's a regular thing. I saw a couple of women that I found attractive enough, but I was still recharging from the previous place, so I started to leave. Attached to the entrance was a small kitchen with a grill going. Someone was eating tacos, so I asked for a couple. They were delicious, and when I went to pay, they said it was a courtesy to the club guests. They wouldn't even take a tip.
My next stop was the Men's Club (10-33 Avenida 3, Zone 9), right around the corner from Moulin Rouge. I liked this place the best out of all that I visited. It was the most like a bar, rather than a night club. There was a bar, and a bunch of sitting areas with couches and chairs spread out throughout the interior. And yes, plenty of girls, in a favorable chica:hombre ratio. I ambled up to the bar and ordered a Q40 soda. A little higher priced, but when I was approached by an OK-looking girl with an outstanding rack, her drink was only Q50, so I was ahead of the game. I have no clue what her name was, but she had an incredible rack. She was also from Nicaragua, and was slightly friendly. There were no sparks, but she did have an fabulous rack. I finally let her work up to asking me to join her for a half hour (Q320), and I agreed. We settled the tab (charging drinks and a half hour in the cama with a girl who has an incredible rack: Priceless). The sex was below average, but I gave it the old college try and finished in a blaze of glory at the 28-minute mark. As we were getting dressed, she told me how much she hates what she does for a living (boy, that sure helped my ego), and that I should have a nice night. It was 1:00am, and the place was closing down, so I got an expensive taxi back to the hotel and went to bed in my air-conditioned, electrified room.
Was this my best day ever? Hardly. Did it beat how I woke up (in what appeared to be a war zone, with no utilities, hot water or hot food)? By a truckload.
Friday, October 28, 2005
When reading back the details from the first day, I was struck with how 'not bad' the day seems. I'm not going to re-write it, but trust me, I didn't have all that good a time. I will never underestimate how wonderful electricity is again, however.
I woke up (in a cool room with lights) and headed down to the hotel's restaurant for breakfast. When I checked in, I asked if breakfast was included, and they gave me vouchers good for a free meal each morning. If I hadn't asked, I wouldn't have gotten it.
I bought one of the local newspapers (Prensa Libre) and looked at the classifieds. There were three columns of ads for both massage parlors and outcall services, so I noted some of the ones close to downtown. I figured to get some sightseeing in, and then reward myself with a girl in the afternoon.
The hotel offers free shuttle service pretty much anywhere within Guatemala City (I suspect that most of the name brand hotels do the same), so I saved seven bucks and had the driver take me to the Plaza Mayor, in the old section of Guatemala City (Zona 1).
Maybe I'm jaded, but if you've seen 10 old Spanish cities, you've seen them all. This one had all the requisite items: A large open park surrounded by churches and other cultural buildings, then the banks, then the hustle and bustle of any nice-sized city. The Mercado Central was only a couple of blocks away, so I wandered around there for a while, bought some souvenirs and ate some totally unidentifiable food. Maybe I'm not-so-jaded -- I always enjoy a nice Central Market. I don't even mind the hawkers trying to sell me the identical crap from the next booth over. Usually, I occupy myself by flirting with the pretty girls working the booths, but that really wasn't an option today.
When I left the Market, I walked first to a place that advertised itself as a 'Banos', (#9-19A Calle 3'A', Zone 1). It was a non-descript building, but when I rang the bell, they let me in and put me in a waiting room with four girls. To put it mildly, none of them were to my taste, so I left without getting any information as to pricing or the facilities that made this a 'Bano'. My next stop was listed in the ad simply as 'masaje' (3-64 Calle 9'A', Zone 1). The receptionist put me in a waiting room and called out 'Chicas'. One at a time, they came in and said hello, with a peck on the cheek, while the receptionist told me each of their names. A couple of the girls were acceptable, so I chose Jacqueline. They explained the pricing to me: Q150 for a half hour, Q200 for a full hour and Q250 for an hour 'completa'. I chose the last option and paid the hostess.
Jacqueline brought me to a room that had both a massage table and a bed. She put a sheet on the massage table, told me to get ready and she would be right back. When she returned, she took off her clothes and gave me a below-average massage. But she had a good attitude and was pleasant enough. When she said 'listo' (done) and suggested that we hit the bed, I was ready.
Jacqueline was agreeable to whatever I wanted to do (I'm not all that original). I wouldn't say that she had great enthusiasm, but she put enough effort into it to earn the Q50 tip I gave her. She also agreed to a couple of clothed pictures.
Photo: Jacqueline 1
Photo: Jacqueline 2
I gathered my things and caught a taxi back to the hotel to rest up for the evening.
The internet is a wonderful tool. Along with all of the great chica information, there is also a plethora of other facts right at your fingertips. For example, I found two restaurants not far from my hotel that were very highly recommended -- Tamarindos and Tapas y Canas. I was also able to locate a Narcotics Anonymous meeting (I'm a recovering addict) in the general vicinity of the restaurants and the 'Zona Viva' (literally, the zone of life, but it is an area with many restaurants, malls, bars, clubs, etc. -- all in Zone 10). I figured that those things would keep me busy for a while, then I could hit some clubs later.
The taxi left me right at the NA meeting, but it turns out that some things are universal. The guy with the key showed up a half hour late. It happens everywhere, and I try to hit a meeting everywhere I go. Once things got started, I felt pretty much at home. Even though I didn't follow along with every word that was said, I could get the general gist of the discussion, and the feelings are easy to identify with.
I declined their offer to go out after the meeting. I wasn't **that** enamored with any of the guys I met, and (surprise!) none of the women bowled me over with their beauty. I hugged them good-bye and walked in the general direction of the two restaurants.
A couple of the streets were dark and deserted, but it was still early, and I didn't feel like my safety was an issue, at least in that neighborhood.
It was easy to figure out when I was nearing the Zona Viva. The lighting was better, the restaurants looked nicer, the bars had music and a bit more life to them than the rest of the city. I came across Tamarindos first, so I stopped in and made a reservation for the following (Saturday) night. I kept walking and wound up at Tapas y Canas (#7-88, Calle 13, Zone 10, phone 2367-2130). This place was not only very good, but it had an upscale feel to it. True to its name, there were many tapas (small servings) on the menu, as well as larger portions. I wound up ordering four different items (one beef, one seafood, one omelet-like thing and one mushroom dish) and was pleased with each of them. The price for all that, including two bottles of soda and a tip came to a whopping Q162.80 (about $22). HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.
Walking off the meal seemed like a good idea, so I toured the approximately 6-8 square block Zona Viva area. This was a Friday night at about 10:30 or so. I figured that if the girls were ever going to be all done up and out partying, this was the place and time. Well, I found the place, I found the time, I even found the girls all done up. Sadly, all the makeup and short skirts in the country couldn't hide the average-lookingness of these girls. I saw one or two pretty girls here and there, but if you would compare this with, say, a Friday night at El Pueblo in San Jose, it would pale in comparison. I took a chance and popped my head into the local Hooters restaurant, figuring that if there ever were going to be hot girls, they would be working at Hooters.
There's a baseline at Hooters, so if you take any thin girl and dress her in a Hooters getup, she will look minimally attractive. The girls at the Guatemala City Hooters did nothing to rise above those minimal levels.
Somehow, the idea of dealing with all of the clubs didn't appeal to me, so I headed back to the hotel and was in bed and asleep by about 1:00 am.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
My final full day in Guatemala City
I woke up early, but fairly refreshed. Spending two nights in a comfortable, air-conditioned room did wonders for me. I was really hoping that things would be back to normal when I got home.
The free breakfast was once again delicious. I think it would have been delicious, even if I had paid for it, but free is good. I took a walk down Avenida Las Americas for a while (this is a wide boulevard, with a park down the center of the street), stopping at a supermarket on the way back.
Anywhere I go, one of my stops is always the supermarket. It affords me a quick window into how the locals really live. By seeing what day-to-day things cost, what constitutes a 'luxury' item, and what the people are actually taking home with them, I can get a feel for a country that I don't get any other way.
Amongst the ads in Prensa Libre was one for an outcall service named Hot Escorts Guatemala. They even had a website: Hot Escorts Guatemala, so I took a look, and, incredibly, liked what I saw. The website would lead one to believe that the agency had its act together, and they were even offering a two-hour special for Q500 (about $66). I figured that the worst that could happen would that I would waste $66, and the best would be that I could have a great time. I expected something in the middle.
I called the agency (5208-9883) and Charlie answered. He even spoke English, which made things real easy to deal with. I told him that I wanted a girl for two hours at 3:00 pm, and who was available?
His first question was what hotel was I staying in. He told me that, technically, the Crowne Plaza was not guest friendly, but that it shouldn't be a problem. He would drive the girl and go into the hotel parking lot in the basement. I would meet them there and take the girl up the elevator, bypassing the front desk. That out of the way, he claimed that each of the girls on the site were available that afternoon.
One of the girls that caught my eye was Kelly. The photos on the site as I write this report are different from the ones the day I called. Here are the photos I saw:
Please note that these are NOT my photos; they came off of the agency's web site.
So I watch college football for a while in the room, and at 2:45, the phone rings. It's Charlie, and he tells me that he's five minutes away and that I should go down to meet them.
The elevator doors open just as a SUV pulls up with a guy (Charlie) driving and a fairly attractive girl in the passenger's seat. This has gone well, so after Charlie and I talk for about a minute, I give him the money and he tells Kelly that it's OK to go with me. She's really short, but fairly cute, so I'm provisionally happy.
I really didn't need two hours, but for an extra $13, it was worth it. We chatted a little, ordered drinks from room service, and she was able to use my large, well-lit, hot shower afterwards.
The sex was good. Kelly was a little submissive, but she seemed to act like she was having a good time, and didn't say 'no' to any of my requests except for naked photos. Photos with clothes on were OK, so I was happy. I think that the two hours was indeed two hours for me to use any way I saw fit. We could have gone at it 10 times if I wanted. By far, this was the best of my experiences in Guatemala City, and, ironically, the least expensive and the most hassle-free. If I were to return, I would not hesitate to use Charlie's service once again. I told him as much when I walked Kelly down to go home.
Here's three shots of Kelly that I took:
Photo: Kelly 1
Photo: Kelly 2
Photo: Kelly 3
I rested up after that, then showered and got dressed for my 8:00 reservation at Tamarindos Restaurant (11 Calle 2-19A, Zone 10, 2360-2815). Tamarindos is fairly new, but was highly-rated in a couple of dining guides. The cuisine is a mixture of all cuisines (there was both sushi, pasta and tostones on the menu). The service was spotty. The host spoke English, or I would have never gotten what I originally ordered.
The food was good. Not great, good. I had the cream of asparagus soup, shrimp raviolis, and Moo Shu duck. All good, but none spectacular. My largest disappointment was dessert. I ordered the chocolate mousse (dorno de chocolate). When it came out, it was just barely defrosted on the outside and frozen solid on the inside. I couldn't believe that a top-notch restaurant would pre-freeze their desserts and not have their shit together enough to defrost it properly before serving, forget about making it fresh. When I complained, they took it away from me, waited 10 minutes for it to defrost, and brought the same one back. I was full (and full of Guatemala), so I didn't complain. I just paid the bill (Q289 -- $38.53) and left.
It was still early, so I walked the mall in the Zona Viva, looking for pretty girls. I gave up after about an hour, so I walked back to the hotel for another night of electrical, air-conditioned sleep.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
My plane didn't leave until the mid-afternoon, so I ate breakfast and took another walk. Avenida Las Americas closes down to traffic every Sunday morning, and I saw a lot of families out walking and playing. The city basically sets up a festival every week, and it is really well-attended. I was tempted, but I passed on the pony rides right outside the hotel.
The hotel gets the feed from Fox Sports, so I was able to watch the Giants play until it was time to check out and get the shuttle back to the airport.
Checking out was fairly painless. I was able to get rid of most of my extra Quetzales at the hotel, and then put the rest on the credit card. The total came to Q2,030.64 ($270.75). That included the drinks in the room, one call to the USA, and all kinds of taxes. It was about what I was originally quoted, so that was fine.
The hotel was good. I wouldn't stay there again, however, just because of the location. I saw about a half dozen hotels right in the Zona Viva area that would be comparably priced, and would be better located for meals, shopping, etc.
Check in at American Airlines would have been a nightmare if I didn't have Aadvantage Gold status. The line was real long and real slow. The line for security was also long, but that moved fairly quickly. I had to pay a minimal airport tax before going through security (less than $3, I think). The airport is full of stores selling tourist junk. Unlike many airports, these were all individually run and operated, so prices varied for the same items. But all in all, the prices for the tourist junk were only slight higher than in town, so you wouldn't get hurt too badly if you waited until it was time to go home to do your shopping. Once you get past security, all of those stores were outrageously priced, so eat at the hotel or in the outside part of the airport.
American Airlines - for the second time in a row - provided on-time service and I was back home as scheduled. It was good to see no lines at the gas station, so I filled up and returned back to Ft. Lauderdale, where my dark apartment awaited me. The water was on, but it would be four more days until the electricity came back.
Would I return to Guatemala City for another mongering expedition? Unlikely. The people are nice, there's plenty of places to go for girls, and the chicas are agreeable, even if they're not the most beautiful in the world. If I had to go there, I could make do, but I wouldn't make a special trip. The next time the lights are out, I will go elsewhere.