This being my first mongering trip, I was as anxious as a 16 year old boy unhooking the bra of his first victim… I spent about 80 bigillion hours on boards reading reports and every bit of information that I get my grubby little hands on (a horny well-informed monger is… well, still a horny monger but one less likely to fuck up too much but with my luck even if I had read the monger encyclopedia I was still bound to fuck it all up)… being fluent in spanish helped in my quest to learn the hoe-language, I got as far as pimsleur’s 2nd level (lesson 25) and I was able to get along much better than I had expected… well, initially a friend had talked me into making this trip with him but he totally flaked out so I was more or less on my own (I have some friends staying at barra, but it’s too far to be practical)… arranged for an apartment from gringomanagement and I was very pleased with it; location was totally key on this one, about half a block from meia pataca and help… i decided to make my first rio trip, post-carnival... the reasoning for that was that with the weakened dollar and reports that GDP's are increasing their rates of 'donations', i really needed to work if i wanted to maximize my spending power... well, also coupled with the fact that i didnt want to compete with 80 zillion like-minded mongers to gain the favorable attention of whoever would end up being the bootie (no pun intended) for that night… well, I wont bore you all with the logistics of my trip (unless somebody really wants to know where I bought my socks), so on with ass-report…


first day, arrived in rio 2 hours late due to weather conditions in nyc (ice storm... man, what a perfect kick in the nuts... being delayed to assville because of freaking horrible winter weather at home)... impression of the apartment was good but only if you’re openminded, if you’re expecting an actual apartment you’ll be very disappointed… but if you’re willing to stay in a place a little bit bigger than a regular hotel room (at half the price and with no issues about “guests”) then you might give it a try, location was sexcellent… nonetheless, once settled in the apartment, i decided to take a stroll on ave. atlantica. walked for a few minutes, spotted a couple of very 'talented' prospects but my timing was off and i didnt approach either one. as i'm standing near terraco atlantica pondering what my next move would be, i see this little spinner walk right by (i'm normally not attracted to the spinner look, but she definitely got the attention of mini-me so who am i to argue with nature)... i approached her, asked her name, blah blah blah... asked if she wanted to get something to eat... after eating at terraco atlantica (which i might add, was about one step above airline food, it was only edible because I was starving), she asked me for my number but since i didnt know it, i asked her if she wanted to stop by my apartment so that i could give it to her… within 10 minutes back in the apartment, we are having hot sweaty monkey sex... and yes, i know this was my newbie mistake by not asking how much it would be, and being that she hadnt brought it up i thought i might be able to play ignorant if she asked for money (“what do you mean, i thought we put the dent in the bed because you like me... now i have to pay you?” would have been my likely response)... but much to my surprise, she didnt bring up the subject of money whatsoever as she was leaving... she only asked for me to call her later in case i wanted to go out, and realizing my good fortune at having free bootie, i immediately asked her to come back at 10pm so we could have a couple of drinks... so she comes to my apartment right on time (which shocked me, as i thought in brassilera-time it meant sometime around midnight) and we go for another round of 'hide mr. elmo'... so to quench the thirst, we head to alcazar for a couple of beers (i didnt want to go to terraco atlantica because i didnt want her to run into any of her 'friends' <read>... i still wanted her to continue with her “i am a nice girl and dont even know what is a GDP” routine)... afterwards, she wants to go to Help because she says she wants to dance... ok... first impression of Help, i dont know if it's true that Help is the largest nightclub in South America but if it is, then i really need to get in the nightclub business... i have been to at least 5 clubs in the US which are easily more than 3 times the size and capacity of help (and i'm not even a club person)... anyway, i know that some of you will give me the “dont take sand to the beach” speech, but i was actually happy that i could go with somebody that could show me the ropes (give me the layout of the club, show me where everything is), be able to observe how things work out (my own live-version of the discovery channel... mongers being preyed upon by the most efficient predator spit out by evolution, that's right, i'm referring to the tight-pant, miracle-bra wearing, big-bootied brassilera), and most importantly, still get free bootie for the night...anyway, after a couple of hours of smoke inhalation, we head back to the apartment but due to a headache and jet lag, i didnt pursue another round... after some hours of much-needed sleep, we both wake up and i come to a conclusion: this chick is every bit as horny as an 18-year-old american boy who isnt not getting any... so we go for a game i call “lets see if we can wake up the neighbors with the bed”... very nice way to meat (not a typo) the new day... i was having such a great time with this little spinster that when she asked if i wanted to go to the beach later, all i heard was “do you want more free sex” and i responded with a very enthusiastic 'duh'... before moving on, I feel I should comment on something peculiar that happened… I bought some ‘mandelay’ (makes you last longer) and well, I should advice all that whenever you handle this you should wear gloves and wash your hands immediately… stupid ass me, I didn’t realize I still had some and I kind of touched my lip (no, I wasn’t licking my fingers, dicks)… to make a long story short, food didn’t taste right for the next two days… live and learn (or in my case, live and never learn)…

so I decided to go shopping for a bathing suit (no, not a speedo, at least not yet)... man oh man, the sidewalks are littered with big-bootied brassileras... anyway, after an hour of my eyes nearly coming out of their sockets, I called ms. free bootie... she comes over with a friend (a very cute 20 year old, tall and slender like a model)... we head to ipanema to kill a few hours, and man, was the ass out today... ooops, I meant was the sun out today... you could spot the working girls fairly easy, and some of them had a talent that I really wanted to sexplore... so after a few hours at the beach, me and spinster (the friend was long gone... a phone call prompted her to grab her stuff and run, probably a client calling on the bat-phone) go to the apartment for my first bout with “why the hell cant I cum” syndrome... after a long time of pounding, I finally came with such thunder and it was such a moment of triumph, I thought I could hear the theme from Rocky in the background... so she goes back to her apartment for a few hours (I really wanted to take a nap at this point, and write some of this stuff down so I wouldnt forget)... another night at Help accompanied by spinster... At this point i'm thinking that i really need get different bootie and decided that tomorrow will be the day of breaking more bootie down... don’t get me wrong, the free bootie is great and all, but i cant stray from my rio goal: to get bootie upon bootie upon more bootie... there were a lot of girls at Help this night that i wouldnt do with somebody else's dick, but there was enough talent that if i was to pursue help as my bootie-source i would have sufficient choices, but at this point i really dont know what the price-scale is as i have been to Help twice but haven’t propositioned any of the working girls... back at the apartment, me and spinster have a profound (pun intended) session lasting considerably longer than my usual two minutes...

Wake up with spinster and we both want to go to the beach, but by this point i want to venture out on my own... so she heads to ipanema, and i head to copa... I stop about a block north of Rio Othon and the scene was very subdued and there is NOOOOO discernable talent to gawk at... after two hours trying to sunbathe on a very cloudy day i gave up and went home... but in case you havent been able to figure out my luck, let me break it down to you: within 20 minutes of me leaving because it's too cloudy, it turns into one of the sunniest days of my stay... anyway, being Sunday and all the cambios being closed, i need to find that Citibank that i kept reading about in all the reports... i know i have seen it on ave. copabana so i head 5 blocks in each direction to no avail... so by this point i'm getting aggravated and i ask one of the security guards on atlantica (i'm actually not sure what their job is but you get my drift)... so off i go after getting directions, he said the street after santa clara... but i see this young brassilera walking, mesmerized by her ass I kind of missed the street where I was supposed to go... I backtrack my paces but not well enough to be accurate, so to make a long story short it took me an hour and a half (and two big ass blisters) to finally find this monger-landmark (and yeah, at this point i could hear 'alleluyah'... my own little soundtrack)... so tonight i tell spinster that she can come over later (so i could have some of that free bootie), and i head to barbarellas... many reports have stated that it has great looking girls but it's expensive and after an hour of perusing and making my choice, i can say first hand that i fully concur with those opinions... one thing i feel i must point out (although just reiterating what others have said): some of these chicks look incredible but somehow lose their appeal when you get them up close, beer goggles in reverse (that happened with three of chicks that i thought were prime candidates, but when i called them over i was shocked that these were the same chicks)... finally narrow down to my 'friend of the night', ingrid, a 21 year old blonde (well, not sure if that's how old she said she is) with a great ass body... the first chick i had spoken to earlier had told me that all the girls there were asking for $200 USD (yes, USD, not R$) but my negotiations with Ingrid were pretty reasonable (went from R$400 to R$200)... so off i go with ingrid to the apartment and on the cab ride i swear my dick was hard that you could use to break down diamonds... we had a great session which included one of the best blow jobs of my long ass life... she's a very personable girl and she gets two thumbs of approval (although she has a tendency to complain about her life, so just pretend that you dont understand and eventually she will shut up)... so she's off and within half an hour spinster is here and ready to trounce (so after blowing two loads with ingrid, now the cialis really kicks in and saves me from having a kodak moment: mr. happy not being so happy)...

Photos: Ingrid 01 02

by this point i have more or less decided that my routine will consist of banging a different chick each day, and making bacon with spinster at night... this strategy will actually help me save quite a bit... initially i had budgeted $250 USD each day to spend (to include my mongering and food), but now having spinster for free, i could afford to to not be stingy in getting 'the garota of the day'... so after having having a great lunch, i tell spinster that i'll catch up with her later that night and i head to 4X4 for my terma-cherry popping ceremony... i must say, i had read up so much about this monger-heaven that i had many preconceived ideas of what this place would be like... first off, I almost shit my pants… as soon as I walked in there was a dude in a bathrobe right by the door… he must have been 6’7, 320lbs… all I thought was that I had REALLY come to the wrong place and now I was about to become somebody’s little girl… but after having fainted, I toured the facilities… the main boite is MUCH smaller than i had envisioned (which somehow disappointed me), and the garotas were not as aggressive as i had ass-umed (which was fine by me as it's somehow disturbing to turn down some incredibly hot chicks, something that i need to get accustomed to here in brassil)... anyway, after about 45 minutes of perusing i decided on 'the garota of the day', karla... a blonde with an ass that should be on the brassilian flag... got the suite for one hour... which i might add, is way smaller than i had thought, but adequate... very good oral skills and superb riding skills... after the phone rang, i was happily surprised that we went for another 15 minutes of playing... i would have stayed longer and perhaps sought more fun (drinks, entrance, 1 hour in the suite: R$200) but i had a date with a non-working garota (details of which for obvious reasons i wont post on this report)... after this date, spinster comes to the apartment and although i had told her that i wanted to go to the movies, by this point i was actually pretty tired and decided to stay in for a quiet night with spinster...

Photos: Karla 03 04

initially i had wanted to keep a running count of how many loads i disbursed throughout my stay (yeah, i know, childish but by now perhaps you can understand how my retarded little mind works) but at this point i can barely count my toes much less the number of times that spinster has taken me for a ride... from my experience, i can say without any hesitation or doubt that i find brassileras to be in a league of their own, both in sexual appettite and skills (and bundaliciousness)...

the start of another day, and by now i am getting the hang of things: places to eat, buy what I may need, where to use the internet, i am becoming self-reliant here in brassil and this is from a person who has barely mastered the art of tying his own shoes... some of my favorite places to eat are monchique and bel crepe (or it might be called 'belmonte') and i can whole heartedly say that in my humble opinion those who complain about brassilian food are just not straying far enough from avenida atlantica (i know this will tickle some people but i dont think that food at alcazar, terraco atlantica, meia pataca are anywhere near representative of the world-class level that brazilian cuisine can offer)... anyway, enough of the food report...

well, the sun is really not cooperating and i have to stay away from the beach for yet another day... so i ended up with spinster at the movies... 'match point' <ponto> turned out to be a really good movie, and man, scarlett johanssen (yeah, I know I fucked up the spelling) has really developed those sweater puppets quite nicely (and juicy), they looked great in this flick... but anyway, enough of my movie review, and now lets get back to the hoe-assis...

so today is my first trip to the famed terma centaurus, an event which i have been waiting for my entire life with as much anticipation as a 5 year old waiting for xmas eve (but then again, he doesnt fully understand the concept of bunda, hence my anticipation is tenfold)... my impression, i dont like that they assign one of the less talented girls to latch on to you upon arrival, but of course that didnt stop me from making out with her (and her friend... which was pretty hot, first time for me having two chicks kissing me at the same time... but being that i am there paying top reals, i quickly sent them packing and perused some of the real talent that this terma has to offer and let me tell you, i was not disappointed... there were at least 10 girls that I would bang silly)... i saw this one garota, lorena, which i had to have as my 'garota of the day'... the pictures just dont do her justice... this ass should be legendary, and i am currently writing a petition to have her ass on the R$1 coin (it's just so perfectly round, that it's perfect for a coin)... again, pictures just dont capture the dimensions of this bunda... by far the nicest bunda i have ever had... maybe i shouldnt have, but two sessions with her, 4 shots,and 1 broken condom and i was sexhausted (yeah... i wasnt happy about the condom breaking but crying wouldnt have helped the situation)... nonetheless, i certainly give her two thumbs (and 1 stub) up... if i return to centaurus, i intend to have a dupla with her... head back to the apt., have dinner with spinster, and go to sleep... tomorrow will be a new day and a new terma...

Photos: Lorena 05 06

well, new day and it's actually sunny so of course i have to take advantage of it and i tell
spinster that i'm heading to the beach... so i'm at the beach for about half an hour when Ingrid (barbarella chick) calls me up and we decided she would come meet me where i am (which is right in front of the rio othon palace)... by this point, the ass was really out today, tons of working girls and almost every single one was looking bundalicious... so ingrid shows up and we are talking for a while when i almost shit my pants, yeah, you guessed it: spinster comes by (walks about 5 meters behind me) and sits about 20 meters besides me where i have a direct line of sight... so i have enough experience messing around with two chicks at the same time that i know that if i'm going to walk out of this alive and with one shred of dignity, then i'm going to let one of them know... so i told ingrid that my namorada was there and we made a pretty subtle getaway (very james bond-ish... more like james bunda)... ingrid was actually pretty cool about it and we went
to the apartment to take a shower... took a quick shower and then had an afternoon treat... and yes, this was a freebie never mentioned money... and although i have banged two women so far today i definitely want to make it a trifecta (juggling two girlfriends at the same time in the US, I have had two chicks on the same day as part of a routine... but 3 in a day??? well, read on)...

sir, i concur with your assessment of meia pataca and alcazer, you obviously did not the terraco a fair look. they have good to great food. second are those larger discos in the us stocked with 99.5% GDP's?

ummm... sorry, i went to terraco twice and IMHO i think it's a great place for drinks but just wasnt thrilled with the food (we all have different tastes, i know that some people wouldnt like any of the places that i enjoyed)... and my comment about Help was based on being touted as 'the largest disco' in South America (now, if they said they largest hoe-asis in SA <or>, i would gladly concur)... by the way, too bad i wasnt able to hook up with you and mack (i spoke with him on the phone... you were heading to 4x4 and i headed to centaurus), but for future trips i would enjoy tapping into that wealth of knowledge that some of you possess...

i submitted pictures to the administrator, they will be merged shortly...

Admin: Photos integrated

Great report! And it's funny, as Help isn't even the largest disco in Rio if you count Via Show, which differs in that it often has live bands playing.

Brasilero,

Damn good report, Lorena definitely has the bunda, no doubt about it. I noticed that the same chica is posted in the pics section. same ass, no picture of face, but the ass was unmistakeable.

Lorena's ass is a legendary myth of a saga that will forever haunt my loins (dont worry... i dont know what the hell i just said either)...

Good Trip report, great photos.

Master Bates