The flight out of Jakarta was delayed. This is bad because the Thai Air waiting room there is kinda sucky. It was even worse because I had a connecting flight from Bangkok to Phnom Penh. Sure enough, when I arrived in Bangkok, I’d missed my flight; time for a long wait in line.
The Thai Airway guy was very apologetic about the delay, but the airline would put me up in the airport hotel that night and get me out first thing in the morning. They would put me up in the brand new Amari hotel. “The Amari?” I asked? He nodded. “Say, I wonder. Instead of staying here at the airport, would be OK if I stayed downtown?” He assured me that the airport hotel was brand new and fabulous. I suggested that if it was OK to go downtown, I could visit my friend. He agreed and booked me in to the Amari Watergate. Hot damn!
“I don’t suppose that instead of getting that early morning flight, I could get the later flight, could I?” He checked his terminal and said I could. “Fantastic!” He then pulled out three meal vouchers and a limo voucher. A limo voucher? Hey, I wasn’t even traveling first class!
The limo - well, it wasn’t a limo, it was a comfortable Toyota Somethingorother - dropped me off and told me he’d pick me up the next afternoon. As Borat would say “Niiiiiiice.” The hotel was pretty nice, but the room was rrrrrrreal nice. Not much in the way of space or amenities, but boutique tasteful.
Well, gentlemen, what’s the first thing we do when we arrive in Bangkok after a long flight? Very good! Get cleaned up. And where do we get cleaned up. Right! A soapy! It just so happens that the Chao Phraya I and Chao Phraya II massage parlors are only a few blocks from the hotel.
I strolled over to Chao Phraya II and checked out the talent. Not bad, not great, but not bad. I was tempted to skip the whole affair and just bugger off to the bars, but I fear that in another decade or so, we will have much smaller selection of soapy parlors. On my previous trip I learned that some places no longer used the mattress, it was just a scrub and a soak and a poke. Ever since I saw the movie Emmanuelle (with the astonishing Sylvia Kristel), I have associated Thailand with the soapy massage. It would crush me to see it vanish. So, I took the plunge, so to speak.
I selected the most attractive young lady and tested the waters with her. She was quite pleasant. I paid and we took the elevator upstairs while making small talk. The next ninety minutes were most satisfying. Of course, this was just an h’orderve, I expected to dine on the main course later.
As we were getting dressed, something peculiar happened; my phone rang. I’d been out of the country for nearly two weeks. No one knew I was in Thailand. I picked up the phone. Spicy Girl? What the … I knew the bamboo telegraph was good, but … She wanted to know where I was.
“I just got back to Bangkok a couple hours ago,” I told her, stretching the truth slightly. She had no clue I was in town. She just called me number every few days in hopes that she’ catch me. She sure did! “Where are you?” She was at the bar. “I will come get you in one hour. OK?” No fooling around for me tonight. I was really looking forward to spending the night with her now. I hadn’t had any solid plans, but her call out of the blue clinched it!
I said goodnight to my mistress masseuse and took a motorbike to Cowboy. I took a deep breath at one end and made my way through the street, playfully fending off the girls. There was a total cutie pie sitting out front. She gave me a smile as I walked up and said something to me.
“I’m looking for my friend,” I said. If I wasn’t already committed to Spicy, I’d be seriously going after this girl. She asked me who my friend was. I was busy looking around and oogling her at the same time.
She gesture to herself and said “Me!” I kept looking around. She gave me an eye roll, pulled out her cell phone and started dialing. My phone rang.
At that moment I had one of those time-stopping paradigm shifts. In slow motion, I examined the number on the screen. A chill ran through me. “Where you now?” I said into the phone.
“Spicy Girls” she answered.
“You sure?” I ask.
“Sure” she replied.
“You go with me tonight?” I ask.
“You sure?” she responded.
I hung up the phone and said “Sure!”
“You fo’get me,” she accused scornfully.
“No, joke with you” I said.
“You fo’get” she repeated with a pout.
“Go get dressed, I pay bar.” I guided her inside and called over a waitress. (Are they really called waitresses in Bangkok? I can’t help but think there should be a different name.)
How the hell did I complete forget what this girl looked like. Sheesh! I sat in the bar and watched her colleagues dance until she came back downstairs.
By the time we got back to the hotel, it was well after midnight. The security guy gestured me over to the desk. Spicy had to surrender her ID, for sure, but there was something else. I was required to pay a thousand baht joiner fee. I pondered over this for a moment. I was, after all, getting this hotel for free. I could afford to stay in a five thousand baht room for a mere thousand. I signed and we went upstairs.
Unlike far too many of you bastards, I did not have a particularly successful time in Jakarta. Spicy, therefore, was subject to considerable carnal attention all through the night and well into the next morning. She made an excellent main course, desert, late night snack and breakfast.
Photo: Spicy Girl 03
Ready for the day
I had a bit of time to kill when we got up and we headed over to the mall. I needed to pick up some supplies from the drug store. Spicy was in serious need of conditioner. I was determined she repair her hair before I return from Cambodia.
It was a treat walking through the mall with her. She was not at all shy about taking my hand as we walked and we received no undo attention from passersby (despite her being less than half my age).
I saw her off with her supplies and went back to the hotel go get my kit and have some lunch. The lunch was s p e c t a c u l a r. It reminded me ever so much of the Marriott Sunday brunch. What a spread of food. The best part? I had a voucher! If you’re a cheese lover, this is where you want to eat. I’d not seen such an excellent selection since I’d arrived in South East Asia.
After stuffing myself silly, I met the limo driver and we took off to the airport.
Say, is that “Welcome to Thailand” billboard just off the airport road the biggest in the world? The damn thing is surely a hundred meters across!
I spent a bit of time wandering around the airport. I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s just not very Thai for some reason.
Inside the international terminal