MBL emailed me some secret pics of the actual computer that Jaguar uses to write these amazing trip reports

That looks strangely like a "Barbie Jag"

Yeah, I told Jag we were taking bets on which would be finished first, his report, or Boston's next album...

Dear Cat,

Sadly, Immigrations seized my Barbie Laptop Computer along with my cache of 10 pair of Victoria Secret thong panties upon entry into Brazil on Jan 16th. I got a lot of strange looks when they opened my bags. Fuck the Bastards!!

You'll be happy to learn that I was writing all week as I sat on the beach with Hollywd32, Skisandy, Cdaze, Nugget, and Chave while at the same time getting ripped off by my good friend Fernando. Strangely, the more gringos I bring to the beach, the happier Fernando is. I haven't quite figured out the correlation between the two yet, but I know it exists.

At my current speed of production, coupled with the confiscation of my Salmon (not pink) coloured laptop, Part Three should be finished by Independence Day (that's July Fourth, for Billybadboy and Isawal's information).

Part Four is promised by Labor Day. You two guys can look up that one yourselves because the fucking date changes from year to year.

Jag

Jag,

You are at least two trip reports behind at this point, so you do have some catching up to do. By the way, the notebook is clearly a "Hello Kitty" model.

I hope the lighter guy is seeing his business pick up as well.

Jag
Part Four what happened to part 3 did you hide it.
The last sentance is still the cliffhanger of the week.
Scooby

Dear Cat,

I didn't want to give away the brand name. That's the second time you let the cat out of the bag.

BTW, Fawn's back!!!!!!

A very tired Jag

hey old friend, the pink shirts i get, well maybe. but the computer... scary, that is if i didn't know you better...haha check your pm's.

Jag it is amazing what a few hundred dollars and medical science can do. When I seen you and Fawn last night at Help dancing it brought a tear to my eye how you saved that woman. Man is she healthy - now I know why you are tired. I enjoyed visiting with you and hope you have a good safe flight back. It's a good thing MBL didn't see you last night or you would have been going back in the cargo area of the plane. Take care my friend. - Hemp

Scooby,

Believe it or not, I`ve been working furiously putting Part Three down on paper down while here in Rio. Unfortunately, I`ve been writing while on the beach, surrounded by hundreds of fantastic thonged garotas and as many as 20 topless ones each and every day.

Actually, I`m now keeping GDP hours, you know, closing Help at 6:00 AM and getting to the beach around 4:00 PM. MBL used to get me off the beach at 3:30 PM each day, just before all the hot girls arrived-- I didn`t have a fucking clue as to what she was doing to me, but then I know that won`t surprise you at all.

Being "Bubbleless" is a whole new and entirely different world and I like it immensely. Why didn`t anyone knock some sense into me before? How fucking stupid was I to come to Rio and be with only one women the whole time? I`m a new and improved Jag!! Happier too!

Part Three will be out soon; that`s all I can say.

Jag

Jag

Hemp,

They must have operated on her kidney through either her asshole or her mouth because she didn`t have any scars. Both of us examined her closely, didn`t we? No fucking sign of a scar anywhere! Maybe she just heals fast.

Wasn`t last night at TA and Help a lot of fun? Many thanks to Hemp, Hookenhorns, Chave and Bluestraveller for such a wonderful time. Believe it or not, I got lots of pictures inside Help; not only the dance floor and stage, but also many beautiful women. Okay, so I told them I was a Playboy photographer, but it worked didn`t it?

Tonight three beautiful Spanish women want to take me sonewhere and they mentioned a Jaccuzi. They also said they didn`t want any money. Isn`t that a winning combination? Oh God, I`m in heaven just like you my friend.

See you next trip, which should be in about 3 weeks. BTW, Fawn was absolutely fantastic. She also told me that she`s been celibate since last March when I fled Buzios. Isn`t that nice. Guess that means Billybadboy was with her identical twin sister, you know the one she never mentions.

Take care my dear friend,

Jag

You can throw away that t-shirt now:

"I went to Rio and fucked one women."

LOL-soccer, that is pretty funny.

Jag, It is looking like I'll be getting into Rio Feb 16ish...if you want we can work on getting you closer to a 1:1 ratio, that is number of garotas sessioned with vs. Rio trips...don't worry, I'm sponsored by Cialis in all markets where it is available over the counter.

I can vouch for Jag, when he says he has been working on part 3 on the beach. It was great fun to be with him and the gang for the last 2 weeks.

If only that damned Fernando could aim his water bucket a little higher and extinguish that nasty cigar.....

And yes- the bunda views were incredible too, and so distracting. Remember that white lotion they use on their bodies? When I told my wife about it and described the scene she suggested we go (together) to Papua New Guinea next time - it's suposed to be just as interesting there...... lol.

OK- the "shrink story" is in the works, Jag, I'll post it in a few days.

Tschau,
Skisandy

Skisandy,

You didn't like my cigar? Shit, every time I looked over at your chair, you would just be sitting there waving at me; I didn't know you were trying to get rid of the smoke. Fuck you Skisandy!!!

After you left, Fernando became much more creative in his unique pricing structure. He hit Cdaze and me with a "Chuva Tax" because there were going to be showers the next day. One day he slapped me with a "high tide tax" because the beach was shorter and hence less revenue. The "Departure Tax " can only be described as significant! Ain't Brazil great!!!!

On a serious note, it was great meeting you and watching you operate with the women. I took notes and they helped me immensely. Don't take this the wrong way, but that girl, Gabriella, you picked up on the beach one afternoon is already cheating on you. On my last night in Help, she was snuggling up next to some Italian and as I walked by she pinched my ass and smiled at me. Is that multitasking or what?

Good luck working on your next trip-- I hope we're there together again.

Jag

Skisandy, I know what you mean about the stogie. On my two trips with Jag, it was almost like smoke signals to the venders. The good side was it kept the bugs away.
Talk about taxes, I had to send my girl home 3 days early and Tam tells me twice on phone 100$ extra to change flight. I get her to Miami and they tell me 150$ an no reciept. Gringo pricing right here in Florida. I looked at her and said, I feel like I went to Rio.

I was in Rio until a few days ago but Jag's cigar did not bother me at all. As a matter of fact, I did not even witness any unusual behavior on his part. Ok, so I did not see him at all...but that still does not mean that his visit was wrought with misfortune. There was not even any newspaper reports on any injuries or any other intrigue that he was involved in the entire time I was there.

I expected to see "Jag is here" on billboards to help alert MBL that he was here. But nothing. I did see an rather angry looking, 'strong' woman striding around inquiring about "James Bond"...I wonder who that was and why would she inquire about a fictional movie character???
(Ponders these many things...)

Jag,

Who says that it was the smoke of your cigar that bothered me? NO - it was in the way on one of my beach-bunda pictures!! Now you can see the seriousness of the problem - can't you?

I wish I were charged a chuva tax right now, instead of New Mexico Gross Receipts Tax (If at least there were anything "gross" about the latter tax, then it may be more acceptable).

That infidelity problem of the brasileiras does bug me too. I have a lot to learn from YOU here too. Hope to meet up with you again on my next trip, Jag. I am going to tell my shrink about you, maybe he can make a deal for me, with my wife.....

Skisandy

Skisandy,

Yeah, I had something obscuring several photos and I thought it was some suntan lotion on the lens. No shit, that's really cigar smoke? I'll be damned!

Jag

Jag,
Eagerly awaiting your next report. With all the photo's included. I had a great time hanging with you on the beach and in Help. I haven't spent that much time in Help since my very first trip to Rio 4 years ago. My buddies are thinking basing a new reality show on your adventures in Rio. Wait. Come to think of it your adventures are anything but reality.
What do you think about adopting Fernando and bringing him to the states? The site of him watering your feet on the beach was unbelievable!! If only we could get chicks to do that!

Cdaze,

You added an entirely new dimension to my last Rio trip--a dose of sanity.

Didn't we have a great time on the beach with Hollywd, Skisandy, Chave and HookemHorns. Shit Fernando treated them just like family especially after one of them gave him a R$100 tip. Man, that move fucked up his pricing scheme for days. He was still trembling three days later.

Let me know when you plan on returning to Rio, I'd really enjoy seeing you again.

Take care my friend,

Jag

Jag
Beach action rocked and the sand kicking was great too! Nasty bitch! ( but a great ass) I have your photo of your book and CH is trying to figure out where to post it. What do you think?

Hollywd,

Go ahead my friend.

Jag

I don't understand why you guys never go to Lojas Americanas and buy a fucking chair and umbrella for the beach. They are having a nice promotion this week - R$19.99 for either a two or ten-position beach chair. Not sure about the umbrellas, I rent those for R$3 per day. Not worth the hassle lugging one around.

Cat,

I don't need to buy a chair because now they allow chaise lounges back on Hooker Beach. Why in God's name would I want to lug around a fucking chaise. Are you just trying to get me to fall for another one of your stunts?

Yeah, I could just see me trying to get a fucking chaise lounge into the elevator. That fucking dachshund would probably tear my leg off.

Nice try my friend, but I'm not falling for it. Anyway, if I buy a chair who will take care of Fernando? Didn't think about how that would affect poor old Fernando, did you?

Go back to thinking up more schemes.

Take care my friend,

Jag

Jaguar's Book courtesy of Hollywd32

Gentlemen,

I know you guys won’t believe this, but I got six copies of this book as Christmas presents. On the inside jacket of three copies the following two sentences were underlined: “Why are some people brilliant decision makers, while others are consistently inept? Why do some people follow their instincts and win, while others end up stumbling into error?

Actually, I never thought of myself as a “brilliant decision maker,” but obviously many of my friends think I am. Otherwise, why would they underline those sentences?

By the way, my youngest daughter gave me one of the copies. I asked her if she underlinned anything and she refused to answer.

Jag

I believe there were only six copies ever printed! And you might address the consistently part again! LOL

I expect Jag is too busy to answer this, he was talking with Lurch tonight in Help. I would not be surprised if he closed Help again just so as not to leave with her.

D&U,

You are correct! She tried to outwait me, but she didn't know I can last forever. Around 4:30 she gave up.

Jag

Jag, if you remember the girl that was with me all night, she stuck to me like glue. I ended up taking her back around 4am.