For those that haven’t been there, 2:30 AM in Angeles City is NOT the best time of night to go shopping for a barfine if you’re looking to see all the available options that town has to offer. Many bars close at 2 AM, a lot MORE close at 3. There are still several open up until 5-6 AM and girls are still available on Santos St. (the formerly famous, now quickly fading away ‘Blow Row’) 24x7, but your pickins’ at that time of night are usually quite depleted.

Of course at times like those, it certainly helps to be an OMNIVORE when it comes to picking bar girls! I don’t have a precise checklist where a girl has to meet certain specific criteria to end up in my bed. While I certainly prefer big tits (and the bigger the better!), as most that know me know, I have been known to even bang skinny broads once in awhile. Being an omnivore that will bang just about ANYTHING sure helps, and for me a barfine usually comes down to a girl that has some ‘je ne sais quoi’ that gets your attention, but I imagine it’s rare for anyone that gets laid as infrequently as me that someone doesn’t quickly catch your eye on the first night in town!

And this trip, I actually didn’t make it out of the FIRST BAR without pulling the trigger!

My first bar was Dirty Duck, a place I have had some VERY, VERY fun girls from before. There is certainly not a lot that is special about Dirty Duck compared to other bars in AC: They have good air-con. They play the same music everyone else does (at subdued volumes, though, if you care about that). They have comfortable seating throughout, both stageside and overstuffed booths along the walls. They put 6-12 bikini-clad dancers at a time on a small stage with (decorative only) poles on it.

But on THIS night, I was just GEEKED (remember the part about not getting laid very much???) to be in the place! I quickly got a seat stageside and ordered a rhum and coke from a huge titted, chubby, chocolatey waitress whose sister I had fucked (epic session, too) a couple years back. She told me it was her first night back working in the bar, and her sister was still working as the roundest Asian chat cam model in the industry. Had I been even slightly drunk already at the time, I probable would have just started molesting her and then taken her home for some chubby-chasing love.

But I wasn’t drunk.

So I just stared mesmerized at the girls onstage.

Girls in Angeles often don’t know how to react to a guy sitting stageside staring at them. Filipinas are generally shy, and take off 90% of their clothes and they get even more so. They love NOTHING more than to just stand bored and lifeless on stage, talk to their friends, and earn rather high wages from some charity-minded girlie bar owner.

But in some bars and at some times, the girls just get INTO trying to hook up with you. And on my first night this trip, there seemed to be several girls acting slutty and trying to get my attention. Eventually a few even worked up the courage to start a conversation. One of those mind-alteringly stimulating conversations that one can usually only hear in Asian bars:

“Whatchu name?”

“Whay u from?”

“Whay u stay her(e)”?

“U have Girlfriend Vietnam”?

You know, all the stuff that you would KILL to hear right now, but by the 2nd time you hear it on a mongering trip you just wanna THROTTLE the GENIUS that is torturing you so!

Aah, but (go back to the not getting laid much part) the FIRST time you hear those delightful inquiries on a trip, it’s a lot of fun to kick-start the mongering process.

The first brave girl at Dirty Duck that could look twice at me without turning away giggling when I caught her glance was also the one there that I found most attractive. A lucky coincidence. Some brief conversation about the horrors of nuclear proliferation, and her showing me her fucking INSANELY HOT ass, had me inviting her to retire to the rear booths for a test drive on my (chomping at the bit, by this time) sweet spot.

My target was only too happy to come down, and quickly took my direction and hopped on my lap while I angled by still-shorts-clad boner into the valley between her ass cheeks. She oohed and aahed appropriately at the sawed off salami I call my better half, and even made a point to grab it a couple of times, stick out her pierced tongue, and lick her lips. Hmmm, somehow I’m thinking THIS wasn’t HER first day in a bar?

And of course she giggled and gave the time-honored AC response of “Cherry ASS” when I got the only truly vitally important AC interview question out of the way. I mean, you just GOTTA ask, coz if you don’t, even the girl who lost it to her uncle DECADES ago might try and pull the ultimate in-room ripoff on you when it’s time to ultimately lay pipe.

Or so I’ve heard.

About this time where my dick was SCREAMING in ecstasy over having her puwit massaging it and bucking up and down on it like she was in the friggn’ rodeo, some pasty-faced, short, round, blonde female walked into the bar with a rather pudgy Filipina with her. This is NOT an every day occurrence in any of the girlie bars I’ve been to around the world, and I was a bit surprised to see some white chick there.

Apparently it wasn’t her first time there, either, as she was quickly barking orders to people to fetch them some drinks. OK.

While my eyebrows raised a little over this, Ms. GORGEOUS ASS quickly regained my attention by deciding it was time for some serious test-drive humping. She hopped on to straddle me and quickly gave her best AC bargirl style porn-star impression of “Oh shit, OH SHIT, FUCK ME NA!” that they all like to do. Exactly who TEACHES this stuff?

But, aGAIN, it’s my first night, and I’m eating it all up! Of course when I return the favor and bend her over the booth and start rabbit humping her with my tentpole from behind, the pasty-faced WHALE next to me looks over and says “Ohh, PLEASE”! As sensitive as I was to her obviously offended state, I shrugged it off and just started GRINDING my crotch into the girl still hamming for me below. Unfortunately I couldn’t keep that up for more than a few seconds without LMAO, and miraculously a mamasan and my cow-titted waitress appeared at that very second and proposed that I pay a barfine. How thoughtful of them!

I didn’t mind too much, as they were really reading my tiny mind: I wanted to plow that girl’s field, and I wanted it RIGHT THEN. I did take pause to ask if the girl had any urgent business before breakfast the next day that she needed to attend to, but just looking at her when I asked had me believing she was no scammer. 1200 for the barfine, 260 or so for the several drinks we’d had between us there in 45 minutes or so, 30 or so for the waitress that allowed me to paw the hell out of those massive mamms while my girl went to change, and a short time later we were walking the 200 yard path back to Central Park to get our honeymoon underway.

Not sure if the hotel staff was surprised by how quickly I had brought back company, but I was rather impressed, myself! They just kind of smiled as I asked for my key and headed for the room. Once inside, my love of the hour jumped into the shower, returning clad only in the usual towel, while I (hair still wet from showering before heading out) skipped mine.

We made out for a bit, then she showed me that her tongue flicking in the bar was no tease, working her way towards my sausage like she was following an ant’s trail to a honey pot. And once there she put her tongue stud and wet, hot mouth to EXCELLENT use, flicking, licking and sucking like she was a professional cocksucker or something. IMAGINE THAT!!!

She soon started asking for a condom, so I went to my stuff and dug one out. She followed me over there for some reason, and pretty soon we were doing it standing up with her bent over the bed.

I have to say that was by FAR the most glorious 75 seconds I had had in the last 3 months since my last trip to Asia!

As she headed off to wash off the rubber aftermath, I whipped out the camera and started clicking off a few shots (I work with the lower end of technology with such things). She REALLY got into that, and was soon demanding that we make out own little “bold” (only the BOLD survive!!!) photo shoot, and since I was just a pawn in her little game, I said, “uhm, OK…”

Of course this led to Porker Jr. popping up again, and soon we were sucking/fucking AGAIN. Man, good thing I kept them condoms close at hand!

This time she actually had to work up a sweat to get me to pop, but she was quite the trooper about it. A few times she even appeared to be enjoying her work. Man, ain’t them Filpinas great actresses? She apparently even supplied her own props, somehow soaking the sheets.

After about 45 minutes of THIS, we both showered and like no fat man ever has before, I felt the mood to EAT. JAL had served up some beef and noodles crap about 12 hours before that I had pretty much devoured, but the stomach was rumbling, so what’s a guy to do? I mean, tough to sleep on an empty stomach, yes?

Rather than head out at that late hour I figured I’d spring for room service. And when it was ready by the Domino’s witching hour, it was delivered by a smiling waitress who just seemed to me as having SPROUTED since the last time I had seen her! I mean this girl used to look like OLIVE OYL to me, and all of a sudden she had HIPS. And TITS!

But of course, the first thing she said to me after “Hi, Porker. U look fat NA” was “How’s Epimetheus?”. I quickly signed the check and shooed her out the door.

My girl ate like it was the Last Supper, and I managed to down most of Central Park’s FOOTBALL sized cheeseburger before I dimmed the lights, adjusted the ceiling fan and air-con, put a big bearhug on my skinny, OH-so-smooth-skinned date, and cuddled up for a few hours of blissful sleep while grey light had already started peeking through the window blind.

Have I mentioned recently how I kind of like being in Angeles?

Photos: Dirty Duck 01 02 03 04

Are that girl's nipples really an inch long? That's not an optical illusion of your "lower end of technology" equipment? Incredible. And she's a cutiepie, too.

Great to see you posting, Porker, I love to read your reports. Is this the most recent trip, I don't see a date--and of course, you haven't finished off the one from last summer--nudge, nudge.

Nice pics and that nipple - man it really looks like someone's been stretching at it!

Cutie pie for sure although its something out of the ordinary for your big titty eyes!

Thanks for the report!

Thanks. No, no optical illusion there, she was a bit of a freak with those long nipples. Not the first time I've seen that in the Philippines, but usually on the girls that are underwhelming in the susu department.

Hunterman, yes, this is a report for the trip a few weeks back. Re: LAST summer's report, NEVER underestimate how lazy I can be!

Crazier, yeah, I usually only go gaga over the ones with bigger tits than ME! But I appreciate the skinny ones too sometimes. The current AC fave has small B's. But MAN are they EVER delicious!

Porker
Your reports are always entertaining.

Looks like one of my barfines not yours as others have pointed out already. However, I think you can see her personality shine through in the pics and the reason you chose her becomes obvious.


OMG Murasaki's gonna bust a nut when he sees those nipples.

“Hi, Porker. U look fat NA” was “How’s Epimetheus?”.

I know exactly who you're talking about and I can hear her voice in my head. Priceless...

This report brings me back to spring 05 when we were last in that town together. For all the bad things that have happened to me and my friends there, we've still had some WONDERFUL times. Reading this report snaps me back into the thick of it. All the RANK boxes we dodged over the years and the stories over breakfast at CPH while the girls slept off the previous evening's barhop and shags. I remember a time when we were giants roaming Pields and Santos, thoroughly shagging ANYTHING that caught our eye. These were the "fuck, rinse, repeat as necessary" days. Sitting in America in front of a PC I'd trade almost anything to be back in AC reliving those old memories...

Keep up the good work my friend.

E

Epi, it's sounding like the astroglide just ain't cutting it these days ?

Thanks guys. Epi, hard to believe it's been more than a year since we hung out together. That's gotta change!

Epi, it's sounding like the astroglide just ain't cutting it these days

Every piece of material in my house has been laundered multiple times after becoming "crispy". Yeah, my left arm has never been stronger, but I need to get into a "3hole"istic exercise program soon...

Epi, hard to believe it's been more than a year since we hung out together. That's gotta change!

You speak the truth my friend. We need to wrap some young, trashy women around our dicks and have ourselves a nice party somewhere. Hopefully, SEA this summer.

E

Always a pleasure to read a Porker TR. Makes me feel like I am right there with you. Wait a second, I was there BEFORE you. I tapped that Dirty Duck ass about a month before when she worked at Las Vegas. Funny thing, she was my first night in town shag too. Great girl, but I must have a tiny weenie as it was a throwing a sausage down the hallway experience for me.

There's a little more to the story with that girl (will get to it soon, I hope), and it was fucking FUNNY when I was casually mentioning that I had a friend in Singapore and she IMMEDIATELY asked me, "Oh, is his name MONGERX?"

AC can be a SMALL fucking town sometimes!

Re: the size of her box, who knows? I popped a boner biscuit before heading out, and that, combined with my already immense horniness had my dick swollen to about the size of a CORN COB!

Porker, I have read and reread this trip report, but cannot find any mention of this AC "gf" that has been alluded to in several chat posts now. I'm dying of curiousity. Could this young lovely possibly be competition enough for the Indo gf to displace her? Who is obviously not good enough for you, BTW, IMHO, tits or no.

Please do tell!