Saturday, November 04, 2006

Dear Mom & Dad:

I wanted to send you this letter to thank you for taking me out to dinner last week. Imagine my surprise when I found out that the check showed up while I was in the bathroom, and you went ahead and paid it! I promise to get the bill next time. Also, thanks for the gift card. I am sure that I can get something nice with the $10 card at Neiman-Marcus.

I'm writing this letter from the departure lounge at the Santo Domingo airport, where I'm waiting for my plane home to show up. This has given me time to think about what you guys talked about. You could be right - it might be time for me to settle down, get married, and start popping out little Gooch grandchildren for you to spoil.

Even though I was here for three days of work in the Dominican Republic, I took some time to look around in the evenings and see if any of the women here were special enough to become Mrs. Gooch.

You know that I am not overwhelmed with this country, Mom & Dad. Things are pretty expensive, the infrastructure could - to put it gently - use some upgrades, and there's a lot of 'gringo hustle' here. There's some pretty girls here (and some not-so-pretty ones). I've dated a couple when I was here semi-permanently, and I'm not sure that I've met any marriage material, but you asked me to keep looking, so I gave it a chance.

We got in Wednesday afternoon (November 1) and got some work accomplished straight from the airport, and we didn't check in to the Hilton on the Malecon until 7:00 pm or so. My boss and I went out for dinner, so I didn't get any time on my own until about 10:00 o'clock.

There have been some problems in the Dominican Republic, and the government decided that one of the solutions was to put a midnight curfew on liquor sales during the week, and 2:00 in the morning on weekends. I read that the crime rate has plummeted since this began, so maybe it's a good idea, but it didn't leave me a lot of time to meet any potential daughter-in-laws.

I first went to the Jaragua casino. I had met a couple of friendly girls there on previous trips, but I didn't see them that night. I saw one really pretty girl, but she was with her less-beautiful friend. You always told me to be a gentleman, so I offered to buy them both a drink so that I could talk to the pretty one. The 'friend' was pretty pushy and wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise, so I finally gave her 500 pesos to gamble with, and she left us alone.

I started talking with the cute girl, and I thought that it went pretty well - she even wanted to leave with me and go to my hotel room (Dad - you would have been proud)! There was one problem - she needed some money to cover her expenses for the month. You both taught me to help others whenever I could, so I agreed to help her out. But then not only did she want me to give her a LOT of money, but she wanted me to give it to her in the casino. Neither of you raised a fool for a son, so I told her that she was very nice, and I wished her all the best, but I kissed her on the cheek and left the casino.

It was getting late, and I still wanted to try to meet a girl that night, so I made a left out of the casino, and then another left at the first corner (Calle Pasteur). About halfway down the block are two cafes (Dad, you know what I mean by 'café'). One is called The Girls House (one sign says 'The Gin House'), and then there's one just to the right of it - I never got the name. I went into the un-named place.

Mom, I know that you've always told me that it's what's inside a person that's important, but I didn't remember the lesson that night. Almost all of the girls in this place have really big ti…, er, boo…, ah, rac…, ummm, oh yeah, breasts. Sometimes, I'm shallow, but I liked it.

One girl was very friendly. Her name was Alissa. She's in her early 20s, and was single! We talked a little, I bought her a beer, and we went and sat in a little private area. She really liked me - we were kissing and doing other stuff. It was getting close to closing time, and she wanted to come to my hotel to keep talking. I thought that maybe she could be the one, so I agreed. I told her that I had to work in the morning, so I couldn't take her home later - she would have to sleep over. No problema, but she also needed some money for expenses. I guess that she owed the club some money, so I gave her the 2,500 pesos (don't get excited, that's about $75) that she owed them, and we took a taxi to the hotel.

(Mom you may not want to read this next part)
When we got to the hotel, this girl totally changed. She ripped off my clothes and just had her way with me - twice! She did just about everything with me. I'm guessing that she wasn't a virgin, or at least she had read a lot of how-to books on sex. I had a really good time with her, and we fell asleep around 2:00 am. The alarm went off at 7:00, and she jumped in the shower. She came out all naked and everything, and I got excited again. She did something with her mouth for about 10 minutes that felt very nice, and then she got dressed.
(Mom can read again)

At some point I realized that Alyssa probably wouldn't be the next Mrs. Gooch, even though she was a very nice girl. I thought that she might have some future expenses, and I didn't have time to take her home so she would have to take a taxi, so I gave her another 2,000 pesos and got ready for work. Even though I don't see a future for the two of us, I took a couple of pictures, just in case you and Dad really want me to follow up with her. Here they are:

Photos: Alissa 01 02 03

I woke up on Thursday and went to work. When I told you that the infrastructure here was lacking, I wasn't kidding. It took us four hours to get our SIM chips re-activated (they went unused for 90 days and self-destructed)! After dinner with my boss again, I went out to see if I could meet anyone. I wasn't hopeful, because it was late.

My first stop was the Jaragua casino. I played blackjack a little (I know that you told me that gambling was a sin, but it's not like I'm out there with prostitutes or anything, Mom), and I won a few dollars. The girls that tried to trick me out of money the night before were there again. I didn't play with them. I saw a couple of other nice looking girls playing the slot machines, but I guess that they were married or something, because they didn't answer me when I said hello to them. It was getting very late, so I walked around the corner to the Girls House.

Dad, you should see the place! On a Wednesday, even! There had to be 60 or 70 girls there! Some of them dressed VERY provocatively, let me tell you. I talked to one of them for a few minutes, and then the bell rang at 11:45. All of a sudden, some guy walked through and announced in English that everyone had to leave before 12. The girl was going to go with me, and I got a little forward and tried to kiss her. She said that she doesn't like to kiss people. I tried to explain that I was looking for someone to bring home to Mom, and kissing was very important. She wouldn't change her mind (I guess that her mother would be proud of her), and the guy was screaming for everyone to get out. We shook hands, and I went back to the hotel. Sadly, there would be no prospective Mrs. Gooch for me to interview on Thursday.

Oh, I meant to tell you, Aunt Zelda and Uncle Bernie called me last week. They tried to reach you, but I think that it was your night with the Early Bird Dinner bunch, so you weren't home. They said that cousin Andrew is fine, and that the District Attorney decided not to go ahead with the prosecution on the stalking charges. Also, Susan is 'resting comfortably' at Happy Time Acres. The doctors there are working with her to accept that six divorces is nothing to get upset about. They told me that she met a nice guy during group therapy.

Back to my trip. Friday rolls around and we spend the day working. My boss tells me that he wants to go out with me that night. I explain that I'm out searching for a potential life-mate, and he says that he will go with me. He's married, so I'm a little confused, but then I remember the times that Dad had to 'work late' and would come home the next morning. He always had me make sure that all the receipts from the night before (restaurants, hotels) were neatly in his briefcase for work (and not at home), and I guessed that this was the same sort of thing.

I always liked watching 'America's Next Top Model' on TV, so we first went to a place called "The House of Models" (Casa de los Modelos). It really was a house, but they had a bar in the living room. A lot of pretty girls lived there - it would be cool to be the pizza delivery guy for that neighborhood, boy oh boy. We had a couple of beverages and talked with a couple of pretty girls. There's one thing about these Dominican women, Dad, they're very forward. Both my boss and I were talking to some real lookers We invited them to come with us to the casino for a while, but like I said, they were VERY forward. They made a couple of suggestions that would make a sailor blush, but they didn't want to go to the casino with us. We decided to leave. I might have to go back next time to talk to those girls again - I liked a couple of the suggestions (Dad, I will leave it to you to explain all this to Mom for me).

I thought that it would be just as easy to fall in love with a rich girl as it would be to fall in love with a poor one, so we went to a place called The Mansion.

The Mansion was far from where our hotel was, and it didn't look like a neighborhood where the rich people lived. But when we got there, I thought that maybe the Dominican Hugh Hefner lived there. The place was a big building. On the second floor were a bunch of bedrooms (with mirrors on the wall!) The first floor had a bunch of living rooms, and out back was a big pool with a band and a buffet, and a bunch of tables with people having a good time. And Dad, you wouldn't believe it - there had to be 50 girls there, all decked out in bikinis!!! We talked to one of the pretty girls, after she got us some drinks (we had to pay for them, so I guess the guy isn't as rich as he seems). She was really friendly. It turns out that a lot of the girls live in a big building right next to the mansion itself (what a life for that guy). After a while, I decided that the girl I was talking to could have a chance, so I asked her if she wanted to go out with us. What rotten luck! She told us that we came during the big party to celebrate the anniversary of when the guy bought the place, and all the girls had to stay on the premises all night. Darn!

She must have liked me, too. She gave me her phone number and asked me to call her another time - so there's still hope! I guess I liked the place, and he does have lots of room, so you might be able to find me there in the future. The address is Calle 9W #4 (Lucerna), in the Zona Oriental. You can call there, too. The number is 809-236-9492.

We drove back to our neighborhood, and went to the place where I went on Wednesday - you remember, Dad - the joint where the girls all had large, er, assets.

I saw Alissa there again. I guess that she's still looking for Mr. Right. I was a little sad that the money I gave her didn't help her enough with her bills, but I really couldn't do any more for her. There were about 20 girls there and only 3 or 4 guys, so I thought that they would be all glad to see us, but some of them weren't very friendly. It's no surprise that they don't have husbands!

Some of those twenty were very beautiful (I'm surprised that they weren't at that rich guy's party at the Mansion). My boss talked to the most beautiful one of all, Shakira (no, not the one on television). I was a little jealous, but he's my boss and I didn't want to mess with him.

A girl named Karen approached me. She had a huge, uh, personality, and she spoke some English! I was getting a little antsy, as it was getting late, so between the time and the fact that my boss was talking to me a lot, I really didn't ask all the questions of Karen that I normally would when I first meet a girl. We decide to leave, and wouldn't you guess it - my boss sends Shakira off on her way and he leaves alone.

I figured that Karen wanted to get to know me, and back at the hotel, I remembered what you once told me, Dad: "RT, the day that you think you know what women want, is the day that you will learn that you know nothing." I guess that the guys in the Dominican Republic aren't the greatest lovers, because all Karen wanted to do at the hotel (and I'm sorry that you have to read this, Mom) was have sex. She took a shower first, so she was very clean, but then she was very dirty. I know that you guys always told me that sex was a romantic and beautiful thing, so I'm sorry that I let you down last night. She didn't want to kiss, or really do anything that lovers do. She just wanted sex. I'm not certain, but I think that it was more like being with a prostitute than making love. You raised me to respect women's wishes, so I did what she wanted. Right after we were done, she took another shower and got dressed and left. Always a gentleman, I gave her taxi money and held the door for her when she left.

It was really a shame, because Karen was very pretty and I would have liked to get to know her better. Just so you know what I'm missing, here's what Karen looks like:

Photos: Karen 04 05 06 07

Then I woke up this morning and headed to the airport.

Well, Mom and Dad, I've gotta go. They're finally calling our flight. I promise to keep looking for your new daughter-in-law, but I still may have to do a LOT more research.

Your loving son,

RT

Gooch,

Your report had me snorting Orange juice through my nose as I was reading it at 6:30 AM this morning. OJ burns!!

I really enjoyed your style of writing and the wonderful way you described things to Mom and Dad. Thanks for starting my day with belly laughs and burning nostrils.

Jag

i like the way you wrote your report.

your 2 girl, hot ! hot !

how much did you pay her in dollars ?
and for how long?

try thailand !!!
( your parents will be happy )

the hapy monger

just curious , about some prices in
Dominican Republic
how much you typicaly pay the girl ?
do they come the entire night ? and how much ?

i was already in Costa Rica twice,,
so I am thinking a short trip to Dominican.

thanks,,, happy monger

That was a funny and different type trip report.....Thanx and Nice pix specially Karen...any more pix of her

Hay, nice picture of karen. How much did you pay for her. She was a little expensive. But she seemed like a really nice girl. But as you know i felt sorry for her. And i am sure you did also. Thx for the pict.

karen....mmmmmhhh ...yummy!

RT here. Thanks guys.

The point that I was trying to make about Karen (without insulting the sensitive feelings of my parents) was that Karen was an in-and-out, one shot date.

Beautiful? Yes. Proficient at her job? Very. GFE? Not even in the same alphabet. Kissing? Closed mouth only.

We got to the hotel, she showered, got into bed with me, did a HELL of a job orally. Then we banged away for a while until I was done. She didn't just lay there; she moved in all the right places and made all the right sounds. She got up, showered again, waited for her tip, let me take the four pictures you saw, and left.

Part of that was my bad, as I didn't confirm in advance length of stay nor any technical details.

The price was 2,800 pesos (about $86) and I gave her a $25 tip. Too much for the service I received, especially compared to the other girl from the same place, but oh, well. I am guessing that more than half of the fee goes to the house.

Again, I have to take some of the hit for not doing my due diligence.

Thanks again for your compliments. Remember, vote early and often!

RT

OK, I sitting here snortin scotch outta my nose and that's damn expensive.

Funny as hell RT and well done.

Karen was a trophy but probablty knew it. After she left, she probably went for #2 "I love you for the next hour" lucky stiffie.

RT,

As always an absoutly great post! I always enjoyed your style before but this is simply the BEST!!!!!

Love it!

Larryc7

What a great son you are!

that was freaking funny. Good to get an update of action w/curfew in place. sounds like it's going to be more or less permanent.

RT,

That was too funny. Karen's looks (not attitude) makes me think I might need to stop by DR one day. She looks a lot like a Colombian I once interviewed to mecome the next Mrs. Like Latina. Is she from DR or is she a visiting Colombian? That brings me to my other question... isn't there some sort of nightclub/strip club with only Colombians there?

Thanks for a great report as always RT

Like Latina

When you do all the additional research, I hope you write about it here. If it's HALF as entertaining and well written as this one, I'll be delighted.

Congratulations on a great report, witty, observant and useful, interesting--and fun to read.

RT,
BKK here. Thanks for a well written report. Have you ever thought of being a journalist?

Questions:
1) You state "Things are pretty expensive....."
Are you referring to the food or women or both?

2) If finding "good" girls at reasonable prices was the ONLY criteria, would you pick Lima or Santo Domingo? Please state your reasons.

Thanks again,
~BKKguru

Good evening. RT here.

Marley said:

---

quote:

that was freaking funny. Good to get an update of action w/curfew in place. sounds like it's going to be more or less permanent.

---

---

quote:

Have you ever thought of being a journalist?

Questions:
1) You state "Things are pretty expensive....."
Are you referring to the food or women or both?

2) If finding "good" girls at reasonable prices was the ONLY criteria, would you pick Lima or Santo Domingo? Please state your reasons.

---

Good morning. RT here. Llatina asked:

---

quote:

[Karen] looks a lot like a Colombian I once interviewed to mecome the next Mrs. Like Latina. Is she from DR or is she a visiting Colombian? That brings me to my other question... isn't there some sort of nightclub/strip club with only Colombians there?

---

RT,

Thanks for the response. I thought I had read/heard there was a place with girls from somewhere else besides DR.

Like Latina

RT - Its been a while since I checked in and a while since I was in the DR ... FANTASTIC POST ... again.

I assume Remington is forever closed.

Stay safe down there.

CB